Pam and Janet used to cry and clutch their old ragdolls When their daddy started yellin’ in a haze of alcohol If they heard their mama weepin’ and the whiskey bottles break They’d sneak out a window and unlatch the rusty backyard gate Then run through the fir trees in their PJs fast as they could go Come out by the creek bed…then hold hands and hide below
Broken Arrow Bridge Angels watchin’ from the ridge Mallards swimmin’ in the creek Teardrops rollin’ down their cheeks Some things heal themselves with time Others need God’s will to shine Somehow He knew which was which Under Broken Arrow Bridge
Then one New Year’s Eve their daddy passed the point of no return Making sure they stayed together wasn’t Child Welfare’s concern Cos their mama went to heaven and their daddy went to jail And without each other both their foster homes were hell Little Janet held her teddy bear and fought back tears of grief She’d hide ‘neath her blanket ev’ry night like her and Pam beneath
Broken Arrow Bridge Angels watchin’ from the ridge Mallards swimmin’ in the creek Teardrops runnin’ down their cheeks Some things heal themselves with time Others need God’s will to shine Somehow He knew which was which Under Broken Arrow Bridge
Janet came of age and tried to find her sister once again She was sure that Pam’d never seen their daddy in the pen Sent alotta letters…made some calls and then one New Year’s Eve Walked out through a graveyard past the leanin’ stones and dead, grey leaves Then she laid a rose where someone had already laid a wreath Fell to her knees and wept when she saw Pam waiting there beneath
Broken Arrow Bridge Angel watchin’ from the ridge Starlight swimmin’ in the creek Teardrops rollin’ down their cheeks Some things heal themselves with time Others need God’s will to shine Somehow He knew which was which Under Broken Arrow Bridge
Very visual and beautiful, Robert, but as usual, I am a little confused! Mostly by the term "beneath" in referring to Pam. I'm thinking it's Pam who has put the wreath there, on the mother's grave, but the "beneath" makes me think she's in the ground herself, but don't think Janet could "see" her. Janet could be crying tears of joy or sorrow. Which is it? If Pam is waiting there, maybe it would work to say she saw her waiting near the street.
I know people will get it, sir. My point was that it was written unnecessarily ambiguously. If we can't help each other find weaknesses in our writing, what good is coming to this community to show a lyric? I like your writing better than you might think. I'm not here to bash you; we've had our moment. I sincerely only pointed it out so you'd look at it and aknowledge--"Hmmm! Guess that COULD be taken in two ways," not that anyone would...but if we see a flaw, should we just assume no one else will find it? I found it. There were other flaws as well, but all flaws in this write are minor, and would fall under the "polish" category. Generally the only real weakness in your writing is wasted realestate; sometimes you could--and should tighten your lines up by getting rid of superfluous words.
Don't often wander into the lyric only section...This write really caught my eye and imagination..excellent theme and story..and written very metre-friendly...only one tiny tiny nit couch..hearing the music in my head.. "beneath broken arrow bridge"would propably need to be the title..unless there was break between the word beneath..and broken arrow bridge...which would be debatable,for the flow of the melody...and settle the little ambiguity previously mentioned by another post...but hey that is minescule...on my rare ventures into the lyric section,this is probably the best write i have came across in a long while...very well done and good luck with it...
Yes of course,it all depends on the melody given to the lyric..could quite easily dovetail in...its all just personal opinions on reading the lyric...with the right arrangement,this could probably knock in a few doors for ya!...Good Luck..Terry.