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This is one I wrote some time ago and came across recently. It's in 3/4 time, the hook sounds old-timey and isn't very prominent, and I've never been real satisfied with the music. But... I dunno.

Guess I need another opinion. It's written for a (not so) young lady. Keep it or junk it?


The First One To Last
© 2008 Keith Sheasley

V1
You're not the first one to dance with
This libertine lady,
The every-night belle of the ball.
You're not the first one to crowd me
And pay for my whiskey,
To lie to me softly
And promise to call.

V2
I'm not the first one to fall for
The charms of a cowboy
Who follows me home for the night.
I'm not the first one to wake up
And find the bed empty
And cry in my pillow
And wait for the light.

Chorus
Oh, but the days are so long
And the nights are so empty
The music's so loud
And the time goes so fast.
You're not the first one, it's true,
But I'm lonely and you
Just might be the first one to last.

V3
You're not the first one to tell me
That you'd always love me,
That nothing would stand in our way.
You're not the first one to touch me
And kiss me and make me
Believe that tomorrow
Could be just like today.

(Instrumental bridge)

V4
But you are the first one to thrill me
When we're together
And haunt me when we are apart.
The first one to hold me,
Embrace me, enfold me,
And stay until morning
And not break my heart.

Chorus
‘Cause the days are so long
And the nights are so empty
The music's so loud
And the time goes so fast.
You're not the first one, it's true,
But I'm lonely and you
Just might be the first one to last.

You're not the first one, it's true,
But I'm lonely and you
Just might be the first one to last.

You're not the first one, it's true,
But I'm lonely..... (whispered)
And you just might be the first one to last.

Hi Keith. You win the LET ME READ ONE LAST LYRIC BEFORE I GO TO BED award. Wow, I'm glad I took the time! This is absolutely brilliant, and I don't think it's just my tired bleary eyes talking.

From start to finish, this one really had me hooked. The language, the meter, the imagery, all worked beautifully. And I think your title/hook is a very clever play on words.

Others may find things to nit, but I think they'll be hard pressed to do so. Please let us know when this has music you're satisifed with. I'd love to hear it.

Nice writing!

Greg

Keith, I think itd's a really well written lyric. When you ask should you keep it, I'm not sure what that means. It's for a female vocalist, so you won't be singing it yourself. That means unless you just want it in your collection, you've got to get a female artist to record it, and there's two problems there. First, there isn't a lot of commercial demand for waltzes. And second, you need an artist who's willing to be the woman in the song. Neither is impossible, just a little tougher. It's a question of how much time and money you'd want to devote to making a demo or a recording for yourself. But again, you did a fine job with the writing. Btw, "libertine" may be a tough word for a contemporary country lyric.

Hi Greg,

Guess I'm glad I stayed up, too. Thanks for swelling my head. This one's been around for a while and I wasn't sure I was able to look at it objectively. Kinda like painting a room. No matter what it looks like to others - you still know where the bad spots are, and that's what you see.

Maybe I'll give it a little more work. Thanks again.

Keith

Thanks for stopping by, Cary. What I meant was, I wasn't sure if I should even hang onto this one because of the inherent problems. That 3/4 time is an anchor but it's not changeable.
Yeah, I remember tossing that 'libertine' around for a while. It's old-fashioned. Guess I couldn't come up with anything else that fit.
As far as a demo is concerned, haven't considered it. I was ready to ditch this one a little while ago.

Thanks,
Keith

Keith, I want to say this as sincerely as possible...I've yet to come across anything of yours that I wasn't instantly "taken" with. From the amazing "Heaven or Nashville" (or was that vice versa) to now this one.

See what Greg wrote? Let me throw a big ol' hearty "ME TOO" up there with that. I really like this one. I'm gonna follow it and see what you end up doing with it, but for the love of a powerful song...keep working it!

Terrill

Hey Terrill,
I appreciate all the kind words. That couldn't be more encouraging. I guess I'll have to give this one another look. Maybe I'll take a fresh look at the music.

Thanks Terrill,
Keith

Keith....DO NOT....stop on this one....I love the meter and flow of it SO much....sang in my head perfectly....I second and third everything that Gary said and more....just lose libertine... reminded me too much of THE MUSIC MAN, which I sang in...in High School...you'd have a hard time finding an older than young gal to say that....another word would make it more contemporary.

That said, if this is done right...a waltz could still fly.

Just love the lyric....Jan

Hi Jan,
I'm really glad you liked it. It IS a bit different than the last one I posted here. But how long ago was 'Tennessee Waltz' a hit?

I have been thinking about that 'libertine' thing. Now I see why I used it. I haven't come up with anything else. But it's a big language - I'll keep at it.

I'm also still pondering our other project. I'll let you know the minute I get past the pondering stage.

Music Man? You sang? And here's me, looking for a singer. Hmmmm.

Keith

Yeah, Keith....I'm anxious to see where our project goes...let me know.

These days I only sing for my own enjoyment....sure wouldn't be anyone else's...Ha.

Jan

Keith

Man, that's a keeper!!! I'm such a sucker for waltz-time, and I could absolutely hear it in my head as I was reading the lyrics. I could be wrong, but I think it's screaming for some pedal steel guitar. Your "libertine lady" really reminded me of Shel Silverstein's "Queen of the Silver Dollar." Whatever you do, don't give up on this one!!! Well-done.

Eric

Darn, NC!

When I first saw this it reminded me of something I wrote (that was barely commented on, so I went in search of it {coincidentally, I posted it 2 years ago this month} to see if it was just plain rotten, or if I could make it better. Well, that little sojourn cost me SEVENTY-FIVE FREAKIN' minutes. And it's YOUR fault, NC!!! Still, I didn't even know how to record back then, though I had a tune in mind, so I might go back to work on it.

There's no similarity, and as I say, I wasn't looking for it to find any, I simply recognized the first to last thing, though I hadn't even given it another thought since I wrote it.

I like what you're doing here. Very nice flow. And since you've already gotten twice as many comments as mine did in total, you've obviously utilized that hook much better. Best of luck with it.

Ben
PS For those who sometimes think they see something that isn't there...you can't copyright hooks anyway, so cool it!

Hi Eric,
Thanks. Glad you liked it. Guess I will have to work on it some more. You're right about the steel guitar. You've got exactly the sound that's in my head. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with keyboard midi for arranging, and there's no steel guitar, no dobro... it ain't right!
Yeah, I'm a Shel Silverstein fan. He wrote a ton of great stuff for Dr. Hook way back. I loved that stuff.

Thanks for the good comments, Eric.

Keith

Ha! Glad you got that out of your system, Ben. Thanks for the nice comments.

Of course you know, now I'll have to go and try to find it too. And I don't even know what it looks like.

Diabolical!

Keith

Hee-hEEE!

OK, bud I'll save you the trouble (trust me, you NEVER want to go into that wasteland, even IF you know the approximate date, you can only go 4 pages at a time. Before improvements were made on this site, there was a listing of every page (at the bottom of the front page) you could go as far back as you wanted in one stroke!

Anyway, it was for a gal singer, who was the "beloved" of a songwriter. The chorus was:

One night I heard the chorus and it said
"You're not the first girl in his bed,
"He's had a checkered past
"But even though you're not his first
"You can be his first to last
Be his first to last, his first to last"

Hmmmm...maybe THAT'S why only 2 comments were made!

Insidious!!!

Yeah, I found out about that 4 page thing. My interest... waned. Since you saved me so much time, let me add a third comment to your posting. (If I knew where the original was, I'd give you one heckuva bump!)
_____________________________________

Hi Ben,

I like your lyric fragment. Particularly like that hook. Damn clever. It'll be interesting to see what you do with this one.

_____________________________________


Hey, it's the least I could do. You got there first.

Keith

Keith, there is so much that is wonderful about this. The title/hook is priceless and the verses are terrific.

The chorus is soooo good, I think it should be used more,
as in verse 1, chorus, verse 2, chorus, bridge, chorus.
I'd keep the first verse the way it is, choose either the
second or third verse as the second verse, (both are great!)
and convert verse four into a bridge.

Whatever you do with it won't matter! It's just a wonderful lyric. Good luck with it!!

Diane

Hi Diane,

Thanks so much for the nice comments. I'm really glad you liked it.

I see what you're saying about the order. I've got music for it (even though I may be revising it) and it already runs 3:32. Another chorus repeat would put me well over the top, I think.

I do appreciate the suggestions. And that's a great looking young rocker with you in your picture.

Keith

Keith, this one shows potential. I'll let others nit pick on the lyric. I'm more interested in how a lyric sounds WITH music. Without it a lyric IMO is just a "lyric poem." That's not to dismiss lyrics only folks but I never post a lyric myself if I don't have music to go with it because it's completely out of context and many suggestions people make for the lyric are cleared up in the full production.

Anyway, good job. I could come up with a head tune to it as I read it which is a good sign to me. Most of the time that doesn't come to me unless I'm collaborating and have to figure something out. Well, that's not really completely true. I never collaborate unless the lyric suggests a melody or different possible melodies. I take it you are also a composer. Do you have a SoundClick site? I may have already been there if you do but with all the new names since I came back aboard it's hard to keep up with who is whom.

Your Bud,

Steve

Hi Steve,
I do have music for this one - have had for some time, as a matter of fact. I just never liked it and never got back to redo it. It would have to be better than average to overcome the 3/4 time.

I compose on a midi keyboard with some computer software. That gives me access to a lot of instruments, but not some of the ones I'd like to have - steel guitar and dobro, for example. I never got a SoundClick site. I don't have a singer.

I'm gratified you think this has potential. I guess I'm going to have to get back and finish it. Then maybe find a singer.

Thanks for commenting on this one, Steve.

Keith

keith:

The writing is as everyone says, very skillful. Good job.

Can you tell me what this times out at? It looks long on the page, so I could be wrong.

As far as a female singer, singing this and sorta sounding like an old bar fly...... mmm not sure anyone wants that image. (?)

Kay-lynn

Hi Kay-lynn,

Thanks for your kind comments. In its current form, it times out at 3:32. On the high side of the range. Diane had suggested a little shuffling of sections and I'm thinking, if something had to go, it would be V3, then slide the bridge after V4.

And hey, if I could just find an old bar-fly that could sing, I'm guessing we could work something out.

Keith

Ok NC, doggone it!

This is getting just a bit ridiculous. 'scuse me while I go find a heavy rope and a sturdy limb!

Keith,

This is wonderful. I'm a sucker for waltz time. It seems like the saddest, best, most heart wrenching ballads are always written in 3/4 time. I wish you'd post the music and vocal for this..I'd sure like to hear it.

Hi Wendy,

I'm really glad you like it. Yeah, I've always liked waltzes too, but I think this is the first one I've written with lyrics. I guess we're in a minority. I can't think of the last waltz that got air play.

I do have music for it but it's in rework right now. Not happy with the arrangement. I never did have a vocal track. I only know one person who can actually sing, and she lives in Seattle - other side of the country.

I did check out your SoundClick site, though. Wow. You have a beautiful voice with a haunting quality that fits this song perfectly. If you'd like, I'll send it to you when it's done. I'd love to hear this song in your voice.

Something to think about. No push. Either way, I appreciate your nice comments.

Thanks, Wendy.

Keith

Keith,

This feels like a hit. Great contrast between the verses and the last pay off line in the chorus. Very clear structure that allows the listener to follow with ease.

Excellent work. Any music yet?

Keep writing.

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