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#736205 07/09/09 02:58 AM
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Old song from 1989.I have had this kicking around in my head for about a year and thinking about a re-write,as if I don't have enough on my plate.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=857784&songID=7807740

<The only life I had>

Escape is seven hundred feet straight down,
and the memories go 'round and 'round,
of the only life I had.

Late for a funeral that never ends,
now it's much too late to make amends,
to the only life I had.
(chorus)
Winter wind is the only sound that echoes in my head,
on this bridge and about to take a step into the end,
the only life I had.....slips away.

Pain will be a toothless apparition soon,
focus on the godless moon,
and the only life I had.

Chorus---------------------------------------------------)

out.

It's really rough but there is something I like about it.Vibey and a little creepy.

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Hi Mac,
I agree..creepy yet vibey..kinda like that Blue Oyster Cult song about not fearing the reaper.Its creepy(and i still fear the reaper),but its a cool song,just like this one...I dont really understand the line about pain being a toothless apparition...(like a backhills redneck ghost or something...lol)just kidding...i just dont understand that particular line,and i guess that i really dont need to,because I still like the song alot.
Michelle


*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue


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Hi Mac,

Just listened to your song a couple of times, and I gotta tell you...you really are a terrific musician. Love your vocals too.

This song....well, Mac, you've got me between a rock and a hard place on this one! I read the lyrics.....and thought dang, that's heavy....then I clicked on and started listening....and I have to admit...I was sitting here groovin' to the beat, when it dawned on me that I shouldn't be feelin' this stoked listening to a song about a guy who is contemplating a final nose dive! LOL!!

This song's melody and your singing are so hypnotic. Really love your playing.

Best wishes to you,
Gail













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Hi Mac,

Nice to meet you...

What a wonderful sound, such a mesmerizing hook to it, and your vocals and harmony are excellent.

But Mac, I kind of agree with Gail, the subject is a little daunting. I understand how some lyrics just stick with us and we have to keep them, but if this isn't one of those that you can't bare to change, I would sure love to hear this as a more positive love song, because you got the women hooked by the vocal and the instrumentation, and if you change this up to one of those Barry White "Cant Get Enough of Your Love Baby" songs, you got a hit with us lol,

Hope you don't mind my rambling thoughts, and hope you smiled,

Letha

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Thanks guys,

I posted this just to get some intial feedback regarding it being potentially as good as what I hear in my danged head.

Michelle,

"Pain will be a toothless apparition soon" just means that pain will no longer have the bite it did,it will be a ghost to the character....gone.

Gail and Letha,

I have a habit of hiding bitterness and/or venom lyrically.I hide them in happy or slick melodies so as to achieve a slow burn.One has to listen a few times to understand that not all is well.

Regarding "love songs"....I have written a few,but they are for certain people in my life and I don't know how to fake my way through on a love "formula" as it were.

Thanks for listening,maybe I will move forward and drag this dusty relic into the now.

Mac.


Last edited by maccharles; 07/10/09 12:14 AM.
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Hi Mac,

I hope you do bring this out and revive it. I know what you mean, I can write sad that would curl your toes, but I hope you are like me, and use your music as an outlet to release whatever it is that is bothering you at the time.

And hey, you decide you want help with that faking a love song love "formula", you just ask us women, we can give you some lines, a group collab, lol.

Letha


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Hey Mac,

How are you tonight?

I'm glad I took the time to read thru some of the other posts and your responses, because they both raised and answered some of the same questions I had (about the "toothless apparition" line for example. Still think you might want to play around with that somehow?)

Anyhoo, that aside, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Personally, I don't worry about writing only cheery tunes, so I have no problem with your subject matter. And I think the hypnotic quality of the music is actually quite fitting, considering the thoughts going thru his head.

In reading the lyric first, I was curious how you would actually musicate it....and I thought your phrasing was very compelling.

All in all, a neat offering. Keep up the good work!!

Ciao for now,
Beth

P.S. As an aside to Michelle, the only album I ever won on one of those dial-in radio deals was from Blue Oyster Cult! shocked laugh So that group holds a special place in my musical history. Did it influence my assessment of this song? Nah -- though I suppose our "hero" is feeling a bit blue.... wink


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
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I guess I'm in the minority here. I don't mind the groove with the heavy subject matter. My feeling is that maybe this needs a bridge.

You've got a good melody and I love your guitar work and vocal. But I think pairing the melody with the grooving drum and the sparse depressing lyric may be a little overkill. It just gets to be a little monotonous.

I'm usually one of these people who says, "you don't need to explain" but I think in this case, a bridge showcasing something in his life would help. I don't think it has to compromise what you're doing with this, but perhaps just get him off the bridge for the "middle eight."

I might also pull some of the poetic stuff out your lyric too. With something like this, I think it has more emotional impact if you just say:

Seven hundred feet straight down,
and the memories go 'round and 'round,
of the only life I had.

You did that in the chorus already and those lines really grab me.

Here are a couple of other thoughts on the 2nd and third verses

The wind is my only friend,
here on this bridge into the end,
as the only life I had.....slips away.

The pain will be gone real soon
I'll slay the monster in the room
And only the moon will be sad
for the only life I had

Don't file it away in the dust pile. There's something very compelling about it. That's why all we ladies like it, I think. smile Also, I hope I'm not being offensive in suggesting those lyric changes. It's your song and I hope you don't think I'm stepping on it. I just got a little jazzed about it. Disregard if they do not resonate.




http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

https://soundcloud.com/#mamby-p

http://www.reverbnation.com/donsechelski

Link for Blackfoot Daisy band


You think I'm just another jive folk singer but I'm a master in the art of criminology..Tom Russell
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Mac,
I love it! Wonderful feel to this. Is that an acoustic in the background the whole way? I really like the sound you got from it.
I listened three times and I enjoyed it more each time, what a groove you got going.

And the vibe I got was a combo of Stealy Dan and Michael Jackson.

Tom

Last edited by Tom Franz; 07/10/09 03:52 AM.
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Mac,

You really have your own sound going, and I love the way you harmonize your voice.

I think your music touch lifts the lyrics you work with. Even though this is a sad lyric on paper, it really doesn't come across like that, through the music to me.

There's sort of an uplifting quality to your music that I really like. I don't know how to put it, but there's saying that sorrow is really sweet. That's why it can be understood as an indulgence to allow yourself to be in it.

I guess I feel that way about your stuff, Mac. You have that sweet sorrow touch!

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Hi Mac,

Very cool vibe, didn't feel creepy to me. Maybe more haunting. Love the groove and your vocal/harmony. Subject matter...uh...not another silly love song, for sure! But that's fine by me. Dark poetry with haunting music all in one song may not be the most commercial way to go but it held my interest. You haven't disappointed me yet. Awesome, all the way around.

Ricki

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Hi Mac

I just like it

a keeper : )

leave em thinking !


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

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Thank you guys,

I see a resounding "yes" here that I should keep it/fix it.Maybe next year when it comes up in my head again,I'll remember these responses and get off my ass and lump it in with whatever new batch is cooking.

Thanks again.


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