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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
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The Postcard c-2010
My dear country I heard calling And I answered once again As the desert breeze is drifting I'm dreaming of a winter wind Far away with Christmas coming Every thought turns back to home A Postcard from the Smokey Mountains Reminds me that I'm not alone (chorus) Christmas is finally here With memories of happiness and cheer Christmas is finally here With memories to last throughout the years I'm sure the house is full of music Your sisters want the night to pass With their anticipation growing Santa Claus will come at last While the moon beams gently shining On the freshly fallen snow All of you are there together Makes me feel good just to know (chorus) I'll be hoping to be with you Next time Santa comes to town Help your Mother and your sisters Keep each other safe and sound You're the man of the family At least until I get back home Thank you for the Christmas Postcard Reminding me I'm not alone (end)
Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
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Hi Rod, Flows real good for me. Good verses. I think you can do better on the C though. Im other words, I think the verses are "overshadowing the C". The C seems somewhat cliched--things said too many times. I know it's hard to say much new about Christmas but nobody said songwriting was easy <G> Good writing write on Wy (If I get any bright, (Or not so bright),ideas , I shall return
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Wyman, Thank you for taking a look and leaving your comments. I wanted the chorus to be 'cliche' in that it takes the man writing the letter back to something familiar. You are right, it is hard to write something new about Christmas. Doesn't mean we will stop trying. Thanks again,
Rod
Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
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Rod,
A good Christmas story in those verses,
I have to agree with Wy on maybe thinking about bringing out the chorus a little more.
Geneva
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Rod,
Good write! I'm with Wyman and Geneva on the chorus. I understand your desire to make the chorus "cliche in that it takes the man writing the letter back to something familiar". You're right, the writer would have a picture of what Christmas is to him fixed in his mind. But what is it? Dig deeper into the writer's character. What is special about "his" Christmas at home. Is there something that the family does together on Christmas Eve that he would be thinking about? Does he miss the big meal with all the extended family around the table? What is it that's familiar that he misses so badly? You put that in the chorus and then you will have a truly poignant song.
I hope you don't see this as "piling on"....LOL I think you have a great theme for this one.
Oh, almost forgot. The working of the 1st line in V1 is a little clumsy. It gets the meaning across but it could be clearer.
Cheers and have a great weekend. Mark
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Hi Rod, I like this and hope to hear you singing this soon...glyn
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Hey Rod,
What a wonderful Christmas song! The only nit I have is this;
I'll (be) hoping to (be) with you--perhaps I'm hoping to be with you or I am hoping to be with you Next time Santa comes to town
It's a lovely song I look forward to hearing it:)
Dottie
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Geneva, thank you so much for taking a look.
Mark, thanks and I will work on it.
Glynda, very much appreciated.
Dottie, it's a work in progress, just like me. ^ - ^
Rod
Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
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Hopefully the postcard is not a prelude to a postnote on section two, page 13 of the national news. great write Roderic as always from you.~~~MFB III
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