11 members (Fdemetrio, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, JAPOV, bennash, couchgrouch, Bill Draper, 3 invisible),
1,219
guests, and
257
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Ok....this one just kinda came out...still working on it but thought I'd put it up here to get some advice as I work through it Basically this stemmed from a conversation when someone told me how horrible they feel after a break up.. "Seasons Change" VERSE 1 You say you dream in black and white And shout your sorrows into the night You don't know what you've become That your whole world has come undone VERSE 2 As the leaves start to change and fall You tell me there's things you don't recall You've lost your sight, you feel so cold And don't believe anything you're told CHORUS You're trying to find a reason For this sudden change in season Tree and leaf must part For new beginnings to start VERSE 3 You say you don't understand why That sometimes all you do is cry You close your eyes and feel the breeze The pain inside brings you to your knees CHORUS You're trying to find a reason For this sudden change in season Tree and leaf must part For new beginnings to start BRIDGE This doesn’t mean the end for you You have a chance at something new It isn’t strange, that season change This feeling will go away With the dawning of a new day CHORUS You're trying to find a reason For this sudden change in season Tree and leaf must part For new beginnings to start (c)Kassie Rogers 2008 All rights reserved.
Last edited by les_paul_gurl; 10/28/08 05:37 AM.
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 26
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 26 |
Kassie, I love the idea of this song. You have a great start and I can see huge potential in this. Here are some thoughts I had. Take them for what their worth... What if you put more references to fall in the lyric. You could then tie the opening line into this theme. Take the 'black and white' from opening line and elaborate more on it i.e. black represents death and white represents innocence of a person who never experienced loss maybe the break up (death) has turned their world into shades of gray...just a thought but I think it could really bring home the hook and be a nice contrast between what the subject is feeling (doom and life is ending, etc.) and what the truth of fall means...making room for "new beginnings"
VERSE 1 You say you dream in black and white And shout your sorrows into the night I love the opening line it draws the listener in You don't understand what you've become That your whole world has come undone VERSE 2 As the leaves start to change and fall You tell me there's things you don't recall You've lost your sight, you feel so cold And don't believe anything you're told CHORUS It's not strange, that season change Some hearts must part For new beginnings to start Love the chorus but I did have a thought
It's not strange, that season's change Tree and leaf must part For new beginnings to start
"tree and leaf" can represent the two people splitting up VERSE 3 You say you don't understand why That sometimes all you do is crytears fall like leavesYou're trying to find a reason For this sudden change in season This rolls off the tongue very well and is very memorable have you considered using this in chorus as hook? Maybe title could be "Sudden change in Season" BRIDGE It’s nothing that you did wrong You’ll be better before long This pain will go away With the dawning of a new day Line two and three say essentially the same thing I really enjoyed the read. I look forward to seeing it progress. These only my opinions take what you like and feel free to use them. As for the rest feel free to play a quick game of trash can basketball with them...maybe then they'll worth at least three points to ya!
Last edited by Lee L.; 10/28/08 04:12 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Lee-- Thank you so much for looking it over yeah i wanted to eventually put more of that "Fall" symbolism into the lyric. this draft was basically what spilled out from my head to the paper. I agree with what you said about "You're trying to find a reason For this sudden change in season" I think it would work well as part of the chorus. I also like the 'tree and leaf' reference. I will be working on a revised version asap Thank you and have a good night ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267 |
Hi Kassie,Good song here I like the way it flowed .Did you find the Nashville numbering system?AJ
Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
AJ-- Ahhhh i can't fall asleep! I'm sooo going to be dead in the morning! Thank you... this song pretty much just flowed out of me one night. I did find it; I already know what chords go together but it does make it quicker to decide which ones to choose. thank you. Can't wait to hear what you have for Goodbye. Hopfully this case of insomnia wears off soon!! ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267 |
I pretty much have your tune written but i'm having vista issues and need to get them resolved to record on my computer otherwise it will be later at the studio or over the phone like i did with Caroline.You have it better because you can play.AJ
Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
AJ-- ah ok awesome I'm patient. Whenever you're ready; no rush well I managed to get four hours sleep :/ Work is going to be really long today I think. I might not be on later tonight; if so then thank you yet again have a great day and I will talk to you later!! ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Randy- Thank you for checking my lyric out I've very glad you liked it. I liked your suggestion on the bridge; I think I will use it Well it's off to work for now; got the 5am shift :/ Hopefully I'll be back on later to make the changes. Thank you again and have a wonderful day! ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Mz Gurl!
Conceptually, this'n's a Fine Idea.
There's a "Vagueness" to it that kinda Gnaws-Away.
"Seasons Change"...that's well-&-good. MIGHT Kick a Bit-More-Butt if Hook was "Seasons Change for The Better" MIGHT mention Tree's Grown-a-Bit-TALLER Each Year it's lost those leaves.
V1 kinda jerked a bit, head-melody-wise here, anyways. So..here's a Sug or two: "You say you dream in black & white/ Shout your sorrows TOWARDS the night/ SAY you don't know what you've become/ WHILE your whole world has come undone...
V2 Sugs: OUTSIDE the leaves begin to fall/ While all the sad things you recall/ Your heart is crushed, you feel so old/ You're sorting out the lies-been-told...
Current Chorus kinda hits like a Japanese Proverb. WISH it was a scosh More-Conversational...as (K-O-S) "Tree & leaf must part/before soft new beginings start"
Bridge feels ALMOST-there..."This feeling will go away" doesn't state the case too-exactly...try "This PAIN will go away/With the dawn of EACH new day"
Keep refining this one down...it's got Wisdom in it & Hope. I LIKE that in a Sad One..& Good Luck to ya Mz Gurl for the Great Advice here as it gets even better!
Big Hugs, Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Stan-- Thank you for the advice! I will definitely consider it. well it's off to bed as I have yet another before-dawn shift! Take care ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Calvin-- Thank you so much for the read and the comment!! You made my day! Have a wonderful day ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,754
Posts1,161,302
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|