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#493717 - 04/17/07 01:54 PM I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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This is an old song or rather lyric. It's about a guy in northern Russia who wanted to be the first to sail across a sea there (forgot which one). The reason no one else had ever sailed it was because the sea was frozen for all except two weeks a year. He thought he could make it and he was wrong.

A long time ago in a forum far away I posted the lyrics and someone with whom I've lost touch put it to music. Well since I can't find them anywhere or their tune I wrote my own music for it. It's still in the beginning stages and this mp3 is just something I threw together this weekend. I would be interested in any comments or suggestions you nice folks may have.

the mp3 is here ->Click me! click on the blue button to play the song. smile

I'm sailing on a Frozen Sea
by Dan Monk

The sea is throwing daggers at my face and at my knees
the sky looks down so solemn, so grim and then it speaks
It tells its tale of winter, I dream of Mozambique
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

My daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock.
My momma sings a sad song it echos from the rocks.
The sea is looking hard now I think I could have walked
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

Still life water color waves
paint a picture so cold.
Salt spray in my hair
I think it's frozen there
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

I see a stranger smiling in the mirror beside my boat
reflection of my destiny strangely it gives me hope.
My section of eterenity where I'll forever float
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.


#493729 - 04/17/07 02:22 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Apr 2007
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RIKY Offline
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RIKY  Offline
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Canada
Hi Dan..I found the story very interesting .The song itself I liked. It reminds me a lot of the early Dylan. I am curious about the story..Is this an old folk tale,that you have made in to a song
or did you invent this story? My favorite line"My Daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock"
(there's a whole song in that line itself)
Good Stuff..Enjoyed it
RIKY

#493830 - 04/17/07 08:41 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: RIKY]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by RIKY
Hi Dan..I found the story very interesting .The song itself I liked. It reminds me a lot of the early Dylan. I am curious about the story..Is this an old folk tale,that you have made in to a song
or did you invent this story?
RIKY


Hi Riky and thanks. The story is true, it happened back in the 1970's. So I guess it's not that old. It was just a blurb in the newspaper and I've never really been sure if it's sad or funny, pathetic or heroic. frown

Originally Posted by RIKY
My favorite line"My Daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock"
(there's a whole song in that line itself)
Good Stuff..Enjoyed it
RIKY

Thanks again, I appreciate it.

#493941 - 04/18/07 01:37 AM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Nov 2006
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Rick Norton Offline
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Rick Norton  Offline
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St. Augustine, FL
Hi Dan..

Long time no see. Love the frozen sea angle. Great lyrics and nice sounding guitar. Can go wrong with a harmonica. That draws me in everytime.

I did a song with the guitar track you posted on Freedom Exchange a few years ago. I might post it here in a couple of days while your stopping by.

Rick

#494322 - 04/19/07 01:37 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Rick Norton]  
Joined: Nov 2003
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by Rick Norton
Hi Dan..

Long time no see. Love the frozen sea angle. Great lyrics and nice sounding guitar. Can go wrong with a harmonica. That draws me in everytime.

Rick

Hey Rick, how's it going. I've been keeping out of sight, partly my idea, partly not. smile Glad you like the song, I appreciate the kind words.

Originally Posted by Rick Norton
Hi Dan..
I did a song with the guitar track you posted on Freedom Exchange a few years ago. I might post it here in a couple of days while your stopping by.
Rick

Post it, that would be great. I think I remember it, or at least I hope I do. smile

#494329 - 04/19/07 02:04 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
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PA
Dan.... Hi and nice to meet you... smile

Really enjoyed this... Your words painted quite the picture!!..


good luck with this...
Kaley smile

#494450 - 04/19/07 09:21 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Kaley Willow]  
Joined: Jul 2002
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Michael James Moore Offline
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Michael James Moore  Offline
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Liked the harmonica.Welcome to jpf

#494678 - 04/20/07 02:04 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Kaley Willow]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by Kaley Willow
Dan.... Hi and nice to meet you... smile

Really enjoyed this... Your words painted quite the picture!!..


good luck with this...
Kaley smile

Hi Kaley, thanks a lot - for the listen, kind words and welcome, appreciate it. [Linked Image]

#494679 - 04/20/07 02:06 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Michael James Moore]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Originally Posted by michael james moore
Liked the harmonica.Welcome to jpf

thanks Michael, glad you liked it. And thanks for the welcome. smile

#494724 - 04/20/07 04:03 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Aug 2005
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Clint Anglin Offline
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Clint Anglin  Offline
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Troy, NY
Good job turning this story into a song. It does have an early Dylan feel; and that is a compliment because I am a big fan of early Dylan. The harmonica and guitar are done very well. I hope to hear more from you.

Clint

#495371 - 04/22/07 03:58 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Clint Anglin]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by Clint Anglin
Good job turning this story into a song. It does have an early Dylan feel; and that is a compliment because I am a big fan of early Dylan. The harmonica and guitar are done very well. I hope to hear more from you.

Clint

Thanks Clint, I appreciate it. I'm also glad you see a little Dylan in my music. Although I am nowhere near Dylan in talent or ability he has always been a huge influence. Thanks again.

#495380 - 04/22/07 04:15 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
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Robert Pickens Offline
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Robert Pickens  Offline
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Dan...Good folk tune that paints a great picture....good music also...harmonica a nice touch....Bob

#495511 - 04/23/07 03:27 AM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Robert Pickens]  
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Ian Ferrin Offline
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Ian Ferrin  Offline
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Close to WalMart
Very well crafted song. Love the hook line where you draw out 'sailing'.

I don't really have any nits. It's a good song. I'd note this song sounds very American-folk to me. I don't think anyone would pick up that it's about a guy in Russia w/o the background info. "Daddy" and "Momma" are also pretty colloquial American too.

I also wonder about the double tracked vocal. If you're worried about pitch problems, IMO autotuning MIGHT be a more preferable trade off.

Those are very small nits. Great job,

Peace,

Ian

Last edited by Ian Ferrin; 04/23/07 03:28 AM.

Soundclick http://www.soundclick.com/ianferrin
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What happened before the big bang? What's the universe expanding into? Did you know the speed of gravity is the speed of light?
#495606 - 04/23/07 02:01 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Robert Pickens]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by Robert Pickens
Dan...Good folk tune that paints a great picture....good music also...harmonica a nice touch....Bob

Thanks Robert, glad you liked it, especially the music.

#495611 - 04/23/07 02:13 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Ian Ferrin]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Originally Posted by Ian Ferrin
Very well crafted song. Love the hook line where you draw out 'sailing'.

I don't really have any nits. It's a good song. I'd note this song sounds very American-folk to me. I don't think anyone would pick up that it's about a guy in Russia w/o the background info. "Daddy" and "Momma" are also pretty colloquial American too.

Those are very small nits. Great job,

Peace,

Ian

Thanks Ian, appreciate it. And I agree it doesn't sound very Russian. When I first started writing it I stopped thinking about the guys nationality. It became a song about a guy out sailing..............

Originally Posted by Ian Ferrin

I also wonder about the double tracked vocal. If you're worried about pitch problems, IMO autotuning MIGHT be a more preferable trade off.

I'm not too worried about pitch problems. I have taken some lessons so I could stay on pitch better but I'm I'm not a professional singer. Nor am I a purist who thinks auto tune if for sissies, I am in favor of any tool that helps us sound better. I double track the vocals cuz it makes my thin nasally midwestern voice sound a bit thicker. [Linked Image]

Again thanks for listening and your comments, appreciate it.


#499024 - 05/02/07 06:16 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
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James B. Mitchell Offline
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Hi, Dan. Good to see you!

I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:

My section of eternity where I'll forever float

Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k

- James



You can really only please one songwriter at a time. Might as well be yourself! :^)


Samples of my music at http://www.soundclick.com/jamesmitchell.htm
#499074 - 05/02/07 07:10 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: James B. Mitchell]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Originally Posted by James B. Mitchell
Hi, Dan. Good to see you!

I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:

My section of eternity where I'll forever float

Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k

- James


Hey James, good to see you too! Been a while. Glad you liked the song. [Linked Image] I'm trying to do more music but other stuff keeps getting in the way, you know how it goes. crazy

#499077 - 05/02/07 07:12 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
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James B. Mitchell Offline
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Originally Posted by Dan Monk
Originally Posted by James B. Mitchell
Hi, Dan. Good to see you!

I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:

My section of eternity where I'll forever float

Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k

- James


Hey James, good to see you too! Been a while. Glad you liked the song. [Linked Image] I'm trying to do more music but other stuff keeps getting in the way, you know how it goes. crazy


Boy, do I! smile

- James


You can really only please one songwriter at a time. Might as well be yourself! :^)


Samples of my music at http://www.soundclick.com/jamesmitchell.htm
#499256 - 05/03/07 01:40 AM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: James B. Mitchell]  
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Hey Dan:

Cool song! Seems kinda like Don Quiote. I didn't spell that right but you know who I mean smile

Sad or funny, pathetic or heroic? All of the above - that's why it's a good subject for a song grin

Scott

#499944 - 05/04/07 07:28 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Originally Posted by Scott Campbell
Hey Dan:

Cool song! Seems kinda like Don Quiote. I didn't spell that right but you know who I mean smile

Sad or funny, pathetic or heroic? All of the above - that's why it's a good subject for a song grin

Scott

Thanks Scott. I'm not real good at writing love songs so I tend to write story songs instead. And this story has always intrigued me. Oh and it's spelled Quixote (looked it up on Google smile ) His story would make a good song too. hmmmmmm......

#500303 - 05/05/07 07:39 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
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Hi Dan!
I really enjoyed the guitar work here, and the lyric does what it should. I like the story. There's a lot of "life" symbolism in it, although it's based on a true real story--a lot of times we may try to sail where sailing is impossible. smile So that's always good. Lots of angles to look at it from. The words are haunting and poetic. It would be interesting to hear this with harmonies, or try out several different voices for it and see if you can find an equally 'haunting' sort of vocal sound to match up with the strange eerieness of the words.

(I mean, did the guy die out there, or was he rescued? Sounds like a Titanic story but on an individual, small scale... smile )

Thanks for the listen!

Linda

#500962 - 05/07/07 02:09 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Linda Sings]  
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Dan Monk Offline
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Originally Posted by Linda P. Adams
Hi Dan!
I really enjoyed the guitar work here, and the lyric does what it should. I like the story. There's a lot of "life" symbolism in it, although it's based on a true real story--a lot of times we may try to sail where sailing is impossible. smile So that's always good. Lots of angles to look at it from. The words are haunting and poetic. It would be interesting to hear this with harmonies, or try out several different voices for it and see if you can find an equally 'haunting' sort of vocal sound to match up with the strange eerieness of the words.

(I mean, did the guy die out there, or was he rescued? Sounds like a Titanic story but on an individual, small scale... smile )

Thanks for the listen!

Linda

Thank you for a very thoughfull critique, I appreciate it. I have been working on a more finished version and I will work on the vocals, especially harmonies. Thanks. [Linked Image]

In real life the guy lives, not sure about my story. Wonder what that says about me? whistle

#500996 - 05/07/07 03:36 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Apr 2006
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Ken Randall Offline
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springdale,ar,usa
I liked the story also, the salt water folksyness gave it
a real surreal funk, and the instumentation went along so well that I think I'll be looking for that russian sea vessel for
a little Maritime ancestoral link as my relatives were whalers
in the Mystic Ct area years ago. Great great Grandfather where are ye now.


Ken Randall
#501060 - 05/07/07 06:40 PM Re: I知 sailing on a Frozen Sea [Re: Ken Randall]  
Joined: May 2007
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Dan, I'm a new poster. I'm assuming what we all want is honest feedback so here goes:
I, too love the Dylanesque qualities of the song. Very rich imagery in the lyrics. Sea shanties have a timeless quality to them. Your choice of singing in a lower register adds some gravitas to the song. I agree with Linda, that where you could improve it is in finding the emotional color of the song and working on having that come across better. For me personally, I felt the pause between the first and second lines and the verses and the bridge were too long. The song would flow better with fewer pauses. I did trip up over the mommy and daddy in the verses. It didn't seem to match the tone of the rest of the song. IMHO, the melody to the bridge is weak and predictable. Some work there could really add some weight to this song.

Thanks, all in all, a good song. Keep going. And feel free to rip into mine. I just posted Destiny and would love feedback.


Talking about music is like dancing about architechture-Steve Martin

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"We may wear different hats, but underneath, we're all just plain folks!" -Brian Austin Whitney
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