JPF Home Page Forums General Messages General Message Forum I Give Up...What Do Men Really Want???

Glyn and I were talking, and it just seems to us that nice girls finish last. Even nice girls that are pretty, funny, smart, talented, hard working, trustworthy, spontaneous, affectionate, devoted and emotionally healthy. Men still pass them by for the thoughtless, pretentious, untalented, emotionally unhealthy, unstable, selfish b!tches. Why?

Sausagelink, why does that guy do that? Is he afraid of intimacy?

does that make any sense at all...glyn

There are three theories about how a woman can find the perfect man. None of them work.

There are three theories about how a man can find the perfect woman. None of them work.

To paraphrase the beginning of this thread:
"It seems nice guys finish last. Even nice guys who are handsome, funny, smart, talented, hard-working, trustworthy, spontaneous, affectionate, devoted and emotionally healthy. Women still pass them by for the thoughtless, pretentious, untalented, emotionally unhealthy, unstable, selfish b@stards. Why?

Women SAY they don't like b@stards, but they follow them around like puppy dogs and let these men treat them like crap. Why? Women SAY they want a man who is their best friend, but when they get one, they treat HIM like crap and head off for the b@stard. Why?

Do women even know why? Thanks for letting me vent. Hope to get some insight. We nice guys are completely lost."

A recent story on National Public Radio 89.1, 94.1, somewhere on the FM dial, cited a study that found that people cheat on their spouses, EVEN those who say they were happy in the relationship. It wasn't a matter of discontent, it seems, but simply a matter of opportunity to have the excitement of an illicit long-term affair or quickie adventure.

People, whatever genitalia they are endowed with, don't seem to be able to value relationships and all the benefits, or to fear the dangers of infidelity, loss of the loved one, disease, the creation of a baby human being without a plan to form a family around it.

And, people don't seem to be willing to do the work demanded to get to know a potential mate. People often don't know what they want. They think they want the good-looking person, only to find out the personality negates the looks. They think they want a relationship and then find, as Christine Lavin sings, "I Wanna Be Lonely Again." Relationships, the philosopher opined in 1972, are like a pair of cowboy boots; a lot easier to get into than to get out of.

People make low-quality decisions all the time, relationships, driving, food choices, working, spending; you name it, people make bad decisions about it. Add logic-addling alcohol and thought-distorting other drugs, and you guarantee low-quality decisions. We intoxicate ourselves to free us from logic and wisdom wherein we tell ourselves we should not be doing what we're doing, to give us an excuse to make low-quality decisions that will bring us the benefits of a relationship, friendship or sexship (Hey! I coined a word!) without investing the thought, investing the time, investing themselves with an expectation of return-on-investment. What do we want? We want it all. When do we want it? We want it now.

Why? Well, did you ever hear of Oxytocin? It's a hormone. Hormones are powerful substances secreted by glands, interacting with cells and enzymes (other powerful substances) to make things happen. Oxytocin is secreted by a mother and her suckling baby, causing them to bond. But a man and a woman secrete this bonding 'agent' too, when they touch each other with affection.

And, because they're not thinking, "I'm planning to intimately engage with this person, possibly create a baby human being, mate for the next 100 years to serve that baby and this other person," they're not aware that the oxytocin is being stimulated into secretion, entering their blood, influencing their decision-making, and, often, causing them to bond with someone who, later, they realize they have nothing in common with. Then they are more likely, I suspect, to make the decision that someone else, the aforementioned b!tches and b@stards, may have all those things we imagine we desire. Then the secretions commence anew.

The person who knows what they want is a rare creature, perhaps mythical. The one who knows what to beware of is even rarer. There are some who come close, often too late in life. It takes a long time to figure these things out for oneself. And how much opportunity do we get to sit at the feet of such a rare master and learn these things in our youth, when it might do us some good?

We're as primitive as humans 100,000 years ago. We're born into a world full of technologies and methodologies for our education on nearly everything and anything, except how to know ourselves and relate to other people. We learn a little about ourselves, and develop 'skills' about how to relate to others, but we often are wrong about both things. We don't know ourselves. We don't know how to relate. We don't know what we want or how to go about getting it. We don't know it when we DO get it. We don't know how to value it when we get it. We're little amoeba flagellating around in primordial soup, bumping into other amoeba and laboring under the delusion that we know what the hell we're doing.

So it's a wonder that we have any sanity in human life at all. We're mostly an accident in every aspect of our lives.

But, man! Oh! Man! Does it all, and I mean 'all,' give us material, ideas, about which we can write some great songs!

Men still pass them by for the thoughtless, pretentious, untalented, emotionally unhealthy, unstable, selfish b!tches. Why?

ok now I'm usually the one that does all the little things to show a man how much I love him , go out of my way to make him happy.. I have so much love to give to them for them to treat me like crap, why, give me a clue, please what am i to do to get one of you to love me and treat me like i'd treat you...