JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum The Rose (Part one of The Maja Trilogy) (with audio)

Finally put this up! As I went back and read the original post I said to myself: This is really a great bunch of people...
Love you all!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/thestonegroves_music.htm

The Rose (Part one of The Maja Trilogy)

I'm standing on a seashore
In the middle of the night
Out across the big blue ocean
I see a glowing
I see a glowing
Light

I'm standing at a mountain
In a cold and windy shower
Up near the mountain top
I see a growing
I see a growing
Flower

I'm lying in a field
Staring up into space
Far above I see a cloud
Floating by with endless
Floating by with endless
Grace

I'm walking down this road
On my lips the taste of tears
But as I look inside
I feel that you are
I feel that you are
Near

I'm looking at your picture
You've got your mothers nose
I went into town
And bought to you
And bought to you
A ROSE


© 2001 Leif Stenlund

HI Lief,
This is good, only a couple of nits. IMO
only. The verses all have the same tune, which is good, but there's no chorus,this is most likely the way you want it,It might be more interesting,with CH. also I'm not
getting the connection,of the last Verce
to the song. This is only my opinion
other than that,it's lovely.

GOD bless

ClaireJeanne.

Hi ClareJeanne!This is written to my daughter Maja, who died shortly after birth...
It is partly metaphorical, The light, the flower, the cloud, far away, unreachable, but maybe really close too, like in ones heart the memory and feelings is forever with me.

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.

Leif

Leif, glad you explained where this song came from...makes it so much more beautiful and meaningful. I think sometimes we get so used to "made up" story lyrics, etc. that we aren't very cognizant of real to life ones and just that's what life is really about and as Harlan Howard himself said, country songs are about life and the truth. A suggestion to "vary" the melody and to magnify your title, take the last verse and change the melody up; bring it in loving and smoothly and end up with the word "Rose" being quite elevated and strong. Just some ideas, keep or sweep. Also for clarifying English it should be "I went to town Bought 'for' you a rose".

Hi Sharon! Sure glad you came here! But I need some help here, could you clarify?

"take the last verse and change the melody up; bring it in loving and smoothly and end up with the word "Rose" being quite elevated and strong."
I almost understand what you mean...

Thanks for the visit and suggestions.

Leif

Accidental bump here
But I need to know what you think, folks.

Leif

Hi Leif
As I said before, this is a very beautiful
song.I didn't understand the last verse,it
didn't,connect. now I know the story I
understand,
I'm sorry about your loss. Kaley and I
didn't understand that verse,so I'm
certain others won't either. I've been
told before not to confuse the listener,
You have such a touching story to tell
I would suggest,that you explain it in your
song. I'm sure it will touch many hearts

GOD bless

ClaireJeanne.

Hi, Leif, I'll try to explain better about the last verse's melody...simply make a different melody for it, but one that will tie onto the end of the rest of the song. Now it wouldn't be anything rare to even change the time signature or the key signature for this verse...probably go to a minor key--graduate it up from the key you've written the other verses in..then accentuate the verse with depth of note or heighth of note to elevate the areas you'd like elevated. Being a male vocalist, go deeper with "rose" as in contrast a female vocalist would tend to go higher in the same place, but definitely both singing the same note but in a different octave. Sound any better??? Now I'm confused. LOL

Leif...

a dear....song.........i think you are very special......getting these beautiful songs written for your daughter...I have not had to deal with that type of pain yet......

this is lovely; the melody is lovely too...
your voice..seems perfect for it...
I would only suggest that somehow..you break the song up a bit..as ...Sharon and Claire..have suggested, Leif....

you take care....
Kaley

ClaireJeanne, Thanks for coming back! I have to make it more clear in the song that it is about my daughter and that she's dead. Right?

Sharon, Thank you too for coming back! My other problem with this song is that it is same, same, same all the song through. I have to make it more musically interesting. Right?

Big thanks to both of you!

Leif

Leif, yes the song is too much the same all the way through; but the main reason for changing up the last verse and magnifying it with that change is because it carries your title or hook. Since you are not using a chorus to do this for you, use that last verse as the "grabber" of the whole song--simply because it is the sum total of your song as well bearing the title. Come in with an exceptional melody on that one verse, but of course, it's going to have to "fit" the other's melody to a degree.

Kaley! Thanks for the listen!

Sharon, thanks! I finally got what you meant!

Thanks!

Leif

------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/thestonegroves_music.htm