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#540635 - 09/12/07 01:22 AM The One That Didn't Get Away  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Michigan
Hope you like this hook.

The One That Didn't Get Away

Verse 1:

As I sat in my bass boat, thinkin' 'bout life,
Waitin' for a ripple at the end of my line.
I saw her by the dock, tryin' out her reel.
Started rowin' real fast to see what was her deal.
She wore a red flannel shirt tied real high,
Faded daisy dukes cut way up to her thigh.

Lift:
That castin' of hers left me achin' for more.
She sure made some waves that day by the shore.

Chorus:

I'm The One That Didn't Get Away that day.
She baited me, lured me; anything to make me stay.
That girl set her hook; went right by the book.
Used her ample skill; just reeled me in.
I let her win; I knew then.
I'd be The One That Didn't Get Away.

Verse 2:

She knew her way 'round fresh water, for sure.
I could tell she'd done this all before.
Well, a snowball had more chance in Hell.
She was dedicated to her sport; knew it well.
That girl threw me every line she could.
Got me to throw some back; this girl was GOOD.

Lift:
I tried to escape that day; NO WAY.
By supper time she had me caught and filleted.

Chorus:

I'm The One That Didn't Get Away that day.
She baited me, lured me; anything to make me stay.
That girl set her hook; went right by the book.
Used her ample skill; just reeled me in.
I let her win; I knew then.
I'd be The One That Didn't Get Away.

Bridge:

My luck really changed that day by the lake.
She was fishin' for a keeper and I took the bait.

Repeat Chorus and outro:



#540648 - 09/12/07 02:47 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Sofa King Bixby Offline
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home and loving it
Nice Write Janice,


You stayed with the fishing thing all the way through. i would have gotten myself off the subject there about mid way. no nits,

cheers
-steve


"sing along little hotties in those wet t-shirts" -Tricia "angel" Baker


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=718667
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/stephenbixby
#540652 - 09/12/07 02:58 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Sofa King Bixby]  
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Lee Arten Offline
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Lee Arten  Offline
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I buy this one, hook, line and sinker.


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Johnson.
#540667 - 09/12/07 06:44 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Derek Hines Offline
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Hey Janice

I am really feeling this one. Very strong emotions here some of your best work. I love the fishing metaphors and the fact they just keep right on coming. (you must be a fisher woman?).

If there is one little nit I have it's in the first verse with the whole real and deal rhyming. It's just a simple rhyme as are hook and book but hey I like the whole hook book angle lol angle? angler? lol anyways grest work on this one I bought it hook line and sinker too lol.
Brotherly Hugs
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#540668 - 09/12/07 07:13 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Derek Hines]  
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PogoDog Offline
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Hey Jan,

So we meet on your turf and I find you fishin' - great story!

Do have two sugs:

As I sat in my bass boat, thinkin' 'bout life,
Waitin' for a NIBBLE at the end of my line.


... and I think by the second verse he's likin' bein' caught - probably wouldn't want to escape unless he's teasin'.

I tried to escape that day; NO WAY.
By supper time she had me caught and filleted.


(or was that implied with a sarcastic: NOW WAY = YEAH RIGHT?)

Anyway. Nice catchin' up with you, finally smile

Randy

...excuse my contractions which total 10 11. I spent the whole night tryin' to fit a three syllable word in a two syllable space, arrgh!

#540669 - 09/12/07 07:20 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: PogoDog]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Hi Janice,

Everything seems to work well for you in this one.
An enjoyable read.

Have a good day.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#540709 - 09/12/07 12:07 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Calvin]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Michigan
Steve,

Thanks so much for taking the time, especially right now, to give this a read. I so appreciate your vote of confidence. This one was actually inspired by many, many childhood fishing trips. I know all the terms, but haven't fished in 30 years.
I'm basically a country girl with deep country roots. Yes, Michigan is "country"..Big Time....

My sons are country music performers (Branded..myspace). They inspire me all the time with what they do. Country is large here. Josh Gracin sprang from here too.

Well, I seemed to have rambled, as my husband says I'm so good at.

We are all thinking of you and wishing you God speed. Bet you can't wait to have your feet firmly planted on the soil. Saw your pic with Bush. You look about my youngest sons age. CUTE..

Best wishes to you, Steve

Sincerely,

Jan

#540710 - 09/12/07 12:10 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Hello Lee,

Thank you so much for stopping by. I'm glad you took the bait. I appreciate it. Hope to hear from you again.

Have a great day,

Jan

#540712 - 09/12/07 12:15 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Bro,

Hey, thanks again as usual for helping me out. I'll look at the reel, deal thing again and see if there's something better. Glad you basically bought it though. I wasn't fishin' for compliments (that sounds like something straight off of Hee Haw)

Later,

Jan

#540713 - 09/12/07 12:22 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Hey Randy,

Thanks for the look see. Appreciate it big time. I like your suggestion of NIBBLE. It seems to work better. I got the ripple idea from my childhood fishing alot with my Dad. He always said, "Now, watch for a ripple at the end of your line, that's how you know that you have a bite".

The NO WAY line was definitely sarcastic I guess you'd say. That speaks just like me....I meant it just as you seemed to pick up...NO WAY =Yeah right, why would I?

Good luck with what you're workin' on. Can't wait to read it.

Thanks,

Jan


#540714 - 09/12/07 12:24 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Hi Calvin,

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and that it seemed to work for you. If people just GET IT, that's a big thing. I appreciate your time and comments.

Have a good one today,

Jan

#541009 - 09/13/07 07:32 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Here's a new version on this song that I've been kickin' around. See what you all think. Thanks....

The One That Didn't Get Away

Verse 1.

I was thinkin' bout my life plans
A hundred yards from dry land.
Saw her there fishin' by the shore,
Rowed real fast to see some more.

Verse 2.

She wore a shirt tied up real high,
Daisy Dukes cut to her thighs.
Her castin' made me ache for more.
She made some waves there by the shore.

Lift:

Guess I was the big one that day,
I tried hard to escape...NO WAY.

Chorus:

I'm The One That Didn't Get Away.
She lured me in; showed me the bait.
Reeled me in slow; tried to get me to stay.
Held me in her net, 'til I couldn't wait
To let her win.... well, I knew then,
I'd be The One That Didn't Get Away.

Verse 3:

She knew fresh water when she seen it.
Used every skill to get a hit.
A snowball had more chance in Hell.
She excelled in her sport; knew it well.

Lift:

I was put to the test with her lines.
Even got me throwin' her some of mine.

Repeat Chorus:


Then Bridge:

My luck really changed that day by the lake.
She was fishin' for a keeper; I took the bait.
By suppertime I was caught and filleted.


Repeat Chorus:

Tag:

The One That Didn't Get Away.....So Glad...I Didn't Get Away....

#541115 - 09/14/07 06:38 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Derek Hines Offline
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Heya Sis

Liking the rewrite. It makes it even more entertaining cause in the end he didn't want to get away lol. I do however have one small sugg

Held me in her (fishnets), 'til I couldn't wait(as in stockings)
To let her win.... well, I knew then,
I'd be The One That Didn't Get Away.

Just a sugg Keep or sweep otherwise I think ya got a keeper lol

Brotherly Hugs
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#541163 - 09/14/07 12:26 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Derek Hines]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Hi Derek,

The line about the fishnets is cute, but I can't see her wearin' them on the shore. She wasn't THAT kind of woman. LOL.

Thanks for your input though. (Just like a young guy! LOL)

Sister Hugs,(More like Mother)

Jan

#541248 - 09/14/07 08:49 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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bholt Offline
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bholt  Offline
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Highlands, NC
Janice, I really like this alot. You've carried the metaphor out well, I believe. I like that he was glad he didn't get away.


Betty J. Holt
#541275 - 09/14/07 10:21 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: bholt]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Michigan
Hi Betty,

Thanks so much for stopping by. I'm glad you like this. Yes, I'm glad that he was happy with getting caught too. It's nice when a plan comes together.

Have a nice evening,

Jan

#541835 - 09/17/07 11:27 AM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Bump!

Is there anyone to give me any feed back on this most recent re-write? Thanks for any assistance or comments.

Jan

#541846 - 09/17/07 12:43 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Hey Janice,
Yeah, I think the re write is better. most of us use more words than required to tell the story.
I'd see the C a little differently.
I didn't care for the "lured me in" and "reeled me in", in successive lines sugs--------------------------------------------
Chorus:

I'm The One That Didn't Get Away.
I WAS LURED BY ENTICING BAIT (enticing doesn't seem quite right)
Reeled me in REAL slow; MADE ME WANTA' STAY
Held me in her net, 'til I couldn't wait
To let her win.... well, I knew then,
I'd be The One That Didn't Get Away
-----------------
She knew fresh water when she seen it.
Unless you have a reason for "seen" looks like it should be "saw"
There may be a better metaphor than "fresh water"
All in all, quite good IMO. Worth doing something with
Wy



#541872 - 09/17/07 02:02 PM Re: The One That Didn't Get Away [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Real Cute, FUN Angle, Mz Jan!

Only line that bugs me is the "caught & filleted" one. It's just too "Bobbitty"...JMO..& as a Male Listener, indicates he's Dead Meat.

Maybe have his heart (Or Tail) a-hengin' in her Trophy Case... Whatever..

As-Penned, just a bit Too-Sanguine a Feel on da way out.

Good Luck with a Fine Fishin' Tale, M'LadyChum!
Big Hugs,
Stan

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