11 members (Fdemetrio, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, JAPOV, bennash, couchgrouch, Bill Draper, 3 invisible),
1,219
guests, and
257
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202 |
I'm writing a song for my parents, for Christmas. Any and all feedback is appreciated....
RED WINE, ROSES & ROMANCE
Do you remember Those warm summer evenings How we danced until the night turned into day Spending our travels fishing golden shores Sharing laughter with dear friends along the way
So many happy memories All the love you've given me
Thank you for holding on through stormy seas For helping write this perfect love story And darling, thanks for making time to dance For red wine roses and romance
Seems like yesterday We talked about having a family Now our children have families of their own Through every season, I still see your beauty Knowing your love means I'll never be alone
And if I had another chance I'd still ask you for this dance
Thank you for holding on through stormy seas For helping write this perfect love story And darling, thanks for making time to dance For red wine roses and romance
When I look at you I know there's a Heaven Countless roses will be waiting once again The angels smiled on you and me Our neverending love story
Thank you for holding on through stormy seas For helping write this perfect love story And darling, thanks for making time to dance For red wine roses and romance
Last edited by Kathy97; 09/20/10 11:52 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788 |
Back in the ole' neighborhood, and I'm not staying long as I'm not usually over on the Lyric Boards anymore Kathy, but I wanted to stop by and make sure you found your way around and I see you have. As I said on another post it is an unwritten understanding that when you post a lyric, you also take the time to give feedback on other lyrics as well. I think you have a pretty lyric that your parents will appreciate. You obviously have a greater insight into their relationship/lives allowing you to write something that "fits" them well. I love the hook and how the 3 R's flow. You managed to rhyme "seas" with "story" which will come across in the sing, I'm sure. Only 2 things that come to mind and they're not biggies, is 1. Wondering if you should have the word "and" at the end of line 3 in your Chorus (or atleast just your last Chorus) connecting lines 3 and 4?? The sing will decide that as well. 2. The other thing is that this is for your "parents" but the last verse before the Final Chorus talks about giving roses which would be your Dad giving roses to your Mom and so the song seems more like it would be from his perspective. Hope this helps. Best, Lynn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202 |
Thanks for responding Lynn. I ended up posting this on Board #1 this morning because no one was responding here. I haven't been 100% sure about the "and" as well, but it works with the melody. I need to think on that one some more. Thanks again!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 749
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 749 |
hi Kathy
"Through every season, I still see your beauty Knowing your love means I'll never be alone"
Very nice indeed. Thx for posting it.
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202 |
Thanks for responding Andy. It's been a couple of years since I've posted to JPF. I was beginning to wonder if anyone would respond to me at all! I appreciate the feedback.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427 |
Hi Kathy, I am sure your parents will feel very honored to find that you've written a lovely song for them I have written a few poems for my parents and they love it!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202 |
Thanks Dottie, I think they'll like it too. It's so hard to buy a present for someone who has everything. A song is one of the only things I can think of to do for them!
I'm just not sure about the "children" line....It works with the rhythm of the song, but it doesn't feel completely right in the way it's worded.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Seems like yesterday We talked about having children Now they have families of their own Through every season, I still see your beauty Knowing your love means I'll never be alone
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 202 |
Thank you Colin! By you rewriting that line, I was able to see it more clearly. I think this works:
"Seems like yesterday We talked about having a family Now our children have families of their own Through every season, I still see your beauty Knowing your love means I'll never be alone"
It ties it together soooo much better. THANK YOU!
Last edited by Kathy97; 09/20/10 08:08 PM.
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,754
Posts1,161,302
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|