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I am hearing this as a slow, Norah Jones-ish smooth jazz thing...potentially for a film or tv listing (thus the lack of storyline/details). Still has a couple of places that I think need some work. Would appreciate any ideas and suggestions.

Ok..so it's sappy and saccharine...but sometimes we women want that.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Love’s Nurturing Embrace
© 2008 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP

My eyes are getting heavy
Blankets tucked around our feet
And as you hold me gently
I drift away to sleep

We're somewhere on a mountaintop
Or maybe it's a cloud
I feel your arms around me
Like a safe, protective shroud

CHORUS:
In love’s nurturing embrace
Two hearts
Traveling through time and space
At peace…
Complete…
In love’s nurturing embrace

In peaceful dreams together
We'll fly off to the moon
Then glide slowly back to earth
As morning comes too soon

CHORUS: repeat

BRIDGE:
As the sun touches the windowsill
And the day begins anew
All I really need to know
Is that my hours are filled with you

I want to lie with you forever
‘Til the stars have lost their shine
‘Til the moon has dimmed its milky glow
And Heaven knows you're mine

CHORUS: repeat

Helloooooo Ms. Bobbie,
This is a lovely, romantic lyric. I just had a few very minor sugs which I placed in CAPS. I thought that the word "shroud" in your second verse did not pull up the same type of imagery and energy as your other words, so I tried a replacement phrase. There are just a few more teeny sugs.

Love it!

Heidi


My eyes are getting heavy
I can barely see
And as you hold me gently
I drift away to sleep

We're somewhere on a mountaintop
Or maybe ON a cloud
I feel your arms around me
HERE WHERE SILENCE SPEAKS OUT LOUD...

CHORUS:
In love’s nurturing embrace
Two hearts
Traveling through time and space
At peace…
Complete…
In love’s nurturing embrace

In peaceful dreams together
We'll fly off to the moon
Then glide slowly back to earth
As morning comes too soon

CHORUS: repeat

BRIDGE:
As the sun touches the windowsill
And the day begins anew
All I really need to know
Is that my hours are filled with you

I want to lie with you forever
‘Til the stars have lost their shine
‘Til the moon HAS DIMMED ITS MILKY LIGHT
AND HEAVEN KNOWS YOU'RE MINE.

CHORUS: repeat

Hi Bobbie,

Sappy, sweet, and saccharine; just the way I like them. I do like the changes Heidi suggested. The shroud didn't seem to fit the feel of the rest of the song. Music, maestro please. Then I can sing it to my love.

Bobbie,

I think this is really nice. I spent all morning at the dentist and could use some comfort right now (ha).

I thought of this for the chorus. It's not exactly right, but just supposed to be representative of the idea that I want them to soar somewhere and land softly. Kind of an echo of the first verse in the chorus.

In love's nurturing embrace
Drifting through all time and space
soaring higher than the universe
landing softly in this place
In love's nurturing embrace

I've been distracted by the pain in my mouth. My tooth is bleeding under my temporary crown, and I have been very unproductive here at work. I'd better get back to it.

Overall, I really like this. Also, I hear this as a pop song, country or smooth jazz.

Howdy Ms Heidi!!

I knew I could count on you for some great ideas. LOVE the milky light thing and the last line. Those will probably get substituted in there.

For some reason, however..I am sorta partial to the shroud line even though I know folks may conjur up something funereal from that word...there is another meaning which is something that veils or covers and that is pretty much what I am going for there. I really want to keep the 'safe/protective' concept in there.

Thank you SOOO much for taking a look at this one...and for the terrific ideas!!! I SO much appreciate your time and enthusiastic sharing!! Miss you.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Awww...gee thanks John!! you are gonna take MY song and sing it to another woman!! LOL How bad is that!!! Well ok...love is love...you can do that as soon as this gets music. I have sent it to Rachel who does lovely things with smooth jazz. I can hear her vocals on this already...so am hoping she may like it.

However...see my note to Heidi. I am probably going to keep the shroud line just because it says something I want to say there about feeling safe and protected. The shroud concept sort of seals the two lovers off from the rest of the universe...at least to my way of thinking...and heck, I wrote it. LOL So that's what it means.

There can't be too many love songs in this world IMO. I hoped you might enjoy this. I know you can handle more "sap" than most men. That's what I like about you...well ONE of the things!! Plus you bring me great fruits and veggies!! That's great too!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Awww Wendy...I am SO sorry to hear that. The dentist ranks right up there with the the IRS in my book of things I detest! So I am glad this brought you some small measure of comfort while you are miserable!! That is NOT fun.

I like your ideas for the chorus. However, I wrote the lines as I did to allow the vocalist (for this style of song) to really take off and soar on those short lines. I really want to keep them short for that reason. Otherwise, when the lines are all similar lengths, they tend to mush together and make it difficult to make substantial variations in the music between verses and chorus. If Rachel likes it...this will probably end up as smooth jazz...which was my intent. Could go pop of course.

Thank you SO much for checking this out and for the great ideas. Will see where this one ends up!! I DO appreciate the read and thoughtful comments. So sorry about the tooth. That sounds miserable!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

You is right on "shroud" Heidi <G>
(Heidi ain't hardly never wrong.) (Wonder if that's a "triple" negative) Well, I never did get much schoolin'
Wy (Mud)

Bobbie,
Sweet and mushy just the way I like it:)

I'll throw in a suggestion for the last line of your bridge.

BRIDGE:
As the sun touches the windowsill
And the day begins anew
All I really need to know
IS YOU FEEL THE WAY I DO

Keep it or kick it,

Songdog

Hey Bobbelina,

Just making a quick pit stop tonight before heading off to beddy-bye.

But before doing so, I had to thank you....because now I have something to sprinkle on my cereal tomorrow morning !!

Of course, I'm just kidding...it's very sweet and romantic...and hopefully it won't end up in that thar "graveyard of songs" just because it might fall into that category of "sappy". But I'll be happy to hear how it turns out....I think of a lot of Anita Baker songs like this, which for all intents and purposes could just say "I love you" 20 times....but with the right music...well they're wonderful.

So thanks for sharing!

As for any nits, I did like most of Heidi's sugs -- though I'm going to stick with you on "shroud". The word just resonates protection...which in this context is meaningful.

For some reason, the only line that I was hoping you could pump up, was the second line in verse one. While it makes perfect sense technically, I think you might get more bang for your buck if you started right in with the romance. Maybe something like:


My eyes are getting heavy
THE BLANKET'S TUCKED AT OUR FEET
And as you hold me gently
I drift away to sleep


Of course, I'm throwing a coupla extra syllables there (hey, there's my next hook..."Syllables for Sale"....hee hee), but....it also ties in with the shroud image in the next verse...maybe too much?

Anyway, just a little something for ya to chew on....

Ciao for now,
Boo

Now now Mudgie,

Yer just saying that cause Ms Heidi IS always right!! She's like that. Smarter'n a whip. Awww heck...you ain't too bad yerself. LOL

Thanks fer dropping by my cloud fer a minit.

Hugs,
Bobbie

I'm not so sure about the Milky line when everyone knows the moon is made of cheese.

So how about this:
I want to lie with you forever
‘Til the stars have lost their shine
‘Til the moon GREATS THE MORNING LIGHT
AND HEAVEN KNOWS YOU'RE MINE.

Howdy there Songdog!

Thank you SO much for stopping by this little bit o' sap. I truly do like your suggestion for that line of the bridge. I am waiting to see what other excellent ideas are tossed at me for this before I make changes...but I do like that one and greatly appreciate all read and insights.

This is not my "normal" country story song. I guess it is more of an 'adult lullaby' if there is such a genre. LOL One can only hope I guess.

Thanks again.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Ms. Bobbie!

Another real purdy one!

Unca Chuck

I had a friend who swore that Roy Orbison's head was made of cheese. He also said he had an aunt that looked like Roy. Behold the power of Roy...

Hi Bobbie,

oh la la! A bit of romance we have here. Alittle different for you Bobbie, but a nice diversion and I have a sweet tooth for songs like this.

Sugar, saccharine or honey,
Sappy love songs, give me plenty!!
Pile em' on, pile em' high,
For they've filled up the airwaves,
From the beginning of time.

Back to business...........

Just a couple thoughts......

I would consider doing away with your 4th verse after the bridge. It talks about night time and you just got to morning in the bridge. You mihgt consider having your final chorus come in after the bridge and if you are thinking "adult lullaby" then it keeps it simpler.

In your 2nd verse 1st line clarify that you are dreaming since you just feel asleep at end of the 1st verse.

You Have:

We're somewhere on a mountaintop
Or maybe it's a cloud
I feel your arms around me
Like a safe, protective shroud

Idea:

I dream we're on a mountaintop,
Or maybe it's a cloud,
I feel your arms encircle me,
I'm safe and warm for now.

Didn't know if you considered exchanging "nurturing" for "beautiful".

In bridge:

Although the sun awakens us,
And we go our separate ways,
We'll anxiously await the night,
To once again embrace...

Just some thoughts. Lovely sentiment.

Best,
Lynn

Howdy Ms Boo..<G>

I was hoping you might stop by and sprinkle some sweet thoughts on this. LOL Cereal huh? LOL Is that like cereal killerz?? Sure appreciate the backup on my poor "shroud" word. That word just meant what I wanted it to in that spot...but durn it gets tough ta stick to yer guns on here sometimes. LOL

Your blankets line is a killer filler for my weak second line. LOL For right now I am just gathering all these great ideas and will probably sink my teeth into the rewrite on this...well after I post the one I wrote today. LOL I am getting so far behind on critiquing other folks stuff...I am feeling real guilty...but can't seem to shut off the muse. She does that to me sometimes...especially when I am on overdrive at work. She has no mercy.

Hope you were able to have sweet dreams after reading this little adult lullabye. <G>

Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Tom...well ya know...milk and cheese ARE rather closely related products. I am sort of partial to cream cheese myself..or cheddar or brie...need I go on? LOL

Thanks,
Bobbie

Hi again Tom,

Those are excellent lines that I am definitely going to consider for the ending...although I'll probably change that GREATS to GREETS.

Thanks again...I really DO appreciate any and all thoughts, suggestions, remarks or tossed semi-ripe tomatoes! LOL

Hugs,
Bobbie

Awww....thanks so much Unca' Chuck!! Your approval means A LOT to me!!! Always appreciate when you check my stuff out and give me the Chuck Seal Of Approval!! Glad ya thought this is purdy!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

LOL Wendy...did you ever have your "friend" checked out??? Was he dangerous?? LOL Roy Orbison, huh? I loved Roy...incredible singer. Thanks for stopping back by...I think.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Ms Lynn,

I always look forward to your perspective on things..and this is NO exception!! I hoped you might find your way to this since I know this kind of song is right up your alley!! Or at least on your block!

I like your pretty ditty too! LOL I don't write a lot of these...but it feels good when I do on those rare occasions. <G>

I will certainly consider dispensing with V4. Will see how long this goes when the music is done. If it is within commercial parameters, will make the decision at that time...though it is nice to have it there as an alternative. It may indeed derail the song a bit having the morning come...but that is reality for us..most of us, even when we WANT to...have to deal with getting up in the day to attend to other things.

I'm not convinced it is necessary to put the 'dreaming' word in V2 since it comes immediately AFTER I've said "I drift off to sleep"...and the thoughts there seem (at least to me) to be pretty clear that, like in dreams...the singer really isn't totally sure where they are. Also in the beginning of V3..I do use the word DREAM...so I don't want to overuse that where it may not be needed...but...will sure keep that thought in mind when I tweak this up.

When I was working on the title/hook for this...I did work through a number of alternative words for nurturing...but that seems to me to have the right sentiment for this lyric. Beautiful is a nice word but doesn't really convey the meaning I was after with this. Will certainly consider it, however, as well as your ideas for the bridge!! Those are nice also although I'm not sure I want them to actually get out of bed if you know what I mean.

Thank you SO much!! I truly DO enjoy all your ideas and the time you spend reading and helping improve my writing.

Hugs,
Bobbie

LOL Wendy...did you ever have your "friend" checked out??? Was he dangerous?? LOL Roy Orbison, huh? I loved Roy...incredible singer. Thanks for stopping back by...I think.

Bobbie - I was trying to write this in response to Tom (I think it was Tom's post) about the moon being cheese. I'm not skilled enough to know how to do that within the forum, so it wound up looking like some kind of random, left-field, crazy comment. I'm blaming this on the combination of too little sleep and the pain pill I took today for my stupid tooth. It was a wisdom tooth, and the last molar in the back of my jaw. I had to have it crowned. The dentist got the inside of my cheek caught in the drill yesterday. The torture began at 7:30 a.m. and did not end until noon. I normally would not take a pain pill, but my mouth is really sore and I had to eat today, so I took one. I'm feeling much better tonight.

Roy was an incredible singer and a real pioneer for modern pop music. He was also a really nice person, from what I understand. I should not be dissin' Roy, the moon, or populating your song forum with weird humor. Sorry about that.

For what it's worth, I liked that verse the way you had it with the moon and the cheese, but Heidi's suggestion was good as well.

Hi Wendy...

To answer your question first...below each post on a thread are a series of buttons you can click. The first button is REPLY. If you want to specifically address someone's comment...click the REPLY button on their posting and you will get a separate box in which you can write your comments. The nice thing about clicking a specific REPLY is that the comments of that person will also show up below the write in commentary box...so you can easily switch back and forth to be sure you have accurately responded. That is expecially helpful when a thread gets very long or...like me...you can't remember every point that someone made. LOL My memory is like that...Swiss cheese.

And I DID know whose comments you were responding to.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie!

OOOOOH! I Like this one a lot! Makes me miss my Tennessee sweetie! I think i could sing this to him! I can hear a jazzy melody for it.

I played with your first verse, using Beth's suggestion as my lead -

Keep or sweep!

Charlann

HIDee SBL!

"KUDOS" for the SSO..(Sweet Sappy One)..it's a Winner..

WITH Heidi's "Silence Line" Sug.

I'd propose "'Till the Moon drifts far-away" on the Moon-Improvement Package...

K-O-S, & Good Luck with this Nice Soft Stuff.

BPH
Stan

Hey Bobbelina,

Just had to pop in again on this....love to read everyone else's posts....

Anyhoo, stumbled upon a great hook for you -- which you came up with yourself. "My Memory Is Like Swiss Cheese". Too funny!

Cheers,
Boo

Well Howdy Ms Charlann,

I am delighted that you got to see this one. Sorta figured you might be thinkin' about that sweet TN hunk of yours! I do like your suggestion...a LOT. I'd been toying with Beth's thought for that line and like your take on it. <G>

Now hurry up and get that job down here in Nashville!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Beatiful love song, Bobbie...lovely bridge!!
I can just HEAR this one sung....very nice. It's a hit!


Emily

Howdy Tampa,

Thanks for the much-appreciated kudos. I am, as I said...gonna stick with my shroud line, however.

Will consider your moon alternative though. There are lotsa other things that could work for that moon line and that one works too.

I don't often write stuff of this ilk...but sometimes as you yourself know...we just have to go in a different direction.

You kin drop by my cloud anytime.

BPH,
Bobbie

Howdy again Boo,

Appreciate you keeping tabs on this one. It has a ways to go...but thanks so much for helping me improve it!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie!

FYI - the Kipp Academy there in town has contacted me to take an nline screening interview!!! Tracy's all excited now! I'll be there in two weeks!

Charlann

Howdy Boo,

I actually don't think that one was original to me. I musta got it from somewhere else. Probably all those AARP magazines I am getting now!! LOL But never let it be said that I am 'holier than thou"... You or Stan could probably write that one. I am not funny enough. LOL

Thanks for dropping by again. I always enjoy your visits. You just need to give me a bit of warning so I can remove all obstacles! <G>

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hi there Ms Emily!!

I know you are really tied up these days with school and all...but it sure is wunnerful when you make time to come visit us!! Glad you enjoyed this one!! It's not my usual fare...but sometimes I just have to take a different trail.

Thanks for taking time to check this out.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Howdy Charlann!!

Please keep me posted on the progress with the Academy!! We need you here in Nashville...well..you NEED to be here too for reasons we won't go into here!! <G>

Hugs,
Bobbie

Oh Bobbelina,

I'll do my best to let you know in advance if I'm sending thru a snickery one. If you ever fell down and got hurt, I would never forgive myself -- and I daresay there are a few cookie mongerers who might not be too happy with me either!

Stay strong!
Boo

LOL BOO...I was talking about YOU not getting hurt!! But in retrospect...I wouldn't want ANYONE to get hurt. <G>

Hugs,
Bobbelina