JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Billy's Eyes

Hi Mark,

Thanks for bringing this one back around and for your thoughts on it. This is an upbeat song? If making bad choices and having low self esteem can be called upbeat! I followed a little bit on that forum you mentioned. I personally don't think making a song upbeat makes it a better song. It may make it more "commercial", that elusive commodity, but that isn't better to me. Your critique, while insightful and in depth, thanks for that, is showing me how to write a different song, not a better song. I've written other, more upbeat songs, not sure if they were better ones. This one is what it is. Making the changes you suggest would not convey the message I was going for. Maybe for the next song I'll heed the upbeat call. Not!!!

Ricki

Hi Ricki,

I have to disagree with some of the other critiques of your lyrics in this song. I don't mind the fact that your lyrics are somewhat of a downer. Where is it written that all art needs to be "upbeat," engender sympathy for the singer, put the singer in a happy, mentally healthy light, etc.? Hell, if that were the case, we'd have to do away with the vast majority of classic country songs that are about cheating, drinking, divorce, depression, and so on. Allison Krauss, in her concerts, is always joking about how much she loves sad songs. Have you ever heard her and Brad Paisley's song "Whiskey Lullaby"? That's WAY more of a downer than "Billy's Eyes" -- it talks about two estranged lovers killing themselves thru alcoholism! -- yet it was a hit on country radio.

Regarding the pronoun reference in the line "I'd reach out my hand, they seemed so close" -- it's true that some people may have to think for a second longer to see that "they" refers to the stars, but it's not such a big stumbling block that it needs to be changed. I like the line, and it's obvious after a moment's thought that "they" refers to stars, since that's the only plural noun mentioned in the preceding line.

Stylistically the song brings to my mind singer-songwriters like Kim Richey and Patty Griffin.

The performance is strong. The only thing I would change is to add a harmony vocal for the chorus -- if you know music theory, just add your voice singing a harmonly interval of a "third" perhaps. In fact, as I listened, the idea of adding harmony seemed so obvious that I found myself singing it on top of your vocal. Of course, an extra benefit of doing this would be to further distinguish the chorus from the verses -- always a valuable thing to do, but especially when the arrangement is sparce (guitar and vocal) to begin with.

I like your voice, too.

Great work.

Dave

Ricki:

(And this is where we learn that Mark can't leave well enough alone...)

First, let me say again that I really like your songs and also that I like them because they are not necessarily upbeat. I make a point of listening to every song you post here because they are smart and funny, introspective and vulnerable, quirky and true. Also, I don't think the ultimate goal of every songwriter (or every song, for that matter) should be to be "commercial."

At the same time, I think it is very hard to be commercial because, to me, a commercial song is simply a song that LOTS of people want to listen to again and again and are willing to pay their own dollars to do so (or at least risk federal imprisonment to listen without paying.) That doesn't necessarily make a song "better." Better is subjective. But truly commercial songs, songs that get cut and played on the radio and listened to by many people, become a part of people's lives, and people sing along to them and associate them with good or bad things that were happening to them at that time in their lives. And that doesn't suck. Very few songs that are written have any chance at all at this scenario, but it seems that most of the ones that do are positive songs.

When I listened to this song for the first time, for over two full minutes I heard an upbeat, catchy melody and lyrics full of Saturday night beer drinking, reaching for the stars, love, laughing, dancing through the night, confidences, and making heat in the back seat. These sounded like good times to me. I enjoyed sharing these happy memories with the narrator. I had no idea this was a song about bad choices and low self esteem. I thought this was a song about happy memories and the way it feels to have someone love you...and I was enjoying it. And it was, yes, commercial.

(And this is where we learn that Mark is a stupid, stupid man who doesn't know when to shut up...or worse, knows, but goes on anyway...)

Look, you may have wanted to write a song about bad choices and low self esteem. That's your right as the songwriter. But that's not the song that I was enjoying so much. Even the title, "Billy's Eyes" is positive (she LOVED how she looked in Billy's eyes.) As the listener, I did, too! But the good feeling vanished when verse 3 came. For me, the song had a good, positive vibe until that point and then suddenly (for me) turned into a song about bad choices and low self esteem, which was less fun than the beer drinking, star reaching, love in the back seat song I had been enjoying up until then. That's all I'm saying.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my honest impressions of your song with you (and to explain myself a little better.) But I'm just one listener, one lone voice, (who, seeimingly, won't shut up...)

Mark

The mix and the recording is very good. The vocals match the guitar playing. The female vocal is good.

Hi Dave,

Thanks for listening and commenting. I'm glad you liked it. I've heard all the arguments about upbeat vs downer songs. I don't consciously set out to write one or the other. Sometimes I'm just not driving the car, you know what I mean? This one is what it is.
I agree about the harmony, I can hear it too. If I ever get this one done professionally, there will definitely be harmony! Thanks for taking time to stop by.
Who are Raymond Calloway and the Dead Parrots?

Ricki

Hi Mark,

Hey, don't ever stop. I fully appreciate and value your opinions. I just don't think about the commercial thing. If I were in this for the money I'd be one unhappy camper right about now. I'd be paralyzed. I'd much rather be a great songwriter. To be a successful one would be the cherry on top of the cake of my day.
By the way, the last line of the chorus should have clued you in to the bumpy ride ahead. I'm just sayin...

Ricki

Hi IJenNeh,

Haven't seen you around here for a while. Welcome back. Thanks for taking time to comment.

Ricki

> Who are Raymond Calloway and the Dead Parrots?

LOL Just me, basically. "Raymond Calloway" is an alter-ego of mine that started when I began doing "reverse crank calls" on telemarketers who called my house. If the caller ID looked like a telemarketer, I'd answer in the voice of an elderly man with a stroke-induced slur who was hard of hearing. Basically I'd ask a bunch of stupid questions and keep them on the phone as long as possible. Of course I recorded the phone calls. Eventually I needed a name for this old man, so I came up with Raymond Calloway.

In later years, my musician friends began conscripting me to sing various cover songs "in character" (as Raymond). That led to Raymond's music career being launched.

Flash forward to a couple weeks ago -- I needed a name for my Soundclick account and thought of Raymond. Adding "and the Dead Parrots" was just a way of acknowledging that sometimes one or two of my friends help out on a demo. (BTW, we sell our own demented music thru our Worst Kitchen Records website. We're also planning to release the Raymond Calloway crank-call CD on there, eventually.) I always thought "the Dead Parrots" would make a good band name, based on the Monty Python sketch about a guy who brings a dead parrot into a pet shop, complaining that it was dead when he paid for it and demanding his money back.

Just to add further confusion and arbitrariness, I added a school photo of myself when I was about eight years old as my Soundclick photo.

Aren't you sorry you asked?

Dave

I always ignore all warning signs until it's too late. That's my policy.

Hi Ray,

By now I've forgotten the question! Hey, it's all good. I feel I know you a little better now. Thanks for sharing.

Ricki

Hey Mark,

I just finished a song with the line "Warning lights ahead but I was not told". What do you figure that one is about?

Ricki