11 members (Fdemetrio, Gary E. Andrews, Sunset Poet, couchgrouch, Brian Austin Whitney, Bill Draper, 4 invisible),
789
guests, and
254
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Foray
by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:11 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
This is an old song or rather lyric. It's about a guy in northern Russia who wanted to be the first to sail across a sea there (forgot which one). The reason no one else had ever sailed it was because the sea was frozen for all except two weeks a year. He thought he could make it and he was wrong. A long time ago in a forum far away I posted the lyrics and someone with whom I've lost touch put it to music. Well since I can't find them anywhere or their tune I wrote my own music for it. It's still in the beginning stages and this mp3 is just something I threw together this weekend. I would be interested in any comments or suggestions you nice folks may have. the mp3 is here -> Click me! click on the blue button to play the song. I'm sailing on a Frozen Sea by Dan Monk The sea is throwing daggers at my face and at my knees the sky looks down so solemn, so grim and then it speaks It tells its tale of winter, I dream of Mozambique I'm sailing on a frozen sea. My daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock. My momma sings a sad song it echos from the rocks. The sea is looking hard now I think I could have walked I'm sailing on a frozen sea. Still life water color waves paint a picture so cold. Salt spray in my hair I think it's frozen there I'm sailing on a frozen sea. I see a stranger smiling in the mirror beside my boat reflection of my destiny strangely it gives me hope. My section of eterenity where I'll forever float I'm sailing on a frozen sea.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 90
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 90 |
Hi Dan..I found the story very interesting .The song itself I liked. It reminds me a lot of the early Dylan. I am curious about the story..Is this an old folk tale,that you have made in to a song or did you invent this story? My favorite line"My Daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock" (there's a whole song in that line itself) Good Stuff..Enjoyed it RIKY
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Hi Dan..I found the story very interesting .The song itself I liked. It reminds me a lot of the early Dylan. I am curious about the story..Is this an old folk tale,that you have made in to a song or did you invent this story? RIKY Hi Riky and thanks. The story is true, it happened back in the 1970's. So I guess it's not that old. It was just a blurb in the newspaper and I've never really been sure if it's sad or funny, pathetic or heroic. My favorite line"My Daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock" (there's a whole song in that line itself) Good Stuff..Enjoyed it RIKY Thanks again, I appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429 |
Hi Dan..
Long time no see. Love the frozen sea angle. Great lyrics and nice sounding guitar. Can go wrong with a harmonica. That draws me in everytime.
I did a song with the guitar track you posted on Freedom Exchange a few years ago. I might post it here in a couple of days while your stopping by.
Rick
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Hi Dan..
Long time no see. Love the frozen sea angle. Great lyrics and nice sounding guitar. Can go wrong with a harmonica. That draws me in everytime.
Rick Hey Rick, how's it going. I've been keeping out of sight, partly my idea, partly not. Glad you like the song, I appreciate the kind words. Hi Dan.. I did a song with the guitar track you posted on Freedom Exchange a few years ago. I might post it here in a couple of days while your stopping by. Rick Post it, that would be great. I think I remember it, or at least I hope I do.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240 |
Dan.... Hi and nice to meet you... Really enjoyed this... Your words painted quite the picture!!.. good luck with this... Kaley
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3,065
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3,065 |
Liked the harmonica.Welcome to jpf
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Dan.... Hi and nice to meet you... Really enjoyed this... Your words painted quite the picture!!.. good luck with this... Kaley Hi Kaley, thanks a lot - for the listen, kind words and welcome, appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Liked the harmonica.Welcome to jpf thanks Michael, glad you liked it. And thanks for the welcome.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,904
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,904 |
Good job turning this story into a song. It does have an early Dylan feel; and that is a compliment because I am a big fan of early Dylan. The harmonica and guitar are done very well. I hope to hear more from you.
Clint
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Good job turning this story into a song. It does have an early Dylan feel; and that is a compliment because I am a big fan of early Dylan. The harmonica and guitar are done very well. I hope to hear more from you.
Clint Thanks Clint, I appreciate it. I'm also glad you see a little Dylan in my music. Although I am nowhere near Dylan in talent or ability he has always been a huge influence. Thanks again.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998 |
Dan...Good folk tune that paints a great picture....good music also...harmonica a nice touch....Bob
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235 |
Very well crafted song. Love the hook line where you draw out 'sailing'.
I don't really have any nits. It's a good song. I'd note this song sounds very American-folk to me. I don't think anyone would pick up that it's about a guy in Russia w/o the background info. "Daddy" and "Momma" are also pretty colloquial American too.
I also wonder about the double tracked vocal. If you're worried about pitch problems, IMO autotuning MIGHT be a more preferable trade off.
Those are very small nits. Great job,
Peace,
Ian
Last edited by Ian Ferrin; 04/23/07 03:28 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Dan...Good folk tune that paints a great picture....good music also...harmonica a nice touch....Bob Thanks Robert, glad you liked it, especially the music.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Very well crafted song. Love the hook line where you draw out 'sailing'.
I don't really have any nits. It's a good song. I'd note this song sounds very American-folk to me. I don't think anyone would pick up that it's about a guy in Russia w/o the background info. "Daddy" and "Momma" are also pretty colloquial American too.
Those are very small nits. Great job,
Peace,
Ian Thanks Ian, appreciate it. And I agree it doesn't sound very Russian. When I first started writing it I stopped thinking about the guys nationality. It became a song about a guy out sailing.............. I also wonder about the double tracked vocal. If you're worried about pitch problems, IMO autotuning MIGHT be a more preferable trade off.
I'm not too worried about pitch problems. I have taken some lessons so I could stay on pitch better but I'm I'm not a professional singer. Nor am I a purist who thinks auto tune if for sissies, I am in favor of any tool that helps us sound better. I double track the vocals cuz it makes my thin nasally midwestern voice sound a bit thicker. Again thanks for listening and your comments, appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,327
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,327 |
Hi, Dan. Good to see you!
I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:
My section of eternity where I'll forever float
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k
- James
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Hi, Dan. Good to see you!
I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:
My section of eternity where I'll forever float
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k
- James
Hey James, good to see you too! Been a while. Glad you liked the song. I'm trying to do more music but other stuff keeps getting in the way, you know how it goes.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,327
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,327 |
Hi, Dan. Good to see you!
I was drawn in by the title; great title. It does sound like Dylan to me, too. Lyrically, I like the chorus the best, and this line:
My section of eternity where I'll forever float
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff again.k
- James
Hey James, good to see you too! Been a while. Glad you liked the song. I'm trying to do more music but other stuff keeps getting in the way, you know how it goes. Boy, do I! - James
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1 |
Hey Dan: Cool song! Seems kinda like Don Quiote. I didn't spell that right but you know who I mean Sad or funny, pathetic or heroic? All of the above - that's why it's a good subject for a song Scott
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Hey Dan: Cool song! Seems kinda like Don Quiote. I didn't spell that right but you know who I mean Sad or funny, pathetic or heroic? All of the above - that's why it's a good subject for a song Scott Thanks Scott. I'm not real good at writing love songs so I tend to write story songs instead. And this story has always intrigued me. Oh and it's spelled Quixote (looked it up on Google ) His story would make a good song too. hmmmmmm......
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,608
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,608 |
Hi Dan! I really enjoyed the guitar work here, and the lyric does what it should. I like the story. There's a lot of "life" symbolism in it, although it's based on a true real story--a lot of times we may try to sail where sailing is impossible. So that's always good. Lots of angles to look at it from. The words are haunting and poetic. It would be interesting to hear this with harmonies, or try out several different voices for it and see if you can find an equally 'haunting' sort of vocal sound to match up with the strange eerieness of the words. (I mean, did the guy die out there, or was he rescued? Sounds like a Titanic story but on an individual, small scale... ) Thanks for the listen! Linda
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140 |
Hi Dan! I really enjoyed the guitar work here, and the lyric does what it should. I like the story. There's a lot of "life" symbolism in it, although it's based on a true real story--a lot of times we may try to sail where sailing is impossible. So that's always good. Lots of angles to look at it from. The words are haunting and poetic. It would be interesting to hear this with harmonies, or try out several different voices for it and see if you can find an equally 'haunting' sort of vocal sound to match up with the strange eerieness of the words. (I mean, did the guy die out there, or was he rescued? Sounds like a Titanic story but on an individual, small scale... ) Thanks for the listen! Linda Thank you for a very thoughfull critique, I appreciate it. I have been working on a more finished version and I will work on the vocals, especially harmonies. Thanks. In real life the guy lives, not sure about my story. Wonder what that says about me?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 259 Likes: 4
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 259 Likes: 4 |
I liked the story also, the salt water folksyness gave it a real surreal funk, and the instumentation went along so well that I think I'll be looking for that russian sea vessel for a little Maritime ancestoral link as my relatives were whalers in the Mystic Ct area years ago. Great great Grandfather where are ye now.
Ken Randall
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 115
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 115 |
Dan, I'm a new poster. I'm assuming what we all want is honest feedback so here goes: I, too love the Dylanesque qualities of the song. Very rich imagery in the lyrics. Sea shanties have a timeless quality to them. Your choice of singing in a lower register adds some gravitas to the song. I agree with Linda, that where you could improve it is in finding the emotional color of the song and working on having that come across better. For me personally, I felt the pause between the first and second lines and the verses and the bridge were too long. The song would flow better with fewer pauses. I did trip up over the mommy and daddy in the verses. It didn't seem to match the tone of the rest of the song. IMHO, the melody to the bridge is weak and predictable. Some work there could really add some weight to this song.
Thanks, all in all, a good song. Keep going. And feel free to rip into mine. I just posted Destiny and would love feedback.
Talking about music is like dancing about architechture-Steve Martin
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,772
Posts1,161,407
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"Sharing in your success is the payback to those who shared in your failure." -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|