7 members (Gary E. Andrews, Everett Adams, VNORTH2, couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet),
4,248
guests, and
261
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278 |
The acapella version of this song is here: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=593192&songID=5664427I'm What You're Looking For © Ben Burton AUGUST 11, 2007 You think I'm crazy, maybe you're right But listen what I got to say Takes two to tango, my dancing's a sight You're gonna love me anyway Cause I'm what you're looking for Every man you've dreamed about I'll take you on a lifetime tour You know I'm what you're looking for Some of it's acting, most of it's real But every bit is me inside All the emotions that you can feel Are on a pathway to my mind And I'm what you're looking for Every man you've dreamed about I'll take you on a lifetime tour You know I'm what you're looking for So pack up all your "want to's" for the week-end I'll bring some wine and make a touching toast "Strawberry Fields Forever" will be playing As we make love on Aphrodite's boat Cause I'm what you're looking for Every man you've dreamed about I'll take you on a lifetime tour You know I'm what you're looking for
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
Good Grief Ben Did you have another out of body experience and someone else has taken your place??? Now this is a lyric ! and it's a darn good one, I might add. Go Ben ! I was just peeking in here and I cannot take the time now to find any nits (maybe there aren' t any?) but, nice job. ! jm
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,963
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,963 |
Hey Ben!
This is awesome! This guy's got quite a collection of lines! Everything seems to be flowing together smoothly!
Charlann
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 66 |
Ben, I'm new - hello.
I agree that this flows rather smoothly except for one snag. Second verse, second line:
Some of it's acting, most of it's real But every bit is me inside <------- not sure what this means. All the emotions that you can feel Are in a pipeline to my mind*
*The first and last two lines of this verse are quite clever. The remaining needs a little clarity to bring it up to par.
IMO
Cheers, Randy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278 |
Is this what is sometimes called a left-handed compliment.;) Speaking of lefties, Billy the Kid wasn't. Well, I thought maybe I had something after your enthusiasm, but this thing just ran outta steam in a hurry. Well, I put some sangin' to it anyhow. Thanks, JM! Ben http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=593192&songID=5664427Hi Charlann, Glad you approve. Thanks. Howdy, DnC, Nice to meet you. That line you ain't getting is simply me saying that even even if I suddenly break into a British accent, or start imitating Cookie Monster, it's all a part of who I am ("still me inside"), though more often than not, there's no acting...real deal. Thanks for the look-see and insight. Ben
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1 |
Hey Ben: I liked this one. I've said it before, but I like your voice too. Have you looked into ways to get yourself some backing - something like band in a box? Only line that stuck in my craw was "Sgt Pepper's boat". I'm sure most wouldn't be bothered by it. To me, it was Lucy's boat - not sure Sgt. Pepper had one. But most probably wouldn't get the reference Nice one.... Scott
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 960
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 960 |
fly-by posting. Haven't listened yet...but the use of 'pipeline' seemed not to match the rest of the song. Less...romantic?...something. more later.
~Wolvman~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,537 |
Yo Ben, Just like to add my enthusiasm to the lot. Nice goi'n bud , tried to listen to the worktape and Scotty yer breakin' up...it might just be the computer I'm using , but ; heard enouigh to recognize your sangin'. Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today to write lyrics that rhyme and if we succeed, they'll end up in time as tommorrow's cliche's... Pete
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1 |
Hey there my friend Ben Burton!! How are you!?!?!/ Haven't listened to you sing in quite a while ... comin' along just fine. This is good .. Only thing - It takes two to tango ... seems to be hanging there because the dance reference comes out of nowhere and is not connected to anything ... maybe if the next line tells her to hold on tight ... you will tie in the dancing reference and connet the thought Just my humble opinion Ben!! Joanne
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
Pretty Good Job, Bro Benster!
Randy & Scott picked up the 2 Parts that felt nittable as I read.
I'll expand on Randy's crit, to add that "Pipeline" to my mind didn't elicit the Most "Romantic" of Images... It kinda felt like a Reverse Drain..alas!
"Are STILL EXPANDING in my mind" I'd sug...(K-O-S)
Dunno if Chicks enjoyed Singer's Bragadoccio in V1, either..Lordy, that Singer's SURE Cocksure..ain't he? ;-)> "I'll bet you'll love me anyways" (K-O-S) might make him a wee bit more-loveable?
Chorus I DID find Quite Likeable..Very-Reassuring to the Fairer Ones..JMO. Sounds like Quite-a-Guy there, "KUDOS!"
Maybe change "And" to "Since" in Chorus 2's Opening Line. "And" is frankly a Dull, kinda Throwaway-Word as a Lead-In...(JMO, Natch!)
"Touching toast"... Fine Alliteration..but DOES elicit a Snicker from my Dirty Ol' Man's Mind. The "Sgt Pepper" reference DOES kinda "Date" this piece..(It felt "Timeless" up 'til Then.) This Verse ain't yer Strongest, JMO, Maybe take her up the Mississipi on a Paddlewheel Boat..that'd be Romantic..& "Today" enough..to draw in Younger Listeners.
All (K-O-S) Stuff, Amigo! Overall, an Enjoyable, Cocky-Kinda-Ride!
Good Luck with it!
Big Guy-Hug, Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578 |
Hey Ben Burton, I haven't been able to play anything so I didn't try to listen. Looks like a good ,'pert near unique slant--hook. I mostly just looked at the nits some others thought were there Since there's only the one reference to the dance, maybe a possibility of something in V 1, such as---
You think I'm crazy, maybe you're right But listen what I got to say Takes two to tango, so try as you might (YOU'll BE MY PARTNER ANYWAY)
As far as the pipeline, nother poss--
Some of it's acting, most of it's real But every bit is me inside All the emotions that you can feel (SEEK AND YOU'LL FIND HERE IN MY MIND)
Just ideas K O S Lookin' good Wy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400 |
Hi Ben,
Overall, I like it. All the good people above have hit my suggestions. I think tying into the tango line, with another dance line, would work very well. I also agree with the pipeline and Sgt Pepper suggestions. There are plenty of ways to fix both. Again, I like this one. Good luck with it.
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,718
Posts1,160,951
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|