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Joined: Oct 2001
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I've been banging my head against the wall for awhile now regarding finding a second verse for this song. Any help would be appreciated. co-writing credit offered.
SWIM FOR IT
If all the good ones are taken why am I still here and if there's someone for everyone I'm standing on the pier Maybe she got lost along the way on that ship that's comin in someday
CHORUS
So I'm ... gonna swim for it leave the house, talk to friends keep the lighthouse lit so when she comes, she'll see me in the dark and then I won't have to swim so far
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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Howdy Kay-Lynn, It sounds like it's set up for a guy singer. About the only thing I got for another verse was, if you went in a more "fanciful' direction, when she comes she turns out to be a mermaid and he can't quite--keep up with her.. Maybe someone else has some ideas on it Good luck with it regardless Wy
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In response to Wy's post, it's not all that uncommon for one gender to write songs for the opposite one. A case in point was the Forester Sister's hit from the 1980's "Talkin' 'bout Men" which was actually written by two men. And John Prine's "Angel from Montgomery" which was about an old woman.
As for your lyric, can't think of add on verse at this time, but may take a look at it later.
Peace, Brian
Wait a minute! I think I've come up with at least the first line. How about this?
So I'll just jump in the water And swim on toward the shore And remain active and on the move Till I find one I'll adore And if I have to swim several miles It'll be worth it when I see her smile
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Thanks for looking guys. I think the first verse is really the attention getter, then the chorus reflects real life things he's gonna do to "put himself out there" instead of just waiting for her to show up.
To that end, I think it might need some more real life examples.
The next time that waitress smiles at me, I'm gonna get her number. or... or examples of when he DIDN'T take the opportunity like when his buddies told him to come out to the honky tonk and a girl asked him to dance and he said no.
Any thoughts?
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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Hi Kay-lynn, this might sound disorganised, but; what if you used that first verse for a chorus? Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today to write lyrics that rhyme and if we succeed, they'll end up in time as tommorrow's cliche's... Pete
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Hey again, this would be more "general" than your suggestions but this is what I got
I let some good ones get away While I tried to get ahead Instead of gatherin' up green stuff Gonna' gather love instead
KOS Wy
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Hi Kay-lynn You have a very pretty voice, just listened. Looks like you're getting lots of idea's here, good luck with your song. Loved listening. Off to bed now, I'm exhausted, goodnight. Aussie fan Michele
Last edited by Michele Bolton; 08/30/09 11:09 AM.
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If all the good ones are taken, why am I still here, She slipped through my fingers, when her number disappeared, I've got to do my part to reel her in, Swimming with the strength that lies within
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ok.. how about this.. Could be verse one, but I'm not sure it's strong enough.
Have I already met her and didn't even know was she right there in front of me I'll probly never know maybe I'm the one who lost my way so I'm setting a new course today
(one of those "know" lines has to change) OTHER SCRAPS
I never gave her my number I didn't get her name looking back on that time what a stupid mistake she could have been the one and now I"ll never know
argggg.... still banging my head. LOL
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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Does any of this make sense?
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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I think this verse is pretty good Kay Lynn Maybe on one "know" ------------ Have I already met her LIKE A FOOL LET HER GO was she right there in front of me I'll probly never know maybe I'm the one who lost my way so I'm setting a new course today Wy
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I liked you're original first verse. It worked for me. I wrote this down a couple days ago, but thought these fine folks fixed you up, but now that I'm reading, I'll go ahead and post it, you may be able to piece it with something else here.
v2 if all the good ones are taken how is the sea still full i see them everywhere but they never stop maybe i'm just a fool but i have to believe she'll come along and like a siren, i'll get lost in her song
OK, I know, it was just a minute of my time, so it's not exactly good, but it's something. maybe even useable. lmk
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Its not that the good ones are hard to find they're just so hard to keep and i find her nearly every night when I fall asleep thats why I am standing here on this pier in hope thats I will some day see the one I love standing on the deck when my ship comes in for me......sorry,I tend to get more dramatic and poetic when I'm sleepy...lol
*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue
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Thanks for the comments guys... I had forgotten all about he word "fool".. I might be able to use that actually.
It's much appreciated.!!
Kay-lynn
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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KL, did you ever get another demo done for "I Love it When You Do That"? Love that one. Set this one aside for a while before you drive yourself nuts.
have fun, John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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I'm trying to remember our conversation.............. I only have the one demo of Love it when you do that............not sure if you heard it or not....... (yup I know it's in the wrong key for me) https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=39466I think it's the 3rd song down.
"It Mattered to THAT One"
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