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Burnt Orange and Blue

Elvis Presley died that day
So she made another puppet to remember him
Propped him up on a coke bottle crate
With the rest of the paper mache’ and then
She finished hanging fabric on those dreary walls

Deep in her soul she felt
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue
Big day lilies that would never see the sun
From their midnight sky
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue

Michael Jackson died today
So she played another song to remember him
Pulled out the glove her boyfriend wore
When he fell on the floor impressing her friends
Wonders if he's learned his Charlie's Angel's gone

Deep in my soul it feels
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue
Big day lilies that will one day see the sun
From their midnight sky
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue

Yesterday the DJ played Only the Good Die Young
And today the sinners cry with the saints
In the midnight sun

Deep in our soul it feels
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue
Big day lilies that will one day see the sun
From a midnight sky
Burnt orange and blue
Burnt orange and blue

All rights reserved ©baileybridgesJune2009

I like an awful lot of this Vanessa.

First off its a gentle feeling, a sorrowful feeling that gets evoked I suppose from the repeated burn orange and blue.

Not sure about a few images I saw.

First off your opener is smashingly superb. It left me wanting to hear more.


This one
Big day lilies that would never see the sun
From their midnight sky

I think needs to be looked at. I think it needs more inner bruising, haunting experience, remnants of hurt. It needs to be singular and "deep in your soul"...as you set up for yourself. I'm sorry because I know it will also affect the next chorus.


I like what you have here. Consider ending it with "another" angel died.

Michael Jackson died today
So she played another song to remember him
Pulled out the glove her boyfriend wore
When he fell on the floor impressing her friends
Just the other day another angel died

You might also play with your bridge a bit
Yesterday the DJ played Only the Good Die Young
And today the sinners cry with the saints
In the midnight sun
For another one


That's it from the if I had a nickel from every penny's thought department

Interesting song, I like it for the most part.

Not loving having Michael Jackson in with Elvis though, seems too competitive for the attention. Maybe it's the mixture of generations too, something about the blend isn't working for me, but that's just me.

ALso, the first chorus is "her" and the second is my, so it confused me a bit. (but, that's easily done, so it may not matter)

The day lilies line is awesome, I love that line!! I love the idea that she has this fabric wall covered in these colors that can make one sad or happy with the rising or setting of the sun, or the opening of a shade (or closing) very cool!

I think the bridge could be simplified...

yesterday I heard, Only the Good Die Young
sinners cry with the saints, in the midnight sun

OK, I'm done picking on you. I'll leav now, to go pick on some other writer with amazing images in their lyric.

Probably my favorite color combination.

My favorite line:

And today the sinners cry with the saints
In the midnight sun

Ya Nailled Me with this one, Li'l Sis!

This baby conveys FEEL...Tremendously-Well. No need to sug a Thing...You've Conveyed how a LOT of Listeners FEEL as of this minute/WILL feel whenever This Minute ever comes up in-Conversation. Someone BRILLIANT has Burnt-out...& We're left BLUE in their wake.

Elegant Bridge if ever there was one!

"KUDOS" & Thanks for Saying This..when It Needed to Be Said!

Good Luck with it, Sis..it's Great Already!
Big Brotherly-Hugs,
BB Stan

Hi Vanessa!

Very, very long time, no talk! I need ot drop by the lyric forums more often.

Stan pretty much summed up my feelings about it. You've effectively tied the deaths of the two biggest icons in Rickmusic together with "Only The Good Die Young".

You've expressed what a lot people are feeling right now. Because Elvis & Michael are from different eras, I think you can get away with that.

Burnt orange is my favorite color! Nice job.

So good to "talk" to you again. And as always, you're writing is stellar.

BTW, I still smile everytime i think of "Froggy Bottom". What ***GREAT*** song that is!

All the best.

Alan

Hi John, thanks for the "smashing"---I like that! And it used to sidetrack me to know what went through other writers' minds as they read my stuff. Not anymore. I can count the coins and save them up in my bank of ideas. Might spend them in this song or another one. But, I appreciate your thoughtful response and your generous sharing of ideas. I read them the other day but had to run out the door to take the kids to the pool.

I'd actually considered one of your ideas---the angel line in the first draft. I'll reconsider that as the ink continues to dry. Thanks again my friend.

bailey

Thanks Caroline,

I'm glad you like the wall fabric lines. That's how this song began. I was talking to Stan on the creative writing forum. And he had written something that reminded me of this old pink house we once lived in there in Texas. Marshall actually. That's where I lived when Elvis died. Funny how we log memories like that.

Thanks too, for sharing your thoughts on the structure and such as well.

bailey

Thanks Mark. I'm glad you like that line. I just happened to hear that old song, Only the Good Die Young, a couple days ago in the car. I'd never really listened to the lyric before and that line caught my attention. Thought I'd try to make it better. haha.

You're right----navy blue and burnt orange are a strikingly beautiful combination. I think it was the pink exterior that just didn't set the right background. Once a painter friend of my husband's was talking to us about how all the rooms need to compliment each other in color. Nothing clashing when you look from one room to the next. Even the exterior paint. It's true, at least for my eyes.

Hi big brother Stan,

I'm tickled to death you identified with this. I liked it a lot but I'm so used to speaking a little different language than the vast majority so it feels good to connect to a common feeling---and do it with words. The bridge just felt right---glad you like it. Thanks.

big hug,
bailey

Thanks Alan, I got interrupted the other day when posting here.

Thank you for your very kind comments on this one and Froggy Bottom too. I admit Froggy Bottom is one of my pet babies.

This is good songwriting craft. You wrote this in a way that can't be dated. You used imagery and impression to convey what would take volumes to say as prose. In short you have become a songwriter. Two summers ago, when I met you at Pinevest, you were promising but green. I don't think you ever forgave me for suggesting that you needed to work on your guitar technique. But even then I recognized you had something to say.

The phrase "burnt orange and blue" sets the right poetic mood because "burnt" and "blue" are charged words and can be applied to the tragedy that haunts many of our pop idols; so even if there is no other explanation for it's use, it still works- but have you another reason for using the term (burnt orange and blue) that you can share?

There are lots of things that I like about the lyric but it would take more words than I have time for to explain it all. But I will point out one little device (rhyme) that I particularly liked. The soft rhyme of "crate" and "mache'" was nice because it was subtle and unaccented- yet still deliberate. Good job. The best tribute I have read.

Hi Bailey,

Wow, this is quite lovely. Sentimental without being sappy, truthful without being harsh.

Your imagery is wonderful -- I especially enjoyed the sprinkling of snippets from these icons' personas. You do it in such a way though, that you connect the reader with these larger-than-life people....and it helps the whole piece resonate with us.

I only had one teensy thought. Since you mention Elvis and Michael by name, then include Farrah by way of "Charlie's Angels", I wonder if that does her a disservice in some way. I understand the idea of keeping them in the same verse, since it happened the same way...but maybe you could refer to her MORE ambiguously, so it's not an obvious comparison:

Michael Jackson died today
So she played another song to remember him
Pulled out the glove her boyfriend wore
When he fell on the floor impressing her friends
Wonders if he's learned his Charlie's FAVORITE Angel's gone

I dunno, it might just be me....and it's certainly fine as is, so totally keep or sweep.

Besides, the rest of it is FAB FAB FAB!! Very nicely done.

Thank you for sharing....
Beth

Hi Joe,

I'm in tears here. Heavens, NO I did not even remember you said that. Whatever you said was the truth. I think I recall responding that I prefer not to receive critiques at the time of performance (or right after). But, I should have just thanked you. I guess I thought it would be helpful for you when you attended other open mikes. Most performers know when their guitar playing or whatever is lousy. I think I'd been playing a few months at the time. So, yes I knew I was horrible. It was all I could do, having performed with piano accompaniment or backing tracks all these years to make myself get up there and play/sing. (incidentally I don't do two things at the same time very well---still don't). But, my playing has improved. It takes time.

I appreciate your stopping by and I'll be back to finish here. We're headed out right now. Got to scoot.

Thanks Beth. I appreciate your kind comments too. I'll consider your constructive suggestion.

bailey

Vanessa,
I can really feel the sorrow in this. My favorite line is only the good die young...

have fun,
John

So where is Bailey? Anyone know?

Brian

Bailey posts just about every day, just not always here. She hangs at several different sites, a web traveler like me.

Vanessa,

Great insight!

The soul has a window-looking out to capture a superstar-reacting after they are gone.

Burnt orange and blue! Penetrating and lingering.

Mackie

Thanks Mackie. I'd forgotten I wrote this.

Brian, here I am...

Still writing

This is a quick video I did at my Mom's house in Texas a while back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqTOCC1xSek

JPF is so big now it's kinda scarey but I'll try to find my way around. Don't have much time but I'll try to catch up the best I can here.