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#862995 - 12/08/10 11:44 AM Head and Heart  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
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Gary_UK  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
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England, UK
I'm thinking country here, you agree?

"head and heart"

She lights up another cigarette,
draws deep before she sighs,
hoping that the smoke will hide
the shadows round her eyes.
She knows that she's hurting him
by pushing him away,
but she's hoping that his heart will rule his head
and that he'll stay.

He sits beside the window
staring at his coffee cup,
desparately trying to find the strength
to stop him giving up.
Does she know how much she's hurting him
by keeping him at bay?
Should he allow his head to rule his heart,
and maybe walk away?

And it's a crazy situation
that will be so hard to win.
All the words he needs to hear,
she never says to him.
And all the times he looks at her,
she needs him to see
in this dilemma of the head and heart...
true love will be the key.

She slowly fills the wine glass
though its only half past two,
it will ease her through to dinner...
...if only that was true.
She doesn't want to hurt him
but he doesn't understand,
it's the little things she lives for,
been a while since they held hands...


Would a tangled web be woven
if you listened to your heart?
Or do you need to be somebody else
without changing who you are?
Would the heartbeat of another
sound the same when cheek to cheek?
Would they hang on every word
if you could trust yourself to speak?

Another coffee from the pot
stirs him from his trance,
complimentary from the waitress
hoping for a second glance.
He thought of asking her to meet him
when her shift was through,
but she could never take the place of
the woman he promised his life to.


copyright Gary Parr 2010 all rights reserved.

#863136 - 12/08/10 11:30 PM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Gary_UK]  
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Cecilee Offline
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Cecilee  Offline
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Norfolk, VA
A sad but very well-written song, no nits here! You have written some beautiful lines in this one, especially the first two lines of the bridge. smile

English/French piano/electronic singer/songwriter from Virginia. Influences include Charlotte Martin, Kate Bush, Pet Shop Boys, and Mylène Farmer.


New album Rendezvous on Bandcamp!
#863171 - 12/09/10 12:39 AM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Cecilee]  
Joined: Jul 2010
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Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Posts: 3,427
Hey Gary,

This is excellent! But you already know I love it:)


#863523 - 12/10/10 08:52 AM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: Nov 2010
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Gary_UK Offline
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England, UK


#863529 - 12/10/10 09:22 AM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Gary_UK]  
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Posts: 4,666
DonnaMarilyn Offline
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What a sad story, and well told, Gary. smile Some really nice imagery.

(Though I wanted to shake both of those people and tell them to wake up! Life's too short to wait for the other person to take the initiative. grin )

For a more country feel, you might like to throw in a few concrete details: e.g. a brand of cigarette; mention of the window being in a diner/cafe; brand of wine, etc.

I think the bridge could be made stronger.

In the first two lines, the singer asks

Would a tangled web be woven
if you listened to your heart?

These are lovely lines. However, on the basis of the story, it seems that a tangled web is already in place, and neither party seems able to get out of it.

I wonder whether line 1 would be more appropriate as

"Could a tangled web be unwoven
If you listened to your heart".

This is a stronger image, as it shows that the singer recognises the pattern into which the relationship has fallen, and is seriously considering listening to his heart.

And then the singer asks

Would the heartbeat of another
sound the same when cheek to cheek?
Would they hang on every word
if you could trust yourself to speak?

It sounds as if the heartbeat is being described as being cheek to cheek.
In addition, if two people are dancing cheek to cheek, the heartbeat would be felt rather than heard.
I'd suggest a slight rewording of those two lines to clarify the image you want to convey. it's a lovely one. wink

I'm also not sure about introducing in the bridge the possibility of another woman.
I may be wrong, but my interpretation is that the notion of "heartbeat of another" is a lead-in to mention of the waitress in verse 4.

I'd suggest strengthening the bridge by having the singer arrive at some kind of decision to break the stalemate that exists between him and the woman he loves.
As it stands, it sounds as though he might carry into another relationship his habit of not trusting himself to speak. Hence, the cycle would continue. I'd like to see in the bridge some kind of resolution, a momentum that would carry the story forward.

Anyway, just random thoughts that I hope might be useful. Keep 'em or sweep 'em. wink


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.


#864314 - 12/12/10 09:26 PM Re: Head and Heart [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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Roderic Offline
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Roderic  Offline
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Posts: 522

Well thought out and well written. Heartfelt lyrics, very touching. I wouldn't change a thing. Can't wait to hear this to music.


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#864415 - 12/13/10 03:22 AM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Gary_UK]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,944
Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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I like this one a lot--

To me you need minor tuning in the BR as Donna illustrated--

Write on--


Last edited by Mackie H.; 12/13/10 03:25 AM.
#864439 - 12/13/10 08:15 AM Re: Head and Heart [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
Gary_UK Offline
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Gary_UK  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 54
England, UK
Thank you everyone. I will try to elaborate a little. Once I realized the subject for this, the song played in my mind images of how I wanted it to feel......kind of like seeing the music video before writing the song...y'know??

Its a stalemate in a relationship, at this point neither has done any wrong, they have let things slide. She is sat at home reflecting, he is in a diner or something doing the same. All they need is just a spark to get going again.
Head says work at it...heart says need loving now, find someone. Its like the situation is balanced in limbo.

Would a tangled web be woven
if you listened to your heart?........is having an affair opening a can of worms?

Or do you need to be somebody else
without changing who you are?..........Maybe consider an affair but still stay together...see what happens?

Would the heartbeat of another
sound the same when cheek to cheek?......Is the idea of having an affair better than actually having one, would it live up to expectations?? (maybe 'feel' would be better here)

Would they hang on every word
if you could trust yourself to speak?.......Because it is an affair, would the other person love or respect you as much as the person you are cheating on?

So the bridge asks questions, maybe plays devils advocate.....eg its not everything its cracked up to be??????

V4 wraps it up by him deciding that the waitress couldn't take the place of his woman and dismisses the idea of an affair.

I will sit and stare at this again, maybe tighten it up if it needs it.

Thanks again everyone....great response


Last edited by Gary_UK; 12/13/10 08:24 AM.

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