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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 829
Top 500 Poster
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OP
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Hello. Sorry I've been doing so much lately and although I was looking on forums, I wasn't posting for ages !I've recently signed up to 50/90 and I've posted one of my true life stories. I'm very keen to know of your suggestions please. Thank you "Sorry, Little Brother" © 2010 by Nadia Cripps My little brother used to sing He'd sing and sing the whole day long I used to say: "stop your singing" But he wouldn't stop, no, he wouldn't stop. I'd tell my mum that I want him to stop And my mum would say to him: "She doesn't want it, please don't sing now" But he wouldn't stop, no, he wouldn't stop. I would then say to him: "Stop your singing, please stop" And he would say: "oh, you don't like my singing?" "No, I don't" - I would reply "I see", he'd say, "that means I need to sing more I need to practice to make it sound nice" "No", I'd reply, "you've got me wrong, I like your singing" I'd say anything to make him stop, just didn't want him to sing, that's all "Oh, that's good", he'd reply, "That means I sing well, I'll sing more then" Oh, no, not again Please stop this singing, please stop. My little brother, I'm so sorry That I was so mean to you then I thought and thought about it And one day I came to see you and I said: "Sorry, Bob that when we were little I was saying to you That I didn't like your singing That wasn't nice at all" And he replied: "Oh, that's okay, my big sister That's okay Shall I sing to you now?" I'm so glad that little me didn't wake up And I didn't say: "Oh, no, not again" And I didn't say "no, please don't sing, please don't sing" Instead I said: "yes, I'd like that" And he sang to me a beautiful song I've never heard it before "It's my little song I'm singing to my daughter", He added with a smile. It was so nice to hear him singing And now I'm going back home And his song is following me Whenever I go But what do I hear? There is a family walking behind me A little boy started to sing And his big brother is saying: "Please stop this singing now, Please stop" Oh, how I'd like to tell a big boy Please don't say it to your little brother And I feel sorry for a little brother Who has just stopped his singing And I feel sorry for a big brother Who will be sorry when he grows up Let's all sing Singing is nice, singing brings us together Let's all sing and be happy Sing, little brother, sing!
Nadia
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3 |
I think it is an interesting, well written little story. I enjoyed reading it.
I would find someone to draw pictures to it and make it a children's book (with an accompanying song, also!).
Kevin
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 829
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Thank you very much Kevin, so glad you liked it. Your idea is very interesting
Nadia
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222 |
Kevin's suggestion is great. It flows like a short children's story. Not sure how I feel about it as a song for the adult market, but if it was done for children, I think it'd be great.
Kate – "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
I believe it can be a success for both the children's and adult market. There have been several predecessor such as "Doggie in the Window" and "Puff, the Magic Dragon."
Did your brother become a professional singer. Most pros get there by singing a lot as children, I believe. Michael Jackson became a star when he was just ten. There had to have been a lot of singing in that household. Good luck with this one.
Peace, Brian
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 829
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Thank you very much Kitty, I'm so happy you like my little story Thank you very much Brian, my story was written for children and adults in mind. I think it is not uncommon for the children to have arguments when they grow and many of adults have a similar story happened to them. My brother didn't become a professional singer but we both became professional musicians, both are teaching the piano. Thank you so much for your kind wishes. I really appreciate your reply
Nadia
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