JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Best Damn Bad Hand a Man's Ever Had

OK, another one of my infamous 10 minute writes. It's a stinker, but I am going to make the best dang stinker I've ever wrote (LOL!). I realize I got some meter issues to work out, but here goes anyway.

Comments, suggestions welcome and I never shy away from a co-write anymore (even if I am slow sometimes). Hopefully, I can get my recording stuff back together this week -- we had 60 folks in a basement yesterday for a piano recital! (Oh, relatives next weekend, dang!).

Basic story line -- making the best out of what you have been given.

Verse 1: Use a literal poker hand to set the table.
Chorus 1: Here it is.
Verse 2: Carry that metaphor over to work
Chorus 2: Pound home the hook
Verse 3 (or bridge): Maybe slide a little love interest in
Chorus 3: Sung by the gal
Instrumental
Final Chorus: Guy and Gal sing together.

Kevin

EDIT: 10/15: Maybe use "moan and groan" instead of "cry and complain" a couple of places. Use "even if I have to bluff" in two places (out of 4).

**************************************************
Best Damn Bad Hand a Man's Ever Had
(c) Emmrich 2009

(verse)
I strode on up to the poker table
to the dealer with the longest legs
she said ante up boys, Let's see what you get
so she flicked those cards all over the place
I guess they could have read my face,
because she gave me the worst set of cards
that I had ever seen

so I thought, I am gonna make this.....

(chorus)
the best damn bad hand a man's ever had
I ain't gonna moan and groan cry and complain
that life's treating me rough
we only get one chance
on this great big ole earth
so even if I have to bluff so I'm not gonna bluff,
I'm gonna make this the
best damn bad hand a man's ever had

(verse)
Back at work on Monday and I ask the
boss man "How are things going?"
He cried times are bad, the main office
don't like what the numbers are showing
and this here new project's got failure written all over it...
I guess I been dealt a bad hand.
So I thought for a moment and said,
give that project to me

cause I am gonna make this ...

(chorus again)
the best damn bad hand a man's ever had
I ain't gonna cry and complain
that life's treating me rough
we only get one chance
on this great big ole earth
so I'm not gonna bluff,
I'm gonna make this the
best damn bad hand a man's ever had


(Verse/Bridge)
Driving home I see a lady needing help
so I pull over to change that tire
She had two kids in the back
and a no good man that just cut out
but she still smiled and laughed
when I said she had it a little tough.

she just said I'm gonna make this ...

(her chorus)
the best damn bad hand a gal's ever had....
I ain't gonna cry and complain
that life's treating me rough
we only get one chance
on this great big ole earth
so even if I have to bluff so I'm not gonna bluff,
I'm gonna make this the
best damn bad hand a gal's ever had

(instrumental Break)

(Final chorus, together)
We're gonna make this the...

best damn bad hand a man's (gal's) ever had
I ain't gonna cry and complain
that life's treating me rough
we only get one chance
on this great big ole earth
so I'm not gonna bluff,
I'm gonna make this the
best damn bad hand a man's (gal's) ever had

Perty damn good Kevin, <G>,
Just at a read through, the only thought I had was, in the first C, to HAVE him bluff. That might make his poor hand into a GOOD hand, (If he pulled it off <G>).
I'll maybe get back for a better look(and then......)
Wy

I ike the concept Kevin, and I love a song that gives a good message, making the best of a bad situation in this case. I don't have any ideas for you at the moment, but I like where it's headed.

Wyman: Maybe in the first chorus I can say" "Even if I have to bluff". Thanks for the read through.

Barry: Thanks for taking the time to stop by and give it a read. I think it could be a fast little number -- has to be to get in over in around 3 minutes!

Kevin

Yep, Kevin , i like your take on the line bettern' mine.
That's a good hook. Song's worth polishing out IMO
Wy

Love the concept, Kevin (I'm a diehard optimist ), and the tremendous energy in the lyric. Lots of good imagery. Gonna be nice when it's musicified.

Donna

Kevin,
This came to me as I was about to start my yard work. Not that it fits anywhere unless you wanted to use it to close with. But I thought I'd send it along........KOS

When all the cards are dealt
and all the chips have fell
when it looks like it's all gone to hell
just play the best damm bad hand you ever had

I liked where this one was going but it jumped around too much for me. I was hoping that the second verse would pick up from the first but it went in a different direction, not that that is a bad thing but I think you could have built the song around verse one and gone into more details. It just seemed to much on the surface where it could have gone much deeper. Just my opinion, which is only worth alot in my own mind. Best of luck with it.

Hi Kev,

You know, this isn't too far from being a really great song. I agree with the others that it needs a little polishing here and there. It does scatter itself around a bit but overall, the storyline is great, imagery is good and it flows alright. Keep up the good work! I hope it comes together for ya good. I'll keep an eye on it as you move along with it. I'm not much on suggestions. Sometimes an idea will come to me worth sharing but it's Sunday and my brain is taking the sabbath off. So nothing comes to mind at the moment.

Best wishes,

Wes

Kevin,
Most of the above comments, I agree. I usually close my eyes and listen to the story--sequence, content, flow with critical focus. Look at an old vinyl record--All of the important things are in the groove!

The story is great!

Respectfully,

Mackie Humphries

Wyman: I think that "Even if I have to bluff" might also work for the gal's solo chorus. Thanks for commenting.

Donna: I think positive songs are just so much more in demand these days -- but you gotta try and keep it real. I just realized I have 7 or 8 songs in the musical queue!! I better get that equipment back together!

Barry: That would make a wonderful "tag" type thing. Don't know if I'll try and work it in -- but it flows pretty nicely.

gkwaters: It an interesting thought, but I really didn't want to stay in the poker game! I am not much of a poker player, so I don't think I could have pulled it off. I was more interested in the metaphor of the "bad hand" and not the literal. But you're right, someone more "pokerish" could have made it work like that.

Wes: Thanks for the kind words. Yea, it needs some polishing. I'll either tweak it first or wait to see how the music takes shape. Adding the music in always force more economy in the word count!

mjh: Thanks for stopping by and giving it a read, I appreciate it.

Kevin

Howdy Kevin, Gus here. small suggestion for chorus, replace cry
with whine. KOS FUN SONG!!

HI Kevin

Okay
I don't mind that you got out of the poker game..... but perhaps change your hook to

Best Damn Hand I've Ever Had

Since you change gender
OR

change the last story line to something else...

like a guy -- playing a left hand guitar --- when it's all he has...... or something male character

good write in the making, though jm

Steven: I'll take a look at that substitution. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Joice: Thanks for the comments. Good suggestions -- don't know if I will follow them, though (LOL!). I like the story line I cooked up here -- well, at least today I like it. But I am sure mucho changes will come when the music part starts. Thanks for stopping by, always appreciated.

Kevin

HiDee Brother Kev'!

Just had enough time for a Quick Read this AM. V1 started off just-fine..BUT..lyric seems to bleed off in 2 OTHER directions after that.

I was EXPECTING the Singer to end up Romancing the Card Dealer...&..with careful-enough Narration, this could be a Fun One.

As-is, it's kinda Diluted by the time ya hit the Happy Ending.

And..(dealing with the Real World)..Singer's ALREADY had "2 LOSSES" by the time ya get to Part 3. (&..heh..merely Changing the Gal's Tire..doesn't guarantee any REAL further Happy Goings On...in the Real World.)

Good Luck with The Rewrite, Amigo!
Best Wishes,
Stan

TampaStan: Always a pleasure when you stop by. Yes, the romancing the dealer is a good idea, but I really wanted this to be about overcoming bad things. The fact that it is "diluted" before we get to the happy ending, just means it is not written well enough!

I'll give it another shot before recording. Thanks for the comments.

Kevin

Howdy, quirky story about a bad hand, becoming the best damn
bad hand around. Though I'm doing amazingly well, I'm actually
recovering from a major stroke on May 27th. My left side was paralyzed, with most of the trouble in my hand.
Opposite of most of the advice I got, I would constantly poke at
my hand or shake it,& tell it that it was a bad hand, for sleeping on the job, & it better hurry up & get better. After
many stern lectures,brow beatings, & consistant frownings of a
lifetime. I'll be damned if the"bad" hand didn't just wake up one
night, months ahead of schedule, & even my wildest dreams.
Sorry to rant on....Gus

Gus: That's a way better story than mine!! Sorry to hear about that stroke, but congrats on any small (or large) victories you've had in recovery!

Kevin

Howdy Kevin, appreciate that! TTYS