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#900998 05/28/11 02:01 AM
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A little number I wrote about being out of touch.

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=10692074&q=hi

"Falling off the earth"

Trouble's on the phone-
Big voice,tiny speaker-
I know I'm not alone-
Connection's getting weaker-

I've been gone so long,
falling off the earth-

My work here is done-
I built myself a shipwreck-
Sinking like the sun-
Clinging to the pieces-

I've been gone so long,
falling off the earth ....again.

(solo)

I've been gone so long,
falling off the earth-


Flotsam on the sea-
Drifting and I'm aimless-
No one looks for me-
The solitude is painless-

I've been gone so long,
falling off the earth...............again.



I have always loved the song,but it needs to be re-recorded somehow without any loss of four track vibe.

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Wait a tick...did I post this here before?....hope not.

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Hi Mac

Love the groove on it ! The sound has a cool vibe over all --- don't know how to produce that -- except here's a recent thought I had about recording --- I always sit with the mic in a certain direction (for convenience) but realistically if I were playing in a studio - my instruments would be set up in Different spots (directions) for sound pick up.....

I also like the lyric though I did want a rhyme here....

My work here is done-
I built myself a shipwreck-
Sinking like the sun-
Clinging to the pieces-

How about

Clinging to the BOAT DECK


as usual you vocals are great -- your songs often give me a Sting vibe --- and that's one of the Highest compliments that I can pay.

Have a nice day
jm

Last edited by Joice Marie; 05/28/11 09:25 AM.

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Mac, very cool song man! Elements of jazz and funk blend together seemlessly. Some solid off the wall songwriting too. I would like to see this performed live for sure. I also think the addition of electric guitar could give the arrangement some depth.

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What a cool song with a cool vibe! I wish my 4-track ventures had sounded this good, honestly smile I thought the lyrics were well-written and the song was catchy and had a Sting vibe to me. I'm with Joyce. I'd change the last line of the second verse to be "clinging to the boat deck" or something to rhyme with "shipwreck" in the second line. You seem to have a rhyme scheme set in all other parts of the song, so I thought it'd be good to be consistent. smile

Otherwise great song. I enjoyed my listen! smile

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Mac

COOL--I FEEL THE SAME--CLOSE YOUR EYES--EVERYTHING CHANGES, WHEN YOU OPEN THEM!

MAYBE THE EARTH ISN'T REALLY ROUND ANYMORE!

I LIKE IT--2 THUMBS UP--

Mackie

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I have to agree with everyone, it sounds very cool! It has such a great feel to it, it just take you away. I love it. smile

Dottie

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Hi Joice!!...how you bean?

anyway...about the "boat deck" line,I make an effort not to be married to rhyme. If the line wants to go in an "implied" direction,with a SLIGHT phonetic match...I let it.

There is a danger zone with rhyming,where the lyric takes a different tack and feel when forced to rhyme.

The suggestion would "work"...but to me.."work" is less than natural.

I am happy to have so much support for the babies I favor also.

Thank you.

just wait 'till I get my gear sorted out.... wink

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Nick,

There is some electric flavor there..I just pulled it back and the mix spoke to me as much as it could,being four bounced tracks.I did leave the electric solo though.

Funk and jazz are where I come from early on...and did I say I admire your work?

that was an oversight eh?....

Thank you.

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Ann,

Wow...STING?...I have heard "the police" over the years,but not straight up STING....

I thank you all for that.

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Mackie,

heh heh...thanks man

Dottie,

"takes you away"?....well don't fall off the earth.

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Nice hooky tune. From the first measure made me think of Steely Dan and that vibe was followed through on the vocals/solos as well. So don't be afraid to lose a little of the 4-track vibe. This would sound great with a solid production and mix.

But really well done for a four track, I have to say!

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
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I like the verse/no rhyme in question, almost be worth not rhyming the others.


New member, Lyrics only contributor, looking to collaborate.
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Yeah, great melody on this, very catchy and I'm going with Steely Dan too!!

Really enjoyed it, had me dancing and singing along, and in my world, that is a good thing!! Really nice song!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




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Tammy,Tom,Ant...thanks for listening,and the feedback.That goes for everyone else too.

Looks like I'm booking some serious studio time to do another record very,very soon now.That means I won't have to annoy JPF'ers with old demos anymore..ha ha.

Last edited by maccharles; 06/02/11 11:10 PM.
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Mac, no nits here just wanted to say I'm diggin' the groove you laid down there.
see ya...MJ

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Hi Mac

Wow hah, I just love it, I could listen to you all day! whistle

I'm a fan! I'm HOOKED! smile

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 06/03/11 09:43 AM.
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Thanks Moker, I just added this to my list for full on production.

Michelle,

WOW,that's awesome of you to say...thank you. smile

Last edited by maccharles; 06/03/11 10:06 PM.
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steely dan, sounds like to me, hear it in the vocal mostly. really really nice.

dmk


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