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I thought I would do happier song for a change with an element of humour. All feedback very much appreciated and thank you to anyone who takes the time to listen.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7089989

Blow Up Uncle Sam Words & Music (c) 2008 Lucian Shepherd

I wanna live in the USA
Shoot big guns and not go to jail
Ride my Harley Dave all around that land
Yeah I'm a born again, blow up Uncle Sam

Got my baseball cap on the wrong way around
I don't like soccer that's a game for girls
I watch Pro-football with a Bud in my hand
Yeah I'm born again, blow up Uncle Sam

Jesus will wash away my sins
When I, the Mississippi swim
America the place where dreams come true
I'm a no-one here I got nothing left to lose

Gonna head to Nashville with my guitar
I'll be a limey cowboy, chicken pickin' star
If it all goes wrong I'll pick cotton with Mexicans
Yeah I'm a born again, blow up Uncle Sam

Elvis will be my new King
I'll find a cute little Dixie queen
America the place where dreams come true
I'm a no-one here I got nothing left to lose

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Hi Lucian,

This is happier? Seems depressing, to think this is how America is seen from over there. Or am I taking it too seriously? And I'm not sure I get this line, "Yeah I'm a born again, blow up Uncle Sam". Them's fightin' words!
I don't know about this song, although this did make me laugh:
Gonna head to Nashville with my guitar
I'll be a limey cowboy, chicken pickin' star
so maybe it is working, I just haven't caught up with it yet.

Ricki




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lucian Offline OP
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Ricki, this song was meant as an alterntive view of America from over here. A positive one, where people can shoot burglars - here you get arrested if you even hit a burglar. A place of oppurtunities, a place of freedom where everyone gets an equal chance - a place people have a great affection for and would love to go and live in, as against the image of America portrayed by media such as the BBC as an evil imperialistic war mongering country, that is not as commonly held a view as the postive one.

The blow up Uncle Sam line was meant mean "inflatable Uncle Sam" it could have been "plastic Uncle Sam" - someone who imitates being an American because they like the country so much. Maybe I'll change it to plastic.

Lucian

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Lucian,
Actually, if you shoot a burglar, and don't kill him, he can sue you, take everything you've worked hard for, which of course, was his intent to begin with.

Poor America, such a harsh way to portray a country where people sign there names on the line and die for other countries. The place that funds so many operations to feed and cloth other countries. Why, we're so busy taking care of others that we don't take such good care of ourselves.

Maybe instead of "blow up Uncle Sam" you could grow up to be him, after all, he's got all the money! lol

I do love the chicken, picken line, that's very cute! But, I think if you want to make this work, you have a little work to do still. Find more positive things to write about, like not raining so much.


Caroline


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http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
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Hey Lucian...I'm really starting to enjoy your voice!!...Just a few spots...where it didn't track as well.
I also love the melody contrasts you have going!!...and...
I love the emotion and feel you put into everything you sing.

Ok......I hesitated on peeking in on this one till today.....
and reading your preface...I see your intention was to show
something other than what I was thinking when I saw the title smile

I think the blow up Uncle Sam....will catch most off guard...
in this time of world instability...There may be a way to pull it off and get your meaning acorss but I can't think of anything to offer in that regard......

I loved your Nashville couplet!!!

very best to you Lucian...
Kaley smile smile


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Originally Posted by lucian
Ricki, this song was meant as an alterntive view of America from over here. A positive one, where people can shoot burglars - here you get arrested if you even hit a burglar. A place of oppurtunities, a place of freedom where everyone gets an equal chance - a place people have a great affection for and would love to go and live in, as against the image of America portrayed by media such as the BBC as an evil imperialistic war mongering country, that is not as commonly held a view as the postive one.

The blow up Uncle Sam line was meant mean "inflatable Uncle Sam" it could have been "plastic Uncle Sam" - someone who imitates being an American because they like the country so much. Maybe I'll change it to plastic.

Lucian


Man! Talk about lost in translation. I read the lyrics before your explanation and thought you were putting down uncle sam and America. Then I read your explanation above and now I see where you are coming from. The fatal flaw here ( if I may be so bold ) is that you do not say how life is in your spot of the globe so there's nothing to compare it to to get the gist of what you saying in these lyrics. If I am not totally screwed up, you are complaining (indirectly) about what's bad in your country, but ya kinda gotta explain this up front with some contrasting lines about your spot, like you did in the explanation. Like maybe, take your explnatoin and turn it into lyrics, play around with it and see if you can fit it into this song.

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lucian Offline OP
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Oh I thought this one had slipped gently into that good night!

Caroline, thanks for the feedback - I'm aware now that this song is not being understood as I intended. It was meant as a fun-song - as Ricki mentioned I keep doing downbeat songs and should do a upbeat one - in absolutely no way was it meant to be Anti-American.

Songs can often end up being misunderstood, as you with your song about nookie you didn't write know :-) Glad you liked the chicken pickin' lines at least.

Kaley, thanks for kind comments. I really do put everything into it when I sing, I'm trying to get better control over it, so it's really nice to hear good feedback on my singing. I was pleased the with overall melodic movements of the song as well, so glad someone else picked up on that. Thanks again :-)

Paul, thanks for taking the time to listen, the song does have fatal flaws I agree, ones there isn't time within the song to rectify, so I'm gonna retire this one and write another song with the melody.

Thanks again Lucian:-)

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I f'n love this, man!!!..it sounds so honest and authentic.. in my world "BLOW UP" is a good thing.. like my CD is blowin' up (means it is selling well)...

the voice is good. keep in mind that alot of great singers are more honost than technically skilled... ( i wish more people understood that) I'm not saying NOT to get as good as you can at every instrument you play including your voice, but remember real talent and honest delivery trumps pitch perfect practiced plastic crap any day of the week... Just My Opinion

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Not certain how it was meant to be recieved but I found it amusing. Change blow up for inflatable if you want a clearer meaning..

Last edited by A Gun Called Maria; 12/08/08 11:41 AM.
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Lucian,

You definitely have a very interesting sound/style to your vocals. I like it and think you should cultivate it. I hear hints of Billy Brag, Nick Cave and Joe Strummer. Not a bad group to sound like if you ask me. It was fun to read what your actual intentions were for this lyric. Personally I like how it could be taken either way (for or against the USA). What the hell, I say leave it ambiguous and let the music critics speculate when you release your first album. smile Seriously, though, after a few listens this song is really growing on me. The chicken pickin' star was my favorite line as well. My ear was little bothered by the lack of rhymes in the first and second lines of V1 and V2, but that's a minor nit. Truly enjoyable.


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Lucien, I found this fun in both 'versions'. wink But as was previously mentioned, "talk about being lost in translation"! grin

My only nit is this Yoda-speak line:
"When I, the Mississippi swim"

It's jarring, given how naturally the rest of the lyric flows.

Good luck with this. wink

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

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lucian Offline OP
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Kenneth, thanks for comments. Yes, I try and be honest and authentic with what I write and sing, because I'm a very bad liar! I'm gonna do it again with a more pitch perfect vocal, while keeping the authenticity.

Maria, I'm gonna change the title to "A Blow Up Uncle Sam" so the "Blow Up" is clearly a noun rather than an imperitive verb which "Blow Up Uncle Sam" could be construed as.

RobL, I was hoping for Elvis, Johnny Cash and Morrisey, but Billy Bragg, Nick Cave and Joe Strummer aint too bad :-) I'm gonna add a final chorus whch clarifies it a bit better. Yes, a good album track this shall be. Too much aggro for a single release.

Donna, yes, you got the song! The "When I, the Mississippi swim" was a little awkward but it was best option of a few possibilites. I might try something else when I re-do it.

Thanks Lucian.

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You know I sort of thought it was a sarcastic song claiming America as a "land of milk and honey" so to speak. I think you oughta leave it for people to take it how they want. You know songwritiers like Toby Keith sing about America as if it could do no wrong. As a political Science student I'm learning alot about the scary effects of Nationalism. (not to be confused with patriotism)It creates a mindset that your country is part of you and therefore is perfect, and it becomes a sort of religion like obsession that people actually go to war to protect. I hate to disagree with everybody, but I liked the song because I thought you were satirizing the opinion that America is perfect. And the part about hating soccer...I thought it was a commentary on people's narrow minds in America towards other cultures. Anyway I enjoyed the song for all the wrong reasons I guess. And this just may be because I'm a rebellious youth, I dont want to tick anyone off, but I thought the blow up uncle sam line was play on words and I loved it for that. I'm not saying America is awful but i definately recognize her faults. But what do i know, I'm young. Great Song though.

Tyler

Last edited by unionspecific; 12/11/08 06:34 AM.
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Originally Posted by lucian
Ricki, this song was meant as an alterntive view of America from over here. A positive one, where people can shoot burglars - here you get arrested if you even hit a burglar. A place of oppurtunities, a place of freedom where everyone gets an equal chance - a place people have a great affection for and would love to go and live in, as against the image of America portrayed by media such as the BBC as an evil imperialistic war mongering country, that is not as commonly held a view as the postive one.

The blow up Uncle Sam line was meant mean "inflatable Uncle Sam" it could have been "plastic Uncle Sam" - someone who imitates being an American because they like the country so much. Maybe I'll change it to plastic.

Lucian


Ricki's right to misunderstand the 'blow up' line... I did too.

Nevertheless this would totally work as a video with the balloon getting blown up... maybe even 'blown up'...

Even with a really simple video on youtube of a guy blowing up an uncle sam balloon, this might be great.

Peace,

Ian



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