Who's Online Now
13 registered members (maccharles, Sunset Poet, couchgrouch, CTthomas, Gavin Sinclair, MFB III, Deej56, ckiphen, 2 invisible), and 356 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Kevin Edward Rose
Kevin Edward Rose
Richmond, IN U.S.A.
Posts: 1,478
Joined: October 2006
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
LOVES me, LOVES me not. Vic
by Gavin Sinclair. 05/08/21 03:34 PM
One Song at a Time
by couchgrouch. 05/08/21 11:46 AM
by Marc Barnette. 05/07/21 06:49 PM
Road I've Never Travelled Before
by Travis david. 05/07/21 04:30 PM
Seeing what I see
by ckiphen. 05/07/21 10:26 AM
Youtube Comments
by R&M. 05/07/21 03:11 AM
by JAPOV. 05/06/21 11:05 PM
:So Much Left To Do."
by MFB III. 05/06/21 11:00 PM
Latest tune "Home" would love feedback
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:38 PM
Some interesting math...
by JAPOV. 05/06/21 09:34 PM
All I kew was gone
by ckiphen. 05/06/21 03:58 PM
I Wanna Be Loved
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:48 AM
Friday Night Clothes. Vic & Travis
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:39 AM
What I did during the pandemic
by VNORTH2. 05/05/21 02:27 PM
i'm not over you
by ckiphen. 05/05/21 01:29 PM
Cold as cold can be
by ckiphen. 05/05/21 01:17 PM
"Home" lyrics
by Val Davis. 05/05/21 10:38 AM
A Heart That's True
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:18 PM
Desire to Connect
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:16 PM
The chamelon/ Hiding in plain sight
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:12 PM
Romance, Candlelight and Daydreaming
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:01 PM
Covid in Fiji - An update
by niteshift. 05/03/21 07:42 PM
That Vicious Circle.
by MFB III. 05/02/21 05:48 PM
Jim Colyer, Former Member
by Travis david. 05/02/21 01:37 PM
My birthday today - please help?
by Everett Adams. 05/02/21 06:12 AM
Submssions Wanted for "Pretty Flamingo"
by JAPOV. 05/01/21 07:46 PM
"Sultry Eyes."
by MFB III. 04/30/21 10:53 AM
Unfinished but promising
by Alek. 04/30/21 05:34 AM
"My Radio Man"
by Raymond Byabazaire. 04/30/21 03:33 AM
I'll Be Gone
by beechnut79. 04/29/21 03:03 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,839
Travis david 12,139
Kevin Emmrich 10,938
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,944
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 7,976
Colin Ward 7,909
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,765
Mark Kaufman 6,588
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,111
niteshift 5,789
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,262
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,130
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,952
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,822
beechnut79 3,758
Dan Sullivan 3,710
E Swartz 3,656
Fdemetrio 3,626
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Sunset Poet 3,183
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,865
MidniteBob 2,760
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,226
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,034
maccharles 2,000
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,473
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Deej56 1,372
Charlie Wong 1,347
JAPOV 1,345
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
DakLander 1,265
Gerry 1,265
lane1777 1,254
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,158
IronKnee 1,087
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
9ne 1,015
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
ant 786
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ckiphen 747
Andy K 747
Andy Kemp 741
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Irwin 687
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Pat Hardy 667
Katziis 652
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
R&M 606
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 512
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Alek 369
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 292
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
pd 277
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#873478 - 01/24/11 12:26 PM Make them count  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
Serious Contributor
Gary_UK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
England, UK
I was trying to write for two other different projects early this morning when this lyric came from nowhere and made me write it down. Country tragedy, ballad with female vocal. I think its treading the line between being a ball of cheese or a sweet little number.

"Make them count"

Five times now, you've broke my heart
in the four years since we wed,
by letting three other women
lay beside you in my bed.
Once again I've found out
There's two women in your life,
one thats in your arms right now
and the other one's your wife...

It's a simple situation
but it doesn't quite add up.
I don't fit in this equation
baby I've had quite enough.
Your odd inclination
I'm gonna even out,
boy your days are numbered
better make them count.

It only took five minutes
to drive four miles to her place,
knocked three times upon her door
to meet her face to face.
Two minutes slowly passed by
then suddenly I find,
I'm standing in her hallway
with one thing on my mind.


five a.m. in the morning
standing at her bedroom door
three bullets in the clip
one in the chamber, making four.
Two lovers lie together
as tears sting my eyes,
one shot breaks the silence
of the early morning light.


Five leather straps now hold me
four minutes now to go.
before they throw the switch that sits
behind me on the wall.
Three people here to witness
my two minutes of fame........
One of them still wakes up in the night
and cries your name....


Copyright Gary Parr 2011 all rights reserved.

#873503 - 01/24/11 02:14 PM Re: Make them count [Re: Gary_UK]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,758
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,758
Villa Park IL
Was this inspired in any way by the Tiger Woods saga? BTW, his wife left him and I believe they are now officially divorced. Was trying to picture what current country female vocalist this would be good for. Too bad Tammy Wynette isn't still with us, as she was who I was thinking of when I read this. And she lived it, only with George his problem was more drinking than cheating, I believe. This one might even be good background for the "Cheaters" TV show.


#874027 - 01/26/11 12:45 PM Re: Make them count [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
Serious Contributor
Gary_UK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
England, UK
Hi Brian....

not inspired by anything really. I was working on a totally different project and the numbers concept came to me and took me off at a tangent. You know how it is when you have to write something down!!

Anyway, Tigers was more than five wasn't it? I just don't get it....his wife looks pretty fine to me??????


#874058 - 01/26/11 03:56 PM Re: Make them count [Re: Gary_UK]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,758
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,758
Villa Park IL
The Tiger syndrome is nothing new by any means. Last night listened to a show honoring Scot poet Robert Burns on his birthday, and he was said to be quite the ladies' man as well. And it's only been for about the past two decades that this has taken on a derogatory meaning.

Good luck with this piece. Can't think of any specific improvements to make.


#874123 - 01/26/11 09:39 PM Re: Make them count [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
nightengale Offline
Top 100 Poster
nightengale  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
Eugene, Or USA
Hi Gary,

Great writing!

Love this!


#897384 - 05/11/11 12:36 PM Re: Make them count [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
Serious Contributor
Gary_UK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
England, UK
Thanks guys...

#897792 - 05/13/11 11:45 AM Re: Make them count [Re: Gary_UK]  
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 442
dmk Offline
Serious Contributor
dmk  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 442
hi, i really like the play with numbers you've got here, very clever. there was humor nicely balanced by the heavier aspect of the story that worked for me. but when i got to the murder/execution part (also cleverly written) the bottom fell out for me as it got too morbid. those last lines rob the story of its humor and i think this could really work as a commercial success apart from that. thats just my opinion, but i would lose the murder/execution part and keep it light. the murder/execution theme should not be coupled with this lite, very clever story line imo. all well written, really good. one more thot.
the line " i've had quite enough" does not sound like an american with "country" roots speaking. it sounds like proper english, and there is nothing proper about most "americanized english" spoken by the working class american. i'd say this a bit differently. only because you said this is a country song. hope you find this helpful.

peace, dmk

Last edited by dmk; 05/13/11 11:47 AM.
#897910 - 05/13/11 05:53 PM Re: Make them count [Re: dmk]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
Serious Contributor
Gary_UK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
England, UK
Thanks DMK...thats a great critique....

To be honest I didn't try to write a humorous side and I intended it to be dark from the start with the focus on the numbers. However I find your remarks interesting and now I will probably try an alternitive ending, probably from V3 and V4.
Incidentally, I don't think Ive intentionally set out to write something commercially attractive, the writing finds me and just put down whatever that is - sounds selfish but Ive been at it for two years now and thats what seems to work smile...I just hope it doesn't stop!
Thanks again

#898214 - 05/14/11 08:50 PM Re: Make them count [Re: Gary_UK]  
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 442
dmk Offline
Serious Contributor
dmk  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 442
hi again, i don't think it's selfish, some write by inspiration others not, so they say, but i believe in a way all creative writing is by inspiration, be inspired, you write well.


#898723 - 05/17/11 01:09 AM Re: Make them count [Re: dmk]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,347
Charlie Wong Offline
Top 200 Poster
Charlie Wong  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,347
Las Vegas, NV
Nice lyric Gary, I especially liked this couplet -

"one thats in your arms right now
and the OTHER one's your wife..."

Clever, there was a nice surprise to it.

Best Regards and Aloha,


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.

Newest Members
lesleedp, totalctrl, fowler47, Entegrity_Oneal, luc
21333 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Average Posts Daily26
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"That's just my opinion, I could be right" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
matt1c (31)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0