JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum RISE ( the new version)

well I hope this works,
I can play it on my website.

here are the revised lyrics as well.
(the first collaboration of Redwing and sharla)

http://www.sharlashore.com/music.html

RISE

(1ST)
SHE GETS READY FOR SCHOOL IN CLOTHES SOMEBODY GAVE HER.
BUS PULLS UP IN FRONT OF HER RUN DOWN HOUSE TRAILER.
SHE'S GREETED BY LAUGHTER WHEN SHE TAKES HER SEAT,
BUT SHE'S BECOME AN EXPERT AT TURNIN THE OTHER CHEEK.
(chorus)

CAUSE SHE'S GONNA RISE, RISE ABOVE HER SITUATION
SHE'S GONNA RISE UP ON SELF-DETERMINATION
SHE'S GONNA RISE, RISE, RISE THE GIRLS GONNA RISE

(2nd verse)

FROM THE FIRST GRADE OF SCHOOL SHE WAS LABLED A FAILURE,
CAUSE HER DADDY'S SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THE COUNTY JAILER.
AND HER MOTHER WALKS THE STREET FOR, THE DRUG MONEY SHE NEEDS
HER INNOCENCE HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, BY HER PARENTS GREED

(chorus)
BUT SHE'S GONNA RISE, RISE ABOVE HER SITUATION
SHE'S GONNA RISE, RISE ABOVE THE DEGREDATION.
SHE'S GONNA RISE, RISE, RISE THE GIRLS GONNA RISE

(Bridge)

THE ONLY HOPE SHE'S HAD, CAME FROM A WORN OUT SOCIAL WORKER,
BEEN THERE FROM THE START, MADE SURE NOBODY HURT HER.
GAVE HER FOOD WHEN THE HUNGER TURNED INTO PAIN,
HELPED HER TO REALIZE SHE WAS MORE THAN JUST A NAME.

(BREAK)

(3rd verse)

NOW TWENTY YEARS LATER OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTY COURTROOM,
THE GIRL, NOW A WOMAN, WAITS FOR THE TRIAL TO RESUME.
SHE LOOKS FINE IN HER BLACK ROBE, WITH A GAVEL IN HER HAND,
THIS TIME WHEN THEY CALL HER NAME THE PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO STAND,


THEY'RE GONNA RISE, CAUSE SHE'S REACHED HER DESTINATION
THEY'RE GONNA RISE, CAUSE SHE'S EARNED APRRECIATION,

NOW SHE'S GONNA BE ANOTHER GIRLS INSPIRATION......(
BREAK)TO RISE, TO RISE..... TO RISE........../

Sharla,
that works even gooder.

well done have fun,
John

What a great song Sharla.

Love it! Glad you thought it worthy to have a full demo done. I think it was well worth it. Very very good. I got goose bumps. Thanks for sharing the 2nd version. Pitch away!

Best,
Lynn

Great production and oh what a voice! Well thought out lyric with a nice twist on the ending.

there is a inspirational story behind the production of how this demo was made.
this song seems to inspire people to do great things
to benefit the song.
the craziest events are unfolding. It's almost like this song has a spirit and it is influencing people who hear it.

Good Luck!

Well, I just had another cryfest hearing it...the outstanding lyric by Redwing (Janet), the outstanding performance by Sharla...the whole story. The emotional forecast for Polly...showers, heavy at times...:D

This is so much more than just a hit...this is an inspiration and a true work of love and beauty.

Sharla......great voice and great music.....I had one thought that may sound crazy....I would reverse the lines in the chorus....making the last line first and the first line last....you can s-can that thought, with no problem on my part, just a thought.....lol.....it really does sound great....nice work...Bob

Sharla
you are the real deal my friend, you should be on TV and a major contract ... you got the whole package including the song writing my friend ... pro from start to finish ... you gave me chills with this song and pretty much everything I have heard from you ...

You got the goods ... the REAL DEAL
God Bless
Dan

Sharla,

Very well done! Great write! Great presentation! It amazes me the amount of talent on this site! If Martina could hear this song,...she'd probably cut it!?! Awesome song!

Droptine

amazing finsihed song. what can I say that hasnt been said already... Great WOW, thanks for leting us hear it

God Bless Roy and Helen

Thank Y'all for listening, again.





redwing

Sharla...

Your voice lends itself well to this nicely crafted lyric.
Great production on the demo.

Kudos to all.

Larry

People, please remember that REDWING wrote the song, she's every bit as much a credit as Sharla. If it wasn't for Redwing's idea, the song would not exist! Not trying to take away from Sharla, she is AMAZING, but Janet wrote this from her heart about a real experience, a true story, and gave Sharla the idea for the melody, etc. Sharla enhanced it beautifully! They are a team!

My deepest apologies to redwing for not mentioning because I meant to for sure... You wrote one heck of a song my friend ... absolutely beautiful

DAn

YES, Janets wonderful words inspired me to create the melody and put my heart into this song, and this is OUR song. Till death do us part...LOL
Thank you Polly for mentioning that! :o)

And Sharla, I hope you don't think in any way I was trying to take away from you...you have just LIFTED this song to where it needed to be, I just got perturbed when people didn't recognize Janet as the lyricist. I feel like she was getting cheated out of her credit, and this song is so near and dear to her heart. To ALL of our hearts, and you were a big part of that, Sharla! I just love Janet like a sister and I guess I felt a lil' protective! LOL

Janet...

My sincere apologies for not recognizing your fine work on this collab...I simply looked at the post and only saw Sharla's name.

You guys surely make a great team.

Larry

as you should, keep protecting her!! she is very worthy!! I love how she writes and am excited to get some of the other songs we've been working on recorded and out here.
Thank you Polly!

Hi Janet and Sharla:

Wow - what a production! Love the piano and strings - and the backing vox. And the MAIN vocal. Yes, it raises goosebumps!

Great work!

Scott

P.S. So tell us the story behind the production that you hinted at.

What a great song! I love the story, the tune and the lyrics. Even the bridge sounds good!

Kudos to you!

Love your voice too!

Stan

Hi Janet/Sharla

This is a good song and the new version is even better. I still feel the bridge could have been more adventurous particularly with the rhyme scheme (as per my PM’d crit to Janet) by making it different from the AABB of the verses. It would just give it that little extra to prick up the listener’s ears before the final verse.

Lovely sentiment, good performance and I wish you every success.

Nige

WHOA.....Hillbetty LOL. Polly although I really appriciate your
comment (concerning what you think is a lack of credit given to me as a co-writer) I don't feel neglected. It's great to have such a wonderful friend as you, but the great thing about Sharla
is that she didn't try to change the lyric and she understood how important it was to sing this song with emotion. As you know I looked a very long time for the type of voice that I needed for this song. I found Sharla, and we have worked really well together. Her music fits, her voice is powerful, and she listens.

Thank You for your concern and your friendship, I'm fortunate to have a friend such as you.

Anyone interested, I'm going to write what happened to me and RISE in Nashville in the Creative Writers' Forum.



redwing

This sounds even better. You ladies should both be really proud of this. Keep on keepin' on!

Wonderful song! Excellent musical and vocal performance.
Congratulations on this fine collaboration, ladies.

Donna

Hey gals, this sounds great.

One minor thing that I noticed - "degragation" should be "degradation" both in the lyric and on the demo.

Also, not sure there's a signature lick here, and it doesn't need one - but after the first chorus the turnaround should be shorter or there should be a signature lick there. It's just dead space in the song right now. I noticed, however, that this is not an issue anywhere else in the song!

Sounds and sings beautiful!

-Ethan

Ethan beat me to it! I was listening and that word hit me too. Had to look up "degregation" just to confirm that it's not a word.
Story-wise, this is wonderful. It has a positive resolve at the end. Very uplifting. The vocal is also well done, and performed quite well. Very good diction.

Damn Sharla....Spell check will you LOL? I wanted to do one or two things different with the music, but those guys did a good job with the time they had. What I hope is to find a producer that can work with us in a studio to take this song to its max.
But thanks again Ethan for your honesty.


Donna....thank you for your time and kind words. It means a lot.

Tom....Thanks for the comment and we will get it perfect, spelling and all.


redwing

redwing

Very nice story and well produced. Message songs still work. I might want to add to the bridge that she made it through school and college. Maybe the jump from kid to judge is too big of a leap?

It's is a minor point -- just something to think about if you decide to re-write anything.

I enjoyed it, uplifting songs are still cool in my book.

Kevin

A beautiful cheer-up song, and well produced. Great voice. I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.

Bernd

Nice voice and melody and all that... I always seem to come across as negative on these boards, but I'm not doing that deliberately, I swear. So feel free to ignore this.

I understand that you're going for the turn of phrase from she's gonna rise to all rise in the courtroom when the judge comes in. And judges are certainly considered successful.

But to me, the point in the story where there's real potential for inspiration and emotion is tossed off in one line in the bridge -- "HELPED HER TO REALIZE SHE WAS MORE THAN JUST A NAME."

Honestly, that's the story I want to hear. Who is this anonymous worn out social who fed her and built her up? What's the story of their relationship?
The rest of the song seems to be written as though it's strictly the girl's "self determination." There's a sort of an in-your-face revengish quality to the fact she's a judge.
The kids laughed when I sat down on the bus, but now everyone has to stand up an wait for me to sit down. Guess I showed them!

And one more thing, then I'll shut up. I guess a judge could be an inspiration to other girls by the nature of her position. But I don't see her doing anything else to inspire them.

It seems like judges probably had a lot of dealings with her parents without inspiring her.

I guess after all that babble, I'd suggest somehow having a judge take her under her wing in the bridge. It would lead better to the last verse and codas.

Joyboy.......I don't mind being critiqued even if it's something
that is negative. I think your comments are honest and is meant
to be helpful. With that said, I'll try and explain why the song is the way it is.
The song is about her, not the social worker or not about the judge. She is the only real hero in this song. The few people
who helped her were awed (and still are) by the determination of this girl. I guess to understand, you would have to know her.

As for the last verse, this is what I want for her. She has seen her share of Judges who could care less about her, so she was the one who spoke of being a judge, someday.

Maybe the blanks will be filled in by a video, someday. Anyway thanks for commenting, I appriciate your time.


redwing

I'm glad you took this in the spirit it was intended. This song has an awful lot of potential, I think, both emotionally and commercially. I'm rooting both for the girl and for the song.
Honestly, though, I think my problem is summed up in what you said: "I guess to understand, you would have to know her."

Not very many people are going to know what really happened, let alone the girl or if even if she's real. A fiction teacher I once had said that just because something really happened doesn't mean it's a story.

Anyway, maybe a verse could include something about an uncaring judge who sent her off to a bad foster home or back with her parents. That also would set up the last verse.

Good luck with it in any case.
Rich

I wish this girl (and hundreds like her) were not real. It is a story, my friend, when one girl beats the odds by not accepting
her lot in life.

The song is what it is. A simple tribute to a fisty girl who
realized that she was not just a SSI check to her parents; nor
just another child providing the school system with funding because she had one of the popular learning disabilities. PM
me if you want more information on the life of a "state raised child."

Thank you for your comments and interest.


redwing

This would be a great setup, agree!

Hi Janet and Sharla,


This is a great song...with such a powerful message.

Janet, the lyric is so well written...and Sharla, your vocal delivery on this is FABULOUS! You have such a wonderful, rich voice. It is just perfect for this song.

You know, listening to this....I was somehow reminded of Mary Chapin Carpenter. It sounds like something she would do.

Great job on this one! I wish you both lots of luck with it.


Kind wishes,
Gail

I must agree.. i am with everyone here who believes this song has a lot of potential ..
But I am with joyboy & ethan .. take your time, don't miss an opportunity to make a really good song a GREAT song with the extra details and fine crafting of the lyric.
You are selling yourself short to say, "the story is what it is" .. or " the video will fill in the blanks" .. the extra details will help us understand without knowing her.
Even though this is a wonderful tribute to a real person, it is also a song, a story .. I remember Harriot Schock commenting how sometimes we compromise our lyric because we get stuck on a specific detail to the "real" story .. So what if her eyes are really green if green doesn't rhyme with TRUE, she can have BLUE eyes .. if it makes a stronger story.
silly example, but you know what i mean ..

Wish you lots of luck.. be watching for the movie
All the best
Joanne

all I can say while my mouth is still wide open and hanging on the ground is WOW!!!!!!! glyn

Thanks.....Joanne for your crits.


Glyn......thanks for giving it a listen!

Thanks.....Joanne for your crits.


Glyn......thanks for giving it a listen!


redwing

Sharla, nice vocals I like your voice and very good writing Janet...:) I enjoyed it!!

Kim

Thanks Kim....I appriciate and respect your opinion.




Janet

This is when this page should have an icon with many thumbs up.

You grabbed me right from the opening line and I was not dissapointed anywhere throughout.

Excellant straight across the board.

Thank you for sharing and good luck with your musical career.

Doug

THANK YOU! ( I personally agree with you! but may make a few more changes that will really put it over the top!! God I am having so much fun with this song!!!)

Doug..........thank you for your vote of confidence! I don't think Sharla or myself is satisfied with the production of this demo. I have thought from the start that the music should be as powerful as Sharla. I guess we will know it when we hear it.




redwing

Howdy Redwing & Sharla, Gus here. This is very good, but I agree
that taking the time to extract the full potential, is worth it on
this tune, where it probably isn't on most others I hear.
You are not at full potential yet..........Gus

Hey Gus,
we are extracting, should have a new revised version. very soon.
thanks for the support!