JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 This Old Thing?

Something new. Music-wise, I was thinking of girl groups from the 60s while writing this. Think the Marvelettes, Ronettes, Shangri-La's, etc. Would love to know what you think.

This Old Thing?
© 2011 Greg C. Brown

She was shopping with her friends last night
In a pretty blue dress that they all liked.
When’d you get that, is it something new?
‘Cause girl, it sure looks good on you.

She said, This old thing?  I’ve had it for years,
Found it on the discount rack at Sears.
It makes me feel pretty when I’m feeling down,
I guess that’s why I keep it around.

CHORUS
'Cause this old thing has been in my life
For so long now it’s a part of me.
Nothing fits better or feels so good,
Like a second skin and the air I breathe.
And, girls, that's the reason I cling
To this old thing.

Her friends all complained about their men,
She just shook her head and she laughed at them.
That's when she showed them a photograph;
Where'd you find a guy like that, they asked.

She said, This old thing?  I’ve had him for years,
Met him at a party, drinking beers.
He says I’m still pretty after all this time.
I love that man, he’s the keepin' kind.

CHORUS
'Cause this old thing has been in my life
For so long now he’s a part of me.
Nothing fits better or feels so good,
Like a second skin and the air I breathe.
And, girls, that's the reason I cling
To this old thing.

BRIDGE
Old and worn, there's no doubt,
Old and worn, but not worn out.

CHORUS
Yes, this old thing has been in my life
For so long now he’s a part of me.
Nothing fits better or feels so good,
Like a second skin and the air I breathe.
And, girls, that's the reason I cling
To this old thing.

Hi Greg, nice to see others on the board from my neck of the woods!

I really liked this piece. It's easy to follow the story and I like the theme of it. And I think this song could work in the musical style you are thinking of, or also as a country song, whatever you decide to do with this!

No nits here, I think it's fine the way it is, IMHO

Hi Greg,

Nice write, it does sound like girls talk.

Dottie

hey greg yea i followed it pretty good also it a good lyric. i like the way you tell it frow the girls point of view. a good writer will be able to do that. thumbs up.

This is really cool, Greg. I can hear the Ronettes or some such group doing this, but it could also go country.

Some very neat lines in this one all the way through.

"I love that man, he's the keepin' kind"

and the rhyme....PHOTOGRAPH with ASKED.....very nice "near-rhyme"....love that!!

Great nostalgic sounding lyric....very well written, as usual...partner.

"Do-lang....do-lang....do-lang...."He's so fine".......

Jan

Hi Ann. Yep, we're practically next door neighbors. Maybe our paths will cross one of these days.

Thanks for giving this a looksee. I'm glad you liked it. I was thinking early 60s girl groups, but I agree with you that this could also fit an old style country format.

Thanks for the visit and kind words.

Greg

Thanks, Dottie. I was trying to get in touch with my inner Ronnie Specter.

I'm glad this one worked for you. Appreciate the feedback.

Greg

Hi James. Thanks for the visit. Glad you liked it.

Greg

Hello, partner of the north.

Thank you so much. I'm glad this met with your approval. I've had the basic idea in my head for awhile and intended to bring you in on it, but once I started writing, it all just spewed out.

I was hoping you would like it.

Hugs,
Greg

Thanks for all the comments so far. Any other thoughts?

GB

Greg,

Thouroughly enjoyed the read, well crafted and rolls along nicely. Sounds kind of Country to me. Couple of suggs that won't necessarily improve the song, but a bit of food for thought anyway hopefully:

It's a clever thing being able to write from the female perspective. I can't and maybe that's why I'm having trouble appreciating the line 'And girls, that's the reason I cling'. I'd be more inclined towards a (breathy) pause after 'breathe', a couple of quiet seconds, then bang 'That's why I cling...'.
Maybe I just need to chill out and get in touch with my femenine side.

Another thought, if you're going down the country route would be to make the second half of verse 2 and 4 a pre-chorus lift (it may be already) and consider making them more similar e.g.

'It / he makes me feel pretty when I'm feeling down,
I guess that's why I keep it / he around'

It may seem a bit brutal to axe a couple of perfectly good lines:
'He says I'm still pretty...
I love that man....'

In the name of 'song memorability'. But I would probably go down that route. That said, I didn't write the bugger.

Great job and please take or ignore the comments in the spirit I intended.

All the best
Graham

Hi Greg,

I think you did a great job on this!

Geneva

cool write Greg!no sugs from me,i like it as is.

Hi Greg.
I thought I had left a comment on this, but guess not..anyway I think you could use this one anyway you'd want to..I love the story line and it's a great write...lots of great lines...


yep, I can see it country or just about anything...can't wait to hear it finished....glyn

Nice story.

Petra

Hey Greg
A very nice lyric just one suggestion, In the chorus(maybe not the 1st but the 2nd) try
"and girls,that's the reason I love too cling
to this old thing.

Just because she's been with guy awhile so she must love him.
Anyway nice write
Joe

Hey Greg...

Nice work.
Cool analogy.
Kinda fun writin from the female POV.

Larry

Hi Graham.

Thanks for the detailed critique. You've definitely given me some things to think about. I'm thinking this could easily go country as you suggest, as well as early 60s pop or R n B. I may leave that up to the composer when/if it gets to that point.

As for writing from the female POV, I don't do it very often, although I have on occasion. One of my regular collaborators is a female (the legendary Janice Hopkins), and we both switch genders from time to time for the sake of a (hopefully) good lyric.

Thanks for the great suggestions. I really appreciate your time.

Greg

Thank you, Geneva! I appreciate that.

Greg

Hey Mike, thanks for giving this the once over. I'm glad you liked it.

Greg

Whenever this gets to musication, Glynda, I'll give you a yell. Thanks for the visit and the encouraging words. They mean a lot!

Greg

Thank you, Petra, I appreciate that.

Greg

Hi Joe.

Thanks for stopping by and having a looksee. I'll give your suggestion some thought. You make a good point.

Greg

Hi Larry. I always appreciate your support. Glad you liked this. Thanks for giving it a couple minutes of your time. Means a lot.

Greg

Nice write Greg.

I like the twist to the man in verse2.

If I had one nit while reading it, it would be the first two words...

She went shopping with her friends last night
In a pretty blue dress that they all liked.
When’d you get that, is it something new?
‘Cause girl, it sure looks good on you.

I'm not sure if the tense of 'went' works, maybe I just dont like the word lol.

may be

She was shopping with her friends last night
In a pretty blue dress that they all liked.
When’d you get that, is it something new?
‘Cause girl, it sure looks good on you.

I think it leads better to her friends being there and speaking.

Of course I could be talking rubbish.

KOS

God Bless Roy and Helen

Hi Greg,

I must have missed this one the first time. LOl. There are certain people who when I see a new song--I already know it will be a good one. You definitely fit into that group. very well written song from the female POV. BEst part--it's believable--and conversational. The only thing that sounded a bit rough(and it's probably only me) is when she talks about the picture and says this old thing I've had him for years, met him at a party--to me it sounds like she's calling her guy a "thing". I know it's about the picture, and I can't think of a different way to say it.lol. And it works--so it's probably just me. LOl. I do like this one a lot. you have done another good one for sure. Take care,
Roger

Hi Roy!

Thank you for having a look at this. I'm happy that you liked it. You might have a point about using SHE WENT to start that verse. Your suggestion for using SHE WAS does sound better. I'll make that change right away.

Sometimes it's subtle things like that, which often takes someone else to notice, that can make a big difference. Thanks for the sharp eye!

I appreciate your time and feedback.

Greg

Hi Roger. Thank you for the compliment. I'm not sure it's accurate or deserved, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

I'm glad you liked this. The line with the picture was sort of hard to write because I wanted to get across that it was of a supposedly good looking guy, but I didn't want to get too wordy or have to create another verse.

My hope was that the meaning would be clear enough that when she pulled out the picture, it would be understood that her friends saw a good looking guy that they wanted to ask about.

And yes, I was referring to her man as This Old Thing as an affectionate thing a wife might say about her husband.

Thanks for your thoughts and usual support. You know it means a lot.

Greg

Hi Greg, good to be in touch with your "inner feminine". I sometimes write from the male perspective, too. I think it's a great song. The only thing that struck me a little was the meter between first verse and second. Didn't seem to exactly match up, not that that's totally necessary, but you know what I mean...good luck with this!

Hi Greg,
I haven't been on here for a long time. I really like this one. It's such a cute story. It has to be love to make her feel this way after all this time. Many people I know would be complaining like her frieds were. Good job.
Myrtle

Hi Betty. Sorry for the delay in responding. Thanks for having a look and offeing your kind comments on this. If the meter is off, it likely has to do with the head tune I was working with when I was writing. I suppose a composer will address that if and when it gets to that stage.

It's good to hear from you again. Hope you've been doing well. Thanks for stopping by.

Greg

Thank you, Myrtle. I'm glad you were able to appreciate this.

Greg