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no music for this yet either...thx...mj


Hell to Pay

I suppose somewhere i went wrong
slid down and I never came back
in cotton stripes i listen but i can't see 'em
as trains roll on down the track
my daddy coulda took me back then, cos he just couldn't stay
mama'd scold me and told me someday son, there'll be
Hell to Pay

The Good Lord tried to help me
gave me chances left and right
but i rolled and stoled, seekin' gold
slippin' through Vegas nights and lights
A woman i loved left me, knew she would one day
cos a heart o' stone 'll leave you all alone and it's always
Hell to Pay

I cried out to St. Peter, I was clankin' on his gate
saw streets o' gold where no one's old, like always i was late
Alcohol was my last call, to help me curse my luck
it's a bumpy ridin' slip-n-slide when ya start to self destruct
My borrowed time had run out, as i wept for one more day
and Satan held out his hand and snickered, it was time for
Hell to Pay

(C)2009 Moker Jarrett/ASCAP

Moker;

I like it so far just not sure what this line
means? Is that a prison uniform?

"in cotton stripes i listen to what i can't see
as the trains roll on down the track"

and what does this mean?

"my daddy coulda took me back then cos he just couldn't stay"

I'm not being a wise guy I just want to understand.

Steve




Unc

Unc, i had to drive 650 miles today so i wrote 2 lyrics on the road...i probably have alot of spots that'll need adressing, mine don't pop out shined up quite like couch's , but some of 'em end up ok
yes it's a prison uniform, his cell is by the train tracks but he can't see the trains, i suppose he's on the wrong side of the tracks
he's thinkin' back to when he started going wrong, his dad coulda took him- but he just wanted to leave- so he left his son behind, mom warned him to straighten up or else or there'd be ...Hell to Pay...i'll be thinkin' over how i could make all that more clear since you mentioned it, i know what i'm tryin to say, sometimes it takes me a few rewrites to get it where ya'll are as informed as me thx for the read , hope you're good and we all survive Obamanation...moker

any lyric that involves the Lord or God with good intentions of religion is okay by me and I think God likes it too when he's being involved

thx for readin' it Gary...i agree with you...be well...moker

Moker,

I like this very much. Very different structure indeed. Glad there isn't any music yet, because I have several suggestions that I'd like to run by you...I may pm you with them.

I like this though...very different. Good write.

Jan

Ah, fresh-mown Song Fodder...lemmie mess with it a wee-bit, Bro!

I suppose somewhere I went wrong/
Slid down & never came back/
In cotton stripes I listen, remisiscin'/
As tired trains roll down the tracks/
Dad coulda taken me 'way back then, but he just couldn't stay/
So Mama'd scold me, sayin' "Someday Son, you men'll have
Hell-to-Pay!"

The Good Lord tried helpin' me/
Gave me chances left-&-right/
But I rolled & stole..seekin' gold/
Slipped through Vegas nights & lights/
(The) Woman I loved left me, as I knew she would someday/
'Cuz a man's heart-of-stone'll leave him alone; there's always
Hell-to-Pay.

(Potential BRIDGE)
Gotta give my life Credit:
What Not-To-Do, I'm "Exhibit 'A'"
I'm forever..in your Debit
(Things just worked-out thisaways...)

Cried out to St. Peter, I was clankin' on his gate/
Saw streets-of-gold, where noone's old, but Damn, I was too-late/
Alcohol was my last call, to help me curse my luck/
It's a bumpy-ride, slippin' & slidin', when ya start to self-destruct/
As my borrowed time ran out, I begged for one more day/
Satan held out his hand & said "Welcome, Man..You got a little
Hell-to-Pay"

(Maybe Repeat Bridge)
(TAG)
You can bet there's always Hell-to-Pay.

(K-O-S) Amigo...& Good Luck with your Final Version...it's Catchy!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

i'll look for it Jan...thanks for checkin' it out...mj

Stan, gotta gig tonight, when i get around to workin' this i do believe you've got a few improvemnts in there for me...thank ye kindly sir...appreciate that...
have a great Easter weekend...moker

Mj,

Hey, I really like this alot....very different structure, but you know me......I looked it over for a long time and this is what I kept hearing in my head...KOS of course.

I know that somewhere I went wrong
Left town and I never came back
I sit and listen without seein' in my cotton stripes
As trains keep rollin' down their tracks
My Daddy shoulda' took me when he said he couldn't stay
Mama'd scold then she told me, Son
There's gonna be Hell To Pay

The Good Lord tried to help me out
Gave me chances left and right
But I rolled and I stole while seekin' purely fool's gold
Made the Vegas nights and lights my life
A woman I loved left me, always knew she would one day
Cos' a heart of stone will leave you, then
There's gonna be Hell To Pay

Later cried out, St. Peter, can't you hear me at the gate
Saw streets of gold, where no one's old, like always I was late
Alcohol'd been my last call, to help me curse my luck
It's a bumpy road not an easy glide when you self destruct
My borrowed time had elapsed but I begged for one more day
As Satan grabbed my hand and laughed
Now you have Hell To Pay

Hi Moker,

GOod line/good job.

but i rolled and stoled, seekin' gold


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Moker,

I see you already got some suggestions from Jan and Stan. I like what Janice has done with the "there's gonna be hell to pay"/"now you have hell to pay". I have to agree with Stan as well on the wording "THE woman I loved left me" - unless of course, she was just ONE of MANY woman you loved.

I like the different structure - looking forward to hearing this with music.

Heather

Holy Crap, Moker, this is good! Except for a couple small bumps that have already been addressed, I think this is a good representation of a man who's blown every second chance he ever had and the only thing he has going for him is despair. I actually ached for him.

I totally loved the powerful understatement of the first line, I suppose somewhere I went wrong. Lots of great lines and images scattered throughout,

but i rolled and stoled, seekin' gold

and

Alcohol was my last call, to help me curse my luck
it's a bumpy ridin' slip-n-slide when ya start to self destruct

to name a few.

Be proud of this one, buddy. It's that good!

Greg

Moker, I'd like to second Stan's emotion, especially how he re-introduces the hook differently in each verse, smart variety IMO.

ahhh swimming the lake of fire!

loved the hook and its use. Might be a tad short but what do I know?

Well, that I liked the hook, I know that.

Douglas

Hi Moker,

Nice write! It flowed very well while I read it through, and lots of great lines in there.

Hell to Pay was also a great song from the now late Jeff Healey (Who played in the "Roadhouse" movie).

With the reference material you seem to aim for CCM with this? Personally I liked the first two verses the best, though, so I felt it was a tad too obvious to go the St. Peter route in the third one (Don't get me wrong, I like CCM too). It works perfectly fine, but perhaps mostly because it is cliché (in a song anyway).

So I would like to see you develop this more, rewriting the last verse (see if you can beat what you have), as there's lots of good stuff. But rest in peace if you don't, Im just commenting from my preferences.

Jan, thanks so much , i'm sure there's something in there i can use that would improve it...just haven't had time to get back around to it...thx...mj

Cal...i've known a couple of folks that headed down this guy's path...thx for reading it through...be well...mj

Heather from PA...my wife's from PA...thx for reading through this...haven't gotten around to music for it yet but i will be well...moker

Greg, how's VA. buddy? this one is starting to bring music around in my head...a slower tempo deliberate story of the wrong path and where it leads with music that sets that sort of mood...thx...mj

Randy, i hope it sings as well as You feel it thx...mj