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PERFECT SENSE

V1:
You hate it when I disagree with you
But you've forgotten how we used to sit and talk till two
Back then you used to love my mind
Anything I said was fine
We never took offense
It all made perfect sense

V2:
I hate it when you won't talk to me
Cuz I remember when we used to sit and talk till three
All alone in a crowded bar
We laughed and drank and smoked cigars
We had such confidence
It all made perfect sense

Bridge:
We made big plans together
We swore we would love forever
We've lost sight of the view
But I still adore you
Yes I still adore you

V3:
I hate it that we've lost our sense of fun
Seems like all we do these days is eat and sleep and run
I think that we should book a flight
To Vegas on a Friday night
Have us a wild weekend
It all makes perfect sense

Cuz after all
I still adore you

(Please see re-written version below)

Karla Howard
(c) 2003

[This message has been edited by Karla (edited 02-07-2003).]

Hi Karla:

I think this is a great lyric..
I really like the consistency of ideas across verses, the meter seems consistent also. Good rhymes and images...
The concept is very good, the theme of a connection that seems to have been broken, even though the current is alive on both ends of the break... How the love that this person felt helped make sense of the world for him/her

Here are my suggestions...

1. I'd change the "hate" in the first lines of the verses to "hurt":
"You hate it" becomes "I hurt you"
"I hate it" becomes "you hurt me"
"I hate it" becomes "It hurts us"
To me, this brings the emotion back to the two of them, instead of being all about the speaker..

2. In the bridge, the line "we've lost sight of the view" doesn't work for me.. a little cliche, but I'm afraid I don't have a suggestion for a replacement..."we've lost sight of the perfection" maybe?... I'm not much help there..

3. I really love the flight to Vegas in the third verse, I think it really ties the song up with a solution to the problem, but I'd change the last two lines to:
"Throw the dice and bet our lives
it would all make perfect sense"

The idea I'm trying for is a contrast between the recklessness of the trip and the gambling, and the idea that it all would make sense (future tense, as a sort of wishfull thinking thing).. (now that I think of it, it's pretty obvious that that was what you were after too! sorry!)

I really like the song... I'm learning so much from this board!

Thanks
Bob McK

[This message has been edited by Bob McKillop (edited 02-03-2003).]

Hi Bob! I'm glad you liked this lyric. It (along with the music!) sort of fell out of me this evening because of a spat that hubby and I had last night. It's great that you got the whole emotion of it. The music is mid-tempo and almost happy sounding--the feel of maybe poking fun and complaining about something that is overall really good. If that makes sense.

I was impressed with ALL of your suggestions and appreciate you putting so much thought into it. I will play around with your ideas and see what works out.

Thanks a lot!

Hey Karla,
This is a great song...great lyrical idea and I think it's all working together with the catch phrase at the end of every verse (Don't it Make My Brown Eyes Blue style).
The I hate/you hate thing works for me at the beginnings of the verses and pulls it together - it's just plain clever as hell. Keep up the good work.

Cindy
North 2 South

Hi Cindy! Thanks for the encouragement! I'm glad you think this works. I have been working on a re-write today and think I have figured out a couple of rough spots so hopefully it will end up even better!

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

Hey Karla!
No problem. I really enjoyed it. And thanks for your input on Good Girls!

Hey, I see you're from Nashville. Are you a pro-writer or had any cuts yet? If you keep turning out ones like Perfect Sense, I believe you'll get there! ;> )

My hubby and I have done some work up there with a professional producer and writer (he's had some cuts that went Gold for Highway 101 and Patty Loveless) and Nashville is a pretty hard nut to crack from what I understand. Best of luck to you at any rate. Maybe we'll run into eachother up there sometime if we come back up for some songwriter's nights or something. Let us know what you're up to!
And keep up the great writing. Check out our sites and clips if you get the chance.

Best,
Cindy
North 2 South
http://north2southonline.com

Hey Cindy,
I checked out your website--it looks great! I enjoyed hearing your songclips too. You'll have to let me know when your CD is out.

I have been in Nashville for about 8 years and altho I've been writing since I was 12 (and that would mean more years than I want to see in black & white ), I have just now in the last 2-3 years gotten serious about doing something with it. I have been putting together a small studio in my home and doing some guitar/vocal demos. The problem is, I like writing more than playing engineer! And with a hubby, job & 2 kids, it's hard to find much extra time so it's slow going. But I figure everything happens when it's supposed to, ya know? I do go to NSAI meetings, various seminars, workshops and writer's nights.

You are right--Nashville is VERY competitive. There are MANY well-known writers who are churning out great songs daily. It's hard to get anyone's attention if you are unknown unless you have a "knock your socks off" song. So I am biding my time, doing a lot of writing, and once I feel I have 2 or 3 unbelievably good songs, I will pursue it in a big way. I don't want to go talk to a lot of different publishers unless I have material that is really impressive because they may not want to see me next time if they weren't all that impressed this time. That's my plan, anyway.

Maybe I'll run into you guys sometime! Good luck to you both!



[This message has been edited by Karla (edited 02-05-2003).]

Hey Karla,
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Nashville is like that...you can blow it with one bad move if you're trying to get somewhere serious.

I can tell you do take your craft very seriously and I can see that you really do pay close attention to detail and making sure your work flows perfectly. Some of the very best songwriters in the world come out of Nashville in my opinion. Anyway, keep on doing what you do and best of luck to you.
(If you'd like a CD, just sign up on our mailing list at our site and we'll let you know when we've got them pressed and ready to go!)

Cindy
North 2 South

Karla, i like this very much as is, but for the hell of it--------

Chorus

if you could see inside my head
you would buy me black lace negligee
we would forget all the bad words we said
remember how it made perfect sense to play

------------------
Ritt

[This message has been edited by spiderlady (edited 02-06-2003).]

[This message has been edited by spiderlady (edited 02-06-2003).]

Hi Ritt!

Thanks for your idea! I like it and it fits well with the theme of the lyric. But I think I'm gonna have to stick with the VVBV format on this one and not use a chorus. I have already done a re-write and it has a new hook. Pretty much the same song but it makes more sense now.

Thanks for stopping by!

[This message has been edited by Karla (edited 02-06-2003).]

Hi, Karla!

I only just now noticed that you told Ritt you have rewritten this piece. You may want to edit that statement in at the top of the song , otherwise people are going to be critiquing a version that is going to discarded. Like I just did. I am posting it anyway, just in case you'd find any of it helpful. If not just toss it. Good luck to you.

V1:
You hate it when I disagree with you.
We used to stay up talking til two
back when you said you loved my mind
and anything I said was fine
You never took offense
It all made perfect sense.


V2:
I hate it when you hardly notice me
remember how we'd party til three
dancing in our favorite bars
making love beneath the stars
We had such confidence
It all made perfect sense.


Bridge:
We had a love that never should end
You're my lover and you're my best friend
Let's get back to where we used to be
and make perfect sense again.

V3: It's Friday and our work is done
Let's get away and have us some fun.
I've already booked a flight
It's only you and me tonight
true lovers and the best of friends
making perfect sense again.


Karla Howard
(c) 2003

[This message has been edited by JeanB (edited 02-07-2003).]

Hi Jean! Sorry you took the time to help out only to find that I had done a re-write. I fully intended to post the new version last night but ran out of time. Thanks for offering your ideas!

This is a re-write. I decided to change the title and the hook since I felt like the original verses did not support the hook. Please let me know what you think!


BACK THEN

V1:
You hate it when I disagree with you
But you've forgotten how we used to sit and talk till two
Back then you used to love my mind
Anything you said was fine
We both made perfect sense
That’s who we were back then

V2:
I hate it when you won't talk to me
Cuz I remember when we used to sit and talk till three
All alone in a crowded bar
We laughed and drank and smoked cigars
We were such great friends
That’s who we were back then

Bridge:
We made big plans together
We swore we would love forever
We've lost sight of the view
But I still adore you
Yes I still adore you

V3:
I hate it that we've lost our sense of fun
Seems like all we do these days is eat and sleep and run
I think that we should book a flight
To Vegas on a Friday night
Have us a wild weekend
Be who we were back then

Cuz after all
I still adore you

Karla Howard
(c) 2003


[This message has been edited by Karla (edited 02-07-2003).]

karla..... i came up with some suggestions then noticed that you had rewritten anyway!!! lol ok..... you seem to switch tense in the first verse... i.e., you hate (present), next line, we used (past). also, i noticed that you kinda lost the rhyming scheme at the end of the verse. you went (AA/BB/C?) was that by design??? i love this song so here is my humble suggestion....

1st verse

you hated when i disagreed with you
but we'd stay up and talk till two
we might fuss but we wouldn't fight
like we did just last night
eyes closed but still wide open
cause that's who we were back then

i deleted the "you used to love my mind" line because, even though i am male, i can't ever recall saying that to a female companion. it seems, to me, that that might be something a guy would make up (if ur hubby has said this to you i apologize). i really am a sensitive man, but it's just not something that comes up in conversation. this make sense??? lol PLEASE keep working on this song... the time progression is great and says a lot about this relationship. : ))))))) scotty

p.s Karla...... i don't mean to say that you don't have a great mind. hope you didn't take it that way. you obviously do or you wouldn't be writing such great lyrics!!! : ))))) scotty