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#790619 - 01/25/10 09:45 PM Broken Arrow Bridge  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,063
couchgrouch Offline
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couchgrouch  Offline
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country...

Broken Arrow Bridge

Pam and Janet used to cry and clutch their old ragdolls
When their daddy started yellin’ in a haze of alcohol
If they heard their mama weepin’ and the whiskey bottles break
They’d sneak out a window and unlatch the rusty backyard gate
Then run through the fir trees in their PJs fast as they could go
Come out by the creek bed…then hold hands and hide below

Broken Arrow Bridge
Angels watchin’ from the ridge
Mallards swimmin’ in the creek
Teardrops rollin’ down their cheeks
Some things heal themselves with time
Others need God’s will to shine
Somehow He knew which was which
Under Broken Arrow Bridge

Then one New Year’s Eve their daddy passed the point of no return
Making sure they stayed together wasn’t Child Welfare’s concern
Cos their mama went to heaven and their daddy went to jail
And without each other both their foster homes were hell
Little Janet held her teddy bear and fought back tears of grief
She’d hide ‘neath her blanket ev’ry night like her and Pam beneath

Broken Arrow Bridge
Angels watchin’ from the ridge
Mallards swimmin’ in the creek
Teardrops runnin’ down their cheeks
Some things heal themselves with time
Others need God’s will to shine
Somehow He knew which was which
Under Broken Arrow Bridge

Janet came of age and tried to find her sister once again
She was sure that Pam’d never seen their daddy in the pen
Sent alotta letters…made some calls and then one New Year’s Eve
Walked out through a graveyard past the leanin’ stones and dead, grey leaves
Then she laid a rose where someone had already laid a wreath
Fell to her knees and wept when she saw Pam waiting there beneath

Broken Arrow Bridge
Angel watchin’ from the ridge
Starlight swimmin’ in the creek
Teardrops rollin’ down their cheeks
Some things heal themselves with time
Others need God’s will to shine
Somehow He knew which was which
Under Broken Arrow Bridge

©2010 Robert George


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#790685 - 01/26/10 05:13 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Stan Loh Offline
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Stan Loh  Offline
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Burnaby, BC, Canada
Robert!

Great choruses. Great concept. You sure can write!

Your first verse gave me an image that it was late at night! But reading about mallards swimming in the creek tells me that it was daylight!

Love your hook/title!

Stan

#790695 - 01/26/10 08:42 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: Stan Loh]  
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bholt Offline
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Highlands, NC
Very visual and beautiful, Robert, but as usual, I am a little confused! Mostly by the term "beneath" in referring to Pam. I'm thinking it's Pam who has put the wreath there, on the mother's grave, but the "beneath" makes me think she's in the ground herself, but don't think Janet could "see" her. Janet could be crying tears of joy or sorrow. Which is it? If Pam is waiting there, maybe it would work to say she saw her waiting near the street.


Betty J. Holt
#790713 - 01/26/10 10:45 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: bholt]  
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nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Chilling song Robert,

There is such an incredible story in this song, love it!

Geneva

#790716 - 01/26/10 10:56 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: nightengale]  
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couchgrouch Offline
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couchgrouch  Offline
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thanks folks. smile

Betty, she's "beneath" the bridge.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#790792 - 01/26/10 05:42 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
I've never seen a duck cry tears. Interesting.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#790796 - 01/26/10 06:08 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
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couchgrouch Offline
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couchgrouch  Offline
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Stunt, that phrase obviously refers to the sisters, not the angels or mallards. the sisters are described as crying in each of the vss. anyone will be able to understand that.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#790808 - 01/26/10 07:43 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
I know people will get it, sir. My point was that it was written unnecessarily ambiguously. If we can't help each other find weaknesses in our writing, what good is coming to this community to show a lyric? I like your writing better than you might think. I'm not here to bash you; we've had our moment. I sincerely only pointed it out so you'd look at it and aknowledge--"Hmmm! Guess that COULD be taken in two ways," not that anyone would...but if we see a flaw, should we just assume no one else will find it? I found it. There were other flaws as well, but all flaws in this write are minor, and would fall under the "polish" category. Generally the only real weakness in your writing is wasted realestate; sometimes you could--and should tighten your lines up by getting rid of superfluous words.

All My Best,
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#790817 - 01/26/10 08:18 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 691
Terry Moore Offline
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Terry Moore  Offline
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Posts: 691
United Kingdom
Don't often wander into the lyric only section...This write really caught my eye and imagination..excellent theme and story..and written very metre-friendly...only one tiny tiny nit couch..hearing the music in my head..
"beneath broken arrow bridge"would propably need to be the title..unless there was break between the word beneath..and broken arrow bridge...which would be debatable,for the flow of the melody...and settle the little ambiguity previously mentioned by another post...but hey that is minescule...on my rare ventures into the lyric section,this is probably the best write i have came across in a long while...very well done and good luck with it...

#790840 - 01/26/10 09:54 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: Terry Moore]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,063
couchgrouch Offline
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couchgrouch  Offline
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Posts: 8,063
thanks Terry...I'll probably wait until it gets music before I make a change like that. I've lead into the chorus like that before and it didn't present a problem.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#790844 - 01/26/10 10:22 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 691
Terry Moore Offline
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Terry Moore  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 691
United Kingdom
Yes of course,it all depends on the melody given to the lyric..could quite easily dovetail in...its all just personal opinions on reading the lyric...with the right arrangement,this could probably knock in a few doors for ya!...Good Luck..Terry.

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