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Foray
by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:11 AM
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48 |
Hi Everyone. It's been quite a while since I posted a lyric here, but I hope you will help me out with comments or critique. All is appreciated.
Five-Foot Four Hero
Verse 1: Lying on her final bed she’s waiting For her halo and her wings. Leaving tears and breaking hearts And the pain that losing one can bring.
Frail and timid in her sheets Her body strains against the final test The world won’t know the story As this lady finally faces rest.
Chorus: She’s a five foot four hero To her children standing there. They’ve watched her carry burdens Tougher than the strongest man could bear.
Strength was what she didn’t lack She always had her childrens’ backs Just daring someone to cross the line. She was a shelter against life’s storms With open arms she kept them warm; A giant of a hero in her time.
Verse 2: But even heroes can grow weary And lose strength to carry on the fight When the beacon that they’ve been for others Shows a dimming of the light.
So they take their place and each in turn Kiss her cheek and whisper their goodbye. And as Christ’s love surrounds her God lights a hero’s star up in the sky.
Repeat Chorus:
Copyright 2008 Susie Whiting
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 356
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 356 |
Susie,
A couple of suggestions.
what about "finds her rest" instead of "faces rest"
the chorus has "Tougher than" but since you are talking burdens in the precious line I wouldn't think of burdens as "tougher" so what about "More than"
the second two lines of the first verse doesn't seem to fit in to the rest of the tone of the lyric - maybe because you immediately refer to tears and heartache and the rest of the song is a tribute to her strength.
Kennan
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