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#657758 - 10/06/08 11:51 PM Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!)  
Joined: Oct 2007
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Caroline Offline
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Caroline  Offline
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Stepping Stones
© 2008 Caroline Holder

I remember it like yesterday
Momma came home, smile on her face
Said, kids, go put some old clothes on

Mixed water and sand just like she'd shown
Feet and hand prints made each one our own
Let them dry overnight, in the morning we had, Stepping Stones

Chorus
She put them in the garden
So when every one came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And could see how much we'd grown
Now, when I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones

At the time it was just fun
We kids just thought it was something to do
But the holidays gave us all a different view

Seemed like each year there was someone gone
And someone new was tagging along
Every year there was more meaning in those Stepping Stones

Chorus
She put them in the garden
So when everyone came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And see how much we'd grown
Now, everytime I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones

Br.
Iím on my way home, to make memories of our own
When I walk though the door,
I'll say "kids, go put some old clothes on"

Chorus
Iíll put them in the garden
So when everyone comes over
They can take a walk through our lives
And see how much we've grown
And someday, when my kids come back home
Theyíll show their kids
Their Stepping Stones









Last edited by Caroline; 10/09/08 09:40 PM.

Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#657783 - 10/07/08 04:43 AM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Shayne Vaughan Offline
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Shayne Vaughan  Offline
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Edmonton, KY USA
Like this, Caroline.

This section:

At the time it seemed fun
We kids just thought it was something to do
But the holidays told a different story


..has no rhymes; yet it is supposed to match this section:

I remember it like yesterday
Momma came home with a smile on her face
Said, kids, go put some old clothes on


...correct?

#657812 - 10/07/08 09:57 AM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Shayne Vaughan]  
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Caroline Offline
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Hi Shayne,

I was hoping no one would catch that, lol.

Actually, it was only supposed to match in meter, the rhyming in the first part is a fluke. But, since it seemslike it has the match in the rest of it, I suppose I'd better made a change. Hang on, how does that look???


Thanks fro the read, I do appreciate it!!! Glad you like it.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#657827 - 10/07/08 10:43 AM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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G'Mornin' Mz Sweetie!

Hmm..Good Concept/Fine Hook.

Needs more Development in V1: WHERE didyas GET those Stones FROM?
That'd be Interesting/right now it's Un-Known. What COLORS were they? That, too, would help. FLAT or ROUNDED? Little DETAILS make the Picture Perfect. (& How MANY might also assist...)

"Put them in the garden" is also Lacking In Detail. In ROWS? Randomly-Placed? Neat..or Loosely? Where-TO? (See, YOU know the Answers to all this, but WE the Audience, got NO idea.)

"They could see how much we had all grown"...(HOW?)
"They made new ones every year (MULTIPLE)/ It was the Walkway of our lives (SINGULAR)" Thus, a bit of a clash..Visualization-Wise. "my own kids".."Own's kinda redundant, JMO.

"Each year BROUGHT MORE meaning TO those stepping stones" I'd sug.

Bridge needs SOME way of showing it's YOUR home..not Your MOM's.

This is gonna be one heck of a FINE Song when ya tighten it up!

Good Luck with it, Sweet LadyChum!
Big Hugs,
Stan

#657829 - 10/07/08 10:49 AM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: ]  
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Caroline Offline
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Thanks a bunch Stan! I penned this the night before last, and posted it without editing. I knew I needed something,. and I knew you would all help me out in getting to what that something would be!! I appreciate it!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#657858 - 10/07/08 12:27 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Morning Caroline,

I was very much drawn to the title...since we have a similar tradition. Aside from different stepping stones for each member of the family, we have them for dearly departed pets. And two years ago, as part of my Nonni's 100th b'day celebration (she's still going strong at 102, thank GAWD!), we made a Rose Garden (her name is Rose) of stones. We used a lot of reflective stones, etc., b/c the intent was for her to be able to look down at them someday from Heaven. A bit morbid, perhaps, but it was a very moving experience for all of us -- her included....

ANYWAY, I'm sorry, got distracted there. So, I like the hook obviously, but I'm going to have to side with Stan here....we need a little more substance. Yes, specifically about the stones. Maybe describe the first one you made...and then instead of leaning towards how the group expanded seemingly at your parental home, maybe incorporate how you introduced this tradition in your own family. Maybe using the same words, "Kids, go put some old clothes on"....

Just some food for thought. But I'll be sure to follow this one along. It has sentimental value for me too!

Good luck,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#657861 - 10/07/08 12:39 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Caroline Offline
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Beth, you're reading my mind!

I have my revisions in the works and that's one of them. I've learned a lot from you, Stan and so many others on this board. Now, when I write something, I know it needs something. What it usually needs is you all telling me what I already know, but was too lazy to do. LOL

Thanks lady. Stan made somem great suggs, so I've been prepping the rewrite and I'll post it in a bit.



Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#657919 - 10/07/08 03:39 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Jeff Chenard Offline
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Caroline,
Nice hook in this, I can "feel" the "sentimental story" coming out.
Sounds like you are still tweaking it, I look forward to reading the final cut!!

Jeff


Jeff
" Everybody counts, or nobody counts"
" But please do not take me seriously"
#657936 - 10/07/08 04:58 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Jeff Chenard]  
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Tom Tracy Offline
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Hey Caroline, I've read this once through, then came back a little later and figured out what the stepping stones were. So I didn't get it first time. Second time was better for me. I don't have much to add or advise - everyone else is doing it for me, so I'll just play the supporting role.
Well done!

#657938 - 10/07/08 05:09 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Tom Tracy]  
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Caroline Offline
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Hi Tom,

Was the second read after the revisions? Or was the second read with them, and reread?

I want this to make sense to at least the majority. You being one of the majority, your input means a lot!





Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#658130 - 10/08/08 12:07 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Hey there Caroline -
The first time was the original post, the second time was after the revisions.

Now I wonder how I made it into the majority? I always hoped that being a minority would be more exciting and eccentric.

#658133 - 10/08/08 12:28 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Tom Tracy]  
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Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Hi CC

Back tomorrow, I'm off to bed now, sleep it is nearly 12.30am in the morning here, eek way past my bed time. crazy

What I read seemed just fine to me. See you tomorrow. smile

Michele
Aussie friend

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 10/08/08 12:28 PM.
#658207 - 10/08/08 03:36 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Michele Howlett]  
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Caroline Offline
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Tom, you are in the majority, like it or not. These days being in the majority IS eccentric. LOL

Michele, thanks for stopping by to read. I hope you have a good nights sleep and we will talk again one of these days!



Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#658235 - 10/08/08 04:52 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Caroline Offline
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O.K., I think I'm done. Any thoughts???

Last edited by Caroline; 10/08/08 04:53 PM.

Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#658288 - 10/08/08 09:19 PM Re: Stepping Stones [Re: Caroline]  
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Barry Crannell Offline
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Caroline,

I'm at work, it's a quick read for now, but I really like the way this story flows. Off hand, there's nothing I can pick on.

Maybe later? :-)

Cheers,

Barry



"the older I get, the better I was"
#658370 - 10/09/08 03:53 AM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
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Rob L Offline
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San Jose, CA USA
Hi Caroline,

What a great tradition, and a really cool story! Looks like you've gotten this to a point where you and others are happy with it. I just have a few thought/comments in case they might trigger something for you:


Felt like we worked our fingers to the bone -> This line seems like the work was arduous and horrible which temporarily distracts from the happy, sentimental feel. Maybe something like: "The work was hard but fun, a stone for everyone"
Our feet and hand prints made each one our own
That night we talked about where to put those stepping stones

Chorus
Momma put them in the garden -> lots of folks mentioned so I thought it'd be nice to state who she is in the chorus.:)
So when every one came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And could see how much we'd grown
Now, when I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones


Nice write, Caroline. Good luck with this one.


Rob's Music is also on SoundClick
#658398 - 10/09/08 09:01 AM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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G'Mornin' Mz Sweetie!

Waal..I SORTA get it..."Feet & Hand Prints"...(Imbedded in WHAT? Concrete..Plaster?) It still kinda needs This Detail for Ignorant Folks like ME to totally understand WHAT "Stepping Stones" actually ARE..in this Modern Version.

I AM in-the-process OF Getting It...(But it's again a case of YOU know what you're referring to..but NOT sharing all the Necessary Details to smoothly pull it off.)

Sorry if I'm a Minority of Perhaps One... Still like what you're coming up with/gonna be a great song.

Big Hugs,
Ol' Stan

#658430 - 10/09/08 11:50 AM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
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G'day Caroline, I read and re-read your song and I wondered about your stepping stones and about the real meaning of them and my story telling muse was of two minds - are they to record the present for the future or are they like hollywood stars handprints in cement and recognition of each family member? I confess that its meaning to me as an Aussie is somewhat clouded but nonetheless I am sure its meaning is commendable and I wish you success with your song, best wishes, Ray down under.


Ray Thyer
#658717 - 10/10/08 01:10 PM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Ray Thyer (D)]  
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Caroline Offline
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Hi Ray,
Thanks for the read! I made some adjustments to the lyric, I hope it makes more sense now. I still have to adjust the phrasing, but I'm thinking it's almost there.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#659234 - 10/12/08 04:03 AM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Hi Caroline,

I haven't read the other posts ~ you say you've revised it already, so I'm just going off of your revision. I really like the sentiment expressed here. And how it comes full circle at the end. Very sweet. The chorus reads real smooth. Very nice! As far as the verses, I think the music would help tighten those up. All in all, enjoyed it...

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#659257 - 10/12/08 07:28 AM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Calvin Offline
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Hi Caroline,

Warm and touching, liked the feel of it.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#659291 - 10/12/08 01:22 PM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Calvin]  
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Beth G. Williams Offline
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Massachusetts
Hey Caroline,

There you go! Exactly what we were all getting at earlier on.

I'm glad you took the time to shine this one up, it's very dear...

Later, girlie,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#659334 - 10/12/08 04:22 PM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
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Derek Hines Offline
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United States Oregon
Hey Caroline

What an awesome little lyric... It really conjurs up feelings about those who've come and gone.... And what a neat way to go about doing... never would have tied the two together, but you did so and quite eloquently, And the transitioniong of the story as it goes forward is excellent, You are certainly becoming quite the writer.... no nits here, just get a demo with Heather on vocals and pitch pitch pitch!
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#659344 - 10/12/08 05:14 PM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Caroline Offline
Top 100 Poster
Caroline  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Texas
I have to let you all know how much I despise rewriting! BUT! In this case, it was worth the effort. I think that I will be getting some music now, Leaning towards the full demo on this one.

Thanks Kristi, Calvin, Beth, Derek,

I really do appreciate all the input you've given and all the nice things you've all had to say. Everyone has been so helpful and made so many great points. I think I'll have to hurry this one along!

I'm going to have to work on rewriting more often. It's just getting myself to slow down and fix what I need to. Without moving onto the next one. I can't even remember half of what I've written, I pull them up, so many cheesy things! I'm slowing down, I need to finish a few more. LOL

Thanks to all of you who've taken time to read through this and help nudge me in the right direction.




Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#659346 - 10/12/08 05:27 PM Re: Stepping Stones (REVISED, lemme know!!) [Re: Caroline]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
Serious Contributor
les_paul_gurl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
Caroline--

This is a really cute song! I enjoyed the lyrics. It seems like you've pretty much perfected the song, so all I can say is good luck smile Have a great weekend

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...

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