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Good Evening JPF'rs,

It's time to throw another song out and see what sticks. This is a self recorded one, (like you wouldn't be able to tell), so all production type comments will be kept for future recording sessions. Let me know what you think, IYHO. Thanks,

Ricki

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8228427

GOING UNDER
©Ricki E. Bellos

Crows gliding like shadows through the trees
No sound no stirring of leaves
That's how I planned to sneak up on love
Don't know what I was thinking of

All I asked for was a sip of water
Lead me down to cool, clear water
Don't let me go under

I wanted a little taste because
I just wanted to know what love was
Like driving too fast down Bad Choice Road
Warning lights ahead, I was not told

All I asked for was a sip of water
Lead me down to cool, clear water
Don't let me go under
Don't let me go under

Love is like drowning when you fall in that abyss
You know nothing good can ever come of this

A bad feeling fit me like a glove
There's no such thing as a little in love

All I asked for was a sip of water
Lead me down to cool, clear water
I think I'm going under
I think I'm going under
I'm going under

Hi Ricki,
I had to listen a couple of times to get my head around this.
But I got it and it is charming, very feminine, very vunerable.
At first I thought that the water analogy was unusual but it won me over by my second listen.
I like this song it is not meant to be a pop song but a thoughfull meditation on someone being blindsided by the power of love.

Tom

Ricki,

I'll come back tomorrow for another listen. Sounds good to me, but I need to be perkier to give it a proper listen!

Kevin

Hi Ricki:

I think wanting just a sip and being afraid of drowning is inspired. Nice one!

Some very cool lines here - like driving too fast on Bad Choice Road. (LOL - it occurs that we don't drive it any other way). And this:

Love is like drowning when you fall in that abyss
You know nothing good can ever come of this

Lovely performance and music fits the lyric like a glove, imo...

Scott

I like this, the vocals are very haunting. Reminds me of something I'd hear in "Oh Brother Where Art Thou"

Hi Ricki

I really liked the feel. The rhythm of the acoustic.....
I hear Fender Rhodes in this... and a little more groove overall.
The loose feel(good thing) may be a tad bit too loose.

Also good vocal approach, but watch the pitch and dynamics.

Nice one!

Ricki

Erisa's song That's the keyboard sound and basic groove i was talking about for this. In that ball park.
You can get that groove from something as easy as Garage Band I believe.

HI Ricki,

Thanks for this mornings entertainment/mood setting.
Very much appreciated.
Works as is but I do agree with Sub about a keyboard, etc.
As we all know, GOOD songs can be done several ways.
And this is one of em.

This part is hot...
(There's no such thing as a little in love)


Have a good weekend.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I think the lyrics are well put together and the delivery is pure Ricki -- which means really good. At the same time, dirges are sometimes hard to sit through all the way for me. My advice (and worth every penny) would be to add stuff (bass, percussion, fiddle, things like that) to spice it up more. Adding more ear candy is rarely a bad thing.

You might want to team up with one of our composer compadres here and see if they can add stuff in. Having a few up-tempo tunes in your portfolio is something you might want to think about also.

Still, it is a pretty good song (I mean I did listen twice!).

Kevin

Hi Tom,

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Glad to hear you listened twice but sorry it took you two listens to get it. I figured by the bridge it would all become clear. But that's OK! "Charming, very feminine, very vulnerable", I can live with that!

Ricki

Hi Kevin,

That's funny! I'm visualizing a "perkier you"! Anyway, thanks for taking time to listen, again. I guess it is a bit of a dirge. I was going for a sense of dread, a reluctance to giving oneself over to love and all that goes with that. I'm sure more instruments will help fill it out, it's a distinct possibility for the future. Maybe a bit more "uptempo" as well. Thanks for your thoughts.

Ricki

Hi Scott,

Thanks for your thoughts and comments. The bridge came first with this one, then I built the song around that. I actually saw a road sign for Bad Choice Road on one of our trips out west. We didn't take it. Go figure!

Ricki

Hi NaomiSue,

Thanks for listening, glad you like it. I love that soundtrack. I feel honored!

Ricki

I think I'd leave out the "love is like drowning part" cause you've already described it so well.

Hiya Limey,

I had planned on coming up with some new and inspired accolades for this one, but I read Scott's assessment of the situation and thought he nailed it...



I hope you don't mind my "lifting" that, Scooter. I read somewhere that plagiarism is the highest form of flattery, so....

Joshing aside Ricki, this is truly sublime. I find it interesting that several of the songs I've read/listened to lately include images from nature. I wonder if that's due to the change of seasons....

Anyway, Scott did pull out my favorite lines, so I'm good there. And as usual, the understated power of your vocal gets me every time.

Keep up the good work,
Beth

Hey Ricki,
I thank you for your response and stopped to give this song a listen.. Lovely my dear! Nice feel and the lyrics are impressive.
This is a keeper!! I'm concerned about the range and where you will be placing it when you do record it in studio. I'd play with that one abit....Keep 'em coming!
Your Friend,
BOB

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your time. I know it's valuable and I appreciate your stopping by to comment. Pitch and dynamics? Who? Me? Yeah, I hear you. What can I say, I'm a work in progress!
I love Erisa's song, but I'm not sure that's the "groove" I was going for. Maybe the next song?

Ricki

Hi Calvin,

Thanks for weighing in on this one. Glad you liked it. Yeah, keyboard is a definite maybe, someday.

Ricki

Hi Louis,

Thanks for listening and commenting. You think I should lose the bridge? Oh man, you're killing me here! I think some folks didn't get the analogy until a second listen, so I'm not sure it was all that clear. But I suppose anything's possible.

Ricki

Really cool song , maybe an Allison Krauss sound to it. Very folky in a modal kind of way. I love the imagery and storyline.

I like it a lot Ricki! I'm glad that you like my song so much. Your style of writing is right down my alley. I likey.

Ricki,

I've listened several times and still not sure what I want to say about it! I do like it, though! I thought the message...the analogy of love and water...was fairly clear. That worked real good for me. And your singing, as always, is terrific.

I'm thinking the area that has me baffled for a better reponse is it sounded like it was crying, desparately, for more but very simple instrumentation. I kept expectng to hear something else come in in the background and it never happened.

Hope I explained myself with all that! I still give the song two thumbs up! It's a really, really good song...there was just something missing in the music. I guess I've rambled on without saying much. Sorry! All the best!

Alan

Hi Boo,

Thanks for letting me know you like this. I don't think Scott will mind your borrowing his critique. I'm just glad you're willing and able to listen at all! I love having you around! Happy rest of the weekend.

Ricki

Hi Muskie,

Thanks for listening and I'm glad you're favorably impressed.

I'm not sure what you mean by "I'm concerned about the range and where you will be placing it when you do record it in studio"?

I like this song and want to give it a better sounding production. My performance will not improve much, but the sound quality will. The next step after that would be to have it done by pros, not me.

As to placing it, I have no idea! Any thoughts?

Ricki

Hi PeteG,

Thanks for listening. Cool works for me. Not sure what "folky in a modal kind of way" means but since it was followed by "love" I'll take it to be a good thing!

Ricki

Hi Erisa,

Thanks for the listen and smiles and hearts! Looks like we travel down the same alleys. Wait, that didn't sound right!

Ricki

Hi Al,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. Glad you liked it.

As for the instrumentation, as you may or may not know, this recording was done by me at home with a little digital recorder and I can barely play a guitar let alone play it well. I can also play a little keyboard, but when it comes to doing a real demo, it won't be by me. I haven't the talent or resources.
Everything I post here is just me since I'm all I have to work with.

As I said at the beginning of this thread, I appreciate all comments, but those pertaining to production will only matter if I feel the song is good enough to put the money into a real demo. That's why I ask for honest critiques of the song itself. Better instrumentation may make a bad song sound better, but it won't make it a better song. Does that make sense?

Thanks for the thumbs. Will it help make me play guitar better?

Ricki

I love the vocals here, the sections melodies, and the appealing imagery in the lyric.

My only lyrical nit: I hear something more dramatic in the "abyss" line, e.g., "...when you plunge into that abyss". Just a suggestion. KOS.

About the music, I'd suggest increasing the bpm. The very slow tempo at present gives the song a dirge-like feel, which I don't think suits the lyric.

All in all, though, a fine tune.

Donna

Hey Ricki,
I just looked at the lyrics. I guess I see what you might mean but the last line in this section seemed to contradict itself.
Looks like you WERE told-Also might get rid of the double "wanted" + a little 'literation

I wanted a little taste because
I just wanted to know what love was
Like driving too fast down Bad Choice Road
Warning lights ahead, I was not told

I wanted a little taste because
I just NEEDED to know what love was
Like driving too fast down Bad Choice Road
Warning lights TOO LATE, I LOST CONTROL

Good writing
Wy

I'm not thinking you'll have to add too much to the production..this sounds very close to a finished song to me. I enjoyed the clean sound, uncluttered, I can hear a touch of percussion...but not too much, your vocal really stands out here. Enjoyed it!

Hi Donna,

Thanks for giving this a listen. Point taken about the tempo. I've been hearing that a lot.
I know what you mean about something more dynamic than "fall" but I was going for a direct substitute of love for abyss. Falling in love = falling in the abyss. Anyway that was my thought at the time.
Glad you liked it over all.

Ricki

Hi Wy,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I never noticed the double wanted. Easy fix there. Thanks.
As for the other, my thought was when you drive too fast (fall, or plunge, in love) and have no advanced knowledge of road conditions (have no or little experience) by the time you see the lights it's too late (you're toast). Your fix is still a possibility, though. I like the loss of control aspect. Thanks again.

Ricki

Hi Ricki....I like the lyrics and the melody is haunting.....I agree with Mike that it needs a more defined groove. Perhaps speeding it up a bit would help. I listend at a 10% and 15% increase in tempo and it certainly improved things.

Yes yes.. And when I say groove I don't necessarily mean a specific beat. But a feel a groove your body can pick up on even without dancing. Slight tempo moves can help this of course it's cool that Jim did that. This is pre-production.

My buddy at the studio once stated to a student, "oh I understand but you don't know Mike's insane. he spends 4 weeks trying to find the right tempo" lol

Just to back up what Mike says a groove is an internal rhythm that accompanies any song. Sometimes playing about with the tempo can help a song that seems to stumble a bit. Most songs have an optimum tempo which it sounds best at. I am not surprised that Mike "The perfectionist that he is" took ages on finding the optimum tempo for a song.

Hi Ricki

Well as usual your writing is super -- I love the analogy and your hook. There are also some real choice images that really stick and make my mind linger.

particularly your stealthy opening verse -- very apropos.......

Crows gliding like shadows through the trees
No sound no stirring of leaves
That's how I planned to sneak up on love
Don't know what I was thinking of

I cannot argue with the thought that the tempo should be brought up a bit and a keyboard might add a New musical hook which is always a good thing.......

I think that I have noticed that you are not big on repetitive choruses in your work - or I have not really caught them - but here when you get to the melody of this couplet - I thought that it could really be a repeated section....... and there are ways that I could see it done.......... but I'll just leave you with the thought of that, 'cause perhaps you have experimented down that path already.

Love is like drowning when you fall in that abyss
You know nothing good can ever come of this

anyway - it was my favorite part. ; ) jm

Hi Caroline,

Thanks for listening and I'm glad you enjoy simple, cause that's about all I can do for now!

Ricki

Hi Big Jim,

Thanks a heap for taking time with this. It's funny, but playing with the tempo never even occurred to me until some folks mentioned it here. I had to check it out for myself so I went from 100 to 115 bpm and you're right, I think it was an improvement. I don't know if that's the "optimum" tempo, but I liked it. Now the problem will be trying to play it that fast if I re-record this!

Ricki

Hi Mike,

Well, being the insane guy is a tough job, but somebody has to do it!

Ricki

Hi JM,

Thanks for stopping by to listen and for the warm fuzzies!
I'm not sure what you mean. This song has a repeating chorus. I have never repeated a bridge in a song, not that you couldn't, just never felt the need. Sometimes the words get diluted if they're said too many times, but every song is different, as is every writer. Glad you liked this one.

Ricki

You know what Ricki? I don't think you should add much of anything to this and I think you vocals fit well. Listen to Gillian Welch, she and David Rawlins put out some fantastic recordings not too unlike this.

"All I asked for was a sip of water
Lead me down to cool, clear water"

The water/water rhyme made me wince a little and I think it could be just a little faster. Other than that I like it a lot.

Steve

Hi Ricki

Sorry that i was not really clear..... I think what happened for me was that I liked your bridge melody so much that I thought it was worthy of re- thinking the whole to repeat that melody. ; ) jm

Hi JM,

Now I gotcha. You want me to rewrite the music using the bridge melody more often? I'm really glad you liked it so much but maybe that could be the main theme on another song. Nothing wrong with plagiarizing yourself, right? I think I like it more as a change up from the rest of the music, it has more impact that way. On the other hand, I lack the imagination to even think about how to go about it at this point.

Ricki

Hi Unc,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I think the main reason I am such a fan of less is more is that that's all I can do. How convenient, eh? I didn't even think about the water/ water rhymes. Nothing like driving the point home! Glad you liked it anyway. Thanks,

Ricki

Hey Ricki, like the lyrics a lot. You've adapted this well to the folksy guitar and vocal style. I think this one will really light-up when given the full band treatment. I hear it begging for drums, bass, and lead guitar. PM me when it gets to that stage.

Best, John

Ricki:

I listened to this twice back to back and I think this is a wicked good song. Some poorly organized thoughts:

1. Excellent lyrics overall.
2. Great first verse - especially the opening lines. They are interesting, engaging, visual and draw you in to the song.
3. I love the chord progression. Simple but effective.
4. This song resonated with me (and made me wish I had written it!) I think it was just that everything was well crafted and thoughtful and fit very well together. It's one of the better songs I've heard here in several months.

I can see your writing is going well.

Mark

Hi John,

Thanks for listening and glad you liked it. I have trouble hearing that full band treatment sometimes. I guess that's why people hire producers. Don't know if this will ever get there but thanks for stopping by.

Ricki

Hi Mark,

Thanks for stopping in for a listen. Haven't seen much of you lately. Thanks for all the warm fuzzies. That it resonated with you is one of the best compliments a writer can get. All the rest was more icing on the cake of my day! Stick around.

Ricki