Who's Online Now
10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill), 4,088 guests, and 270 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Does Billy Joel belong in top 10?
by Fdemetrio - 03/28/24 11:10 PM
It Is Done
by Sunset Poet - 03/28/24 07:44 PM
Music Industry Summit, Athens Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/28/24 06:14 PM
Can you save me from me
by VNORTH2 - 03/28/24 03:11 PM
As human as yo
by ckiphen - 03/28/24 09:55 AM
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
She’s missing but she ain’t missing him
by ckiphen - 03/23/24 08:44 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,990
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,126
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,120
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,032
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
I've been banging my head against the wall for awhile now regarding finding a second verse for this song.
Any help would be appreciated. co-writing credit offered.

SWIM FOR IT

If all the good ones are taken
why am I still here
and if there's someone for everyone
I'm standing on the pier
Maybe she got lost along the way
on that ship that's comin in someday

CHORUS

So I'm ... gonna swim for it
leave the house, talk to friends
keep the lighthouse lit
so when she comes, she'll see me in the dark
and then I won't have to swim so far






"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Howdy Kay-Lynn,
It sounds like it's set up for a guy singer.
About the only thing I got for another verse was, if you went in a more "fanciful' direction, when she comes she turns out to be a mermaid and he can't quite--keep up with her..
Maybe someone else has some ideas on it
Good luck with it regardless
Wy

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878
Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878
Likes: 2
In response to Wy's post, it's not all that uncommon for one gender to write songs for the opposite one. A case in point was the Forester Sister's hit from the 1980's "Talkin' 'bout Men" which was actually written by two men. And John Prine's "Angel from Montgomery" which was about an old woman.

As for your lyric, can't think of add on verse at this time, but may take a look at it later.

Peace,
Brian

Wait a minute! I think I've come up with at least the first line. How about this?

So I'll just jump in the water
And swim on toward the shore
And remain active and on the move
Till I find one I'll adore
And if I have to swim several miles
It'll be worth it when I see her smile

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Thanks for looking guys. I think the first verse is really the attention getter, then the chorus reflects real life things he's gonna do to "put himself out there" instead of just waiting for her to show up.

To that end, I think it might need some more real life examples.

The next time that waitress smiles at me, I'm gonna get her number.
or...
or examples of when he DIDN'T take the opportunity
like
when his buddies told him to come out to the honky tonk and a girl asked him to dance and he said no.

Any thoughts?


"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
P
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
P
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
Hi Kay-lynn,
this might sound disorganised, but; what if you used that first verse for a chorus?
Pete


Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Pete, I usually would consider that, except it's pretty much a melody driven song, especially the chorus.

See if you don't agree...
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=39466&content=music

it's just a work tape.


"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Hey again,
this would be more "general" than your suggestions but this is what I got

I let some good ones get away
While I tried to get ahead
Instead of gatherin' up green stuff
Gonna' gather love instead

KOS
Wy

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Hi Kay-lynn

You have a very pretty voice, smile just listened. Looks like you're getting lots of idea's here, good luck with your song.

Loved listening. whistle

Off to bed now, I'm exhausted, goodnight. sleep

Aussie fan
Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 08/30/09 11:09 AM.
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911
Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911
Likes: 1
If all the good ones are taken,
why am I still here,
She slipped through my fingers,
when her number disappeared,
I've got to do my part to reel her in,
Swimming with the strength that lies within


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
ok.. how about this.. Could be verse one, but I'm not sure it's strong enough.



Have I already met her
and didn't even know
was she right there in front of me
I'll probly never know
maybe I'm the one who lost my way
so I'm setting a new course today

(one of those "know" lines has to change)
OTHER SCRAPS


I never gave her my number
I didn't get her name
looking back on that time
what a stupid mistake
she could have been the one
and now I"ll never know

argggg.... still banging my head. LOL



"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Does any of this make sense?


"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
I think this verse is pretty good Kay Lynn
Maybe on one "know"
------------
Have I already met her
LIKE A FOOL LET HER GO
was she right there in front of me
I'll probly never know
maybe I'm the one who lost my way
so I'm setting a new course today
Wy

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
C
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
I liked you're original first verse. It worked for me. I wrote this down a couple days ago, but thought these fine folks fixed you up, but now that I'm reading, I'll go ahead and post it, you may be able to piece it with something else here.

v2
if all the good ones are taken
how is the sea still full
i see them everywhere but they never stop
maybe i'm just a fool
but i have to believe she'll come along
and like a siren, i'll get lost in her song


OK, I know, it was just a minute of my time, so it's not exactly good, but it's something. maybe even useable. lmk


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,139
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,139
Its not that the good ones are hard to find
they're just so hard to keep
and i find her nearly every night when I fall asleep
thats why I am standing here on this pier
in hope thats I will some day see
the one I love standing on the deck
when my ship comes in for me......sorry,I tend to get more dramatic and poetic when I'm sleepy...lol


*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue


Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Thanks for the comments guys... I had forgotten all about he word "fool".. I might be able to use that actually.

It's much appreciated.!!

Kay-lynn


"It Mattered to THAT One"
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
J
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
J
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
KL,
did you ever get another demo done for "I Love it When You Do That"? Love that one. Set this one aside for a while before you drive yourself nuts.

have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
Top 200 Poster
OP Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,550
I'm trying to remember our conversation.............. I only have the one demo of Love it when you do that............not sure if you heard it or not....... (yup I know it's in the wrong key for me)

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=39466

I think it's the 3rd song down.


"It Mattered to THAT One"

Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
warriorgirl (2024)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5