JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Remembering

Hey all. I'm new here and new to songwriting, but I want to give it a shot. I also have an mp3 of the song but it's not fully produced, just a simple demo with me and a piano. All the songs in the mp3 forum seem to be the finished product--should I get a better recording before posting it?

Thanks.

Remembering

I had just turned 10 when I saw the wall,
And I asked my dad what all the names were for.
My dad said "Son, they're for remembering."

Waving high in the air I saw the red, white, and blue,
And I asked my dad if it was special too.
My dad said "Son, it's for remembering."

I looked up at my daddy's face
And I wondered what it was about this place
My big strong dad's eyes fill up with tears,
And he held me like he'd done for all his years

And he wouldn't let go. No, he couldn't let go.
'Cuz he was remembering. He was remembering.

I grew up and I went off to life,
Found a real nice job and found a real nice wife
But I always called home, just for remembering.

A couple kids of my own brought my dad to town,
And when Grandpa talked all the boys sat down
To hear when he was young--He was remembering.

He said, "When I was young my daddy had to leave,
He put a uniform on and sailed out to sea.
My momma and me we really missed him bad,
And all night long I held a picture of dad."

"And I wouldn't let go. No I couldn't let go
'Cuz I was remembering. I was remembering."

Bridge.
"He loved his wife, and he loved his life.
But he loved his country, too.
When a man is called to serve,
It’s what a man has got to do."

He said, "A soldier with a flag came to our door,
And I asked my momma what it was for.
My momma said "Son, it’s for remembering."

She said, "Your daddy's gone, he won't be coming home,
But he sent you this for your very own
So you won't cry. So you'll remember him."

The grandsons' bedtime was coming soon,
But their grandpa had one more thing to do.
He took his boys in his arms and held them tight,
Kissed them on the head and said "Goodnight."

And he wouldn't let go. No, he couldn't let go.
'Cuz he was remembering. He was remembering.

Hi redvass

Welcome to jpf. No, I don't think you need to have a professional demo to post. You wouldn't/shouldn't pay to have one done until the song is really solid and strong.

There's a lot of nice writing in this. Perhaps enough for two different stories.

I think the hook is great and frankly, remember to give the listener credit. I think the first senerio about the writings on the wall and the flag and the dad's tears are enough to build one song that can stand alone. The chorus then focusing in on the remembering thought....

Anyway, it's just my spin. jm

Welcome redvass

I agree with Joice about this lyric having enough content for two songs. But you say there's an MP3, I say post it up - A melody can make all the difference. Plus, I'd be curious to hear how well this holds together in song form. See if you can keep my attention long enough to hear all the good parts.

In the meantime, I appreciate your story and sincere sentiment.

Dog

Thanks guys. I'll post it and of course I appreciate your feedback.

I never considered there being possibly 2 songs in there. Any suggestions on how to divide it up?

Hi red,
Welcome to the board. Quite good in my opinion. You've got a lot of song there all right but seems like to me the two stories are well enough tied together.If it'll come in around 3---3 1/2 minutes, with a few instrumental licks, which looks like it will, you'll be fine.
Sure, I'd post it on the MP3 board but just enter a disclaimer up front that it's just something to show what you have in mind so they won't critique it as a finished demo
Good luck with it
Wy

Thanks. Unfortunately, it does run a little long but since it's a story I'm not sure where to cut it. Take a listen and let me know where you think it could be slimmed down.

Well, that's just my opinion on running time. Some say 4---4 1/2 is all right. Well, it's all right for an album cut but not for a single. Radio--T V doesn't like long running songs---short songs---more songs---more commercials---bottom line's batter
I'll try to listen, but often won' play.
Wy

Hi Red,

Nice to meet ya, welcome to JPF.
Haven't listened yet, but it does look long.
Although I'm liking what I read.
Very well put together.

This is very emotional......

He said, "A soldier with a flag came to our door,
And I asked my momma what it was for.
My momma said "Son, it’s for remembering."

Nice work.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Red.... Nice to meet you and welcome... Is there a link
to hear this.... If it's up at soundclick?...let me go back
up through maybe I missed the link...

I truly do think it needs condensed..and I may be alone here., but I think it's a bit overuse of the hook....I'm not seeing right off the top how to do condense. I do think...the remembering... is a beautiful hook..and I do think you have the story there to pull it off....
I'll think about this and see if I can offer up any ideas.

best to you ....
Kaley

Thanks Kaley. Here's the link (I don't have a soundclick link though...should I get one for this forum?). Remembering

I think I can take out the verse that starts "I grew up and I went off to life" without losing much. I added the bridge last to break it up a bit, but maybe a short instrumental could take its place.

Thanks again for helping me out on this.