JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Story of Her Life (Collab w/ Jan Hopkins) [ Revision 1 ]

Thanks again to everyone that listened and commented on the first posting of this. We worked to address some of the things pointed out by everyone, and we look forward to your continued feedback!

MP3 File: Story of Her Life (Revised)

Story of Her Life © 2009 John Parker/Janice Hopkins

She's got a suitcase full of dreams
And it's bursting at the seams
'Cause her future's starting right now

True, just a girl of twenty-two
At a loss for what to do
But she knows she'll make it someway, somehow

Chorus 1:

She don't know much 'bout where this thing they call real life is goin'
In such a rush, can't hold her back and what's the point of knowin'
Makin' her way is what it's all about
Day by day just livin' each line
That writes the Story of Her Life

Looks around...she's thirty-nine and not sure how
Nothing seemed to quite work out
Every page she turns leaves more regret

Time's often anything but kind
Not sure what she thought she'd find
If it's out there she ain't seen it yet

She don't know much 'bout where this roller coaster life is goin'
She feels so rushed with all it's ups and down, pushin' and pullin'
Sometimes this world can leave her inside out
If she had her way, says she just might
Rewrite the Story of Her Life

Now looking back from 93
Swears she wouldn't change a thing
Every heartbreak just a stepping stone to what she really needed

Still time moves on and she will too
Though she's got nothing left to prove
She made it on her own but in the end you know she still believes that...

She don't know much 'bout where this thing she called her life is goin'
She can't be rushed to reach that end 'cause what's the point in knowin'
How it all turns out when that light goes out
In these final days relivin' each line
That wrote the Story of Her Life

Yeah...we'd really like to know what you all think about the lyrical revisions we made since our last posting. Is it working better now? Thanks,

Jan and John

Guys I love it! Great hook and you got to the hook perfectly. Melody works for the song well. Good job guys!

Curt

As with most (good) songs, listening to it more and more makes you appreciate it more. I noticed you didn't change any lyrics until the the "93" verse, but that's OK.

The "39" verse is pretty much a downer verse, but then at "93" she's happy as a lark. Might still be a little abrupt in the story. I would consider adding a glimmer of hope in the 39 verse ("light at the end of tunnel" type thing).

Sounds pretty good to me.

Kevin

Thanks for giving it a listen Curt. We have struggled with the progression of this one. We need to know if most of you think that we are making it all clearer now.

We appreciate that you gave it your time Curt. That always means alot to us.

Jan

Janice and John, for the most part this works well. Great concept.

My one concern is that - for me - there's too big a gap between 39 and 93.
I doubt many women would relate to that age. (And I daresay there'll be very few 93-year-olds ever listening to the song.)

Would you consider using, say, 36 and 63 instead? Or even 35 and 53? In any case, not more than 37/73. The reason being that, for example, at 63 a woman (or man) would be likely to have several more years ahead. The character in the song would be a kind of role model for the listener. A 93-year-old, however, would likely be seen to be at the end of her days anyway and so might as well accept everything that happened as it did. However, a 63-year-old can still make conscious, considered changes. Her attitude would be seen as more active, and she'd be positive on the basis of her realisation that although she didn't always get what she wanted, she did get what she needed. (I don't know whether I'm expressing this coherently. )

I also agree with Kevin's suggestion to have an element of hope in the '39' verse.

In any case, a good story.

Donna

This is really, really good. The music is so good - it just rolls - it has a great melody and very nice development. So good. The vocals are very expressive and just right for this song.

There is only one small thing - the dreams / seems rhyme in the first two lines is so "obvious" that it might prevent a screener from taking this one. That is the only wrinkle I see. The first verse has to be the strongest part and here it is not.

Tom

Donna....I think you have given us some great suggestions. I never looked at it quite like that, but you have...once again, made me look at it a little differently. I thank you for that....so very much.

I'm glad that you stopped by to listen...means alot.

Jan

Hi Janice and John,
I think this song is gorgeous.I think its perfect as is and i think that many can relate to it....in my twenties,I was ready to take on the world...by the time I had reached my forties,real life had set in,and at that point life can be a downer...but I hope that when(and if) I reach my 90s,that I will have that same attitude,and finally realize that I needed to go through every single experience in my life(good or bad)to get that point....I also feel that now that the lady is in her 90s,that it would be perfectly reasonable to question where her "life"is going...starting to wonder about the new journey that will soon be before her.Does that make sense?The part"time moves on and she will too"works so well here because she is near the end stages of THIS journey,but she is about to embark on a new one.......very beautiful song.Great job and good luck to both of you.
Michelle

Thanks so much for completely getting it, Michele. That is just exactly what I was trying to convey there. I so appreciate that you gave it a listen. John has written such a wonderful melody and his delivery is so emotion filled for the woman that he speaks of.

We appreciate this, Michelle

jan

Hi John and Janice,

This is good. Just the 93 (seems everyone is harping on about this one!!), for me its different, and maybe a bit sad, but I'll say it anyway and you can all laugh it up When I heard 93 for some reason I thought you meant the year 1993, and wondered why she was looking back from there. Guess everyone else knew it was the age, so slap me

The idea of looking back and kind of saying well all of what I've gone through good or bad brought me here. I would just wonder that in verse 2 things seem to be going wrong so that she wants to rewrite the story of her life, then looking back from 93 (the age Alan, the age ) she says she wouldn't change a thing, just wondering why? and what is it that she really needed and did she get it? Is it just surviving life?

There is a great song from the Musical Billy Elliot called Grandma's song which is an older person looking back on her life with her husband, how it wasn't great, although there were pockets when it was, in the end she says that:

'What's the use of dreamin now
I had my chance, well anyhow,
if I'd only known then what I know now
I'd have given then all the finger

I'd gone dancing, and not give a [naughty word removed],
spin around and love every bit'
(sorry for the long quote, but the end of your song reminded me of this,,and I am recalling this from memory. OK it automatically removed the naughty word that rhymes with bit, but I am only quoting a lyric )

I'm not saying that you have to do this, but I guess from the lyrics its someone with a dream, in midlife its all going wrong and in the end she is saying well its all ok I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe its acceptance that this is the way her life went. I appreciate this is getting very deep, maybe too deep, but they are just my thoughts.

I think there are some great lines in this, just the last verse left me wondering. Love the music and the way it flows and has that melancholic feel to it in the guitar.

Anyway just my 2 cents of thoughts.

Cheers

Alan

Donna (and others) -

In regards to the age of 93...

I totally know what you mean, and we did discuss this briefly. While it's a great point, consider the inverse: if the verse was 63 instead of 93...would it speak to women of that age or offend them? I think it would tick them off. That's about the age of my mom, and I can guarantee you that if I inferred that 63 was the twilight of her life...she'd disown me. On a more personal note, the concept of the third verse came after my great-aunt passed away at the age of 95. (I guess the women on that side of my family have strong West Texas genes.) After reading her obituary, I was shocked how little I knew about her life. I never could articulate it the way I wanted, which is what I think Jan did so well.

Anyway...that's why we went with 93 versus 63 (or, heaven help us, 53).

Thanks for the feedback! - JP

Tom -

I enjoy reading your input...not just here, but on other songs. You've got a great perspective. In this case...I just hope you're wrong

The versus actually use a little 3-part rhyme (the first word of the first line with the last of the first two lines.) I concede that dreams / seams may be an easy rhyme...but I simply love the imagery it provides of this starry-eyed girl ready to take on the world. The entire song grew from that one phrase...so while it may be obvious, I hope it's powerful enough to overcome that.

Thanks for the honest input...it's very much appreciated.

- JP

Alan,

Thanks so much for taking so much time with this and for giving us your thoughts. Don't feel bad about the way that you heard that line. That is the area that we struggled with as well. I think that we nearly have that addressed now...so that it will be clearer. We so appreciate that you took the time. It all helps us so very much.

Jan

HI Jan & John,

This is very well done, the music and vocals fit the lyrics and the story you tell is, for the most part, told very well too. But, I question the gap in years between 39 and 93.

What happened to her in that time to change her mind about her life, from it not being what she thought it would be to not changing a thing? Not everyone that gets to be that old is content with their lives. There are a lot of bitter old people around that never reconcile the fact that life isn't always fair. So, what is the story in those years?

If you were to change the 93 age to something younger, obviously you would have to rethink that verse because it's not the end of her life, but maybe she realizes it's the beginning of the last stage and she better either accept the life she has had or get off her butt and go get the one she wants while she's still able.

Just some thoughts.

Ricki

Ricki,

Thanks for giving a listen....you have once again, brought up some valid points that alot have stumbled over. We will be taking a look at all that you've said and we thank you for the insight...so very much. We need to get it clearer it seems.

Jan

John and Janice,

I just listened a couple of times. It's a very, very nicely done song. There's some great writing here and the musical arrangement is super.

As far as the demo, it's very clean. But, for my personal taste, perhaps the higher EQ is too pronounced. That gives it a little "thinner" sound that I would prefer. But, as I said, that's more a matter of personal taste than a technical issue.

I can empathize your plight trying to take the song from 39 to 93. I wrote and posted one a couple of years ago called "She Ain't Ever Coming Back". I received many similar comments about the abrupt transition from pre-middle age to senior status...ie, tell us more about the time between, that's too big off a gap, etc. Well, it's a song, not a book! To put it bluntly, a little imagination on the part of the listener wouldn't hurt! Personally, I do not need details spelled out for me in most cases. I don't necessarily care what, exactly, got her from there to here. I can fill in those blanks to satisfy my own curiosity. I probably just stepped on a lot of friendly toes. If I did, I'm sorry, but those are my honest feelings.

Now, regarding the variuous points of view about 93 vs 63, or 53, etc. I'll be 63 in a few months. I am fully aware, that according to statitistics, I have but 12 - 15 years remaining id i die at an average age. So, using 63 wouldn't bother me at all. And I do think it would make the story slightly more realistic. living into one's 90s is, by far, the great exception. But, my mother is 87 and my grandmother (her mother), died at 95. But again, those are exceptions. I think the problem is most people do not like to be reminded of their mortaility, particualrly when they're closing in on the later stages of it. So, I guess that puts you in the position of deciding between reality (for most people) and assuaging the those who choose not to face it. So, for me, 63 would work better becaue it's more realistic for the greatest part of society.

Given that one matter of decision, this is a very well written and performed song. I really do like it. Good luck with it.!

Alan

Alan,

Thank you so much for the great suggestions. They all make good sense to me. This is still at a stage where things can be changed and made clearer and more relevant. I thank you for giving it so much of your time and thought. It's great of you to do that. You make very valid points, and they are all so appreciated.

I will pass this all on to John then...

Jan

When I read the lline with the number 93 it stopped me in my tracks. Then I realized this was a tale of a very old woman looking back upon her life. Maybe 63 would be a bit more realistic here, but most of us still have a lot of living to do at that age. That was the age when I had a fall which could have done a lot more damage than it did. Because I tend to be a headstrong person I tended to recover quicker and more completely than I night have. (I'll be 65 in three months).

But living to 93 is not as lofty and unattainable a goal as it once was. At first I was not sure what the number referred to until I reread it. Thought it could have meant either the year 1993 or a highway number. Whatever number you have, it is a great piece and 93 would work as well as any number, IMO.

Brian,

Alot of folks have stumbled over that 93 line...it is all being evaluated and altered....even as we speak....we will get this resolved. It is thanks to all of you that have offered comments, that we can perhaps save it from the chopping block when we demo and pitch it. Thanks for that. We appreciate everyone's honesty. It has helped us so much to make the song better and better.

Jan