JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 ^DoUBLE JoINTED^ colab / Joice Marie

Hi all, here's another one ME & JOICE MARIE are working on, hope you have time to read it.


^DoUBLE JoINTED^
© words by C. Stewart/Joice Marie ( Sept 23, 2009 )

You got stoned and
I got disappointed
Walkin' around like
You were double jointed

Kissed my face and
Then fell off your chair
Floating in a pool
Of I don't care

You got stoned and
I got disappointed
Walkin' around like
You were double jointed

I'm offended by
Your spaced out stare
So I put my goodby
Bubble in the air

You got stoned and
I got disappointed
Walkin' around like
You were double jointed

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK......

Blown away and
Incapacitated
What you're smokings
Got you so sedated

You got stoned and
I got disappointed
The play on words
Here is double jointed
***********************

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Calvin

Thanks for posting this one... I like how you made the title so interesting on the line item...

Any thoughts out there are welcome...... Thanks for reading. jm

Howdy, enjoyed the read. takes me back to my frisbee playing
hippie days.....Gus

Hi Gus

thanks for the read -- I thought there were More old hippies still around.... jm

Howdy, I must have been double jointed too many times, because
it took me til this moment, to get it. good one... gus

I'm going to have to keep an eye on you two, aren't I!!

Hi Steven,

Thanks for the look and your comments.
Have a good day.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

hehehe I had an idea what this might be about before I opened it. Pretty cool idea, nice play on words.

Howdy, I got on the wrong path because i really am double jointed.
I can put my hands together behind my back & pull them over my head without letting go.....Gus

Hi L & M,

Sorry it's taken me a while to get over here....but glad I did.

Needless to say, I love the DOUBLE-entendre of your hook. And yeah, you sprinkle it nicely throughout the lyric.

Only had two little nits. For some reason, "offended" seems too judgemental to me. How about this, which gives you another "out", and a little play with "bubble"....

I'm offended BUMMED OUT by
Your spaced out stare
So I put my goodby
Bubble in the air

Also, not so sure about your pronouncement at the end. I think it goes better without saying... how about something using either of these two lines?:

You got stoned and
I got disappointed
The play on words Bent out of shape or Both hell-bent
Here is ____________________________ double jointed

I can't think of what to use for the last line there, so I guess the suggs aren't particularly helpful. But some form of "bent" might be another fun play on words.... anyhoo, just a thought.

Those aside, you have some GREAT AND GROOVY images here:

Floating in a pool
Of I don't care

and

So I put my goodby
Bubble in the air

So overall, a very cool song. Especially since I too am double-jointed. (Can also touch my tongue to my nose, but I'll save that for another time... ....)

Looking forward to the music on this. It would be a fun one for syncopation, knuckle-cracking and smoke signals!

See ya!
Beth

O.K.....you two, it would seem like there is a common theme with your postings as of late. Not sure if I should call your mothers or just come over. HA!

Very cute....this will be a really neat song to hear..it's funny how it could be interpreted in one way..then the moment happens when he finds out that's not what it's about after all (sorry Gus...) You two are getting so clever. Well, clever or just really happy more often!

Hi Calvin/Joice,

another very good one!

I'm now waiting to listen to it on the MP3 Board. What about some sitar samples, LOL?

You definitely have a strong talent for writing, your phrases are both explicit and poetic, simple without being simplistic, etc. It's both clear AND original. Respect!

Take care,
Yann

Hello Barry,

Hey.....we sure thank you for having a look and your kind words.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

HI Beth,

We appreciate you looking at this one & giving it the once over.
It was a fun write.
I'll talk it over with McFARTneY, but I sure like the way OFFENDED rolls off the tongue.

Have a good evening.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Caroline,


[color:#33CC00]!! CALL THE AUTHORITIES !!
[/color]

Thanks for tuning in with a fun comment, have a good day.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I have no memory of smoking marijuana. Is that a recreational hazard?

cute,
John

Hi Yann,

ha, we thank you for your time spent reading & coooool comments.
I better leave the sitar to Joice :-)

Calvin

!! A LeMoN AnD McFARTneY ProductioN !!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

OK, I do like the Couplets that Mz Beth also liked..too!

But..I dunno..the Singer comes-off like The Morality Policeman.

And..the ending's a bit self-conscious, having to "Give the Pun Away" on The Hook.

SO...I'd recommend the following Sugs:

2nd Last Verse:
"Blown-away &/
Incapacitated/
What you're smoking's/
Left us BOTH sedated..."

Last V:
"You got stoned/
& I got disappointed/
So WE BOTH ended up/
KINDA..Double-Jointed"

KOS..heh. Does bring back the days when a Hit wasn't always a Record...

Good Luck with it Chums!
Big Hugs
Stan

High John,

I'm not sure, I don't remember either.

Calvin

!! A LeMoN AnD McFARTneY ProductioN !!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hello Stan,

Thanks for your thoughts here.

Calvin

!! A LeMoN AnD McFARTneY ProductioN !!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart