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#531521 - 08/14/07 04:29 AM Loved by you  
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Kathy Bampfield Offline
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Kathy Bampfield  Offline
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Norristown, PA, USA
Woke up to write this down....LOL Its been a wierd day!

Loved by you
Bampfield

You smile at me even in my sleep
And you join me in my dreams
Youíre real yeah I know you are
Cuz when I wake
I feel you all around the room
Every corner has you in it
The sheets smell like you
And thereís no mistakin it

chorus
Iíve been loved by you
Cinged by your touch
Marked with your lips
No one else will be good enough
Since Iíve been loved by you

Tonight canít come soon enough
Thinking about you makes me catch me breath
With your long hair to run my fingers thru
And strong sunkissed shoulders to hold onto
Iíll never deny it

Iíve been loved by you
Cinged by your touch
Marked by your lips
No one else will be good enough
Since Iíve been loved by you

bridge
It doesnít matter what time day or night
All I know is when I lay on this bed
Its where you touch my heart I'll never deny it

Iíve been loved by you
Cinged by your touch
Marked by your lips
No one else will be good enough
Since Iíve been loved by you


#531530 - 08/14/07 06:52 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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PogoDog Offline
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Hi Kathy,

I'm a real sucker for dream lover stories and your version's rather nice. I pop'd over to your 'myspace' to get a sense of what these words might *sing* like and I think they're in for a treat. Once you set 'em to music there might be some changes, as I assume there always are, but it the meantime these lyrics offer-up a sexy, tender and believable experience. Well done smile

All the best,
Dog

#531556 - 08/14/07 10:02 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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Derek Hines Offline
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Very tender nice emotions here. I think the Chorus might need a little work seems a little to simplified with what seems to be going on in the verses. Also needs a hook something the listener can grab hold of and not let go of very good effort.


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#531610 - 08/14/07 01:55 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Derek Hines]  
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Kathy Bampfield Offline
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Kathy Bampfield  Offline
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Norristown, PA, USA
Hi Dog and ajk,

Thanks for the look see.....I think the verses are better then the chorus but we'll see what comes out of it....

k.
Dog I like your avatar....cute puppy

#531623 - 08/14/07 02:13 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Hi Kathy,
Pa. huh?, I used to write with somebody in the N E. I think they lived in Pa.
Just a couple read throughs right now. They make it tougher all the time to get a love song to "stand out' 'cause there's only been a few zillion written.
Yeah,,. as mentioned, The C could probably be stronger. That's your "showpiece".
One thing that stuck out because it was in the C was a typo--"Cinged". I expect you mean "singed"
Maybe a possibility to follow up singed would be like this--

Iíve been loved by you
(SINGED) by your touch
(SEARED) by your lips
No one else will be good enough
Since Iíve been loved by you

And also get a little play between singed and seared.
C probably needs a little more yet. Can't have the verses better than the C <G>.
All just my opinion.
good luck with it.
More coffee
Wy




#531628 - 08/14/07 02:22 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Kathy Bampfield Offline
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Kathy Bampfield  Offline
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Norristown, PA, USA
I hear ya way more coffee....LOL thanks for looking....I like the play you are talking about....will keep it in mind if ya don't mind...

k.

#531700 - 08/14/07 05:20 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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John W. Selleck Offline
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NJ
Hi Kathy,

I enjoyed the read. I do like Wyman's suggestion. It flows well. One other slight typo: "Breath(e)". You have to lose the E. This is a very tender, touching song. Now I have to post my latest love song. Good luck with this one.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#531767 - 08/14/07 08:52 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: John W. Selleck]  
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PogoDog Offline
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PogoDog  Offline
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Hey Kathy,

I thought about your song today. So I came back to see what others had to say.

And typo's aside, all but the chorus appear solid enough or not as problematic. But, the day is young and thousands have yet to voice their opinions. So, before the dust settles and all that remains of your song are lyrics to "Danny Boy"... I'd like agree with WY's suggestions as they are about as tight as things can get without changing your chorus completely. I love that the simplicity remains intact and necessary interest is achieved though alliteration (singed, seared and since )and repetition.

...again,
Dog

#532135 - 08/15/07 06:17 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: PogoDog]  
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Kathy Bampfield Offline
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Kathy Bampfield  Offline
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Norristown, PA, USA
I have been told that part of this lyric is sensual then parts of it aren't....yah or a nay on that please? wasn't told which it is...my guess is the verses are and the chorus isn't....:)

any opinions on that.....

#532159 - 08/15/07 07:38 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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Melissa Evans Offline
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Mississippi
Kathy,
I am not much of a love song type person, but you have managed to put down a very nice one here! I enjoyed the read!

Melissa smile

#532186 - 08/15/07 08:54 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Melissa Evans]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Kathy,

Hope you're doing well today.
I think you're doing a nice job on this song.

Here's what I like best...

Cinged by your touch
Marked by your lips
No one else will be good enough


but......
this was a mouthful for me...

And strong sunkissed shoulders to hold onto


Have a good day.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#532350 - 08/16/07 04:19 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: Calvin]  
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John W. Selleck Offline
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NJ
Hi Kathy,

It all works for me. If you start fooling too much with any of it, you'll lose more than you gain, methinks. I like it. Thanks for sharing.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#532369 - 08/16/07 05:26 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: John W. Selleck]  
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Sofa King Bixby Offline
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home and loving it
Kathy,

I liked the Chorus, (i was trying to figure out what cinged was) but it sings easily enough. (i sang it like kenny rogers (let the love flow) or something like that. any who. i personally think the vrses aare a little weak. you use a standard double stanza on the first verse, but on the second part, you rhymed "it" with "it" may be something you want to look into. just my take on it.

good luck

-steve


"sing along little hotties in those wet t-shirts" -Tricia "angel" Baker


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=718667
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/stephenbixby
#532512 - 08/16/07 02:26 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Sofa King Bixby]  
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bailey bridges Offline
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bailey bridges  Offline
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USA
Hi Kathy,

Personally, I like the combination of a little hot and a little not. Helps to keep the lyric from getting so hot that it melts too fast. IMO.

Was re-reading this morning and had this idea for what it's worth. How about----

Iíve been loved by you
(SEARED) by your touch
(SINGED) by your lips
No one else will be good enough
Since Iíve been loved by you

Also, since this song is about reminiscing an old flame---why not:

Tonight canít come soon enough
Thinking about you makes me catch me breath
(MISS) your long hair to run my fingers thru
(YOUR) strong sunkissed shoulders to hold onto
Iíll never deny it

Just a thought. Best of luck to you on this. Thanks again for all your help on mine.

Vanessa



#532529 - 08/16/07 03:12 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Tampa, Florida since 1973
Ah, a Genuinely HOT One! "KUDOS" Kathy!

"My lips feel your BRAND" I'd suggest, following the "Singed" line, K-O-S.

Bridge is Improveable, JMO. Opening Line kinda clashes with the Bed Theme that follows. (Maybe it's Just Me...I tend to think of Beds as NIGHT things..heh!) ("Lie" is the correct Verb, too...)

Here's a VERY Hasty Bridge Sug:
"I catch myself thinking of you...When..I Shouldn't/
But..When I think it through..Every last thought was a Hell of a Good'n'..."

KNOW ya can do it better!

GOOD Luck with a Very Good Lyric!
Big Hugs,
Stan

#532553 - 08/16/07 03:34 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: ]  
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kidaminus Offline
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Good imagery. I like the lyrics in the C. Had a hard time understanding the metre in the V, wasn't quite sure how it read's. the first and second verses appear to read differently. Do you have a melody? I'm not sure if the bridge is closure enough in my opinion. I always assume that the bridge is the high point of the song, it's the revelation or turning point. It's also the hardest to write at times.

#532618 - 08/16/07 06:58 PM Re: Loved by you [Re: kidaminus]  
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Bill Cooper Offline
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Bill Cooper  Offline
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Trinity, Texas, USA
Hi Kathy,

Enjoyed the read smile

Looks like you already have plenty of suggestions to ponder smile

Good Luck with it
Bill


Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
#532827 - 08/17/07 07:21 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: Bill Cooper]  
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PogoDog Offline
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Hi again, Kathy .... I think I really want to hear this song - I can't stay away.

Anyway. I was considering the singed, marked and seared references (which I love) and I'm still torn between "Marked" or "Seared" by his lips... both sound great but I'm leaning towards the original version "Marked". Also, concerning your question about which parts are sensual and not. It weaves in and out so neither one is more than the other. And I agree with Vanessa that a little hot and a little not is good - tooo much and I blush.

I thought I'd chime in on the bridge issue, as well, and I must say that I agree with kid and Stan that the bridge needs a little somethin', somethin'. And I just so happen to have an example which you can add to your keep or sweep pile.

BTW - it brings more fire back into the story which tips the scales in the direction of hot, but I think I can take it:


When day and night collide
And time is lost behind my eyes
Your body burns a path across my skin
... I can't deny



Fake devil horns and a grin... Dog <---- this isn't part of the bridge.



P.S. puppy pic reminds me of my little man, Pogo.

#532837 - 08/17/07 08:40 AM Re: Loved by you [Re: PogoDog]  
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Derek Hines Offline
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United States Oregon
Why dog that bridge revision is hot!! wouldn't you know I decided to touch it and my finger burned down to the bone. Looking forward to seeing you write some songs.


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

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