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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 97
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When You Love a Cowboy Copyright 2009 Danielle LaBay
V1 He pulled a ring out of his pocket And he slipped it on his finger I tried to pretend that I didn't notice But my eyes couldn't help but linger
I dug down deep inside me Where the guiltiness usually lies But I came back up empty handed This should come as no surprise
Chorus To the woman who loves this cowboy To the wife he's got waiting for him at home While I help him paint a picture perfect story So he can pick up his ringing phone
This ain't the first time and it won't be the last time He'll forget about her on the road It's just part of the deal, it's your choice When you love a cowboy
V2 White lines lead him up the highway And white lines help him kill his pain Brought on by beating up his body Or not remembering my name
He's got a spirit twice as restless As the horses that he rides He'll run head first through her fences Until he breaks away the pride
Repeat Chorus
Bridge Even if he was with her at home He'd only be thinking about the rodeo But she knows it's not worth it to complain He'd be gone again before the end of the day
Chorus From the woman who loves this cowboy From the wife he's got waiting for him at home While I help him paint a picture perfect story So he can finally answer his ringing phone
This ain't the first time and it won't be the last time That he'll leave her for the rodeo It's just part of the deal, it's your choice When you love a cowboy
He pulls out of his ring out of his pocket And he slips it on his finger...
Last edited by Danielle LaBay; 09/19/09 05:12 PM.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
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Pretty dang good, realistic writing. Not a happy story, but that's the way it is sometimes. I enjoy the read, it was real smooth. Hopefully we can hear it set to music down the road.
Kevin
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
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Danielle, Nice write, seems to slip a little in the bridge. Got a sug if that's okay?
Even if he's with her at home He'll just be thinking rodeo but, she knows better than complain, she'll easer his pain and he'll go
Here we are wracking our brains today to write lyrics that rhyme and if we succeed, they'll end up in time as tommorrow's cliche's... Pete
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Joined: May 2007
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I'm always up for suggestions! I will rewrite this song a million times before I am somewhat satisfied! Thanks for ya'lls input!
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
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Hi Danielle This seems worth working on until you really hit it all solidly....... I'm thinking you should try present tense - more powerful that way, I think.... a start is below your's When You Love a Cowboy Copyright 2009 Danielle LaBay
V1 He pulled a ring out of his pocket And he slipped it on his finger I tried to pretend I didn't notice But my eyes couldn't help but linger
I dug down deep inside me Where the guiltiness usually lies But I came back up empty handed 'Cause this would come as no surprise
Chorus To the woman who loves this cowboy To the wife he's got waiting for him at home While I help him paint a picture perfect story So he can pick up his ringing phone
This ain't the first time and it won't be the last time He'll forget about her on the road It's just part of the deal, it's your choice When you love a cowboy
V2 White lines lead him up the highway And white lines help him kill his pain Brought on by beating up his body Or not remembering my name
He's got a spirit twice as restless As the horses that he rides He'll run head first through her fences Until he breaks away the pride
Repeat Chorus
Bridge Even if he was with her at home He'd just be thinking about the rodeo But she knows better than to complain He'd be gone again before the end of the day
Chorus From the woman who loves this cowboy From the wife he's got waiting for him at home While I help him paint a picture perfect story So he can finally answer his ringing phone
This ain't the first time and it won't be the last time That he'll leave her for the rodeo It's just part of the deal, it's your choice When you love a cowboy
He pulled his ring out of his pocket And he slipped it on his finger... He pullS a ring out of his pocket And slipS it on his finger I trY to pretend I dON't notice But my eyes CAN'T help but linger I dIg down deep inside me Where the guiltiness usually lies<<<<< love the double entendre here But I cOme back up empty handed 'Cause this comeS as no surprise Chorus To A woman who loves this cowboy To the wife he's got waiting for him at home I help him paint a picture perfect story So he can pick up his ringing phone This ain't the first time and it won't be HIS last He'll forget about her on the road It's part of the deal, it's your choice When you love a cowboy
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
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Joined: Dec 2007
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maybe something like this in it?
to a cowboy she's just another rodeo make it to the buzzer or get off and go
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Joined: May 2007
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I love the present tense, so I changed it!! Thank ya'll so much for the input. This is actually based on a true story, but NOT MINE! Don't run off thinking I'm a home wrecker, just a witness!
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Hi, nice writing!
If you'd like this to be commercial, you may change the "I" to "she", apparently, since there are seldom artists who can or will do character songs anymore. Johnny Cash put himself in "Folsom Prison" among other places...today, they all want to be the "good one in the story" and not be seen in anything but the "good light". Tough sell. I do like the writing, as is though. Just a sugg. if you're seeking commercial approval. Could be a contender, imo.
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