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#859304 - 11/21/10 06:53 PM Nothing Left to Win  
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Dottie Offline
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Here is another poem I wrote and decided to make it a song. I hear this one as rock (I left my country state of mind!)

Nothing Left to Win

We’ve reached the bridge of sorrow
With a toll we cannot pay
The sweet breath of redemption’s
Washed across the bloody bay

There’ll be no more rejoicing
With teary eyes and dirty hands
The soldiers’ fight is ending here
There’s nothing left to win

Chorus
Soldiers of the sky
Soldiers of the sea
Children of the fire
Where’s your victory
Piles of brick and rubble
Burn across the land
Trails of tears and pain
There’s nothing left to win
Nothing left to win

Hell is shining victory
On this darkened foreign soil
Night has overtaken day
Smoke’s rising from the oil

The soldiers’ hopes are dying
Blood dripping off their skin
The war is finally over
There’s nothing left to win

Chorus
Soldiers of the sky
Soldiers of the sea
Children of the fire
Where’s your victory
Piles of brick and rubble
Burn across the land
Trails of tears and pain
There’s nothing left to win
Nothing left to win

Bridge
Smoke and ashes falling down
Sinners’ saints who can tell
Our darkest day will soon be done
The war is over - no one won

Chorus
Soldiers of the sky
Soldiers of the sea
Children of the fire
Where’s your victory
Piles of brick and rubble
Burn across the land
Trails of tears and pain
There’s nothing left to win
Nothing left to win

Tag
The war is over - no one won
The war is over - no one won

Dottie Corley Copyright: All Rights Reserved
Registered: Sat Nov 20 15:46:03 UTC 2010

Last edited by Dottie; 12/07/10 02:08 AM.
#859401 - 11/22/10 03:49 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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MFB III Offline
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Amen and hallalejah Dottie, so many are blinded to the fact that it is time to come home, close our borders to any and all who even look like trouble, station our boys at the airports with orders to treat it like baghdad if trouble hits. and also notify any companies that have outsourced and sent jobs overseas, that they are no longer welcome to send us their inports, into this country until they come back to America and bring the badly needed jobs they stole to save some almighty dollars on some cheap slave labor elsewhere. It's long past time to get some common sense but with the mid-term elections we just suffered through, our boys wiil be over there for a long time to come, fighting for God?? and country?? and lots more jobs are gonna go cheap and overseas, under republi-plans allowed by fatted cats who elected the new split government. Great song Dottie, I applaud you for taking a stand.

#859434 - 11/22/10 02:17 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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HiDee Mz Dottie!

Real Good Peace Song.

Onliest Sug that came to mind during my read is "..BENEATH the bloody bay", KOS.

As a Survivor, & somewhat a Victim, of one of Our Wars Abroad that Took-Forever & We Didn't Win..I'm of 2 minds about Our Wars.

We DO need to go into SOME of these, Occasionally, but only WITH an "Exit Strategy" beforehand. UN-fortunately, so often we make that up AS we get into these conflicts deeper-&-deeper/THEN Our Gov't LIES to us..& those of us who QUESTION This "Better Judgement" get labeled UN-Patriots.

I'm GLAD we're planning on getting out of Afghanistan in 2014..or so we've been told. I doubt we'll ever make Long-Lasting Improvements for the folks over-there, BUT I never dreamed VietNam'd ever end up with Most-Favored Trade Status after Our Little Non-Victory over THERE, either.

Money SEEMS to be an easier way of Conquering than by Bloodshed.
Time will tell..& we better keep an eye on China & India..heh-heh! Iran & N.Korea..Time for the Superpowers to give 'em an Ultimatum, then Launch. (It's pretty obvious there aren't any Peaceful Intentions there/Can't ignore it Forever.)

So..I'm of 2 Minds on Tnis Touchy Subject. Always a Shame when People Die Prematurely because Diplomats & Leaders DIDN'T do their jobs right.

On the Home Front, Billions-worth of Jobs HERE are Defense-Oriented..so there IS some trickle-down effect to our Military Spending. In fact, we're in Big Trouble when our tanks & planes don't have "Made in USA" somewhere on 'em!

Good Luck with this..& keep in-mind So-Far, we've ended up with some solid trading partners AFTER we whupped or engaged-'em on the battlefields.

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan


#859458 - 11/22/10 03:33 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
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Hi MFB,

Thanks for the kind words although I don't feel like I've taken a stand… This is more of final battle song. Perhaps after some nukes were fired, the destruction would be devastating. I think at some point we all need to find a better way before we eliminate our species. So this really has nothing to do with the fighting going on now, but more about realizing after we’ve fought our last battle, what we’ve done.

Dottie

#859461 - 11/22/10 03:39 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hey Stan,

I didn't mean any disrespect, I have the upmost respect for all of our Vets:)

This is more of a futuristic worse case scenario, realizing what we've done and that it can't be undone.
I realize it’s very dark and I don’t usually write like this. I think it might work for hard rock though…lol, but then again I haven’t listened to hard rock for about 25 years!

Thanks for checking it out:)

Dottie

#859465 - 11/22/10 03:46 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Dottie,

Oh man, I read this one and thought i'd commented on it, but see I did'nt...it's full of great lines , very well written..I too respect what the Vets have done for us...more than I can ever say and I can see where you're coming from in this..thanks for sharing it with us...glyn

#859566 - 11/23/10 12:22 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: glynda]  
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Shades of the 1960's and all the angst over another war we couldn't win--Vietnam. And yet the outrage this time around did not take to the streets the way it did then. Only reason I can think of is that there was no draft--that all the draft dodgers of that time had moved on and gone mainstream, into the season of life where money matters more than anything else. Agree wholeheartedly with the sentiments exprssed about all the jobs going to other countries. But most Americans today are too scared to buck the corporate masters. Structure of song seems sound--there is nothing outstanding that I would change.

Peace,
Brian

#861462 - 12/01/10 03:32 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Mark Ballard Offline
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Dottie,
Well written!
As I read thru this I hear it more as a "folk" rock sound. Almost Dylan"esque" (not a word but you get my meaning). The words our powerful and I think that they would be overshadowed by hard, driving rock sound. Close your eyes and think Dylan's "Shelter from the Storm" and you might get an idea how it sounds in my mind (not that I want you to copy the music....LOL) That's just the feel I get from reading it

I really like this and there are only a few little "nits" that I can point to. Haven't quite figured out exactly what KOS means but I get the gist of it is Keep It or Flush it (just haven't figured out what the "S" stands for....lol) So, KOS:

V1:
The sweet breath of redemption's
Washed across the bloody bay

Not exactly sure what you're trying to convey with these two lines and how redemption fits into the context of the song. I know this means something to you and I would love to hear what you're thinking is. It may be exactly clear and I'm just missing the meaning (well if you listen to my daughters I'm clueless but that's a whole different thing...).

V4:
Soldiers hopes are drying

Drying, dying, fading, etc.
I kept getting stuck on drying as I read thru the lyric

I really think you did a good job on this. It flows well and
really makes the reader/listener think. I'd love to know what
the inspiration for this was. Was it an idea that had to "perculate" a little or did it just flow out. Good STUFF!
Mark



#861650 - 12/01/10 06:53 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Mark Ballard]  
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Hi Glynda,

Thank you for checking this out and for your kind words as always:)


Hi Brian,

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts, I appreciate it!


Hi Mark, Welcome!

KOS=keep or sweep:)

I never thought of it as folk, I figured it was too dark for that but I guess it could be.

V1:
The sweet breath of redemption's
Washed across the bloody bay

What I meant was the damage has been done; it's too late to be cleared from the blame. I don't know maybe there's a better way to say that.

In this line;
Soldiers hopes are drying-should have been dying, I changed it. I had another line there, the blood was drying but it was too close to one of the other lines. I just forgot to drop the r.

I actually wrote most of this in a few minutes one morning as a poem and decided to try to make it into a song.

It's very nice to meet you and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me!

Dottie

#861656 - 12/01/10 08:46 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Dottie, I've take a second and third look at this and I'm in agreement with Mark. This is, to me, a protest song in the folk style of the 60s. I like a lot of the lines in this. When I have time, I'll send you a pm with a few suggestions that spring to mind. Good work!!


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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#861718 - 12/02/10 01:27 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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Thank You Dan!

#861721 - 12/02/10 01:55 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Dottie, you never cease to AMAZE me with your songwriting talent! This song needs powerful music and vox. I wish I was better at writing melodies, but I'm not, so, I wish you the best on it and I'll keep watching it! smile


http://www.soundclick.com/pollyhager
http://www.facebook.com/polly.wilmot
http://www.reverbnation.com/rockcandycincy
You're supposed to be grooving as hard as you can, all of the time. - Stephen Gaskin
#861734 - 12/02/10 03:10 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Polly Hager]  
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Mark Ballard Offline
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Dottie,
On V1: Ok understand what you're saying now and will thunk a little and send an idea or two on it. By the way, this is one of those that stuck with me. I found myself during the day thinking back on your lyric. It's kind of a haunting one. I like it.

Oh, and thanks for the definition on KOS.....
Mark

#861827 - 12/02/10 03:47 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Mark Ballard]  
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I tend to agree with the poster who thought of this one as Dylan-esque. But don't forget that he went more rock later on in his "Like a Rolling Stone" stage. As a folk musician who crossed over into the mainstream he took it much farther than did the likes of the Kingston Trio and Peter, Paul and Mary.

Lyrically piece could perhaps be at least somewhat compared to Dylan's "Masters of War" albiet not nearly as angry. In many ways I believe conditions could be right for a new era of protest songs ala the 1960's, and we have so many problems that weren't even evident during that earlier time. For example, few people at that time saw their jobs moved overseas. Good luck with this one.

Peace,
Brian

#862678 - 12/07/10 01:35 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Dottie,

Love the lyrics and the feel of this one. I didn't get Dylan though. I was getting more of the Doors. I could hear Jim Morrison singing this. Excellent write.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#862683 - 12/07/10 02:02 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Roderic]  
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Hey Polly,

It makes me happy to see your smiling face! Thank you for always having a kind word to say:)


Hey Mark,

Thanks for weighing back in here. I have someone working on this now, so I hope to have in posted on the mp3 board soon:)


Hi Brian,

Thanks for stopping by and for your support, I appreciate it!!



Hey Rod,

Thank you very much for your support! I love to see your smiling at me:)

Dottie

#862684 - 12/07/10 02:25 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Hey I like this alot...who is this singing...great job....glyn

#862966 - 12/08/10 07:04 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: glynda]  
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Hi Dottie,

That's a pretty incredible song,

I loved it all!

Geneva

#863145 - 12/08/10 11:44 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: nightengale]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hi Glynda,

Thanks for listening to the song! I'll post it on the mp3 board when it's done, it still needs a bit more work:)

Dottie

#863147 - 12/08/10 11:44 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win (looking for a someone to add music and sing) [Re: Dottie]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hi Geneva,

Thank you for the kind words:)

Dottie

#863186 - 12/09/10 01:37 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: Dottie]  
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DOTTIE--

JMHO--

I'M WITH STAN THE MAN ON THIS ONE--

You have a lot of good ideas in this one--

To me the tag should be:

Tag
IN WAR - NOBODY WINS
IN WAR - NOBODY WINS

THEREFORE MY TITLE:

NOBODY WINS

Mackie

#863191 - 12/09/10 01:45 AM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Hey Mackie,

Thanks for you suggestion, but it's too late! The song has already been done, just working out some of the rough spots now.:)

Dottie

#863860 - 12/11/10 03:40 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: Dottie]  
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Villa Park IL
Dottie:

Is the finished product on this one available now, and what tempo, etc. did you come up for this? Shades of the folk-rock protest songs of the 1960's?

Peace,
Brian

#864235 - 12/12/10 05:35 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: beechnut79]  
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Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Hi Brian,

It's in the works but, no it's not finished yet. As soon as it's done I'll post the mp3.smile

Dottie

#864478 - 12/13/10 01:31 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: Dottie]  
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Nigel Quin Offline
Nigel Quin  Offline

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Birmingham, UK
Hi Dottie

I think you could do so much more with this. First off, I like the chorus, it could be very powerful, except for when you go into the hook line (Nothing Left To Win) because it doesn’t resolve (rhyme). If you want to retain this hook I suggest making your “Burn across the land” line rhyme with ‘win’.

The opening verse reads like a middle section of a song so could be confusing for the listener (it was for me). I think you need a couple of good scene setting lines here.

It’s stirring stuff so worth spending some time on so it hits home.

Cheers

Nige

#864516 - 12/13/10 03:18 PM Re: Nothing Left to Win [Re: Nigel Quin]  
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Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Hi Nigel,

Thank you so much for weighing in on this. I do see what you mean with the chorus rhyme.

I have someone working on the music but maybe I can have him hold up a bit. I've had several suggestions to put this in first person and I can see where that might work better too.

Thanks again for checking this out. smile

Dottie


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