JPF Home Page

KINDA BLUZY THING I WAS FEELIN'--COMMENTS WELCOME--


YO’ HURTIN’ LOVE
© 2011 Mackie Humphries

V1
When I left Memphis
I took the fast Train
Bound for Big Easy
Left in the rain.

V2
Now I don’t need you
Things’re lookin’ up
I’m over the blues
And yo’ hurtin’ love...

CH
I ain’t comin’ back to cheatin’ ways
Find some other fool for your hideway
You’re good at spreadin’ yourself around
I’ve had enough of yo’ hurtin’ love.

BR
No I ain’t coming back I’m gonna be free
I’m learnin’ to smile among new friends
We never were on the same page cos
You thought two-timin’ was an in thing

CH
I ain’t comin’ back to cheatin’ ways
Find some other fool for your hideway
You’re good at spreadin’ yourself around
I’ve had enough of yo’ hurtin’ love.

OUTRO
Now I don’t need you
Things are lookin’ up
I’m over the blues
And yo’ hurtin’ love...

TAG
Got a new Mama
I’m a happy man
I’ve had enough
Of yo’ hurtin’ love.
.....yo’ hurtin’ love............

Mackie

Mackie,
When I read this, the rhythm reminded of a new Blake Shelton song I heard today. I think if you let your imagination soar a little, you could make something of this. I think you just need more "stuff"- more ideas. "Big Easy" and "Fast train" are a little tired but I like the stuff like "Spread yourself around", "Find some other fool for your hideway" and "never on the same page", as well as the hook "cheating ways" and "hurt'n love". I think you need a little brain storm to flesh this out. Take a look at the brand new Blake Shelton song, He's talking love and you are talking cheating but you can use the song-craft here as a model for what I think you need to do. There are a lot of cleaver turns of phrase below- I only heard the song once but I was compelled to listen because the new ideas were coming at me without stop- that's called "getting hooked" and "staying hooked"
You notice that I remembered the song well enough to google it just now because the hook was reinforced throughout.

Lately I have heard more songs with the double chorus at the end- as is the case here.

"Honey bee"

Girl I been thinkin’ ’bout us
And you know I ain’t good at this stuff
But these feelings piling up won’t give me no rest
This might come out a little crazy
A little sideways, yeah maybe
I don’t know how long it’ll take me
But I’ll do my best

[Chorus 1:]
If you’ll be my soft and sweet
I’ll be your strong and steady
You be my glass of wine
I’ll be your shot of whiskey
You be my sunny day
I’ll be your shade tree
You be my honeysuckle
I’ll be your honey bee

Yeah that came out a little country
But every word was right on the money
And I got you smilin’ honey right back at me
Now hold on ’cause I ain’t done
There’s more where that came from
Well you know I’m just havin’ fun
But seriously

[Chorus 2:]
If you’ll be my Louisiana
I’ll be your Mississippi
You be my little Loretta
I’ll be your Conway Twitty
You be my sugar baby
I’ll be your sweet iced tea
You be my honeysuckle
I’ll be your honey bee

Your kiss just said it all
I’m glad we had this talk
Nothin’ left to do but fall in each other’s arms
I could’ve said a “I love you”
Could’ve wrote you a line or two
Baby all I know to do
Is speak right from the heart

[Chorus 1:]
If you’ll be my soft and sweet
I’ll be your strong and steady
You be my glass of wine
I’ll be your shot of whiskey
You be my sunny day
I’ll be your shade tree
You be my honeysuckle
I’ll be your honey bee

[Chorus 2:]
If you’ll be my Louisiana
I’ll be your Mississippi
You be my little Loretta
I’ll be your Conway Twitty
You be my sugar baby
I’ll be your sweet iced tea
You be my honeysuckle
I’ll be your honey bee

hey man,this one is full of collard greens and cornbread,i like it!

JOE--

YEP!

I've heard this one a few times--It has great IDEAS running through the lyrics--I usually write more on emotion with phrases I can twist into a simple rhythm that are more basic--I don't have all the music worked out yet, but I'm not afraid of Big Leaps in a different direction--I talked with Blake a couple of times at concerts in his early tours--now it is more difficult--to approach artists as they become more of a super star.

I used to write using songs as a template--I still do from time to time--I like some of the old ones though--Dylan, Haggard, Harlan Howard, and Bob Dill--

I try to keep my lyrics as simple as possible, with enough to keep the interest--I fall short in this effort usually, but every once in a while……….I have.

This song is more about BREAKING AWAY FROM THE HURTIN'--BLUZY--ME JUST THINKING OUT LOUD!

I'll ponder your thoughts and Illustrations--and see what I COME UP WITH--I'm
thinking about a couple of more verses--I APPRECIATE YOUR FEEDBACK, AND FEEL I LEARN FROM EVERYONE HERE--ESPECIALLY THE WELL PRESENTED IDEAS YOU HAVE ELUDED TO IN BLAKE'S SONG.

I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING THE TIME TO CRITIQUE THIS ONE--I'LL SEE WHAT OTHERS THINK--BEFORE I MAKE ANY CHANGES.

Later,

Mackie

MICHAEL--

I HAD CORN BREAD AND GREEN BEANS-- WITH FRIED CHICKEN, FOR LUNCH--It's almost too hot to eat here in Nashville EVERY DAY PUSHING 100 DEGREES! BLAKE DID A COUNTY FAIR IN HICKMAN COUNTY A FEW YEARS BACK--HE HAS KIN FOLKS CLOSE TO GRINDER'S SWITCH--COUNTRY FOOD THERE AND HE WAS COUNTRY IN HIS SHOW--NO A/C IN AUGUST--SWEATIN' AND SINGIN'--

I appreciate your input--THIS DUDE has gone south to your NECK OF THE WOODS!

Thinking kinda BLUZ on this one--STILL WORKING ON IT--MAY ADD A VERSE OR TWO and make some other changes.

THANKS, STAY COOL BRO'--

Mackie

heads up on "Honey Bee",credit should go to Rhett Atkins and Ben Hayfield for writing the song!

MICHAEL--

DAVE LETTERMAN HAD BLAKE ON LAST NIGHT--HE DID THE SONG--

Mackie

Hello Mackie.

Some great suggestions already from Joe.

This has some killer lines, forming a great picture of who the singer is talking about.

Good job!

Douglas

DOUGLAS--

Thanks for taking some time on this one--Yes, I listen to my feedback--I'll make some changes, before working out the music--I appreciate your positive take on this working LYRIC--Maybe I can get it far enough along to post a mp3-

I have a couple of PRINCEVILLE GUITARS--One is a really good playing 12-string ART LUITHERIE--has a great NECK.

Later,

Mackie

Man , you really told this lady what you thought of her! Love to hear this with music with some heavy blues riffs.Great lyric Mackie

Mackie, When I read that line "You’re good at spreadin’ yourself around" I thought, "You rascal, Mackie, you knew her too?" Great line. Another fine story-song.

TRAVIS--

Thank you for reading and your positive TAKE--I'm still working on what direction to take the music!

Later,

Mackie

Dan--

I didn't know you knew this MISSISSIPPI WOMAN--She could LOVE like KOKO TAYLOR can SING!

Thanks for zeroing in on this one.

Mackie