Who's Online Now
18 registered members (JAPOV, CTthomas, ckiphen, Gavin Sinclair, couchgrouch, louderdan, Everett Adams, Gary E. Andrews, 2 invisible), and 305 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Raags
Raags
Milwaukee, WI USA
Posts: 42
Joined: December 2003
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
LOVES me, LOVES me not. Vic
by Vicarn. 05/07/21 12:07 PM
Seeing what I see
by ckiphen. 05/07/21 10:26 AM
Road I've Never Travelled Before
by Gary E. Andrews. 05/07/21 03:17 AM
Youtube Comments
by R&M. 05/07/21 03:11 AM
Miracles
by JAPOV. 05/06/21 11:05 PM
:So Much Left To Do."
by MFB III. 05/06/21 11:00 PM
Latest tune "Home" would love feedback
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:38 PM
Some interesting math...
by JAPOV. 05/06/21 09:34 PM
All I kew was gone
by ckiphen. 05/06/21 03:58 PM
WHO'S PERFORMING?
by JAPOV. 05/06/21 02:43 PM
I Wanna Be Loved
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:48 AM
Friday Night Clothes. Vic & Travis
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:39 AM
One Song at a Time
by MFB III. 05/06/21 10:36 AM
What I did during the pandemic
by VNORTH2. 05/05/21 02:27 PM
i'm not over you
by ckiphen. 05/05/21 01:29 PM
Cold as cold can be
by ckiphen. 05/05/21 01:17 PM
"Home" lyrics
by Val Davis. 05/05/21 10:38 AM
A Heart That's True
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:18 PM
Desire to Connect
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:16 PM
The chamelon/ Hiding in plain sight
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:12 PM
Romance, Candlelight and Daydreaming
by beechnut79. 05/04/21 12:01 PM
Covid in Fiji - An update
by niteshift. 05/03/21 07:42 PM
That Vicious Circle.
by MFB III. 05/02/21 05:48 PM
Jim Colyer, Former Member
by Travis david. 05/02/21 01:37 PM
My birthday today - please help?
by Everett Adams. 05/02/21 06:12 AM
Submssions Wanted for "Pretty Flamingo"
by JAPOV. 05/01/21 07:46 PM
"Sultry Eyes."
by MFB III. 04/30/21 10:53 AM
Unfinished but promising
by Alek. 04/30/21 05:34 AM
"My Radio Man"
by Raymond Byabazaire. 04/30/21 03:33 AM
I'll Be Gone
by beechnut79. 04/29/21 03:03 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,839
Travis david 12,138
Kevin Emmrich 10,938
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,944
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 7,975
Colin Ward 7,909
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,765
Mark Kaufman 6,588
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,111
niteshift 5,789
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,262
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,130
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,952
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,822
beechnut79 3,758
Dan Sullivan 3,710
E Swartz 3,656
Fdemetrio 3,626
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Sunset Poet 3,183
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,865
MidniteBob 2,760
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,226
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,034
maccharles 2,000
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,473
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Deej56 1,372
Charlie Wong 1,347
JAPOV 1,345
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
DakLander 1,265
Gerry 1,265
lane1777 1,254
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,158
IronKnee 1,087
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
9ne 1,015
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
ant 786
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ckiphen 747
Andy K 747
Andy Kemp 741
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Irwin 687
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Pat Hardy 667
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
R&M 606
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 512
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Alek 369
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 292
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
pd 277
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#661576 - 10/21/08 11:08 AM "There's always tomorrow"  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Ray Thyer (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ray Thyer (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Coominya, Queensland Australia
title; "There's always tomorrow"
V1. When all's been said 'n done
don't worry what's to come.
losing sleep 'n fretting
won't change what you're getting.

V2. Thought of nights I did dread,
nightmares soon filled my head.
Tossing 'n turning too
seemed the only thing to do.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V3 Chores not all done today,
got to find 'nother way.
Can't go on feelin blue
gotta try someways new.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V4. Oh what a fool I've been
worrying myself thin.
Time to change, day's dawning
gonna start this morning.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V5. I'm gonna change my ways
from this 'n ev'ry day,
forget troubles 'n woes
'n live life tomorrow.

Tag; 'n live life tomorrow...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I hope you like me song, please tell me true if you do,
best wishes, Ray from down under.


Last edited by Ray Thyer; 10/27/08 09:32 AM.

Ray Thyer
#661580 - 10/21/08 11:51 AM Re: "There's always tomorrow" [Re: Ray Thyer (D)]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
G'Mornin' Brother Ray!

Nice Hope-Filled Song ya got here, Amigo!

You've overall estalished an AABB Pattern of Rhyming...but V2's first Couplet doesn't rhyme well. Though both words end in -ed, Despaired/Head don't rhyme when-sung. Sug: "Thoughts of nights I'D DREAD" would rhyme well-enough, say basically just what ya wanted-to. K-O-S!

Chorus: Simple, yet quite effective!

V3: I like the imaginative Rhyming here...it works!

V4: Again, Simply-Stated, yet effective. USUALLY there's some REASON for this RESOLUTION to "Change for The Better" somewhere IN the Storyline. What MADE the Singer Change His WAYS? A New Love Interest...A Bolt from The Blue...Alien Takeover...SOMETHING that Opened His Eyes & Made Him Change. It's kinda "Missing" between V2 and V3.

But, Overall, a Nice Reflection from One who DID make the Changes!

Good Luck with it, Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan


#662065 - 10/23/08 09:02 AM Re: "There's always tomorrow" [Re: ]  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Ray Thyer (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ray Thyer (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Coominya, Queensland Australia
G'day Cobber, I thought lots and lots about 'despaired' and somehow I got stuck with it as it said in one word the message of the line. You are right, it doesn't work and needs replacing and your 'dread' is the word to fix it. The one lesson I never learned from all the generous tutoring given me in the very beginning by you and other kind JPFolks was the number of verses that should be in a song and I worry about that every time I lift me pencil to begin writing one. Please do tell me what is too many verses for a song and what is too little. I wrote this one while in a mood of reflection of the day when I had not done all I had set myself to do for the day and it came to me that there's tomorrow and I could do then what I left undone today.Thanks for your great suggestion for another verse, I will try to think of something to fill the gap. As me old dad said'Boys, you should learn from the mistakes you make and make sure that you don't make the same mistake twice'. Thanks a lot, Cobber for your helping me again. I will try to think of another verse and come back. best wishes, Ray.


Ray Thyer
#662711 - 10/25/08 06:08 AM Re: "There's always tomorrow" [Re: Ray Thyer (D)]  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Ray Thyer (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ray Thyer (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Coominya, Queensland Australia
G'day Cobber, as you can see I changed 'despaired' to 'dreaded' and added another verse as you generously suggested.Hope it sounds better now. best wishes, Ray.


Ray Thyer
#662717 - 10/25/08 07:49 AM Re: "There's always tomorrow" [Re: Ray Thyer (D)]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
Serious Contributor
les_paul_gurl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
Ray--

Overall I think that this is a really good song. Just a couple of nits:

-I see you're going for an AABB rhyme pattern, but V1's BB doesn't really rhyme. A good rhyme has the stressed vowel in common, not the ending.

"losing sleep 'n fretting
won't change what you're getting."


-V4's lines don't really rhyme either....but it's an easy thing to fix. Might I suggest something along these line:

V4. "Oh what a fool I've been
worrying myself thin.
Times change, without warning
gonna start this morning."


The overall content and story is there! Have a great weekend!! smile

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#663148 - 10/27/08 09:27 AM Re: "There's always tomorrow" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Ray Thyer (D) Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ray Thyer (D)  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,929
Coominya, Queensland Australia
G'day Kassie, You are so right. I didn't think that "thing" rhymed with "fretting" and I think your lines 1 &2 for V4 are great and I will change them. I really, really think that the storyline is summed up in lines 3 & 4 of Verse 4 so I am stuck with those. Thank you for making my song so much, much better. best wishes, Ray.


Ray Thyer

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
lesleedp, totalctrl, fowler47, Entegrity_Oneal, luc
21333 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics121,621
Posts1,144,017
Members21,333
Average Posts Daily26
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"That's just my opinion, I could be right" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
ben willis (2021)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0