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Here is a new one from John Parker and I. Hope you'll give it a listen and let us know what you all think.....thanks so much.

http://www.soundclick.com/janicehopkins


Story of Her Life © 2009 John Parker/Janice Hopkins

She’s got a suitcase full of dreams
And it’s bursting at the seams
‘Cause her future’s starting right now

True, just a girl of twenty-two
At a loss for what to do
But she knows she’ll make it someway, somehow

Chorus 1:

She don’t know much ‘bout where this thing they call real life is goin’
In such a rush, can’t hold her back and what’s the point of knowin’
Makin’ her way is what it’s all about
Day by day just livin’ each line
That writes the Story of Her Life

Now thirty-nine and not sure how
Nothing seemed to quite work out
Every page she turns leaves more regret

Time’s often anything but kind
Not sure what she thought she’d find
If it’s out there she ain’t seen it yet

She don’t know much ‘bout where this roller coaster life is goin’
She feels so rushed with all it’s ups and down, pushin’ and pullin’
Sometimes this world can leave her inside out
If she finds a way, says she just might
Rewrite the Story of Her Life

Now when she looks back on those dreams
She swears she wouldn’t change a thing
Every heartbreak’s just a stepping stone to what she really needed

Still time moves on and she will too
But she’s got nothing left to prove
She made it on her own but in the end you know that she still believes that….

Last Chorus:
She don’t know much ‘bout where this thing she called her life is goin’
She can’t be rushed to reach that end ‘cause what’s the point in knowin’
How it all turns out when that light goes out
In these final days relivin’ each line
That wrote the Story of Her Life

Sorry...had a little typo there at first in the heading...hope I have it fixed now...Jan

Hello, nice to see folks collabing here and there and this one has has good melody to it (reminds me of a tune Glenn Campbell might have done).

Right now, you have good solid tune -- but I'm having trouble hanging my hat on anything. I think the chorus has a lot of words in it, I would take the saw to it and find more images to replace the words.

She also went from 22 to 39 pretty quick. Seems like to me that it might have been more convincing starting at 39 and then looking back to 22.

I dislike being first, especially if I'm a little crabby (LOL!).

Kevin

Well, Kevin....even if you are crabby...HA....I appreciate that someone dared to be first....has to be someone...might as well be you, huh?

We appreciate your comments, but will see what others say too.

Thanks so much, Kevin.

Jan

Probably a good idea, I make a living being in the minority position!

Kevin

Hi Janice,

You and John have penned a real nice one here. The first comment Ihave isn't about the song, rather about the demo. For what it might be worth if you recut this: The acoustic guitar rings quite a bit, particularly throught the first two verses. The ringing lingers in the mix and slightly masks the rest of the instrumentation and voice. it's not terrible, but it is noticeable. Other than that, the cut sounds real good.

I didn't have the same issue with thte fast movement of time (22 - 39) that Kevin did. Just different perspectives. But kevin's pretty darned smart and a good musician...ya might want to listen to him. But, the reason it didn't bother me is the last half of that same line..."and not sure how". It would be hard to fill in the blanks of the timeline if she didn't know how she got there. So, that resolves the first half of that line for me. Fats movement, yes...but quickly explained.

The only issue I have wiuth the lyric is this: you wrote

If she finds a way, she just might
Rewrite the story of her life

At this point she's already 39, probably having lived half of her life. Can't rewrite what's already been done. Not sure how to change that and keep your hook and rhyme. the other two chorus end just fine.

Just my thoughts, for what they are worth. Keep or sweep. Nice song!

Alan

Alan....thanks for giving this a listen. It is our very first rough worktape...that's all. Nothing is written in stone...just got started on it.

John is great to work with and I'm sure that when we have all of our comments together, we will be giving it another look before thinking...final.

You have given us some good things to think about that will help tighten it all up to where it needs to be before we think demo.

Thanks as always Alan....I appreciate that so much.

Jan

So if I agree with Kevin, will I be considered crabby? First, I loved the song in the sense that the melody was real pleasing. Very well done.

But (ouch, the BUT Monkey!)...I had a tough time with following the timeline in the song. And quite honestly, it's because of one word for me that threw me each time..."NOW". It's like...

Instead of seeing the "Story of her life" in a fluid progression, I was forced to see it in choppy pieces. "Now this..." "Now that..." "Now here..." "Now there..." I wanted it to flow more (in)directly. (and I am aware that I took some "now" liberties with my examples..." Now I'm going to wrap it up.

However (A "but" with a pretty face)

if you were to say...

"Back when she was 22..."

"then while she was 39"...

"now that she is at the end..."

it allows some goofball listener like me to follow along and I'm able to sink into the deep blue melancholy of a great song of dreams lost, sunk, stolen, misplaced, misdirected...

Any of that make sense? You're free to just reply with "tsk, tsk, tsk" and say..."You know Terrill...if you had a brain, you'd take it out and play with it." I'd totally understand.

But forgive me if I failed to mention, I really did enjoy the song.

T

You're funny....NOW...but maybe not later....HA.

Actually I never looked at the timeline like that...I see what you're saying....it just never hit me that way. So you're saying to look back over her life in retrospect instead of trying to take the listener on the journey as it's happening...right?

Well maybe YOU'RE not so dumb....LOL....I'm just harassing you...

You have given great food for thought that we will put in a big basket together with all the other folk's comments....right NOW, in fact....and we will see what we need to do to straighten the issues out before the final....

Thank you....even if you are crabby....just joking again....it's what I DO....HA

Thanks.....

Jan

NOW I'm laughing and enjoying your response to my cacaphonic response.

NOW I'm going to listen to the song again cause I really do like it.

NOW I'm going to hit submit and give this a'nudder "bump".

NOW...

Bless you, my child.....

Jan & John....Although I haven't heard all you've written I would count this as one of your best......NOW..you go girl (and guy)!...lol

Larry

I'm really enjoying all of the comments! There's definitely some good food for thought here. Here are a couple of responses that come to mind:

On jumping through time: I didn't think much of it on the first comment, as there are countless songs that make these kinds of jumps...written in present tense, jumping years from verse to verse. I think Terrill nailed it though...I don't think the problem is the jump, but the transition used to make the jump. I immediately think of "Don't Take the Girl", which stays in present tense for each jump...but the leading line for each verse makes that transition, which we may be weak on. This is definitely something we'll look at.

On the demo quality: Yeah, that would be my fault. I need to go in and clean up several things if we ever intend this to be considered an actual "demo"...but for now it's only intended to be a scratch track for critique purposes.

Just a side note: This has been my first real co-write, and Jan has been absolutely wonderful to work with. I hope you'll see more songs pop up in the future with both of our names on them

I'll go a step further...

I hope to HEAR them on a radio station in the not so distant future! Guys, this really is a good song.

I may have used up my quota on responding to a thread, so I'll lay low...

NOW that was funny!

Heh...I hope to hear that, too. Here's to hoping! Thanks again!!

John/ Janice,

I really enjoyed this! The music really drew me into the lyric here, wonderful match, great melody, and very good singing! Loved every minute of it..

You've got a bunch of comments on the lyric, so I'll just keep it with the Im glad I listened, and Im certain this will end up on radio sooner or later!

Good luck with it!

Hi Janice/John,

I thought it was an enjoyable sound.
And didn't have a problem with the timeline.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Jan and John:

Listened to this last night just before hitting the sack. Yes, this is a really nice melody. I like the lyric too because it goes deep...

I wasn't bothered by the first change in the timeline. I'm wondering though - is there a second one?

Reason I ask is that (at age 39) she's saying

Every page she turns leaves more regret

and

If she finds a way, says she just might
Rewrite the Story of Her Life

Then, later in the song, she says:

Now when she looks back on those dreams
She swears she wouldn’t change a thing

I can understand feeling all these things at different stages of life. In fact, that's the main feature of the lyric, I suspect. However, the "age 39" section and the later section both begin with "now" suggesting they are happening at the same time.

I assume the last part of the lyric occurs after age 39 but still young enough to still have a bit of road ahead? If my interpretation is correct, would probably be a pretty minor thing to clarify it....

The ideas in here really resonated with me

Scott

Scott -

You're right in assuming there's a third time period in the final alternate verse. We chose not to specifically stick an age in there, but hoped it would be clear by using phrases such as "when she looks back" and "in these final days." We'll definitely look at that final verse to see if we can clarify that a bit more from the get-go. We appreciate the feedback!!

Hey J & J:

Yup, a definite Glen Campbell feel to this one....and just as engaging.

The story isn't atypical, but Janice, your lyrics are interesting enough to set it apart. Though interestingly, I think Kim has a lyric up now too, talking about a suitcase full of dreams!! Great minds think a like, and all that.

As far as the timeline issue, my only question would the same as Scott's -- that last NOW. Because it does suggest she's still 39... it would be nice to see some clarification there.

Speaking of the "suitcase full of dreams" line, I love the follow-up: "And it's bursting at the seams". What a great image!!

And I think the hook is great!

As for the length of the chorus, needless to say, Miss "Syllables For Sale" here has no issues with it! John's singing is so endearing, I just kept looking forward to each new phrase.

Overall, a very enjoyable tune. Good luck to both of you!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Thanks Beth for some fine insight, as usual....Alas, I can not take credit for some of John's great lines...he had a really good start on this one when I came into it. I'm just happy to have had any part in this one.

I do think that we will have to clarify that timeline, since it seems to be a stumbling block for several of you...and we think it will be an easy fix....to make that hit people better.

We thank you for giving it a listen...and we're glad that it seems to be mostly working for you.

We appreciate that you took the time.

John is a super guy to work with...very dedicated and sincere in his work. I hope you hear more from us.

Jan

Ahhh,
a laid back version of Alabama's "I'm in a Hurry". And very pleasant at that. It sounds contemporary to me.

The tune sounds enjoyable enough to get people listening again and finding more of the depth in the lyric. Oh no- I think that's the whole point of this exercise.

I must be getting soft,
John

Hi Janice and John,

You had me from "bursting at the seams."

This is the kind of song that Rosanne Cash loves to write and perform, and I love Rosanne, so you know I'm lovin' this.

John I love your performance, and my only tiny nit is that, being old school, I thought you could have phrased "pushin' and pullin'" so that it was pronounced correctly instead of "pushIN an pullin." It's because you syncopate the phrase. Simply try "push" on the downbeat of one, instead of the upbeat of four, and then everything works itself out.

I'm wondering if ultimately a song like this, where there is no love story per se, but about a girl, then a woman trying to "find herself," would be better served with a female vocalist? Just wondering, since a female narrator would have a more natural "empathy" with what a fellow woman would be going through; take nothing away from your great job on this John, just wondering aloud is all, here.

Mike

John...thanks for also listening to this one....glad for your comments as well...thank you.

Jan

Very nice job on this, both of you. If you don't mind, I think changing the start of v2 to:

Then thirty-nine and not sure how
Nothing seemed to quite work out
Every page she turned left more regret

would help on the tense issue. You may need to change the tense in the chorus following, also. Good luck with it

Bill

Bill,

That's about what we have thought we'd do there...to clarify a bit more...thanks so much for the kind words and for giving this a listen. John and I really appreciate it.

Jan

Hi Janice,
I enjoyed this song alot.i too can imagine hearing it on the radio one day very soon.Do you help to write the melodies for your songs also?I may have asked the question before,but I dont remember.great job as usual!
Michelle

Jan and John,

I enjoyed listening to this alot. Kind of reminds me of something along the lines of "This one's for the Girls". I read all of the comments, and am not going into the changes but to say I agree that those few minor changes in the lyrics nmight make it easier to follow the time frame.

John, I know you probaly aren't him, but I know a John Parker who was from Mich who played keys with my friend Phil. You are not the same John Parker are you? Forgive me for asking but curiousity got the best of me, lol.

Anyway, great job to both of you,


Letha

hi John,
I'm so sorry that I failed to mention you.I've had an extremely long and tiresome day,but you guys did a great job on this song.I enjoyed it very much.Congratulations to both of you.
Michelle

Michelle,

Thanks for giving a listen here. I always write to a head melody. It's always there whenever I write a lyric...and it certainly helps to get the meter right. So many times when my co-writer(composers) come back with the music...it is very close to what I was hearing.

But on this one...John had this beautiful melody and lyric first and then called me in on it, to my great joy. I'm loving working on this one...John's wonderful to work with...gives 100%....so it makes it all very rewarding in the end.

I appreciate your kind words, Michelle.

Have a great day,

Jan

I liked it from the opening chords. The melody is good and the lyrics are very well crafted. Nice song in all regards.

Tom

Hi,

I really liked this one, nice idea all the way and the tune if pretty good.

Well done .

Cheers

Alan

Letha,

Thanks for the listen. We both appreciate that so much.

I will let John address the name issue. I doubt that it is the same guy, but he will know...HA.

Have a great day.

Jan

Tom,

John and I appreciate that you gave a listen and a read. We thank you for your kind words and are happy that it seemed to work so well for you. Hope you'll listen as we advance with our worktapes...thanks.

Jan

Hi Alan,

Thanks so much for giving us a listen...we're glad that it is working for you on most levels....more to come....hope you'll come back then.

Jan