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WHEN'S MOMMY COMING HOME? © 2002 Lyric By Pam & Janice

The first year is the hardest our friends keep telling me
I've lost all track of time since I lost Marie
Wading through a raging storm desperate for the calm
Anchored by a little girl who looks just like her Mom

(Pre-Chorus)
How do I reassure her we will be okay
What do you tell a five year old when you hear her say

(Chorus)
How long will Mommy be in Heaven?
Is it really really far?
Do we have to fly there or can we take our car?
Can I write her a letter or call her on the phone?
Daddy I miss her so much
When's Mommy coming home?

I'm searching for some answers to the questions in her eyes
I need strength and wisdom when she asks me why
On my knees I'm praying for help to ease the hurt
It's too late for a miracle so Lord please bless my words

(Pre-Chorus)
How do I reassure her we will be okay
What do you tell a five year old when you hear her say

(Chorus)
How long will Mommy be in Heaven?
Is it really really far?
Do we have to fly there or can we take our car?
Can I write her a letter or call her on the phone?
Daddy I miss her so much
When's Mommy coming home?

(Bridge)
Then through the pain the words just came
And I knew exactly what to say

(Changed Pre-Chorus)
It'll be a long time before we can go
She'll wait for us in Heaven but I want you to know

(Changed Chorus)
'Til then she'll always love you
From the bottom of her heart
Even though you can't see her she knows right where you are
When you're feeling lonely look for the brightest star
She'll be smiling down on you
'Cause Heaven's not that far

(Tag)
With a tearful smile
She looked up to the stars
Said Mommy I still miss you
But I know right where you are

[This message has been edited by Hurley (edited 05-29-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Hurley (edited 05-29-2002).]

Bravo Ladies!!!!!!
Three cheers for Daddy finding the right words!
You know, song after sad song I can get through without losing the smallest tear. But you found my weakness. Do have a big thing for missing Mommies,(since I had one)
sniff, sniff, really, really good

my only concern (and it probably don't matter) was the rhyme schemes in the original chorus vs the last one. Pretty minor, not so sure it's a problem, just jumped out at me.

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Harriet

Hi Pam and Janice,
I think this is great!!! Beautifully written, kind of sad, and something I hope I never have to experience with my own family. I am going to offer a few suggestions that may or may not improve things, so keep or sweep to your liking. It's just the way it hit me, but you both done real good work here...

(Chorus)
Can I write her a letter or call her on the phone?
Daddy I miss MOMMY
IS SHE EVER coming home?

(Changed Pre-Chorus)
It'll be a long time before we can go
She'll wait for us in Heaven but(DELETE THIS "BUT" OR DELETE "TIL THEN" IN THE FOLLOWING CHORUS) she wants you to know

(Changed Chorus)
Your Mommy always loves you
From the bottom of her heart
Even though you can't see her she knows right where you are
SOMETIMES, YOU MAY FEEL SAD, BUT YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE
She'll be smiling down on you
'Cause Heaven's NOW HER HOME

Harriet,
Aww sorry to make you remember sad things....
Next one will be a super happy song I promise! Glad you like this--we've been doing bits and pieces for weeks now....then kinda just threw it all together so I'm sure the ending can be smoothed out some more. Thanks for the read!
Pam

Pam and Janice...quite a lovely but sad lyric with a beautiful ending. Can't wait to hear it! Thanks for sharing!

Beautiful stuff, Pam and Janice!!! A couple of teeny tiny nits. I found the "Marie" part to be a little distracting, but I'm sure there will be others who loved the personal touch. I like Tim's fix in the chorus. Thoses lines read a little rough to me, and his rewrite smoothed it out very nicely. I just loved "wading through a raging storm desperate for the calm"! That's it. Great job, guys.

Ricki

[This message has been edited by rickigirl (edited 04-11-2002).]

Hi Pam & Janice. This is just great! Nice job with this story. Enjoyed it very much

Take care,
Amelia

This one is very special... very touching and hard for me to comment impartially. I didn't lose my mom at a young age, but my own mother did and I spent a summer going through a grieving period for her and her loss many years later. It's odd, I know, to grieve for someone I never knew and that never physically touched me. But I mourned for the loss of my mother's childhood and because she couldn't experience childhood with a mother like I had.

This is beautiful girls......

Tink

Someone asked me the other day what did one
plus one mean? I said; "One Great lyric!"
Good job! Works all the way through to me.

Good Luck!
Ron

Thanks to all of you for taking a look! And thanks to Pam for inviting me along on this one. I'm sorry I haven't been here much for the past few weeks but I will try to do some catching up tonight!

Harriet I'm so glad you liked this. That chorus should be easy enough to switch around if we need to. Thanks for reading!

Tim those are some really excellent suggestions and I'm sure we are in for some tweaking. Thanks for taking the time!

Sharon it's always good to hear from you! And I too hope we can get some great music for this!

Amelia Rose,
What a pretty name! Welcome to Just us crazy folks
Thanks so much for taking the time out to read our sad one..and comment. Good to have you here.
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

a beautifully written lyric....Pam Bama ...

Think you two....ddid a super job..this read so smoothly....

Nice to see your name...Bama.... (boy sometimes..it is hard...to...spend the time..on here... Life happens.. ....glad you could though...been hopin to see your name on a song soon)

KK

Janice,
Pooey....we all missed you on the board..ya see -so it is great to see ya getting back into the swing of things and I was most honored....hehe that I got to pester you these past few weeks
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

Awwww...you two, this is really a tear jerker for me...and I LOVE it. No nits. Very special song.

Bobbie

Wow guys....very nice! I only found ONE TINY thing:

It'll be a long time before we can go

IT MIGHT be a WHILE before we can go

I'm being to literal but he doesn't really know when they'll see her again. That's it! GREAT GREAT JOB

Pam and Janice
You two did an awesome job in capturing the innocence of a child and the loss of a father and...really a neat lyric. I really like this
Tony

Tink,
Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean..my mom too cept her mother had a bad drinking problem which led to a very early death....course they were very distant because of that for many years before...and to make matters worse...mom's father...left when she was 2 so she really missed out...and very recently I've had to help her through situations that remind her...very sad
Thanks for the read..Cindy
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

Thanks Ron,
You can bring your sweet comments any time!
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

KK,
Thanks you know we always appreciate and welcome your comments....
Pam

Well done ladies

This is a great song :-)

I did like some of the idea's Tim thru in...

Great Job
Lisa

Hello Ladies. Just a quick note to say I too think you've done a great job, good team and great to see you Bam - missed you. Cheers, Judy

Good mornin' Pamabama...

No nits at all, ladies. Very nicely done with a delicate touch, for a touching subject. Fine job.

dawg

Now I'll tell ya , I'm a guy with a heart of stone, Most Of the time, but you two just made it mush. This is just plain beautiful!!!
Great job ladies!!!
Sonny

Very sad. This starts out very well but I do have a problem with the easy answer thing that suddenly brightens up the little girl's life. Snap, and everything's cool.

Consider:
Daddy and the little girl looking at Mommy's picture . Telling her the heaven stuff but then telling her that until that time though it's not the same, Daddy will give her twice as many hugs, listen to her twice as much, etc. one from me and one for mommy too. They can talk to her together in prayer. Then have the little girl tell him she will do the same for him. But let them stay sad and mourn together. That is real.

When I was about 6 or 7, my mom was very ill. She had to stay in her room and we didn't get to see her. There were six of us children. We were sitting in the room asking Dad what was the matter and why couldn't we see Mommy. Dad said she was very sick. I asked hin if she was going to die. He said he didn't know and started to cry. (Dad never cried. Does now though but not then) We started to cry too and I think I hugged him. We all just cried. I can't remember anthing more about that night. Blocked it out. But if someone told me the heaven thing. Well that would have been no help to me at all. Heaven, smeaven, I want my mommy.

Just some thoughts.

JeanB

Don't know where that Bama Lady is so I'll say thanks Bobbie...means alot!
Pam

Very nice job, ladies! Had to wipe away a tear or two before I could comment ... my only nit has already been commented on by Blake about changing the line "It'll be a long time before we can go" to "It may be a while ..." or similar. After reading the other comments, I do like Tim's suggestion for the last 3 lines of the chorus. Overall, I enjoyed!

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Mary Lou

Thanks to all for your wonderful response to this lyric!

Erica thanks for your time. I always respect your input so we will see if anyone else mentions the use of "Marie". You are exactly right that it was for the purpose of making it seem more personal.

Amelia thanks so much for your sweet comment!

Cindy I remember that a story such as this has a personal meaning for you. So like you to suffer "secondhand" along with another! I am honored that you liked this!

Ron you know I always appreciate your time and comments!

Kaley thanks so much for your kind words! Thanks too for missing me! I have missed all of you and I will try to catch up!

Bobbie you know how much we both value your opinion! Thanks for taking a "preview" look as well!

Blake it's always good to see you! You are quite literally right about that line. We were attempting to make it "age appropriate" for a response to one who is very young and innocent. Could be we could make her four years old? Would that help?



[This message has been edited by bama43 (edited 04-12-2002).]

Tony we thank you so much for your kind remarks. You hit on exactly what we were going for here, portraying the innocence of a child. Glad you liked it!

Lisa thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond.

Mornin' Jude!!! It's good to see you too! We thank you for your time and comment. Glad you liked this!

Hi Dawg! Good to see you! PamaBama huh? Has a nice ring for a collaboration! We enjoyed working on this so glad you like it!

Hi Sonny! Well I think turning hearts to mush is just what we were after here! Thanks so much for reading and responding!

Mornin' Jean! Thanks for sharing that personal story with us! You are technically right of course. We were just trying for something you would tell a VERY young child. I had mentioned to Blake that maybe would help if we made her even younger? What do you think?

Very touching story. I can totally see this played out in a video. It is hard sometimes to capture the feeling of loss in such a heart felt way, and I think you two did a great job. I enjoyed this read because of the sensitive approach you took. Bravo

Vince

I think it gets worse as they get younger. The higher logic center in the brains of little children are not yet developed and they can't grasp the abstract. Pointing to the star was good in that heaven is linked to something visual for the child. If this were my child who was missing her Mommie (and if I were Dad ) I would hug her and let her cry and tell her I miss Mommy too. Let's look at her picture and remember her together. And then I would talk about the child's memories and try to simulate some of the things that Mom used to do, like hug her a special way, give her butterfly kisses stuff like that. In this way, the child's feelings are acknowledged and the talking and simulated actions help her recover some of what she lost when Mommy went away.
Eventually, the trips to the picture should get fewer as time progresses. Just telling the child things. That won't help them. Why do we hug our pillow when our significant others are away and pretend it's them? The simulated act is comforting to us. We tell people give so and so a kiss or hug or hello for me. The Dad could do that for the little girl. " I think Mommy wants me to give you a kiss for her. " Stuff like that is helpful. I don't know. You have such a great start on this, a part of me says keep it real and let it help someone out there. Anyway, whether or not you change it , it was just a thought. The song is nice as is.

JeanB

Hurleygirley and Janibama!,

Wow...you two...just...WOW! Very nice and very touching. I like Tim`s little tweaks for smoothing a bit. Beyond that, just get music and tissues...not for me though, of course. Nice to see ya back on a bit there Janice. You and Pammy should be proud of this one! Dano.

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www.angelfire.com/music3/danolyrics

Mary Lou,
We haven't talked about any changes yet....but will keep them all in mind!

Pam


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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

Hey girls,

Well, you obviously don't need any help from me. You've gotten some good suggestions. I think this song is so sweet. It's hard to tackle such a tough subject, but you two did it well.

And Pamabama---Too funny, Dawg!!

Great job ,
Ashleigh

Gosh what a tear-jerker! Nice job Pam & Janice!

-Chuck Crowe

It takes true craft and talent to keep a song like this from becoming overdone and patronizing. You two have done so with this classy piece. The only stumble I had was on the 'Marie' line. I'd do my best to find a less specific way to say to say that...but other than that, this is great! Very solid work. Sentimental and sappy, yes, but sincere.

Corey

Pam, if you wanted or needed to loose "Marie" the word "Honey" would still fit the meter and rhyme. Just a thought. Also is quite the universal word men have for their wives, esp. in talking 'about' them to other people. Might have been a little more syrupy when talking directly to his wife, but Honey is a neutral endearment that shouldn't trip anybody up. My boss used to call me "HUN" all the time...I used to wonder when we'd work such long hours if that wasn't just shortened from "Attila, the Hun"! LOL

Thanks again Mary Lou for reading!

Vince we surely do appreciate your kind words. I actually had that thought too, that this would make a really neat video! Thanks for looking!

Jean thanks for your second look! You are always so thorough and we appreciate you!

Dano it's great to see you! Sure appreciate your kind words! We hope to get some great music so keep those tissues handy! (Not for you though, right?? )

Ashleigh it's wonderful to see you back! Hope all is well with you and that precious baby! Thanks so much for reading and replying! Glad you liked this!



[This message has been edited by bama43 (edited 04-12-2002).]

hey gals! better late than never, I hope. i figgered with 34 replies either something's gone horribly awry or it's a good lyric. and it's a hellavuh lyric, haha. very, very polished and well developed. of course, it's sugary but that's a given. my only 2 problems are these...the ending's too easy. even for Nashville corn...that's kid's gonna bawl. for months. you need to put some distance in the bridge. it wouldn't be hard, i thought of a way just typing this. and your last chorus...try to figger a way to end it with your hook line...you're aiming for country pop. keep your hook, even if you alter the rest a bit. these suggestions are just my take, the song could surely work without them. get a good demo and best of luck with this little gem.

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[This message has been edited by couchgrouch (edited 04-12-2002).]

All Right STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!
I tell you, I just got home lol eating my Big Mac....rented a movie and intend on kicking back....thought Id peek in and see if maybe Tim McGraw emailed me or someone might have sent their interest in doing the music on this one...lol but Gosh I'm dropping it all!!!!----

Couch you live OMG AND YOU EVEN came with suggestions!!! hehe Send me some of what you're taking----
Sorry Rob----just had to say all that---you know isa teasing but it's been quite awhile since you've visited my parts....thank you!I actually had those same thought--like I said way up top somewhere - we had bits and pieces and this story was going in a whole different direction at many times...but youre right and Jean too---it doesn't just get better with one little talk..so Jan & I will talk bout it and see--course we dont want this too long either so maybe we'll come up with a good fix..Nuff said

Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

[This message has been edited by Hurley (edited 04-12-2002).]

fact is, I still think you're Elizabeth Hurley, haha. seriously, this is very good and I was happy to comment. it's very hard for me to find something to say on a lyric. it's either gotta be very good...or very bad. because lyrics...need music. they just do.

choose your musical collab carefully. don't let this'n go to waste.

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Got to,the pre and saw a thought so editing as i go Girls.
Pre-Chorus)
How do I reassure her we're going to be okay
What do you tell a five year old when you hear her say
Note. The going to would i should imagine sing as goin'a. or maybe gunna depending on local.
And that is it. Bar for wondering if it really needs the your in the first line of the changed last chorus.
Go sing girls.
Really lovely.
Graham

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http://artists3.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Uncle Chuck,
I just love to see the guys liking the sentimental ones! Know how crazy you've been this week so thanks for taking the time to read this...Dewa

Corey,

We tried hard, thanks, hmm the Marie line huh---noted. Appreciate your thoughts as always.
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

Hi Pam'n'Jan!

GREAT JOB Here, you Two..(Sorry to be so late to the Party, kept Meaning to Join in...got waylaid, & WOW, it's up to 43 tonight!)

Well, I read all the Comments. Wanta respond to Jean, I've LIVED this Song.
I had a really GOOD Memory back when I was 4...

Still Remember the Last Time I ever saw my Dad alive...the day he drove off in his Jeep for an Elk Hunt...

Next day, I was Playing with a Red-Orange #2 Pencil when my Mom was informed he was no longer alive.

I had a VERY Similar Discussion with my Mom, after she'd recovered enough to Discuss Things with my 2 yr old Brother & Me. My Questions were Quite Similar to the Song's...Her Answers were VERY Similar, tho she (Regrettably) left out the "Star" Part. But I was Quite Convinced Dad was "In Heaven" and "Still Looking Down..& Cared"..even tho he was, of course, pretty Inaccessable, for the Near Future.

This Lyric's Very Believable..because it's already Pretty Much Happened..Once..

No Nits, Gals...tho maybe add "NOW I Know" to that Line, Eh?

"KUDOS" & Big Hugs to Both of Yas!
Stan

Thanks Chuck for taking a look!

Corey we appreciate your time and thoughts. That's two no votes on the use of Marie. Each and every suggestion will be considered on final re-write. Thanks for your kind words!

Sharon bless your heart for taking the time to look twice! We value your thoughts and suggestions!

Couch thanks a million for your kind remarks and suggestions! We want this one to be the very best it can be. All your thoughts have merit and we appreciate them!

Graham & Stan,
Thanks for the ideas...Stan..good catch on that tense thing..sorry to hear this was so personal for you-not something I'd wish on anyone-
Pam

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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

You best add a third anti-Marie vote. Just checkin' in here to see what all the fuss is about. I was gonna reply to this earlier, but thought against it. Basically, this isn't my kind of lyric. Anything with a storyline like this ends up too mawkish for me. Apart from that, though, verse 1 seems like an awkward set-up. The death is introduced subtly, but maybe not subtly enough. And I see couch deigned to reply to this. I agree with his suggestions.

Good luck with this one! I'll need dialysis now, but don't mind me.

Anthony

Couch thanks for the return. Some very valid points. It DOES make a huge difference when we can see how these lyrics from the board work with music!


Graham thanks so much for you time and suggestion. We appreciate your time!

Stan a special thanks to you for sharing that sweet story. Very sad and personal. It sure helped to reinforce our hopes that we had conveyed the thoughts of a child.

Anthony we value your time and opinion as well. I am sure this is not your (and many others) type of lyric and that's as it should be. Would be a very dull board (and even duller world) if we all had the same lyrical/musical taste. So another NO for using the name Marie? Duly noted!
Now don't go running off to dialysis just yet!