JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Poor People Have Thanksgiving Too

Frankly, I don't think this is very good, but sometimes the author has the worst view, so here is some wet ink for you to crit....

I think I go the idea from something Todd Snider did or said.



Poor People Have Thanksgiving Too

You sit on your pedestal
You spoiled little rich girl
Sit there and pity on our world

You feel sorry for all we don’t have
How hard we have it made
How hard it is to make it thru the day

You want to help the fallen thru
Help the few that aren’t like you
Pull the them up to be like you too

Chorus:
What you don’t see is true
Baby, we don’t wanna be like you
Stop trying to build a bridge
Half of any part is below average
You don’t need to help us fallen thru
We homeless folks will all tell you
Poor people have thanksgiving too.

See girl, we ain’t so dumb
To keep chasing a finish line
That moves every step with us

*chorus*

Can’t you be happy with who you are
Where you going in that rich-girl car?
Get to the end and... it moves again

You can’t help us ‘less you get lower
No matter how much better life gets
Half of us are still your regrets

*chorus*

The first day you’ll be helpin’ us
Is the day your fancy private clubs
Start lettin’ the public in, Love

So you stay on your side
We’re on this side of the line
And you know what, we’re doing just fine

*chorus*

Wow! Wolvman. I think you're saying it just like many feel. My critiquing brain has flown the coop right now but I just wanted to say I like this.

Vanessa

Ok, I did a quick rhyme check and it seems that some of the time you're pulling off an aaa rhyme scheme. other times its abb and then other times its aba? Which one works best with your plans for the music? Or does it work as is?


Hey, I need some help with making some lyrics for chemistry and biology. You know anyone whose done that besides that guy who wrote the song for the periodic table of elements? I should also try to get TampaStan maybe to parody something for me. Then my students would know the tune already.

Vanessa

Hey Vanessa i see your lurking around here lol

I haven't one yet for biology and chemistry but i did write a good math one. It's still here somewhere dropped below the 2nd page surely. Hope things are well for you..

Wolvman I kinda like this one and kinda don't. While I agree there are some pretentious snobs out there. There are also some who truly are willing to give of themselves to try to help those less fortunate. Although truthfully your song may not be about them. However I think it needs to be pointed out. Not all homeless or poor people like where they are at. Otherwise not much to nit here!
Sincere Blessings
Derek

Great idea Wolvie, but I think your instincts are right. It currently comes off as too much of a diatribe...but I think couched in a story, this would be excellent...because the thought behind it is solid...


ie, poor little rich girl, on her way to thanksgiving at her "rich house", while dreaming of turkey, a festively decked out dining room and house, family gathered etc...all things good....gets lost, meets up with homeless people who are celebrating their own way...and she learns the true meaning...yadayada...

Hey Wolv,
There's a really good song "in" there, but I think you're right. It's not quite there yet. Some of the lines don't really "hold together" as thoughts . Like------------------------------------------
Sit there and pity on our world----IF 'OUR' WAS LEFT OUT, IT'D WORK

How hard we have it made---AGAIN DOESN'T QUITE HOLD TOGETHER. HOW HARD WE HAVE IT WOULD WORK.
Some of the homeless want help, some don't
As noted, it looks like a better story is that she gets inside their world and finds out how things really are
Worth more work
Wy

HiDee Wolvie!

Think The Bob's "Like A Rolling Stone" did a thorough job of explorin' the Rich Gal/Poor-Person World.

You're re-discoverin' it here.

Really LIKED that "Finish Line that Moves" segment...definitely WORTHY of a Song of Its Own, Amigo..

I'd never pick on a person that has Charitable Instincts, whatever social strata they're from. BECAUSE they DO care enough to Give ANYTHING. (There are LOTS of Rich Folks who give NADA & feel NO Shame for it.) They should.

Good Luck Developing this Good'n', Amigo.
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Vanessa, I personnally don't like doing parady's so I can't offer help. I know my rhyme scheme is all ove rthe place. I got fed up with it at one point and just left it as is. I'll be tweaking it, but probably won't stick to a consistent format.

Derek, those are good points. I'll have to consider how I present this one, like john mentions too.

Wyman, 'our' was a last minute add. interesting you picked up ont that. I'll keep digging on this one to get the right song out of it.

Thanks Stan, I'll make another run at this one.

I'll be sure and get some crits out there for you guys maybe later tonight. Thanks for all you help. this is good input as usual.

Hi, Wolvman. You have some really good responses. I especially like the "fallen through" reference. I agree that there is the seed of a very good song here.

Your lyrics made me think of when we (students) brought in canned and packaged good to give to the poor. I remember feeling upset (and still do) that instead of sending in good food, some people were just cleaning out their cupboards, sending expired cans and packages and foods no one wanted to eat. I also remember wondering why people who were better off usually only thought of the poor at Thanksgiving and Christmas? Don't they have to eat at other times?