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#853340 - 10/26/10 03:44 PM Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique  
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Roderic Offline
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Christian Contemporary. Slow Melody, Male or Female singer.

Shadow
c-2010


Around me storms are raging
And I want to run away
My friends have all deserted
No one cared to stay
Put my faith in philosophy
But found no comfort there
Searching for your presence
I bowed my head in prayer


(pre-chorus)
In the shadow of your wing


I don't trust emotions
Emotions change with time
I don't trust in feelings
Feelings often lie
This is something different
I just can't explain
The truth is what the truth is
I'll never be the same


(chorus)
In the shadow of your wing
I have found a resting place
I have found a loving grace
In the shadow of your wing


This world has offered nothing
No matter how I've tried
Chasing after rainbows
To fill the hole inside
I was always looking
You were always there
Waiting with forgiveness
Waiting for my prayer


(chorus)


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#853353 - 10/26/10 05:11 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Roderic]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hi Rod,

This is lovely!! I just don't know what else to say about it, it reads flawlessly and carries a beautiful message. I knew when I saw your name it was going to be good though. smile

Dottie

#853379 - 10/26/10 06:20 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Dottie]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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This one is written in fine form in a way that most will understand.

Peace,
Brian

#853418 - 10/26/10 08:35 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: beechnut79]  
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nightengale Offline
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Roderic,

That's a pretty incredible song, You did a great job with it!

Geneva


#853434 - 10/26/10 09:15 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: nightengale]  
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Dottie,

Thank you for your kindness as always. Still not sure if it needs a bridge. You know I appreciate your comments.
Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#853435 - 10/26/10 09:16 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Roderic]  
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Brian,

Thanks for taking a read and leaving your positive comment. Much appreciated.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#853451 - 10/26/10 10:46 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Roderic]  
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Geneva,

Thank you for taking a look and for your kind words.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#853572 - 10/27/10 02:15 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Roderic]  
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Leanne Marchand Offline
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Nice lyrics, Rod. Has a calming feel good flow to it.

Leanne

#853687 - 10/27/10 10:22 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique [Re: Leanne Marchand]  
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leanne,

Thanks for the positive crit. I appreciate you taking the time to comment for me.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#857946 - 11/16/10 12:38 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Hi Roderic,

Well I had to go back a bit to find something from you. The last one 'Come Dance With Me' I already posted on -- did you ever get that musicated like you hoped?

Anyway, the fact that you've made so many other comments in the meantime, to help out your fellow JPF'ers, is quite a testament to your character. In the meantime, let me offer up something on this one -- albeit belatedly.

Right off, I think you might want to snazzy-up your hook to "In The Shadow". While I like short and sweet too...I think by just adding the two words you give the listener an extra reason to want to find out what you mean.

Also, while I think you are ultimately trying to convey a sense of hope here...I think the contrast between the two "worlds" is too stark. Would you be open to a bridge... suggesting perhaps...that while under His shadow, he's able to garner his strength and can cope with everything around him more ably? Sort of a "found my way, thanks to You" sort of feel?

Anyway, just food for thought.

Again, thanks for all your encouragement -- to me and everyone else. Have a good day...

Beth


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"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#858040 - 11/16/10 06:32 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Beth,
Thank you for taking a look. Come and Dance With Me is waiting for music. I will be writing a bridge for 'Shadow'. I am as human as human can get. I can be happy, I can totally lose it. But no matter what, even when the storms are upon me, I have a hiding place, a place of refuge. I know sometimes I disappoint him. But I also know he knows me better than anyone ever could. That's what I want to try and convey in this song. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#858876 - 11/20/10 01:59 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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MFB III Offline
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A perfect song of praise, I have found such shelter under that wing many times and eventually it guided me back to reality, and left me with such comfort, you pay tribute to it well here....~~~~~~MFB III

#858901 - 11/20/10 04:39 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Hi Rod,
This is a wonderfully written peice.It flows nicely and has a positive message. Nicely done.


Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
#858969 - 11/20/10 02:55 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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HiDee Brother Rod!

This Lyric works for Us Deists, too, Amigo!

I think maybe the only nit-able word here is "wing". I'd sug "Love" or "Peace"..since neither God nor Christ are oft-depicted with "wings". But..OK.."Poetic License" it does work/I'm just doin' my Critic's Job here.

Excellent Lyric, Amigo, & One to be Proud Of!
Good Luck with it, & a Big Guy-Hug
Stan

#859029 - 11/20/10 07:16 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
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MFBIII,

Thank you for taking a read and commenting. Much appreciated Brother.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#859031 - 11/20/10 07:18 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Jennifer,

Thank you for your kind comments. Always welcome.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#859033 - 11/20/10 07:22 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Stan,

Always like to hear from you. The 'Wing' I am referring to is in the book of Psalms. David wrote, "In the shadow of your wing, oh Lord, I have found protection until the raging storm has passed". I find that scripture more and more true the older I get. Thanks for your comments.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#859056 - 11/20/10 07:47 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Didn't quite get it the first time I responded, but as I read the other comments it became apparent that this is a song of praise to the Lord as opposed to one mortal human being.

Peace,
Brian

#867000 - 12/23/10 05:17 PM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: beechnut79]  
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Hi Rod,

Nice job on this lyric.
I hope we get to hear it soon.

Peace

#867413 - 12/27/10 05:07 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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This is a wonderful write! It is nicely done and I think would do well in it's intended genre. I enjoyed it very much. I had commented last month on it but took another look today. I hope you get some music for it.

Last edited by jnxd4evr13; 12/28/10 04:40 AM.

Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
#869313 - 01/05/11 04:50 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Jen Shaner]  
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Roderic,

Quite beautiful and I believe it's expressing the theme you stated here in the commentary.

I understood "wing" to be God just fine.

I understand God is not typically depicted with wings; I'm the odd one out here (maybe) who thinks angels probably don't have real "wings" so much as the word symbolizes power and rapid movement etc.; but anyway wings still works for me.

I like the correlation to I think it's Isaiah, where He says "as a hen will gather her chicks under her wings, so will I gather you" - and that imagery works perfectly for me.

It's great. If you feel moved to do a bridge that's your call, but I think it's fine without; it can always be an instrumental bridge.

Linda

#869511 - 01/06/11 02:09 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Linda Sings]  
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Brian, Nathan and Jennifer,

Thank you so much for taking a look and giving me your input. Much appreciated.

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
#869512 - 01/06/11 02:11 AM Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique [Re: Roderic]  
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Linda,

Thank you for your kind words. I actually started this song about 3 years ago. It has changed along with the ebb and flow of my life. I guess I had to come to full acceptance and peace before I could finish it. Thank you again,

Rod


Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
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