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Joined: Dec 2009
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Another demo I did for the stalled 'Here's to Abesnt Friend' cd http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8590000It’s just a simple song; still it plays upon the heart It speaks about the world and how we play our part It’s not really sentimental, yet it sometimes makes me sad Cause we always seem to end up where we start There’s a line about the way we seek comfort from the cold And about the pain of losing ones we love, as we grow old Something rises up inside me, to offer up my heart It’s something always given, never sold It was my brother’s song, how clearly I recall The way his voice ran out as he stood straight and tall So play--- it loud --or never play it at all It speaks to me of small towns, and sweet dreams of the past Horses in a pasture and rail cars moving fast A melody of long ago, still clinging to my soul Its words are few but meanings are so vast The vineyards and the graveyards in the stillness of the night The spilling of the wine and blood and searching for the light It’s never sounded better; it’s never hurt me worse Let the wounded sing along they have the right It was my best friend’s song before the rise and fall Long before the blindness that a wish could not forestall So play--- it loud--or never play it at all We sang along as children at the old amusement hall We swore we’d always be all for one and one for all So play--- it loud-- or never play it at all
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Hey KW this is awesome guy beautifully produced, great voice, great write
love the smokey tone to your voice, it is awesome very cool Dan
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1
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Hi Kim: Someone once said of Dylan that there was a song in every line of his songs. I'm starting to feel that way about yours. This is my favorite kind of song - poetic, yet, singable. Filled with both big ideas and great imagery Not going to compliment you on every great line because it would take too long - but it hits at an emotional level. Nice! Scott
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Joined: Apr 2006
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I love this tune Kim. Hugely poetic and melodic.
I'll do a piano part for this if you're interested - PM if you are. This is the kind of song that's right in my wheelhouse.
It's got one, just one, weakness (I really don't think there's another) that's probably keeping it from primetime.
The opening line of the chorus is weak: "It was my brother’s song, how clearly I recall"
The word WAS is just too prominent. My suggestion is to sing "It was my brother's favorite song, how clearly I recall" or anything else that takes the climactic emphasis off of "was". IE have a three note pickup and put the emphasis on "brother's".
That's a small nit, but I feel pretty strongly that you just gotta fix that line.
Anyway, this is very moving. It's a REALLY good tune.
Peace,
Ian
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,463
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Well this is a little gem. I cannot add much to what has already been said. My only nit is that IMO the drums are just a tad too far forward in the mix.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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2Someone once said of Dylan that there was a song in every line of his songs. I'm starting to feel that way about yours"
Agree with that, wonderful lyrics. I'm definitely going to go and check out some of your other stuff, think I could learn a lot from you!
Lovely song thanks for sharing
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 112
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"Someone once said of Dylan that there was a song in every line of his songs. I'm starting to feel that way about yours"
Agree with that, wonderful lyrics. I'm definitely going to go and check out some of your other stuff, think I could learn a lot from you!
Lovely song thanks for sharing
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 218
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Alador,
Very nice write! Really sucks you in,...especially like the line:
vineyards and graveyards- wine and blood
But, I'm kinda "dark" that way! Great job.
Droptine
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
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Alador:
I love this song and you sing it superbly. This is the sort of thing that I aspire to. Thanks for posting it for our pleasure which it surly is.
God Bless Roy and Helen
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
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Hi Kim. Outstanding feel for this one. Great lyric and music but I really love that it has an "atmosphere" about it. I'm duly impressed all the way around my friend.
Your pal, Steve
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Hey Kim....
I actually didn't want this tune to end. I was taken in from the first line. Your vocals are a fine fit.
I kinda wanted to hear a repeat of the last line of the last verse.
Truly an excellent write.
Larry
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Helping Hand
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Howdy Kim, Gus here. Just like Larry, I didn't want it to end, so I played it at least 10 times, then started my search for the download button but alas, maybe later I can get one needless to say I really like this, read thru it several times before I played it, very tight for a difficult rhyme scheme then the lyrics really came to life With the musication, & your vocals.........Thanks for Sharing......Gus
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
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Yea, it's all good. It's great to see songs with no wasted lines. I enjoyed the feel of it.
Kevin
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Kim,
I need to spend a bit more time around here, I think. This is a really nice tune. Some wonderful lines in your lyric too. You remind me a bit of Eric Clapton, I'm sure you must get that a lot. I hope you finish your CD. I would buy it.
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Hey all, sorry I didn't get any responses posted yesterday, worked late....again.
Hey Dan, Glad you liked the song, on the vocals some says smokey and some says froggy. I prefer smokey cause a frog doesn't go as well with a glass of wine. Thanks for listening.
Scott, I love the quote about Dylans songs. I have always felt that way about "Shelter From the Storm" Every verse is one I wish I could write. Thanks for your kind words.
Ian, Thanks for the listen and comments. THere is actually a piano in there, it's just mixed too far back. This is not a final take so a lot of minor lyric changes and such will probably take place if I ever get back into the studio. Thanks for the offer to play on it though, I'm sure we'll get a chance later.
Big Jim, I appreciate you taking time to listen. As I just said to Ian, this is a very early mix and definately not it's last. I'll have to keep an ear on the drums, you know how drummers are. LOL
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 167
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Hey Dave, Thanks for listening. Don't know about learning from me, I listened to all of yours on soundclick when you posted Can't Sleep, and you have a cool modern vibe going on. Reminds me of some John Mayer songs. I enjoyed them all.
Droptine, Glad you liked the vineyard, graveyards line. It's my favorite as well. I am well entrenched on the dark side so I know what you mean. Thanks much.
Hi Roy, Thanks for the listen and I wanted you to know I have begun to find my way through our project, I just hope I can get something that you will like. I haven't recorded anything yet but soon I hope. My fingers need some loosening after over a year.
Steve, Thanks man, I appreciate that. I think that 'atmosphere' was a bean buritto but we won't tell anyone about that. LOL
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Larry, Thanks for listening. The ending was me trying to find a way to stop writing verses to this thing, it seemed to want to go on forever. Rare thing for me, i usually have too little. Glad you liked it.
Gus my good man, Thanks much for listening to my new ditty. This is the second comment about not wanting it to end and as I just told Larry, it didn't seem to want to. Partial verses were lying everywhere when I put an end to it. Maybe it was trying to tell me something. (twilight zone music paying in the background)
Hi Wendy, Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it. I do occasionally get the Clapton comparison, but more often it's a love sick frog smokin' a cigar. If I finish the cd you can have the first one. Thanks again.
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Hey Kevin, Didn't mean to miss you, my eyes are starting to cross. I love the thing about no wasted lines 'cause that's always a concern to me. I strive hard to be concise, but don't always succeed, so it's a nice thing to hear. Thank you.
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
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Kim ... I love your music! It's raw and traditional. My cup of soup! Your sound is very pleasing to my ears!
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Wonderful. I'm reminded of Bob Seger (gotta put on that CD just to make sure), anyway, I like it a lot. Everything fits, nothing lacks.
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Stan the Man, Thanks for listening. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I like your description of raw and traditional.
Bernd, Thank you, I don't think anyone has mentioned Bob Seger before but I'll take it! He's one of my favoite singers.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Hi Kim,
There's not a thing about this that I don't like. Tight, descriptive lyric, sparse, haunting music, soulful vocal, all working perfectly together. I haven't heard a bad one from you yet, but this may just be the best.
Ricki
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Joined: Mar 2008
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Nice sound kim I hear a little springstien in your voice.
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Hey Ricki, Thanks for listening and for your kind critiqque. Ever since I read 'Godel, Echer, and Bach' I've been in love with the concept of self-reference, so a song about a song folding back on itself was a fun thing to write. I'm glad you liked it.
Scott, Thanks for the listen and the Springsteen reference. He's not the boss for nuttin'
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
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Love it. The music sucked me in before you uttered a word.
I would say a blend of Springsteen and Tom Waits (whose voice has been described "like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car." - yours has not been run over by the car).
Very nice.
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Hey Kim, I can't really add to what has already been said above, only that it's a great song and I enjoyed listening very much,
Tony.
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Hey Colin, Thanks for listening. I've never met so many people who know who Tom Waits is. I always have to explain to folks around here and then they don't like him. I've been a fan of his writing (and his voice) since 'Heart of Saturday Night' whenever that was released. By the way I just got my voice back from the smoke house. LOL
Tony, Thanks for dropping by, I'm glad you liked the song. I actually had sort of an Irish feel running through my head when I wrote it. I guess it didn't make it through in the end but that was the original feel.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670 Likes: 2
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This is mighty impressive, Kim. Wonderful lyrics. I love the pain and the rawness in this poignant song. Donna
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Thanks Donna, I appreciate the listen. The piece you have posted 'Aiko-san and the Bamboo Blind' is a truely impressive piece of work. Is it for a specific theater production already in the works?
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Posts: 6,325 Likes: 4
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Hey Kim.
Just wanted to drop in and say again that I truly enjoy your style and your lyrics.
Thank you very much for sharing.
Doug
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Thanks Doug, your encouragement is truly appreciated.
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Do not need my encouragement. You are set in my opinion.
Keep them coming!
Doug
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Howdy Kim, came back by, for some more spins, & shared it with my mom & sister, you have two new fans besides me. ....Gus
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Gee Brother Kim, I came here expecting a Stones-Like Rocker..& end up hearing something Beautiful & Profound!
You do "Awesome" So-Well, Amigo~!
"KUDOS"..(& Thanks for making me glad..if only for a day...that I, too, am an Older Writer!);-)>
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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I think it's wonderful but right off the bat, I was confused. The first line...
It’s just a simple song; still it plays upon the heart
So, right off the bat, I'm thinking THIS song is the song you are talking about. I may be the only person in the entire world who sees that as a problem, and I suffered a concussion from a freak accident two days ago, so, I might still be goofy, haha, but if it were mine, I would change the line to read...
We used to sing a song, still it plays upon the heart.
This would make it 100% clear that the song that you are singing about is ANOTHER song. It assume that you are writing about ANOTHER song.
I would also consider tagging the song with that very line I suggested or make up another line to go in those spots to identify that it's another song you are singing about.
Very good writing throughout other than my one nit about clearing up a potentially confusing setup. Excellent production and vocal, too. Reminded me of Springsteen.
Well, maybe another small nit. I would consider changing the word "really" in line 3 to "that." It can work okay as written but to my ear, it would be better with a one syllable word there.
Excellente!
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I haven't been able to pop in and listen as often as I like, so when I do, I am a little bit behind on what has been going on and I just haphazardly grab a song to listen to. This one was one of those, and I am glad I chose it. This was a very nice listen and I really like it. Nicely done!!!
Charles
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Enjoyed the listen,quite unusual in the A.A.B.A lyric construction of the verses,to be honest i dunno if that really worked for me ,kinda very slightly took away a wee bit for me..dunno how to explain it,perhaps looking for more of an edge,and using that lyrical combination does tend to limit you a wee bit...NONETHELESS,it is quite apparent this song has great potential,and it is obvious to see,you have a penchant for songwriting,of that i have no doubt,the gruff voice does lend itself to this type of song/theme...if i were you, and you were going to take this to another level demo wise,i would shorten the intro...in fact i would start immediately with the vocal..but these are all just opinions...good luck in your songwriting,iam certain some more great stuff is gonna come forth from your pen....Terry.
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Hey Doug, Thanks for the bump up. We all still encouragement, no matter what.
Gus my man, You keep working on that fan base for me an' I'll cut you in on the action heh heh
Hey Stan, Thanks for stoppin' by. You mean this isn't a rocker? LOL Hey us old guys may not move too fast but we've been there before so we know the shortcuts.
Hi Bill, Thanks for listening. The 'song' is meant more as a metaphor for all the songs that have meaning for us and bring back memories. Maybe it didn't come through too clearly but that was the over-arching theme.
Charles, Glad you came by for a listen and I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Terry, I appreciate you taking time to listen and critique. I'm known for having too long an intro, a habit I'm trying to break. As for the AABA scheme, I'm so concerned with getting something, ANYTHING, to rhyme that I don't really think about that. I lean towards unusual patterns anyway I think. I'll have to go back and look at some of my others now cause I don't know what I used on any of them.
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Joined: Sep 2004
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Alador, This is really a lovely song. I would give a significant body part to write something this good. Congratulations man. Tom
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Thanks Tom, for listening and for your kind words. I hope I'm never placed in the position of haveing to make that deal because, though I'm quite attached to them, I'm not sure I have any body parts that would be considered significant. LOL By the way, judging from your post, 'Ortencia' I don't think you'll be needing to part with any of yours either.
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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