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Joined: Apr 2008
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Here's a song I just got done writing it's kind of a story/tribute to my fathers and grandfathers generation. This is stripped with down acoustic bass vocal only. I'm still editing a few lines here and there and after it's done I hope to have a properly recorded version soon BTW this is the fist song I've written after a year of some serious writers block http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2412816Man Out Of Time He don’t believe in anything He hasn’t seen with his own eyes He’s seen so many things That you could only fantasize He likes his meat and potatoes A smoke to wash it down Believes a man should put food on the table Stand up be strong and live proud Chorus:He’s a man out of time Nowhere to go is his only crime Like a fish out of water at the end of the line He’s a man a man out of time He believes in honor He learned in on the battlefield When he was called to arms He won a fight that will never heal But now the world has changed so much Seems nobody means what they say Sometimes he thinks of Margaret touch tonight he’ll dream about her again Chorus: He’s a man out of time Nowhere to go is his only crime Like a fish out of water at the end of the line He’s a man a man out of time Bridge Tomorrow he will wake up And thank god for one more day And like he’s done almost every day of his life he’ll pray
Dave Dalton MusicWhat time is it said the judge to Joey when they met Joey says 5 to 10 the judge said that's exactly what you get Bob Dylan
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Joined: Jul 2005
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Hi Dave: Very nice song - your vocal is really suited to it. Some great lines in there - lyric is nicely written. Only line that gave me pause was "fight that will never heal". I know what it means but it took me out of it for a second. Not sure anyone but a writer would be bothered by it. And maybe even most writers wouldn't be.  Is there going to be a bridge lyric? Looking forward to hearing this when you get it "done up". Scott
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Hi Dave: Very nice song - your vocal is really suited to it. Some great lines in there - lyric is nicely written. Only line that gave me pause was "fight that will never heal". I know what it means but it took me out of it for a second. Not sure anyone but a writer would be bothered by it. And maybe even most writers wouldn't be. Is there going to be a bridge lyric? Looking forward to hearing this when you get it "done up". Scott You nailed that, that's the line I'm still wrestling with. The bridge does have lyrics but I omitted it for this acoustic version, I'm doing it with my band but it doesn't have the same effect doing the bridge acoustically. Thanks
Last edited by The dman; 02/28/10 02:48 AM.
Dave Dalton MusicWhat time is it said the judge to Joey when they met Joey says 5 to 10 the judge said that's exactly what you get Bob Dylan
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Dave....very nice....really good vocal....good lyric....enjoyed the listen.....I think this will end up very good, once you complete it.....look forward to hearing the new version....Bob
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Here's a song I just got done writing it's kind of a story/tribute to my fathers and grandfathers generation. This is stripped with down acoustic bass vocal only. I'm still editing a few lines here and there and after it's done I hope to have a properly recorded version soon BTW this is the fist song I've written after a year of some serious writers block http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2412816Man Out Of Time He don’t believe in anything He hasn’t seen with his own eyes He’s seen so many things That you could only fantasize He likes his meat and potatoes A smoke to wash it down Believes a man should put food on the table Stand up be strong and live proud Chorus:He’s a man out of time Nowhere to go is his only crime Like a fish out of water at the end of the line He’s a man a man out of time He believes in honor He learned in on the battlefield When he was called to arms He won a fight that will never heal-- reliving a fight that never heals?? just a suggestion:)But now the world has changed so much Seems nobody means what they say Sometimes he thinks of Margaret touch tonight he’ll dream about her again Chorus: He’s a man out of time Nowhere to go is his only crime Like a fish out of water at the end of the line He’s a man a man out of time Bridge Tomorrow he will wake up And thank god for one more day And like he’s done almost every day of his life he’ll pray
but this is very nice indeed!!! You are over that writers block for sure:)
Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Thanks for the replies guys
My wife said the same thing about the "heals" line so I'll work on that. I'm thinking something about scars and heal
Does it bother anybody that the opening line is "He don't believe in anything he hasn't seen with his own eyes" yet he does because he has faith in God? Or am I nit picking too much?
I could say "He don't believe in many things he hasn't seen with his own eyes" but then I'd have to change the "He's seem so many things" line
Dave Dalton MusicWhat time is it said the judge to Joey when they met Joey says 5 to 10 the judge said that's exactly what you get Bob Dylan
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Hi Dave, well I like this and I like you singing...but I only have dial up and had to wait like 20 minutes then only got to hear it in bits and pieces, but I do like it and it was worth the wait....thanks glyn
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,943 Likes: 3
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Nice tune, good singing. Hopefully this will unleash the flood of songs that have been backed up for a year! Welcome to the JPF, if I haven't already said hello.
Kevin
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Joined: May 2008
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I have no problem with the seeing is believing issue since your Man has seen many things I can only fantasize about - God could easily be one of 'em.
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Thanks for the replies, it all helps
Glynda good to hear from you and I hope all is well. Dial up huh? ouch
Dave Dalton MusicWhat time is it said the judge to Joey when they met Joey says 5 to 10 the judge said that's exactly what you get Bob Dylan
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Joined: May 2008
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Nicely done. The upfront sound of the guitar and vocals is well recorded. Nice vocal tone but your don't hit the high notes.
Tom
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Nicely done. The upfront sound of the guitar and vocals is well recorded. Nice vocal tone but your don't hit the high notes.
Tom Thanks yea I was part sick when I sang this but it's a just my writing version so I'm not sweating it.
Last edited by The dman; 03/04/10 01:38 PM.
Dave Dalton MusicWhat time is it said the judge to Joey when they met Joey says 5 to 10 the judge said that's exactly what you get Bob Dylan
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hi Dave, Nice to meet you & welcome to JPF. You've got a nice song here & you performed it nicely, I enjoy what you're doing. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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