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NONE
by JAPOV - 11/29/24 12:16 PM
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Ember
by Bill Draper - 11/27/24 05:23 PM
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Another Lonely Valentine / Written By Andrew Shields
It’s Just A Lonely Valentine
Another Lonely Valentine
Wishing That You Were Still Mine
Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
Well I Gave You My Heart
And You Tore It In Two
Sure , It Still Hurts And I Still Feel The Same
Seems My Heart’s Driving Me Insane
It’s Just A Lonely Valentine
Another Lonely Valentine
Wishing That You Were Still Mine
It’s Another Lonely Valentine … For Me
So Sugar Is Sweet
And So Are You
But When You Broke My Heart
What’d You Expect Me To Do
Survive Though The Pain And Forget The Suffering
Hell , Because Of You I’m Still Recovering
It’s Just A Lonely Valentine
A F***d Up Lonely Valentine
Wishing That You Were Never Mine
Another Lonely Valentine … For Me
For All I Know Your Love Was Lies
So Now I Start To Realise
I’m A Sucker For Guilt
And I Can’t Deal With Pain
So I’m Done With This S**t
I’m Done Playing This Love Game
It’s Just A Lonely Valentine
Another Lonely Valentine
Wishing You Were Never Mine
It’s Another Lonely Valentine … For Me
It’s Just A Lonely Valentine
Another Lonely Valentine
A Lonely … F***ed Up … Messed Up
Stupid Valentine … I’m Over You
Last edited by Andy-S-1407; 02/15/10 11:41 AM.
......Andy S =) .x
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Hey Andy, How goes you. Like this one, especially the second verse (maybe the first so could be removed and have What ya expect ....etc gets the 'do' out of the way. Sound defiant and sarcastic in the verses to me, but you do have a good turn of phrase. Maybe the over all comment would be to tighten things up with the words, take out what is not necessary, or something.....  Cheers Alan
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Andy, my dear,
You are sooo young to have these heart broken feelings, but man, can you write a song...so good to see you on here and sharing your songs with us...I feel blessed having you here and I love reading all your songs....glyn
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thanks alan , believe it or not i wrote that when i woke up in the midle of the night and was bored , its a first draft
so im defo gonna tighten the lyrics up
......Andy S =) .x
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OMG thanks alot glyn thats actually so nice of you to say something like that xD 
......Andy S =) .x
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[quote=Andy-S-1407]Another Lonely Valentine / Written By Andrew Shields Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Gave You My Heart You Ripped It In Two And [naughty word removed] , It Still Hurts , But I Still Feel The Same Even Though I Think It’s Pretty Much Insane It's Just A Lonely Valentine Another Lonely Valentine Wishing You Were Still Mine I'll think up a Lonely Valentine For Me Sugar Is Sweet And So Are You When You Break A Heart It's just can't be you Ill Survive The Pain And Suffering But Because Of You I’m Still Recovering It's Just A Lonely Valentine Another Lonely Valentine Wishing You Were Still Mine I'll think up a Lonely Valentine For Me For All I Know Your Love Was Lies So Now I Start To Realise I’m filled with Guilt Can’t Deal With Pain I’m Done With This [naughty word removed] Done Playing your Game It's Just A Lonely Valentine Another Lonely Valentine Wishing You Were Still Mine I'll think up a Lonely Valentine For Me ---Just a few guick suggs, KOS. Follow your logic through the song. Never take your eyes off of what you are trying to get across to others who have not gone through your experience -- YET. Make 'em live it too.  -Dave
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......Andy S =) .x
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This one reminds me very much of the interviews I saw on TV with Jenny Sanford, the betrayed wife of South Carolina's governor, who now has put out a book. I bet this is what she's felling this season. Structure seems very good. I don't really have a Valentines date this year, but I'm not complaining. As I have been out of work for most of the time since late last March, I guess I have to think about the money I'm saving. But will make up for it a week from tomorrow.
Peace,
Brian
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......Andy S =) .x
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Like that much better, Andy! Rock on! -Dave
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......Andy S =) .x
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Great still some meter and rhyme but you can tightin' up this one but you spell alot better than I do.
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honestly what the heck does meter mean ? , rhythem , well that depends on the music , which , is pretty much sorted , and usually the "tightening" up of songs (streamlining) is taking out words , that usually leaves somethings senseless or pointless , so yeh ive done all of that , ill accept suggestions and stuff but ive already done that its pointless to do it again
......Andy S =) .x
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Helping Hand
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Howdy Andy, This is not nearly as good as "Scream", too many
overused cliches. the phrasing, content, etc fall short of your abilities, & the meter is not good........Gus
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gus i suppose your right about the falling short of my abbilities
but this is a first draft in all honesty
i know ill improve on this , im plan on leaving it aside for a bit then coming back with a fresh veiw on it , im confused with the over used clighes thing tho
......Andy S =) .x
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Howdy Andy, This is not nearly as good as "Scream", too many
overused cliches. the phrasing, content, etc fall short of your abilities, & the meter is not good........Gus Over used cliches? I don't get it... i'd say the song is perfect as it is tbh :O But then again i'm no expert
M-M-M-MONSTER
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......Andy S =) .x
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......Andy S =) .x
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Helping Hand
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I mean the Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Little brother.
there must be a better way to get to there, Huh?
the 2nd draft is better in some ways, but still weak on meter,
which I can't explain without showing you.......Gus
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dude , to save me taking a mental breakdown and flipping , just explain what the hell meter is , its begining to annoy me , i need to understand something if im gonna fix it , you get me?
......Andy S =) .x
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I don't critic much any more because I suck at it but so you don't flip out here is the best example I can give you of METER
Good luck with the rewrite on this one.
Cliches
Commonly used phrases that have been used to death in previous songs. Creative writers try to avoid them and find a new and different way to say the same thing. However it is sometimes good to apply a cliche with a twist on its meaning.
Meter. Depending on Genre of course.
Some like to count syllables but that really isn't it.
Look at the structure of the song. Separate the verses out. Now say each line of the first verse and tap your foot on the syllables that are accented and flow with the tapping.
Now see if you get the same "meter" in the next verse. If you don't your meter is off and it will be difficult to sing.
That's the best I can explain it.
Then do the same with the chorus
Here is an example of METER in Mary had a little lamb. just the first line of each verse is shown.
V1
Tap---Tap---tap-----tap
Mar-y Had A Lit-tle lamb.
V2
----tap--------tap----tap---------tap
He foll-owed her to school one day
V3
-----tap----Tap------tap----------tap
And so the tea-cher turned him out
V4
-------tap--------tap--------tap---tap
What makes the lamb love Mar-y so
Last edited by Bill Robinson; 02/14/10 08:17 PM.
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thanks alot bill , you have no idea how much that helps
......Andy S =) .x
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You are welcome andy
The taps didn't line up very well on the post, lol
I tried to fix it don't know if it did or not but I think you get the idea.
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......Andy S =) .x
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Helping Hand
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howdy andy, Bill did something I couldn't, explain meter. Thanks for the Helping Hand, Bill........Gus
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A slightly more revised version , ill re-write it again later tonight , but fornow im away with my mates to write some guitar
......Andy S =) .x
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......Andy S =) .x
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Helping Hand
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Howdy Andy, Here is a little something to give you some Ideas
on how to eliminate, those terrible cliche's at the beginning.
Hope this helps...............KOS
BOTH EYES ARE RED
CUZ YOUR LOVE AIN'T TRUE
GAVE YOU MY HEART
YOU RIPPED IT IN TWO
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dude , the cliches are staying , sorry , i know you've said they've been done way to many times , i agree , but this is something i wanna do , theres always gonna be an idea , and theres always gonna be people to do it differently , tahts what i intend to do , i hope i can make those lines work , if i cant then i owe you an appology and you can tell me "i told you so" , but thanks alot anyway man i really appreciate it
......Andy S =) .x
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MORE POWER TO YOU, BRUDDA, ROLL ON...........Gus
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Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
Sugar is sweet
So are you
Often a twist on a cliche can work wonders in a song. It brings the familiarity of the cliche but gives it a fresh look
The Roses were red
The Violets were blue
'Til I gave you my heart
and you tore in in two
Sugar's not Sweet
now I don't have you
you turned my heart bitter
What’d You Expect Me To Do
Just a thought.
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......Andy S =) .x
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"Parents are notorious for telling you not to do something, but not telling you WHAT to do instead. So here are my thoughts. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, give it a manicure. Don't burn your bridges, go out and build more! And of course, Don't run with Scissors, use them to cut out your press clippings!" -Brian Austin Whitney
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