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REACH

i was cleanin' out his old red truck
thoughts hummin' thru my head
wondrin' if i'd done enough
if i'd left too much unsaid
found a tattered leather backpack
laughed when i unzipped it 'round
an old baseball, a deck o' cards
dumped it all out on the ground

i REACH back for the mem'ries from days of old
time with my dad climbin' hills that seemed so steep
he'd say "REACH down for the power in your soul,
when the goin' gets tough, ya gotta REACH down deep"
yeah but like the wind, my old friend, he's gone again
and all i can do is sit and
REACH

i remember bein' a slightly wild child
a crooked path off the straight 'n' narrow
wonder does he feel me missin' him, does he see me smile
'n how much else he knows?
then i came across a picture, of a deep sea fishin' trip
we were in our manly glory then
me 'n' him 'n' Cap'n Skip
someday up in heaven, we'll all be fishin' again

i REACH back for the mem'ries from days of old
time with my dad, climbin' hills that seemed so steep
he'd say "REACH down for the power in your soul,
and when the goin' gets tough, ya gotta REACH down deep"
yeah but like the wind, my old friend, he's gone again
and all i can do is sit and
REACH

Mom always told me "let go o' the bad 'n hold on to the good"
i gotta let her know, how much she and dad filled up my soul
how if i could REACH back, be a kid 'n' do it all again, i would
Mom i'm just holdin' on to somethin' good

i REACH back for the mem'ries from days of old
all those times with her & dad, mem'ries i'll always keep
he'd say "REACH down for the power in your soul,
and when the goin' gets tough, ya gotta REACH down deep"
yeah but like the wind, my old friend, he's gone again
and all i can do is sit and
REACH

i was cleanin' out his old red truck
thoughts hummin' thru my head

(C)2009 Moker Jarrett/ASCAP
Run to the Sun Publishing/ASCAP

Hi Moker

I just gave this a quick read-- something doesn't feel right about the Way you are using the hook... but it Could be I am just tired -- I'll try to come back...

it's like an incomplete thought to say "I reach back to the days'

MY Mind Reaches Back........

something about it... anyway

jm

thx jm...still tweakin' this one...i posted it late and right after i wrote it, and it didn't feel tight, but i was outta steam if ya know what i mean...thx for the help...be well...mj

Obviously the story works...needs a little tlc.;)

The first line is not intriquing and doesn't give picture.

I was clearing out my closet

Hummin' a tune stuck in my head (what has this to do with the story...it's a distractor so early in)

i REACH for the mem'ries from days of old

Neil

Neil, thank ye kindly for the prod to make it flow better...i knew puttin' this one on the chalk board in front of the class would help shape it up, it's already better than it was last night... hope you're well...thx...moker

Good Morning Moker,

I do like the message here...and the hook is GREAT....since I'm wondering, REACH FOR WHAT??!!

I'm having a little trouble with the meter, though, and the flow of the story...do you mind if I play with it a bit?

Just so you know, I didn't bother using the STRIKE-OUT function....I just made my changes in UPPER CASE GREEN. I also made some side notes in blue italic.

You'll also note I took MOM completely outta the picture. She comes in almost as an after-thought, and I thought it helped keep the story focused if you just kept the reminiscences about DAD.

As I'm previewingi this, it does appear I've done a major overhaul. At the very least, it was a good exercise for me, so TOTALLY KEEP OR SWEEP!!!

Good luck wading thru this.....
Beth


REACH

i was cleanin' out [color:#006600]MY OLD MAN'S truck [I thought you were coming at it from a gal's perspective]
thoughts HUMMIN' thru my head [love the word HUMMIN', but it seems too whimsical. Maybe a more distressed-sounding verb, like CRAWLING??? ]
wondrin' if i'd done enough
OR I'd left too much unsaid
THEN THERE WAS HIS tattered OLD backpack
I UNZIPPED IT AND laughed WHEN I FOUND
an old baseball, SOME SNAPSHOTS, a deck o' cards
I SPREAD 'em all out on the ground [DUMPED seemed too careless somehow...]

[color:#006600]NOW i REACH back for ALL THOSE OLD mem'ries
WHEN THE HILLS WE WOULD CLIMB seemed so steep
He'd say "SON JUST REACH down for the power in your soul,
THERE'LL BE TIMES, ya gotta REACH down deep"
BUT THEN like the wind, he's gone ONCE again
I'M LEFT GRIEVING, AND TRYING TO
REACH

i remember TOO bein' a slightly wild child
straight 'n' narrow NOT THE PATH THAT I CHOSE
SO I WONDER, DOES HE SMILE AT THOSE ANTICS NOW,
OR FEEL ME MISSING HIM, I HOPE THAT IT SHOWS
HA, HERE'S a FINE picture, of a deep sea fishin' trip
SO manly IN OUR glory BACK then
ON THE OPEN SEAS, JUST me 'n' him
HOPE in heaven, we'll GO fishin' again

[color:#006600]NOW i REACH back for ALL THOSE OLD mem'ries
WHEN THE HILLS WE WOULD CLIMB[/color] seemed so steep
He'd say "SON JUST REACH down for the power in your soul,
THERE'LL BE TIMES, ya gotta REACH down deep"
BUT THEN like the wind, he's gone ONCE again
I'M LEFT GRIEVING, AND TRYING TO
REACH

I RECOLLECT HIS WORDS "let go o' the bad 'n DO YOUR BEST TO hold on to the good"
WISH I COULD let HIM know, how HIS WORDS HELPED ME GROW
AND if i could REACH back, TO STRAIGHTEN OUT, i would
'CAUSE NOW I GOT A hold HERE OF somethin' good [i'm alluding here to the memorabilia found in the truck]


NOW i REACH back for ALL THOSE OLD mem'ries
OF SPECIAL times WITH HIM... i'll always keep
he'd say SON JUST "REACH down for the power in your soul,
THERE'LL BE TIMES, ya gotta REACH down deep"
BUT THEN like the wind, he's gone ONCE again
I'M LEFT GRIEVING, AND TRYING TO
REACH

i was cleanin' out MY OLD MAN'S truck
thoughts hummin'(?) thru my head[/color][/color]

Beth, too busy to dive into this right now...i appreciate your efforts, not sure if this will get wings or crash and burn yet ...mj

Hey Moker,

No worries....it was good for me to flex my "editing" muscles...and as I said, totally keep or sweep. It's a great story regardless, and I understand you have other matters to attend to at the moment (wink wink) -- WHERE IS THAT WINKING SMILEY EMOTICON WHEN YOU NEED IT?!)....

Later,
Beth

Hey stranger!

K, I love the story, as it reads, so I'll only nit on one thing...it's directional...reaching "down" doesn't make me feel happy, where as reaching "up" would. For me, that's what's giving this an odd feel. You can "dig" down deep, yeah, I know, it's been done to death, but feels better, when I'm reading, that reaching down. Otherwise, I love the idea and feel of this. I've lost all my grandparents, and I know that going through their belongings always brought back so much that I'd forgotten. Good start, I wouldn't let it crash and burn, it's on the right path!

Hi Moker,

Nice to meet you. I love your name! There is a fabulous story in this lyric. I can relate to a lot of it as I have lost my grandparents, and parents as well. Sorry about your loss.

With a little "tweaking" here and there, I think you really do have something. Don't let it crash and burn!! Lots of good stuff in here!!

Best wishes,
Gail

Hello Moker.

Liked this alot from beginning to end. Great story.

Douglas