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#844396 09/16/10 10:54 AM
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A simple rhythm guitar, drum track, vocal demo of:

Title : What Really Matters (c) 2010 R Lee / S Carey

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1105123&songID=9652621

VERSE ONE
Sunlight
Shining in through the window pane
Illuminating my soul, my face
That's what you mean to me

VERSE TWO
When I'm down
You lift me up with just your smile
You pick me up from feeling lost To feeling found
That's what you do to me

LIFT
That's what you do to me

CHORUS
Thing is, I've talked to you
Just not about the things that really matter
While I have you around to talk to
Let me talk to you about what really matters
What really matters
To me is getting to know you

VERSE THREE
I'd miss you
If you were to leave me
If you and your pleasantries
Were to recede into memories
For a second time

CHORUS
Thing is, I've talked to you
Just not about the things that really matter
While I have you around to talk to
Let me talk to you about what really matters
What really matters
To me is getting to know you

BRIDGE
I don't know what I'd do with myself
If you left and didn't know how I felt
I'd be the little boy trapped in hell
Wishing for heaven's door

CHORUS
Let me, let me talk to you
All about the things that really matter
While I have you, while I've got you
Let me talk to you about what really matters
What really matters
To me is getting to know you

OUTRO
Sunlight
Shining in through the window pane
Illuminating my soul my face
That's what you mean to me


BM aka Rich

What I'd like to know is how can this be improved for pitching purposes? Thanks.

Last edited by Blizzardmonkey; 09/16/10 11:30 PM.
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OK, I was sitting here, forgot I'd clicked on the link, and was lost in something else. As I was doing what I was doing, I was listeneing, halfway, the way I would to the radio while I am doing other things.

My point? This could have been playing on my radio and it would have belonged there, imo. So, I'm going back to pay attention now...


OK, so I've listened again...
Your 3 verses are all different, v1 is 4 lines, v2 is 5 lines, with the last two lines the same, verse 3 is 5 lines with the last two different. They are all pretty much all different lengths syllable wise too. Line 3 in the second v sounds rushed. The second verse is a different structure (longer lines)than the first and third.

So..when writing, this is supposed to matter for meter, music, etc. BUT, I listened before I read, and as I said, it could have been my radio playing, it didn't feel off, so there goes all the stuff I would nit on.

I don't know what to say other than maybe tighten the line I mentioned that sounds rushed.

I love the vocal, it's very good, imo, the music fits, it's a good song. That's all I can say, it's a good song, I wish you luck.



Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
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Hey Blizzard,

You got a name ? It helps........ smile

As a mock up, this is working real well. It's very heartfelt, and a great natural performance.

Who's singing ? ( beautiful delivery ), who's writing etc ?

If you want a crit, sorry, you don' get one. It works. smile

It's workable, and easily taken to wherever you want to take it. It's a very listenable tune.

cheers, niteshift


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Ha, ha, actually verse one and two both have four lines and the 5th line is more of a "lift" into the chorus (actually i would re-type it out, split line 3 into 3 & 4 and then have the current lines 4 and 5 be the lift).

This all sounds pretty good to me. The drum beat really is pretty good and the singing and guitar sounds very nice. Excellent, in fact.

My only "structural" comment is that, musically, there just doesn't sound like there is any chorus in here. There is nothing wrong with that -- unless, of course, you meant to have a hooky chorus. The chorus has the feel of a bridge or just a different verse. I would look into that.

Overall, this is a pretty well done tune. I like this style.

Your original question was about "pitching". Who would you pitch this to? I would say that the genre that you are after here is sort of self-contained (artists writing their own stuff), so I would look for a local young artist who might perform it. And then, of course, then write with that artist.


Kevin


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
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Thanks guys for listening!

Caroline, hi. I will work on that line in the second verse. Thanks for picking up on that! Thanks for the best wishes.

Hi Niteshift! I'm Rich, I'm from Sydney too. This is a song I wrote (melody and lyrics) but Mr Carey lent his musical talents in this demo. I'm singing, and he is doing everything else! Thanks for your kind words.

Hi Kevin, I heard you and made some changes to the layout. Yeah I was kind of worried the chorus lacked a real hooky melody but I feel it still kind of works? I think the extra instruments will help differentiate things. Thanks for answering my question! Finding such artist is going to be pretty hard I reckon, but I'll leave it until we finish off the demo with strings and electric/bass guitars and keys. Thanks again.

Last edited by Blizzardmonkey; 09/16/10 11:33 PM.
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Hey Rich,

Nice to meet you. You keep going girl. If we trip over each other out this way, it would be fun.

I'm gonna bump this, because I think more folks need to hear your voice.

cheers, niteshift

PS - forget about pitching. You don't need to, and are way above that.

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Hi Rich,
You know this is really well written. Your language surprises me. Kind of unexpected words and phrases and I really like that. It comes across as very personal and true.

The drum and guitar work just fine. Because your voice is what makes this. Very distinctive for sure, but very emotional. And it connects and brings the song to life.

If I had a concern I would say the chorus is halting in a similar way to the verse. So to my ear it is not distiguished from the verse enough.

But when it comes in after the bridge (the bridge is an excellnt departure by the way)and you are going for it vocally it seemed much stronger to me.

I really liked this Rich. Good work.
Tom

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Hello Rich
Nice vocals and the musical arrangement is just perfect.
It does sound like something you'd hear on the radio.
Well done.

Nelson

Last edited by Nelson; 09/17/10 12:50 PM.
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Hey Niteshift, nice to meet you too. BTW my Mr Midnight was a bit affronted but the rest of me thanks you for your encouragement.

Hi Tom, thanks for explaining what Kevin was saying earlier. I see that the rhythm of verse and chorus ARE similar now. Will work on that. Thanks for the feedback!

Hello Nelson, thank you for the kind words!

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Hi Rich

Nice to meet another Aussie hah. smile Welcome to JPF. I live in the Hunter valley, and just before I go to bed, I thought I'd listen to one more song, and it was yours. grin

Wow, Demo, what an amazing voice you have, you meant your the Artist didn't you. whistle You have a beautiful voice, and I loved the whole song, but I agree with the others, the chorus isn't standing out, sounds to close to the verses, but that's an easy fix I reckon, maybe some harmonies in their, might make a difference, just experiment a little, try different things.

Good luck, and I'd love to listen again, once all the other instruments are done, and also any other changes you do to the song, I'm a fan. smile

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 09/19/10 08:59 AM.
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Nice job Rich. Yeah I can hear this on the radio.. I think I'd change a line on verse two.
"You pick me up from feeling lost To feeling found"
maybe " I go from feeling lost to feeling found"


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Hi Michele, nice to meet you too. The Hunter? Lucky you! Thanks for listening and for the kind words about my voice. Yeah experimenting is the key now for this one. I'll post the developments to the song as they happen, sort of working on some others at the moment. Thanks!

Hello Louis, thanks for listening! Yes thank you for the suggestion, I'll see what works when I revisit this song over the next few weeks.

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Yes, very good voice on this demo. Personally, I struggled a bit with the enunciation on the last syllable of "matters". Nicely written song. It would be interesting to hear a more "produced" version of the song, with a plusher arrangement and more instrumentation. But, sparse works also.

Very enjoyable to listen to.


Jeff Moore
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Yesterday's Addiction
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Hi Rich

and welcome to jpf !! as Rich the singer ! --- Great vocal --- to Me that is what sells this song ; ) --- and your annunciation is not American --- but makes You unique....

jm


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