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Originally Posted by Colin Ward
I assume you are not really looking for critiques at this point but just in case this is still a work in progress.....

The recording quality is obviously good and I like the melody. I agree with Lynn that the changes from male to female come too quickly. Before you try to pitch it however, I think you should reconsider the lyrics in the first verse. I don't get them at all. Country music is all about in your face lyrics with obvious meanings and conversational language.
Hi Colin! Thanks for your input! I appreciate your POV! I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on V1 and let it go at that. I don't get why you don't get it. That verse can't be any clearer to anyone else that I've asked. Sorry you had a problem with it. I guess that just happens sometimes. smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Dave,

No problem! I just believe in writing honest critiques and saying what I think. Different strokes and all that....


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

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http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


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Originally Posted by Colin Ward
Dave,

No problem! I just believe in writing honest critiques and saying what I think. Different strokes and all that....


Hi Colin! I'm glad you were honest and gave me cause to step back and take another look at the lyric. That can never be a bad thing! Have a good weekend! smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc
This is very catchy and well done. It sticks with me... I enjoy the mix of the female and male singer...it works...you did an excellent job and should be proud!

Kimberly
(if you have time, please check out and comment on my newest song on the forum..Until thanks!) smile


Howdy Kimberly, thanks so much for taking your time to listen and comment. Glad it agreed with you..............Gus


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Very nice job guys!!!

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Originally Posted by Charles Kirkland
Very nice job guys!!!
Thanks Charles! We really appreciate your enthusiasm! Have a great weekend! (love your signature message!) smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Originally Posted by John Finizio
Excellent and full,How did you record this?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=918984



Howdy John, Gus here. We appreciate you stopping over for a listen.
Thanks for giving us your take on it too.....Gus


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Wow! This is a huge winner! Very commercial. I would go and market this song! I hear it on the radio round the world!

Love the bridge and chorus. Very catchy chorus! In my head type of song!

Kudos!!!

Stan

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Originally Posted by Stan Loh
Wow! This is a huge winner! Very commercial. I would go and market this song! I hear it on the radio round the world!

Love the bridge and chorus. Very catchy chorus! In my head type of song!

Kudos!!!

Stan
Hi Stan! Thanks for the great review! I agree about the commercial appeal of the song. We're hoping for the best! smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

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Did anyone else notice the laughter and carrying on of friends in the background? Just wonderin'...:)


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Originally Posted by BIG JIM MERRILEES
It is about time that a GOOD duet came along. I feel that the biz has neglected this format for a long time.
This song has all the hallmarks. It is very catchy and a good ol fashioned singalong. Great production. My only nit is that the arrangement is maybe a tad too conventional and the two voices do not really match each other or the song. IMO it might not sound contemporary (YOUNG) enough for todays audience.
It is a very difficult thing to get two voices to click together and sound convincing.


Howdy Big Jim, Gus here. You giving us your time to listen,
analyze, & give us your take on this is most appreciated. Thanks


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bump


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Originally Posted by the songcabinet
Hey Gus'n Dave,

I really like this.. KILLER! Catchy melody, nice lyrics, perfect choice of singers - what more can a music lover possibly want?

There are concerns about the title hook being strong enough, and the usual contrast between verses & chorus, but I think this is one of the nice examples of a pro demo, that does NOT rely on production for it to be a great song. The demo enhances whats already there.

But we will see, as they say, pitching will tell laugh

Btw, I think Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are looking for duets at the moment for a coming up duet release. You should look around the Curb wink

This is just wonderful - GREAT collab!

Howdy Mags, thanks for all the great input, Dave put in a lot
of work on this, & it came out great. I'm very happy to be part
of it..............Thanks again.............Gus


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Good Evening Dave, & Gus!

What can I say, I'M STILL HOOKED, smile I just love this song. love

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 04/12/10 08:28 AM.
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Originally Posted by Michele Bolton
Hi Dave & Gus

Is this the song I said to you, I can see this as a Duet, confused Wow, you two did it hah, YIPEE, I just love it, and the Duet singing it, is amazing, a perfect mix with their vocals, love Congratulations, it's unique, okay, pretty please can I have this one for my collection. Very Catchy, I had no doubt use could do it. whistle

Thanks for the PM Dave, I would of been disappointed if I didn't get to listen, your so special.

Well everything is very busy for me here, I'm re-recording Stan and my song "I'm Over it/I'm Over you" in about four weeks time, then it will be the first song I will have on the market for sale, Itunes, I will let you all know when that happens.

Also I've got a new job, and I start next week, 5 days a week, so I will be even busier then hah. Everything is going great here, working on a new song, so keep in touch, and I will jump on JPF as much as I can.

Special hugs Dave & Gus, Aussie friend Michele smile

I'm HOOKED! Listened 5 times now! love







Howdy Michele, Gus here. Yep, you nailed it on this one being a
duet, & thanks so much for your glowing reviews = 5 times huh?
Wow, that is a good sign for sure!.......Yak Soon..........Gus


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Good demo, good song.

The lyrics are a little "poetic" for most modern country. "Our place in time unveils your face" and "...feel my soul rise up to these lips..." or "...join forces with a force like you..." "...we journey as one on to Camelot..." do not sound to me like things most country folks would say in conversation.

A quick switch in a duet doesn't bother me, as long as it feels natural, which this does. It's a conversation, just not one most country acts would have.

Having said that, it's a good pop song or a good movie song without any changes...just not, in my opinion, modern country. Good work.




You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash

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-niteshift

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Originally Posted by Calvin
Hi guys !

WOW, country is not my thing either but this sure flows and is crystal clear and what a great bridge !!

GOOD LUCK on some good writing.

Calvin



Howdy Mcfartney, If this caught your ear then we did sumthin'
right. Cool Deal.............Thanks.........Gus


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Originally Posted by Mike Dunbar
Good demo, good song.

The lyrics are a little "poetic" for most modern country. "Our place in time unveils your face" and "...feel my soul rise up to these lips..." or "...join forces with a force like you..." "...we journey as one on to Camelot..." do not sound to me like things most country folks would say in conversation.

A quick switch in a duet doesn't bother me, as long as it feels natural, which this does. It's a conversation, just not one most country acts would have.

Having said that, it's a good pop song or a good movie song without any changes...just not, in my opinion, modern country. Good work.


Hi MIke! Thanks for giving us your take of the song! I disagree about the wording being 'country' or 'conversational' enough though. Today's country audience is not the starched shirt version that somehow gets associated with country music and with country folks in general for that matter. I truly believe it will 'transcend' to fit in with contemporay country if given a chance to do so. Just call us 'trailblazers'! Someone has to go first, has to be bold enough, believe in the music that brings the words alive enough, right? And, if you happen to be in the market for a good bridge...

Speaking for myself, alone and as a songwriter, this is my 'style' of writing both lyrically and musically. It is my trademark, my 'brand specific', my 'voice' so to speak. I am an artist. I dabble in art. We shall see what comes of it. Take care & thanks again now that my bravado diatribe is over leaving me revitalized. There will be a re-mix. Geez, I could have just said, 'you are right, Mike!' wink

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Janice Hopkins
Guys....IMHO...this song is just outstanding. I don't know who wrote that perfect melody, but it stays with you and is so easy to sing along with. That is exactly what you want the listener to do.

The phrasing is done so cleverly to make it so very catchy....great lyrics, great melody...now if you could just get Tim and Faith to listen....or Steel Magnolias...yeah, try them.

You have a hit here...I want it playing on my I-Pod and in my
car....NOW.I wish I would have written it!!

Jan


Howdy Big Sister I never wanted, Little Brother from the West
here. If you think it's good, then we know it's got a decent
chance to impress the right person somewhere....Thanks.....Gus



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Hi Dave

Wow, lots of feedback on this very cool, I didn't read any yet but wanted get a fresh listen first.

First off congrats on doing such good work and getting this done to this level. Some people don't even realize what that involves.
This is a well crafted song and the production is very very good, sounds wonderful. Everyone involved did a great job on this demo it is flushed out very well and the programming & recording works sounds clean, strong & excellent.

It is a total success as for being a "Good" song now as for a "Hit" song? That is always brings in the crazy factors smile In other words we can and do go crazy trying to get that to happen period...

1- While the title and concept has been very very done before you still put a GREAT spin and angle on it. I enjoyed the lyrics especially the chorus:

I looked into your eyes that day (male)
You looked back in a different way
That's when I knew you saw it too (male-female)
More than just friends

The "saw it too" line was perfect, magic:)

LOved the imagery in that bridge also... I wonder if it hits point enough the VERSES. They were good but... Perhaps could be slightly more effective.

2- The duet approach - Love that, and miss that on the radio.

The way this was done, - The singers were both good, I didn't think they matched up well especially at first.
One voice or the other could have been a bit different, I know it's a demo so it is totally cool, but we are always thinking to ourselves what can we do to put it across as best as possible.
Hence continues the craziness. I have songs on hold for YEARS cause I can't find the right vocalist smile

HOWEVER - One approach I think that could have solved that problem is doing what you did in the second verse.

Instead of going back & forth (which is totally Understandable)
Having them go together right off the bat. the second verse sounds better to me than the first. Now it's either because the way it lays out arrangemnet wise (Back & forth) or the contrast of voice not jelling 100%

Not sure! But i would have considered that my first "Feel Snag"

A "feel snag" is something that doesn't sound, jive, gel, quite right. Something that doesn't just go right by you.

I think it's the male voice, on those early lines. Maybe to soft and she is also on the softer side, maybe more contrast would sell the idea better,, but again "demo" let the stars make that happen smile

Melodically and catchy wise it was pretty solid, especially the chorus which is good. Don't know if I would bet on it for a HIT today or right now, Reasons - 1- The subject matter, 2-Duets(while there cool) aren't always the easiest sell these days. 3- Verse lyrics (possibly)

Overall it could be a wonderful album cut, but as a single today?? Not sure. But then again songs hi number ONE that I would have dropped in the middle of writing smile Never mind signed smile

But no matter what the outcome this is great work on a few levels... Cool.

MIke





Thanks!
Peace Mike
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Originally Posted by Mike Caro Substudio
Hi Dave

Wow, lots of feedback on this very cool, I didn't read any yet but wanted get a fresh listen first.

First off congrats on doing such good work and getting this done to this level. Some people don't even realize what that involves.
This is a well crafted song and the production is very very good, sounds wonderful. Everyone involved did a great job on this demo it is flushed out very well and the programming & recording works sounds clean, strong & excellent.

It is a total success as for being a "Good" song now as for a "Hit" song? That is always brings in the crazy factors smile In other words we can and do go crazy trying to get that to happen period...

1- While the title and concept has been very very done before you still put a GREAT spin and angle on it. I enjoyed the lyrics especially the chorus:

I looked into your eyes that day (male)
You looked back in a different way
That's when I knew you saw it too (male-female)
More than just friends

The "saw it too" line was perfect, magic:)

LOved the imagery in that bridge also... I wonder if it hits point enough the VERSES. They were good but... Perhaps could be slightly more effective.

2- The duet approach - Love that, and miss that on the radio.

The way this was done, - The singers were both good, I didn't think they matched up well especially at first.
One voice or the other could have been a bit different, I know it's a demo so it is totally cool, but we are always thinking to ourselves what can we do to put it across as best as possible.
Hence continues the craziness. I have songs on hold for YEARS cause I can't find the right vocalist smile

HOWEVER - One approach I think that could have solved that problem is doing what you did in the second verse.

Instead of going back & forth (which is totally Understandable)
Having them go together right off the bat. the second verse sounds better to me than the first. Now it's either because the way it lays out arrangemnet wise (Back & forth) or the contrast of voice not jelling 100%

Not sure! But i would have considered that my first "Feel Snag"

A "feel snag" is something that doesn't sound, jive, gel, quite right. Something that doesn't just go right by you.

I think it's the male voice, on those early lines. Maybe to soft and she is also on the softer side, maybe more contrast would sell the idea better,, but again "demo" let the stars make that happen smile

Melodically and catchy wise it was pretty solid, especially the chorus which is good. Don't know if I would bet on it for a HIT today or right now, Reasons - 1- The subject matter, 2-Duets(while there cool) aren't always the easiest sell these days. 3- Verse lyrics (possibly)

Overall it could be a wonderful album cut, but as a single today?? Not sure. But then again songs hi number ONE that I would have dropped in the middle of writing smile Never mind signed smile

But no matter what the outcome this is great work on a few levels... Cool.

MIke

Hi Mike! Thanks so much for your detailed input on our song. We appreciate everything you had to say and know full well that what you do have to say is backed by experience and know-how. smile

-Dave


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Hell;o,, Drifter,,:)


Dude I;m amazed..These types Of songs will
''stand the testament Of Time..very classy..
Lisa And Allen have ''Great vocal ranges..
This song reminds me of a song title: Separate Lives~~
it;s a country song,,it says you have no right to ask
me how I Feel;;..[I can't remember the artist]frown


**** DRifter..you have a tight Production
This is the makings of something Beautiful....:)




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Dave

Your welcome! smile

It's all about style,vibe and impact.
Look at that NUMBER ONE COUNTRY HIT - "Need You Now" by Lady A.
Oh yeah not such a used title right? smile

1- The song is 100% pop, does not have any Country lingo.
They do mention alcohol though....

2- The Music is 100% Pop and very 80's light rock pop. It has 80% of the exact chord changes as "eye In The Sky" by Alan Parson Project. and 100% bass,groove and feel of it.

3- There's a slide guitar in it. Wow! no instant Country associated sounds. And even the vocals are so far far far away from "Heather:" sounding (that's our Heather here at JPF"

4- That song is a DUET!

Modern Country HIT songs - It is POP and it is Rock, 90%.
Taylor Swift is pop pop pop.... smile

There's a line in that song we he says I'm drunk and I need you now" smile The lyrics are not strong in that song, anyone half way decent lyrically could have written it...

The music is already a proven hit - "Eye In The Sky"

* The guy and girl sing the hell out of it...

* It's so simple lyrically there is nothing to even think about.
The music feel,hooks and performance & sound is carrying it 100%
It's not a bad song at all, it's just if - "Our Town" by Montgomery Gentry/ J Steele was a #1 COUNTRY Hit then this song should have been some where around #25 - PEAK

* They got away with it some how YOU WON'T smile

*Your lyrics are gonna have to count.. every single word!
Your hooks must never cease even for a second...

Anyhow I like the new lines better, But still....

"Love takes us high"
"To the sky on a roller coaster ride" isn't gonna do the trick.
Only the stars and writers who are already successful and the few new ones who are very very Hooked Up! & lucky can pull that off.

You need "specific" clever & things said in a new way... You can get hokey and corny, that's what Country tunes do... but not too syrupy though like you said smile
I quiver, literally shake, at some of the things they say in these songs... But that's what needs to be done.

Go back to that great chorus - and bounce that first verse off it! I know how hard it is! That's why i don't even do it smile

Big key: - Think about the chorus and think about HOW friends of opposite sex would interact BEFORE the lighting strikes!!

Make the connection, quickly and clearly and effectively!





Thanks!
Peace Mike
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I thought I would take another listen......I am glad that you are maybe coming round to my way of thinking that the singers voices do not really match each other. I think another male singer will be a big improvement.
I am no expert on country music but from what I have heard and what others say I feel that this is more pop than country and I still feel it is a tad too old fashined to make it as a contemporary pop song. I feel you have to decide whether to make it wholly pop or as some would prefer more conversationally country. I think as is the lyrics do not fit either category.
This song has a lot of potential but needs some reworking before I would consider spending more money on pro demoing.
Best of luck.

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Hi Dave and Gus again.

I got the first verse perfectly but then again who am I.

As you have now changed the first verse and are having it redone.. thought that I would give my 2 cents on the new first verse... hope thats ok.

Love takes us high (male-female)
Like that first lift
To the sky on
A roller coaster ride


Mayve IMO

Love takes us high (male-female)
Like being lifted
Towards the sky
A roller coaster ride

For me sharper and more out right... Just felt the 'on' was week and not needed... the song is a roller coaster ride.. great and exciting... KOS

anyway just my opiinon

God Bless Roy


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More Than Just Friends (A Duet)
©2010 David Arthur ASCAP / Steven August Rieck

V1

Our place in time unveils your face (male vocalist)
Feel my soul rise up to these lips for your kiss (female)
My living gravity (male) I'm so drawn to (female)
Join forces with a force like you (male-female)

Ch1

I looked into your eyes that day (male)
You looked back in a different way
That's when I knew you saw it too (male-female)
More than just friends

V2

Moments we share now come in two's (male-female)
I like you I love you what's old is now new
Can this be as good as it seems
Tell me what you see in your dreams

Ch2

I caressed your hand on that day (female)
You squeezed back in a meaningful way
That's when I knew you felt it too (male-female)
More than just friends

Br

We crossed wooden swords as kids (male-female)
No one understood but you did
I'm your Guinevere (female) I'm your Lancelot (male)
Now we journey as one on to Camelot (male-female)

Ch3
I looked into your eyes that day (male -female)
You looked back in a different way
That's when I knew you saw it too
More than just friends


Last edited by Drifter; 04/15/10 12:55 AM.

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Originally Posted by Mike Caro Substudio
Dave

Your welcome! smile

It's all about style,vibe and impact.
Look at that NUMBER ONE COUNTRY HIT - "Need You Now" by Lady A.
Oh yeah not such a used title right? smile

1- The song is 100% pop, does not have any Country lingo.
They do mention alcohol though....

2- The Music is 100% Pop and very 80's light rock pop. It has 80% of the exact chord changes as "eye In The Sky" by Alan Parson Project. and 100% bass,groove and feel of it.

3- There's a slide guitar in it. Wow! no instant Country associated sounds. And even the vocals are so far far far away from "Heather:" sounding (that's our Heather here at JPF"

4- That song is a DUET!

Modern Country HIT songs - It is POP and it is Rock, 90%.
Taylor Swift is pop pop pop.... smile

There's a line in that song we he says I'm drunk and I need you now" smile The lyrics are not strong in that song, anyone half way decent lyrically could have written it...

The music is already a proven hit - "Eye In The Sky"

* The guy and girl sing the hell out of it...

* It's so simple lyrically there is nothing to even think about.
The music feel,hooks and performance & sound is carrying it 100%
It's not a bad song at all, it's just if - "Our Town" by Montgomery Gentry/ J Steele was a #1 COUNTRY Hit then this song should have been some where around #25 - PEAK

* They got away with it some how YOU WON'T smile

*Your lyrics are gonna have to count.. every single word!
Your hooks must never cease even for a second...

Anyhow I like the new lines better, But still....

"Love takes us high"
"To the sky on a roller coaster ride" isn't gonna do the trick.
Only the stars and writers who are already successful and the few new ones who are very very Hooked Up! & lucky can pull that off.

You need "specific" clever & things said in a new way... You can get hokey and corny, that's what Country tunes do... but not too syrupy though like you said smile
I quiver, literally shake, at some of the things they say in these songs... But that's what needs to be done.

Go back to that great chorus - and bounce that first verse off it! I know how hard it is! That's why i don't even do it smile

Big key: - Think about the chorus and think about HOW friends of opposite sex would interact BEFORE the lighting strikes!!

Make the connection, quickly and clearly and effectively!



More good insightful advice! Thanks Mike! Re-did V1 again and posted the revision. It's coming! smile

-Dave


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Hi Dave and Gus...

So this is the final verse1... I would like to place a bet with you lol...


V1

There comes a time there comes a face (male-female)
And the beauty of it all is in the way
You held me up when my heart was in pieces
Now this feeling I have for you only increases

The first line to me is so close to a great line that the great line should be used...

V1

There comes a time there comes a PLACE (male-female)
And the beauty of it all is in the way
You held me up when my heart was in pieces
Now this feeling I have for you only increases

Ok I am probbaly wrong.. but hey you cant blame a guy for trying...

God Bless Roy



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Hi Dave & Gus,

Nice song... catchy melody.
Thoroughly entertaining...

Sterling

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Hi Dave and Gus

Well I did get to listen -- it sounds real good to my none country ears -- good hook and different - I wish you the best on the picthing -- I hope it is a winner for you! Nice job. jm


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Originally Posted by Shirley E Matthews



Hell;o,, Drifter,,:)


Dude I;m amazed..These types Of songs will
''stand the testament Of Time..very classy..
Lisa And Allen have ''Great vocal ranges..
This song reminds me of a song title: Separate Lives~~
it;s a country song,,it says you have no right to ask
me how I Feel;;..[I can't remember the artist]frown


**** DRifter..you have a tight Production
This is the makings of something Beautiful....:)




See you in A FEw;o
Shirl;o
Hi Shirley! Thanks so much for listening to our song and for the kind comments! I think it's a beautiful song too and so today did 130 out of 150 seniors at our local high school. I'd say that's not bad considering where most musical interests lie at that age these days. I'll have to look up 'seperate lives' and give it a listen, sounds like a tune I need to hear. smile

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Drifter
Originally Posted by Mike Caro Substudio
Dave

Your welcome! smile

It's all about style,vibe and impact.
Look at that NUMBER ONE COUNTRY HIT - "Need You Now" by Lady A.
Oh yeah not such a used title right? smile

1- The song is 100% pop, does not have any Country lingo.
They do mention alcohol though....

2- The Music is 100% Pop and very 80's light rock pop. It has 80% of the exact chord changes as "eye In The Sky" by Alan Parson Project. and 100% bass,groove and feel of it.

3- There's a slide guitar in it. Wow! no instant Country associated sounds. And even the vocals are so far far far away from "Heather:" sounding (that's our Heather here at JPF"

4- That song is a DUET!

Modern Country HIT songs - It is POP and it is Rock, 90%.
Taylor Swift is pop pop pop.... smile

There's a line in that song we he says I'm drunk and I need you now" smile The lyrics are not strong in that song, anyone half way decent lyrically could have written it...

The music is already a proven hit - "Eye In The Sky"

* The guy and girl sing the hell out of it...

* It's so simple lyrically there is nothing to even think about.
The music feel,hooks and performance & sound is carrying it 100%
It's not a bad song at all, it's just if - "Our Town" by Montgomery Gentry/ J Steele was a #1 COUNTRY Hit then this song should have been some where around #25 - PEAK

* They got away with it some how YOU WON'T smile

*Your lyrics are gonna have to count.. every single word!
Your hooks must never cease even for a second...

Anyhow I like the new lines better, But still....

"Love takes us high"
"To the sky on a roller coaster ride" isn't gonna do the trick.
Only the stars and writers who are already successful and the few new ones who are very very Hooked Up! & lucky can pull that off.

You need "specific" clever & things said in a new way... You can get hokey and corny, that's what Country tunes do... but not too syrupy though like you said smile
I quiver, literally shake, at some of the things they say in these songs... But that's what needs to be done.

Go back to that great chorus - and bounce that first verse off it! I know how hard it is! That's why i don't even do it smile

Big key: - Think about the chorus and think about HOW friends of opposite sex would interact BEFORE the lighting strikes!!

Make the connection, quickly and clearly and effectively!



More good insightful advice! Thanks Mike! Re-did V1 again and posted the revision. It's coming! smile

-Dave
Today I got 150 seniors at our local high school to listen to the original pro demo and 130 of them said they would buy that song. That's not too bad considering where musical interest lie with kids that age these days. So...I've decided to let the original pro demo stand proud just the way it
was done. smile


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Originally Posted by BIG JIM MERRILEES
I thought I would take another listen......I am glad that you are maybe coming round to my way of thinking that the singers voices do not really match each other. I think another male singer will be a big improvement.
I am no expert on country music but from what I have heard and what others say I feel that this is more pop than country and I still feel it is a tad too old fashined to make it as a contemporary pop song. I feel you have to decide whether to make it wholly pop or as some would prefer more conversationally country. I think as is the lyrics do not fit either category.
This song has a lot of potential but needs some reworking before I would consider spending more money on pro demoing.
Best of luck.
Thanks for your thoughts on the song, Big Jim! After today, I think it's best for me to sit back and let this song happen as is, for better, or for worse. smile

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Roy Cooper
Hi Dave and Gus...

So this is the final verse1... I would like to place a bet with you lol...


V1

There comes a time there comes a face (male-female)
And the beauty of it all is in the way
You held me up when my heart was in pieces
Now this feeling I have for you only increases

The first line to me is so close to a great line that the great line should be used...

V1

There comes a time there comes a PLACE (male-female)
And the beauty of it all is in the way
You held me up when my heart was in pieces
Now this feeling I have for you only increases

Ok I am probbaly wrong.. but hey you cant blame a guy for trying...

God Bless Roy

Hi Roy! God Bless back at you and Helen! As I pointed out in previous posts, today, I got 150 high school students at our local high school to listen to the original pro demo and 130 of them said they would buy that song. I think that's pretty impressive myself so am going to go with the original pro demo and see what transpires.

I see what your saying about using 'place' instead of 'face'. Maybe it would be better to use that word in its own strength. Guess it could go into another song now. Need to do an original for the Lord Roy if you're up to that some time. I promised to do that for our creator. ttyl & thanks for your input! smile

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Sterling W.
Hi Dave & Gus,

Nice song... catchy melody.
Thoroughly entertaining...

Sterling
Thanks Sterling! We appreciate your saying so! smile

-Dave


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I have to say Dave and Gus I am so happy that you are going to stick with the original now...

For me the whole song worked.. Then again I am a listener and like what I like. I did get the song from first hearing it Graviity and all..

And I like both singers and they way ther sing together. I think they suit the song and each other. I would certanly use iether of them for the right song.

It is so easy to get side-tracked and to start doubting something.

Of course their will allways be some who say this and say that but at times you have to follow your gut... With me thats easy (45inch and growing)lol.

I have a few songs that don't follow the rules.. mine and Glynda's last two are 6 minutes long each and have over 96 lines between them... Never going to get radio play, so I'm told.. But... who knows...

At the end of the day you have a great demo which at a later stage can be altered slightly to suit if needs arise.

If it was my Demo I would be happy and move forward with it.

I feel that you two have done your bit...

Sure I will see what I can do on your project for the Lord...

May not be what you expect though (in a good way).

speak later God Bless Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/15/10 04:34 AM.

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Originally Posted by Caroline
Yeah...all those positive things written up there, thats what I think too. Great song, enjoyed it. (and I'm listening again) The vocals sound good together, sometimes they don't quite mesh, but these are a good pairing.




Howdy Caroline, it's Cool that you enjoyed your listen. I think
the demo house got it straight on this one.......Thanks....Gus


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Originally Posted by Roy Cooper
I have to say Dave and Gus I am so happy that you are going to stick with the original now...

For me the whole song worked.. Then again I am a listener and like what I like. I did get the song from first hearing it Graviity and all..

And I like both singers and they way ther sing together. I think they suit the song and each other. I would certanly use iether of them for the right song.

It is so easy to get side-tracked and to start doubting something.

Of course their will allways be some who say this and say that but at times you have to follow your gut... With me thats easy (45inch and growing)lol.

I have a few songs that don't follow the rules.. mine and Glynda's last two are 6 minutes long each and have over 96 lines between them... Never going to get radio play, so I'm told.. But... who knows...

At the end of the day you have a great demo which at a later stage can be altered slightly to suit if needs arise.

If it was my Demo I would be happy and move forward with it.

I feel that you two have done your bit...

Sure I will see what I can do on your project for the Lord...

May not be what you expect though (in a good way).

speak later God Bless Roy
Hi Roy! Thanks so much for your well thought out input and positive comments about our song. Your're right about 'different strokes for different folks' when it comes to songwriting. Lolol on the gut! I hear dat, been working on one myself over this past winter so might have to give Jenny Craig a call soon.

Give me a 'shout' when you're ready to move forward on 'one for the Lord.' I do have an idea for 'one' if you're interested in hearing it. Take care & God Bless Roy & Helen! smile

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Robert Pickens
Drifter...very nice song...enjoyed it....good luck with it....best wishes....Bob


Robert, We Appreciate the listen, & your take on our little tune.
I still say I'm lucky to be involved with it, & it was a great
learning experience for me..........Gus


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smile... i;m so proud of you dude!!..
smile

Take care~~~;o
Shirl;o

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PM me your ideas Dave and I will have a look see...

I too have some ideas so maybe two heads are better than none...

God Bless Roy


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Originally Posted by Shirley E Matthews




smile... i;m so proud of you dude!!..
smile

Take care~~~;o
Shirl;o
Thanks for your support, Shirley! You're a sweetheart! smile

-Dave


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Originally Posted by Roy Cooper
PM me your ideas Dave and I will have a look see...

I too have some ideas so maybe two heads are better than none...

God Bless Roy
Hi Roy! I'll PM you tomorrow after gathering together what I have. I'll gladly take a look at what you have too. Twor heads are better than one but where do we get the second one? lol jk ttyl smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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Originally Posted by Joice Marie
Hi Dave and Gus

Well I did get to listen -- it sounds real good to my none country ears -- good hook and different - I wish you the best on the picthing -- I hope it is a winner for you! Nice job. jm
Hi Joice! Sorry for not replying sooner to your post. Glad you liked the song even though country is not your favorite genre. Sometimes I wish such barriers would disappear so folks could enjoy music for what it is; art.

We're hoping the song is a winner too, just playing the waiting game now. smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

Myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/davidjacksonsongwriter

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Originally Posted by ChadMac
Sounds great, vocals and production both! Nice job!!

Chad




Howdy Chad, Gus here. Thanks for giving this a spin. Glad you
enjoyed it................Yak Soon................Gus


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"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
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Originally Posted by Lynn Orloff
Hey guys,

Love, love, love the bridge, melody, vocals and production. There's a couple areas where some of the lyrics might be strengthened especially in the first verse, BUT you have the melody down and it's catchy and memorable and that's the biggest part!

I also think it might be a plus if you have either the male or female vocal each cover more territory on their own, i.e. male part might do a whole verse w/female doing her own verse coming together for the Chorus' and bridge. In the bridge they could each get two lines and then come together for the Final Chorus. The first verse seemed a bit choppy w/each of them jumping in instead of a flow that most duets have where one singer does one verse and their partner does another verse.

Curious what demo studio you used and how does it work when you have two vocalists, do they charge double for the vocals or charge for one and a half? Excellent vocals and production. Again your melody is very likeable and I wish you both well with this. Great job!

Best,
Lynn smile


Howdy Lynn, Gus here. Thanks for giving us your time to listen
and provide so much input for us to consider.....Thanks Again


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Originally Posted by Colin Ward
I assume you are not really looking for critiques at this point but just in case this is still a work in progress.....

The recording quality is obviously good and I like the melody. I agree with Lynn that the changes from male to female come too quickly. Before you try to pitch it however, I think you should reconsider the lyrics in the first verse. I don't get them at all. Country music is all about in your face lyrics with obvious meanings and conversational language.


Howdy Colin, Gus here. I appreciate your time & input on this
tune. I knew we were stretching the limits with those initial
lines but, a guy has gotta try, ya know.
Hopefully it will reach out to enough folks.
Thanks for your take on this one..........Gus


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
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Kicking this back up for one more go. smile

-Dave


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

Myspace:

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Soundclick:

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