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Here's a new duet, written by myself and my daughter, Melody who is also a published songwriter.

Honest Open Book © 2009 Janice Hopkins/Melody Hopkins

(She)
Bristol and Main, my bus never came
I saw him cross the street, as the flashing signal changed
He asked to share the bench, I laid my worn out novel down

(He)
Time got so lost, while we talked and talked
As we saw that last bus, we both decided not to walk
I asked, Please won’t you read, from your life story for me now

(He)
She said it wasn't in her book, It'd all been written in her tears

Chorus:

(She)

Chapter one….So young, we grew apart
Chapter two…Who knew he’d break my heart
Three………..His anger stole the fight in me
Then I ignored the woman, I was meant to be
Took time thinking ‘bout how I tried
Now I’m finding my winning side
And the strength it took
Now…I’m an Honest Open Book

(He)
I looked at her, I felt so unsure
Thought I was falling fast, could my wounded heart endure
Just thinking of the chance that I could lose it all again

(She)
Stars all came out, I lost all my doubts
I so wanted to hear what this man was all about
Told him I need to know, when you think your new life begins

(She)
I was hoping that it showed, things hadn’t felt this good in years

Chorus change-up:

(He)
Chapter one….So young, we grew apart
Chapter two….Who knew she’d break my heart
Three…………Her anger stole the life from me
Then she ignored the man, I was trying hard to be
Took time thinking ‘bout how I tried
Now I’m finding my winning side
And the strength it took
Now….I’m an Honest Open Book

Bridge:
(She)
Fate may write a few more lines
I’m through with tears, I’ve got my pride
The sun comes out, then rain may fall
(Both)
Looks like we both learned from it all

(Both)1/2 chorus:

From a long time thinking ‘bout how we tried
We’re getting back our winning sides
And realize the strength it took
Now we’ll write an Honest Open Book

Another piece like the co-write that I did with Heather, both sides giving to the completion of a story....Very well done.

This one actually sounds like a chance meeting on a bus bench, and for that I commend you both......
Authenticity within a work of art is that element which brings it all home to us..........and gives us hope.

Thank you both for sharing....

Thanks so much, Sam. I appreciate that you read this and offered your insight....especially about chance meetings.

Thanks friend.

Jan

Hi Janice, this is a nice idea for a duet. I got a little lost in places. In the first verse, when the ride didn't come, I wasn't sure whether it was the ride or a new person when you refer to "he" in the 2nd line. Maybe there would be a way to describe the guy other than "he" to give more info that he's not the same person who didn't show up. I was also confused about him asking her to read from her book, which at first was described as a worn-out novel, then it becomes her life story. Maybe it was a diary? Also, I wondered how the sun "falls". I guess you mean "goes down". I liked the two choruses, how they ended up being the same, sung by different characters with the same story. And I'll preface my remarks by saying I'm confused alot and sometimes am dense about things, so perhaps take with a grain of salt! :-)

Betty,

I can see your confusion on that line...thanks so much for pointing that out. I have done a little editing there for clarification.

I'm glad that you liked how we treated the choruses. Hope that it works.

Thanks, Betty

Jan

Hi Jan. This is a great collaboration! What better way for a mother and daughter to bond? My daughter just graduated from college with a degree in creative writing with a concentration in publishing (if only she can find a job ). I, ahem, take full credit for her writing gene. And that's a connection we'll always have.

I also was a little confused at first in who was saying what to who and exactly what they were trying to say to each other. But after reading through this two or three times, I think I began to get it. One place I still wasn't sure of was

Time got so lost, while we talked and talked
As we saw that last bus, we both decided not to walk

Was that a typo? Don't you mean that you both decided TO walk? If you were waiting for a bus to begin with you had already decide not to walk. But once you got lost in conversation, the bus became less important. Or did I miss the point?

Anyway, I think you've both managed a somewhat difficult task, writing a conversational duet that's both touching and believeable. Take a bow!

Greg

Hi Janice/ Melody,

Loving this! Soo well written - Instant hitsong with the right singers, I think.

You are both so fortunate to have all that talent in the family!
Only concern is that the chorus might be a little long or wordy for a soaring duet melody?

But wonderful, wonderful song!

Hi Greg,

Yeah, it is nice when there are ways to bond with your child, but this one would be bonded at the hip even if she didn't write. She has always been the apple that fell close to the tree.....and that makes me very happy.

The line in question was actually a bit of a metaphor, Greg...but maybe as it is....it is not working. What we meant was that the more they talked together....the more they would stay with the situation that was forming between them and not walk away from it.

We could have said.....WE DECIDED TO WALK.....but that would have been just a simple statement that they were going to walk together instead of taking that last bus. We can change that and still may....but the other way...we feel like it says a little more emotionally about perhaps a turning point in each of their emotional lives.....to give love one more chance.

Thanks so much for the kind words, Greg. I hope that you get lots of chances to write with your daughter. It is very fulfilling. I have been lucky enough to write with two of my sons as well.

Jan

Thanks Magne,

It is very nice to write with my daughter, because she always understands what I'm thinking....when others don't.

Thanks so much for the encouragement on this one.

The chorus could be shortened fairly easily, I believe. That may be in this lyric's future.

Jan and the apple that didn't fall far from the tree....HA.

Jan:

It is hard for me to critique this song, but since I have asked to you to critique some of mine, turnabout is fair play. I am not in expert in potential song structure, and as I have said in the past, lyrics really are glorified poetry, and this could stand on its own spoken as well as sung. Reminds me a bit of the Missed Connections column that appears in one of our local papers.

Beautifully done. Makes me wonder if you and your daughter would ever consider performing together, maybe taking over where the Judds left off. I do believe that Naomi Judd did go back to performing for a brief period after her illness forced her to retire. This song, though, is definitely a male-female duet as you defined it. I probably have a few of those in my bag as well.

Will have to read it through a few time to interpret it real well. Is it about a pair reuniting after a separation?

Thanks for giving this a read, Brian...even though I have to admit....I never think of my lyrics as glorified poetry. I think of them as lyrics.

I appreciate your kind words on this though...but you do not want to hear my daughter and I sing...at least not together...LOL.

The song is about two lost souls who meet at a bus stop, Brian.

Keep your lyrics coming as well...Jan