New tune. I was trying to get this crossover feel going so I mished-moshed a few genres in there. I let my 14 year old daughter give it a listen under headphones and when she got to the first chorus, she started laughing uncontrollably. Hmmmm, what could that mean?
I posted one verse/chorus guitar vocal of this over in the lyric board a few days ago, I went ahead and did the whole BIAB thing with it. It is a cross over tune with elements of pop, country and metal (ha, ha). It is probably a mess, but it was fun. It was semi-inspired by this song: http://www.cmt.com/videos/jerrod-niemann/504141/lover-lover.jhtml and by a couple of new members over at the ramp that are semi-obsessed about writing great songs. Sometime you got just write a few throw away tunes -- who knows what might happen?
So here's my little "pop" tune.
EDIT:Changed link, so soundclick wouldn't auto play any more.
Now I think about you every day and I dream about you every night I wonder why it took me so, so long 'cause girl you do it right
one dark day you danced into my life one bright night you opened my eyes and now I'm doing everything that I can cause I sure do wanna be your man
hey girl, can I be your lover? when you're around there's no trouble and my mind gets the notion the way you set things in motion I'll never need another one hey girl, can I be your lover? hey girl, can I be your lover? yea, yea, ... yea, yea, yea girl, can I be your lover?
when I see that flash in your eyes I hear the sparkle in your reply I get a heart beating message fate clearly expresses I gotta make you mine
well, today's the day I make a move and tonight's the night I hope you choose that you let me doing everything that I can cause I sure do wanna be your man
Joined: Aug 2010 Posts: 4,004MFB III
Top 100 Poster
MFB III
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,004
ohio
Typical 14 year old reaction, it was to the lover part, not the quality, most daughters have a hard time imagining their dad doing the two backed beasties thing...LOL...I like this, it touches on the emptiness of one's being just before becoming two as one. Nicely done~~~MFB III
Ah, I think I played up how cool and "hip" the song was and I think it was the combo of the hand claps and banjo that got to her -- but maybe it was the words, I don't know.
MFB III: Thanks for stopping by and giving it a listen.
Well it sounds pretty good to me catchy -- not sure if it feels pop though..... maybe because of the banjo... not sure if I have any suggestions. Guess I don't know how to write a great song -- so no help there... seems like there has to be a lot of mediocre ones before you get to be great : ) jm
perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach
Another cool and catchy tune - everytime I jump in here I see something like this posted by you, Kevin. Great job again...! And by the way it made me smile, too - kinda reminded me of the Baby Driver by Simon & Garfunkel (mostly the lyrics)... though that is probably not the reason, why your daughter laughed ;-)
Rock on Jimmy
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. (Dale Carnegie)
Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it... Professor Albus Dumbledore
Joice: Sure you know how to write a great song. Maybe you don't strive for "commercial", but greatness can be measured in all sorts of ways. Thanks for stopping by and giving it a spin. Nelly Furtado used banjo in a few of her songs a couple of albums ago, pretty cool I thought. This banjo here might be a little "bluegrassy", though!
Jimmy: Hello again, I'll be checking out your new tunes here. Thanks the visit and comments.
Tammy: "fate clearly expresses" -- I know about that line (ha, ha). Maybe I'll try and not have that pause before it and just roll that right in. I like the line, but if I can't get it smoother, I'll have to get a new one. Thanks for listening!
Congratulations! Kev I think this is the best song overall that you have ever posted here
It's pop but totally Country Pop which is very suiting for your likes, style and approach to music mostly. In other words, it suits you lol
Why is it the best one?
1- The arrangement is perfect which also means it flows! 2- It's catchy and easy to follow, it FEELS good & right. 3- The melodies and phrasing's are never awkward they have good variations between verses & chorus 4- The production works out very nicely the combo of the good lifting beat with the guitar work (which always lends musical credibility to a song IMO) is present, love the banjo. 5- Your vocal is the best I've ever heard it.. that means your just getting better and better, cool!
The song has hit potential in the way that if it belonged too an established CountryPop artist it would be accepted by the label and the fans. The people would like it. The song itself is good enough for that in all regards,nice! As for pitching from the outside it would be a tough bet as perhaps jut not edgy or strong enough to break ya through. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Really liked these lines: one dark day you danced into my life one bright night you opened my eyes
Liked the chorus!
The only thing I would revisit lyrically if you were still working on or moving forward with this would be the first verse. The day/night thing is to much like the second verse and the "you do it right" wasn't effective enough.. It's a sexy hook and all but needed to be set up better by other lyrics.
Great work guys!
Kev thanks for always being like first to my songs and videos Hope your wife is doing okay, I'm going to The Balance Disorder Center Of New Jersey in November, I'll let ya know if I learn something FINALLY!
Dottie: Thanks for stopping by and the kind words!
Paul: Thanks for the visit. The banjo player is actually a respected nashville studio musician (Scott Vestal) who laid down banjo phrases (samples) that BIAB somehow strings together based on the key and chord progression. I can't credit Scott directly because he really isn't playing on my song. So I just credit BIAB.
Carlos: Yup, BIAB is Band-In-A-Box. Fun stuff. Thanks for the listen.
Ooops, back to work -- I'll get to Mike's comments later today/tonight.
Thanks for all the kind words. I was quite happy with this one myself. I need to redo that "fate clearly expresses" line and then I will set it aside and think about those changes you suggested. I think I can make it better. I have no plans to pitch it yet, but if I can build a nice catalog and make some connections down the road, it will be there for a "what else do you have" type moment (ha, ha).
Good luck on the Balance Disorder clinic visit!
Kevin
P.S. It hit #1 on Soundclick's Country-Pop chart. I know it doesn't mean anything, but since I've never had a #1 at soundclick, I still got a kick out of it. It is hard to get past those VIP bands and other artists that pay soundclick for stuff (unless you're Mark Kaufman, of course). Now if you listen to the other songs that are in the country-pop chart, you find out that #1 REALLY doesn't mean great (ha, ha).
Originally Posted by Mike Caro Substudio
Hi Kevin & BIAB
Congratulations! Kev I think this is the best song overall that you have ever posted here
It's pop but totally Country Pop which is very suiting for your likes, style and approach to music mostly. In other words, it suits you lol
Why is it the best one?
1- The arrangement is perfect which also means it flows! 2- It's catchy and easy to follow, it FEELS good & right. 3- The melodies and phrasing's are never awkward they have good variations between verses & chorus 4- The production works out very nicely the combo of the good lifting beat with the guitar work (which always lends musical credibility to a song IMO) is present, love the banjo. 5- Your vocal is the best I've ever heard it.. that means your just getting better and better, cool!
The song has hit potential in the way that if it belonged too an established CountryPop artist it would be accepted by the label and the fans. The people would like it. The song itself is good enough for that in all regards,nice! As for pitching from the outside it would be a tough bet as perhaps jut not edgy or strong enough to break ya through. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Really liked these lines: one dark day you danced into my life one bright night you opened my eyes
Liked the chorus!
The only thing I would revisit lyrically if you were still working on or moving forward with this would be the first verse. The day/night thing is to much like the second verse and the "you do it right" wasn't effective enough.. It's a sexy hook and all but needed to be set up better by other lyrics.
Great work guys!
Kev thanks for always being like first to my songs and videos Hope your wife is doing okay, I'm going to The Balance Disorder Center Of New Jersey in November, I'll let ya know if I learn something FINALLY!
papaG
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 353
Arizona
Good stuff Kevin,
You definitely have my moving with that great up tempo feel. I think those claps work great, and that banjo. BIAB is doing all right. Can you get it to do some vocal FX? This is still straight up modern country to me . I like it.
Glen: I actually have a BIAB 2up and 2down vocal harmony in there during the chorus. If I crank the volume up a little more, you can hear the "pitch shift artifacts". I'll play with it a little bit more. Thanks for stopping by and giving it a listen. I also doubled my vocal, shifted it to the right 25 milliseconds, added reverb and chorus and turned the volume down on it. Helps to give a little more "depth".
Colin: I'll have to think on the banjo -- the drop out doesn't bother me -- but if you noticed it, I'll have to reconsider. Thanks for the visit and the kind words.
Magne: Titles are tough and I am not 100% I got the right one here either -- but I did build the whole song around it (ha, ha). Thanks for the visit.
Linda: Aren't you supposed to be working on a book instead of hanging out here listening to pop tunes (ha, ha). Thanks for stopping by and giving it a spin.
This moves along quite nicely and is a real grower.
I like the rhyme scheme but it goes slightly awry in the “when I see that flash” verse. I was expecting it to be ABAB like the first verse. Although I do love the internal rhyme of message and expresses but feel it could be a little tighter maybe replace ‘fate’ with ‘it’ – that will sing easier and sound slicker.
There are a couple of other places I would be tempted to tighten the lyric:
cause I sure do wanna be your man (I think the use of 'do' clutters it slightly)
I'll never need another one (so ‘need another’ matches ‘be your lover’)
On the mix, there is some over aggressive compression in places, sounds like someone is riding the faders (like at the beginning of the 2nd and 4th verses)
Kevin: Well done tune! I have a 15 year old daughter, and if I sang your chorus here to her, she'd start laughing too. It'd be like a frog suddenly pretending it was singing opera, from her point of view. Ott
I finally got some time tonight to sit and listen to a few tunes. I'm behind at everything or I am a behind or something like that. Overall, I liked this. It is catchy. I think you've gotten some really good feedback from Mike. Guess I don't have much to add other that I thought Nigel's suggestions for your lyric were also good. Keep on keeping on.
Nigel: Thanks for the detailed response. I did notice that the rhyme scheme changed and I decided that it didn't bother me (ha, ha). Dottie mentioned that "another" thing over in the lyric board for my G/V work tape (a "Doh!" moment for me), but when I went to record with BIAB, I decided I needed another syllable, so I left it in. Sort of the same story on the "sure do wanna" thing. The "sure do" is sort of a southern colloquialism. I'll check that compression thing out, too. I am a very low power singer, so I need tricks to mix it in right. I do over compress a lot, it seems.
Ott: Thanks for stopping by. It could be that -- or it could be the banjo and hand claps. She wouldn't stop laughing long enough to get a definitive answer.
Wendy: If you don't like it, it is OK to say that (ha, ha). I can take it! Thanks for the visit and comments.
Steve: Ha, ha -- I think every key is wrong for me singing! Thanks for stopping by and giving it a listen. I was hoping that "city" drum clip with hand claps would work with the banjo. It was a fun one to do.
Hey Kevin, not gone on the verses could maybe use a few more changes, the chorus is very good and catchy, overall it's pretty good and has nice feel to it, the biab worked really well, i've been playing around with it recently and it's a useful tool a bit of a time saver too, good job,
Tony.
#855942 - 11/07/1010:54 AMRe: Girl, Can I Be Your Lover
[Re: Tony A]
Tony: Yea, the verses are a little generic. I guess I should work on them a little more. Started off as a little "throw-away" pop tune. Thanks for stopping by and listening.
I wonder what real tracks are going to be in BIAB 2011. I didn't upgrade to 2010.5 this summer so there are about 100 or so real tracks I don't have. There should be another 100 this Christmas time. Dang, that will probably take the non-audiophile version (wma's) up 60+ GB!
That's just brilliant. Very catchy, quite country which I really like. Love this whole country banjo in the background stuff.
Great - just brill - thanks for sharing.
Did you record this at home or in a studio (or both) - As you know Kevin, recording technology is sorely lacking round my neck of the woods right now! Just Audacity on a rubbish PC and standard computer mic?
Anyway, Brilliant buddy
I love it! Rock on!
ColmT
#855985 - 11/07/1003:20 PMRe: Girl, Can I Be Your Lover
[Re: ColmT]
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 204ColmT
Serious Contributor
Thanks for stopping by and giving it a spin. Most of the instruments are band-in-a-box and then I played acoustic guitar and sang. I even let BIAB do two-up and two-down harmonies, but I kept the volume low due to pitch artifacts.
I had a songwriting guru who used to say about songs like this " the song is about the chorus - you just have to make sure the verses don't get in the way of the chorus" which I think applies here. Best of luck with it. I see BIAB now has a forum dedicated to showcasing BIAB songs which kinda leaves me in no man's land.
Pete
#856311 - 11/09/1012:41 PMRe: Girl, Can I Be Your Lover
[Re: PeteG]
Pretty good all round it can crossover most styles except maybe rap and R&B I prefer it to the song that inspired you to write it.... that one did nothing for me.....lol
Pete: I noticed that "User Showcase" thing a couple of weeks ago, but my default view into the BIAB forum didn't show that forum! I would still post your stuff there or in Off-Topic. Yea, this one is about the chorus. Thanks for stopping by and giving it a listen.
Big Jim: Hey, thanks for the visit and the kind words. I thought the video song was pretty good. The video was dumb, but the song good.
Pretty clever. Good melody, especially the chorus. I love the kitchen sink ending.
I can hear a lot compression pumping. Do you have compression on both your voice and the final mix?
A too long or too short decay on the compression can cause this pumping. For the voice, I'd suggest playing around in the 300ms to 500ms range. If you've got compression on the overall mix, I'd suggest removing it until you fix the vocal compression.
Anyway it's a cool tune, but you need to fix the compression IMO.
Wow, I've missed a lot of cool stuff lately. Time to play catch-up. I really like this, kept my head bobbing the whole way through. I'm not sure what genres you were trying to jump, just that it sounded pretty good to me. I especially liked the addition of banjo. Very hooky and listener friendly.
If I had to nit, and I do I would re-arrange the pieces. I'd start with V2 and ditch V1. Then the chorus, then V3 would become V2. Then the chorus, bridge and chorus. Jst a thought.
That's funny about your daughter laughing. It could been worse. She could have run out of the room screamimg!
Ian: You would think that as long as I have been recording (4+ years), I would start learning about some of this mastering stuff -- but I haven't (ha, ha). I'll check that compression out -- and yes I have some on the voice and final mix! Thanks for stopping by.
Calvin: Thanks for those suggestions -- I'll probably implement them!
Ricki: Hey, then I would have to write a bridge! Oh well, I like the way I have the beginning verses where the second acoustic guitar comes in on verse 2, but nothing is ever cast in concrete. Thanks for the visit, comments and suggestions!
Good song, Kevin. I'm not a huge country fan but I did like the banjo in this one. Especially with the juxtaposed hand claps.
I would like to see more differentiation in the melody of the chorus. To me, it is very similar to the melody of the verse, especially the first line of each. Minor nitpicking, though. Overall the song had a really nice, flowing, upbeat vibe.
Thanks for the visit and comments. I'll be looking at the melody, but I am depending on the instrumentation to provide most of the differentiation (ha, ha)! However, I am trying to continue to do this on just acoustic guitar/vocal -- so I guess I should work on that. By the way, I am leaving the fade-out in. It is hard to do consistently live!
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